Understanding and Evaluating Sports Betting Odds

How the hell is one supposed to choose a career? Related: Please help me choose a career.

Hello, SSC. I am using a throwaway.
This is a beast of a post. A few thoughts related to its size:
  1. Sorry
  2. Please don't read the whole thing; it's skimmable.
  3. TL;DR – lawyer, doctor, psych researcher, or (jokingly, unless…) novelist?
To make a long story short, I'm an unhappy software engineer (unhappy with my career, not with life in general), and I committed about a year ago to making a change. Since that time, I've vacillated wildly in my thinking on the various career options available (never able to fully commit), and at this point it's causing me a ton of anxiety: I've gotta choose something, but there just doesn't seem to be a clear answer. My family and partner are running out of patience, and I feel the same way: It's time to get a move on, already.
"Getting a move on" is super fucking hard, though (not to mention terrifying, given the stakes). How are you supposed to compare, on the one hand, cognitive fit (i.e. being good at your job) with, on the other hand, likelihood of being able to pursue your own lines of inquiry or expression (i.e. not feeling like a cog)? Where does money fit into all of this?
The sheer number of different paradigms for career choice seems to be evidence that nobody else really has a clear idea either:
"Do what you love."
"Do what you like the most out of medicine, law, finance, and engineering."
"Work sucks: Make money and retire."
"Working for someone else sucks: Start a business or be your own boss."
Then there are the more complicated ones, like Ikagi, or the Waitbutwhy octopus, or 80,000 Hours' five-star system.
Every different paradigm comes up with a different answer, and the same paradigm often comes up with different answers depending on things that seem like they should not be able to shift paradigms, like what mood I happen to be in at the moment.
I do have some concrete things to work with, namely that I think I've been able to pinpoint why I don't like software engineering. Three main reasons:
1 - Lack of Cognitive Fit:
On pretty much every sort of standardized test thrown at me, there will invariably be a huge imbalance between subscores (verbal = higher, math = lower), with further cleavage between the mathematics subscores (numeric = higher, spatial = lower). This comports with my general "feeling" about these things: Reading and writing are easy and enjoyable; statistics is doable and tolerable; spatial math is difficult and unpleasant.
This has manifested itself in difficulties with software engineering, which is, after all, concerned with how best to build complicated, invisible structures. My in-the-major grades in school were mediocre at best (they were high outside of my major); my work performance is middling. The overall feeling of working in software engineering is that of wading through cerebral molasses, and at no time is this feeling more acute than when I'm working with other computer people: They just get it, and I just don't get it. With all due respect to grit, conscientiousness, growth mindset, etc., I often feel like I am simply running up against the limits of my mental machinery. All fine if it's worth the fight, but...
2 - Lack of Subject-Matter Interest
CS as an academic discipline is interesting enough, but it's never "grabbed me" in the way that some other academic disciplines have. I've never found my mind wandering towards topics in CS in the same way that it often wanders towards topics in, e.g., biology, psychology, economics, literature. I would never read a book on software engineering or computer science for fun.
Why the hell did you major in it, then, you stupid, dumb idiot?
I wish I had a better answer, but it was some combination of peer pressure (the cool, ambitious kids were ALL majoring in CS in 2011 (that may still be the case now, IDK)) and a desire to be employable.
3 - Lack of Workplace Autonomy
A product manager tells you to build the thing, so you build the thing. You (sometimes) get to choose how you build the thing, but if you don't have any underlying interest in how the thing is built, the whole experience just feels like drudgery.

_________

With all that in mind, I was able to build a pretty complicated paradigm that would take an entire post by itself to explain but basically boiled down to the following: Emphasize cognitive fit, subject-matter interest, workplace autonomy, and ability to do good, while trying as best you can to hold onto some of the positive features of software engineering (tons of stability, quite good pay, not-terrible working hours).
That got me down to four main possibilities. For the sake of simplifying the discussion, let's say that remaining a software engineer isn't an option. Here they are:
Law (JD):
On the one hand:
- Super high points for cognitive fit. Rules governing human behavior mediated entirely through the English language? Lots of reading and writing? Beautiful; give me more.
- The potential (if done in a certain way) to feel like you’re “fighting for the good guys.”
- For better or worse, I “vibe” with lawyers. Even the greedy ones tend to be "words people," because “money-driven” + “good with words, sucks at math” tends to equal “lawyer." I've never met, for example, another group of people who like crossword puzzles as much as I do.
On the other hand:
- Nearly every lawyer I’ve talked to says it’s straight-up difficult to get a job where you fight for the good guys and much easier to get a job where you’re fighting for the “neutral-at-best” guys.
- At the end of the day, I’m more interested in the law and less interested in being a practicing lawyer, mostly because of the same autonomy problem in software engineering: A higher-up tells you to do the thing, so you do the thing. In an ideal world, you solve the autonomy problem by, say, working at a think tank or in academia. But I’ve gotten that beaten out of my head by the chorus of voices saying, “Don’t go to law school if you don’t want to practice.”
- Long hours and a culture of overwork lead to high stress. Varies between firms (and between firms and government), but a work-hard-play-hard culture seem to pervade the profession, and, to put it bluntly, most of the lawyers I know seem pretty fucking stressed.
- When I tell lawyers that I’m considering law school, many of them say, “Don’t do it.” People in other fields don’t say that when I tell them I’m considering their field.

Medicine (MD) or Research Medicine (MD/PhD):
On the one hand:
- High level of interest in the subject material. I self-studied AP Bio back in the day by reading the textbook cover-to-cover. When I’m reading nonfiction for fun, there’s a pretty good chance it’s bio or medicine-related. To this day, I don’t really know why I didn’t study it in college. Network effects, probably.
- I could see myself being interested in practicing psychiatry, endocrinology, sleep medicine—any field where the emphasis is more “This strange concoction of chemicals makes you feel a certain way!” than it is “The machine that synthesizes urine broke down again.”
- I put “MD/PhD” because I find the idea of being a physician-scientist more appealing than one or the other. Being able to treat actual real people and then retreating to the lab to do solitary mind work really does sound like the best of both worlds. Either way, though, the process would start with a postbacc, so I guess technically I don’t have to decide yet.
- I did a thing where I downloaded the SSC dataset and looked at all the different careers, and doctors had the highest levels of life satisfaction out of anyone (for whom I could find a coherent career field in the spreadsheet). This held even when they were in school and residency (i.e. couldn’t be entirely explained by income (although it could, I suppose, be explained by “income or the expectation of future income”)). Two main ways I can think of to explain this: 1. Being a doctor is (relatively) fulfilling and makes people happy. 2. Becoming a doctor is so difficult that only (relatively) happy and well-balanced people are able to complete the process. This might sound naïve, but my honest bet is number one. In what other profession do you get paid SO MUCH MONEY to work so intimately with other people? So many high-enjoyability, low-pay professions (teaching, social work, etc.) are basically about taking a pay cuts so that you can work closely with other people. And in medicine you don’t have to take the pay cut.
On the other hand:
- Maybe there are doctors reading this and thinking, “You naïve little twerp; do you know how hard you have to work and how good you have to be to do what you’re talking about doing? Genetic research? Neuroscience? Start honing your colonoscopy skills, bucko, because you’re going to have to pay off your loans just like the rest of us.”
- On a related note, I know a lot of lawyers but no doctors, so I have heavy doses of “realism” from the law side, but not the medicine side.
- Med school, from what I understand, is the most demanding of the professional schools. I honestly can’t say for sure that I’d be able to get through it.
- While I like reading popular books about medicine, I don't really get off on academic papers about medicine. Maybe it’s just because I don’t know the lingo yet, or maybe it’s a warning sign that my interest in the field is going to turn out to be superficial.
- It would take a long time. Between postbacc, med school, (maybe) PhD, and residency, I’m looking at another decade before I make money again. Which is fine if I enjoy the process like I think I will. But if I don’t enjoy the process, it’s going to be a long ten years.
- Less reading and writing than I’d like, although that’s partially mitigated by doing an MD/PhD rather than just a PhD. I just really want a job where I get to read and write on the daily and the quality of the writing matters a good deal. “Just do that outside of your job!” Yeah, but in practice it’s hard.

Academia (PhD in Psychology):
On the one hand:
- I like sitting down at a desk, reading about things, thinking about things, doing what it takes to get the answer to something that’s been nagging at me, and then writing about the process of finding that answer. The fundamental idea that I could get paid to do something like that is still mindblowing to me.
- Checks ALL of the boxes that bugged me about software engineering: You have a degree of autonomy, and you presumably get to work in a field that you’re interested in and that you’re a good cognitive fit for. Law stumbles a bit in the autonomy department. Medicine stumbles a bit in the cognitive fit department. This baby don’t stumble.
- To test my enthusiasm for academia, I read as many research papers as I could get my hands on from as many different fields as I could get my hands on. The result? I enjoy reading research papers. I could see myself writing them. This is a good thing, as I understand it, for a career in academia.
- In terms of which disciplines “won” (greatest level of interest), three were head and shoulders above the rest: Psych, soc, and econ. I talked to some econ PhDs, and I honestly don’t think I have the mathematical acumen for it. Between (cognitive) psych and soc, neither of them has great career prospects, so it’s a wash there, and I’m slightly more interested in psych, so I might as well just do psych.
On the other hand:
- Due to mediocre undergraduate GPA and lack of research, I’ll probably have to do a masters or a postbacc first (time and $$)
- You gotta always be scrapping for grants and funding. Nobody likes scrapping.
- For better or worse, there is a distinct “good” outcome (tenure) that I might not achieve. I know that this is a really contentious topic, and I don’t mean to get anybody riled here, but yeah: I’m gonna be gunning really hard for the outcome that allows me to teach, do research, get paid well, and be difficult to fire. And I might not get it. And that’s extremely worrisome to me. “Making it” in academia, if you have the basic chops, is probably not as unlikely or fluky as, say, making it as an actor. But it’s still unlikely (depending on your field) and still fluky! You could get an advisor you end up not gelling with, and then you’re fucked. You could pursue a line of research that nobody really cares about, and then you’re fucked. (This is what people have told me, anyway). That’s all super scary to me, and it’s definitely an argument in favor of law or medicine, which have more of a “get the degree and collect your job” feel to them.
- Arduousness: Everyone says that it’s difficult and demanding and stressful and that you have to make sacrifices. I believe them. And, while I think I’m willing to make those sacrifices, it’s one matter to say that you’re willing and another matter to actually not drop out of the program when you really feel like dropping out.
- Covid-19 is currently in the process of upending higher education. It might be fine! But the next few years are a bit of an event horizon: We don’t really know what things are going to look like on the other side. In other words, more risk.

Writing (MFA):
On the one hand:
- A cool “wild card.”
- In the “You find out you have 5 years to live, what do you do?” thought experiment, I get an MFA and write a novel every time. Writing creatively is an activity that both hits a ton of neurons AND is somehow infused with meaning for me.
- It’d be super fun.
On the other hand:
- Risk. Risk, risk, risk, risk, risk. Follow your dreams, they say. But what if my dream was to be a professional basketball player in the NBA? Should I follow that dream? To put it another way: I know that I’m a good writer, but it seems like you enter the realm of “luck not optional” when you’re seriously trying to make a living by writing books. I ballparked my odds of eventual success (defined as “I get to write without doing anything else on the side”) at 25% if I get into a top MFA program (which I probably won't anyway). That number is already scarily low to me, and it may well be generous.
- My past is littered with the carcasses of unfinished novels. I’ve managed to finish short stories, and I’ve managed to finish screenplays. The novel is the white whale. I think I could do it from within the structure of an MFA program, but who knows?
- If I don’t “make it” straight out of the MFA program, I’ll have to go back to doing something pay the bills, and that something will probably be software engineering. And then I’m back where I started: Doing software engineering for money while writing on the side. If I end up just “Doing X and writing on the side,” then I would have been better off spending my grad school golden ticket getting up to speed in an X—law, medicine, psychology—that I enjoy more than software engineering.
Where I'm at right now:
Trapped in a terrible cycle, pretty much. It goes like this:
I choose medicine, and a voice goes, “Really? Once again subjecting yourself to a career where reading and writing artfully isn’t really an integral part of the process? Doing ‘science,’ which we suspect you might not be great at doing? You should do law instead, where your mental machinery seems more suited to the process and the people seem more like ‘your people.’”
So I choose law, and a voice goes, “Really? Once again committing to a dynamic where you show up to the office and a superior throws a bunch of work at you and you do the work and go home without having pursued your own lines of inquiry or advanced human knowledge?” “I’ll be a professor,” I say. “No, you really won’t,” the voice says. “Think of all the unhappy lawyers who said they were going to be a professor or go into human rights or whatever. If you want to do research, you should get a PhD instead.”
So I choose a PhD (in psychology or sociology), and a voice goes, “Really? A non-econ social science given the state of academia right now? Do you really think there’s a nice tenure-track job waiting for you on the other side of this? If you’re gunning for the risky thing you might as well go all the way and do an MFA.”
So I choose an MFA, and a voice goes, “Really? And have to go back to software engineering in two years when you write a book and nobody gives a shit? Why subject yourself to that? If you’re going to write on the side, just be a doctor: It’s better than software engineering in terms of subject-matter interest and humanistic elements, but it offers similar stability and predictability.”
Then we’re back at doctor, and the cycle begins anew.
Since I listed pretty much every career option out there, I feel compelled to address some of the few that I left off my list.
FIRE: Just gut it out for ten more years and then retire! But the thing is, I like working—I like sitting at a desk, reading, writing, doing stuff—and I can think of nothing more enjoyable than embarking on one of the career paths that I listed above. So all I would get by FIRE-ing is more financial stability when I finally pursue one of them. WHICH AIN’T NOTHING. Believe me, I know. But I don’t think it’s worth the tradeoff of being miserable for another 10 years and starting round two close to age 40.
Become a Product Manager (PM): Okay, so you don’t like making pie. How about you supervise the people that make pie; wouldn’t that be more fun?
No, I just fucking hate pie.
***Further Wrinkles:***I applied to law school last cycle and got into a school just outside of the T14. Still on the waitlist for pretty much all of the T14 except HYS. I am what the kids call a “splitter” (high LSAT, low GPA), so I don’t have any expectations of getting into HYS, and if I do get into CCN it will probably be because Coronavirus fucks everything up and they have to let a bunch of people off the waitlist.
If I decide to not do law school this year (either because I decide to do something else or I decide that I can’t commit when I’m this unsure about things), I will be giving up something in-hand that I might not be able to get back. Which is scary.
A Final Miscellaneous Thingy:
Since I haven’t actually DONE any of this stuff yet, it would be cool if there were some sort of way to dip my toes into two of the options and see which I like better (the proof, as they say, is in the pudding). Something like a premed postbacc program that would allow you to volunteer in a psych or neuroscience lab. I don’t know if that’s a thing, though. Or maybe it is, but by doing it you just make yourself a weak candidate for BOTH med school and psych PhD programs.
Okay. Phew. If you’re still here, first of all, thank you, and second of all, sorry. Thoughts? Feel free to be super discouraging, too. “I’m a doctor, and every vibe you’re putting out says, ‘flunks out of med school.’” That’s information! That’s helpful!
Thank you again. God bless you, SSC.
Edit: Thank you all so much for your kind and thoughtful answers! Tapping out of the thread for a bit while I go eat and do work and that kinda stuff. Gonna look at and respond to all of these, though; I've just been kinda responding in a random order, but I'll get to 'em.
submitted by throe_aweigh_ to slatestarcodex [link] [comments]

Portland, Blazing A Path Towards A Promising Future

Over the last 6 years, Portland has been nothing but consistent, it’s been in the playoffs year after year with little signs of slowing down till this year. In a season following a Western Conference Finals appearance many people, me included, had high expectations for this Blazers squad. With Dame at the helm and CJ, Nurk, and the rest of the squad to back him up a top-three finish in the wild western conference didn’t seem outrageous. Hell, maybe they’d catch a break with another team suffering an injury and make a run at the Finals. Instead, this season, the Blazers were the ones getting injured. Nurkic missed the whole season due to a gruesome leg injury that he experienced towards the end of last season. C.J. struggled to stay on the court consistently. Similarly, Collins missed extended time due to a shoulder injury that required him to have surgery, said surgery would sideline him for four months. These injuries, along with the loss of defensive stalwarts Mo Harkless and Al-Farouq Aminu decimated any hopes Portland had of being a contender this season. Instead, Dame was forced to spend a majority of the season backpacking the whole team, in an attempt to blaze his way towards the playoff (see what I did there). Despite Dame going demigod mode and dropping averages of 28.9 points, 4.3 rebounds, and 8.9 assists on 45.7/39.4/88.8 splits it’s not looking like the Blazers will be making their seventh consecutive trip to the playoffs. But it’s not all bad for Blazers fans. Dame is signed through the 2024-2025 season, C.J. is locked up through the 2023-2024 season, and Nurkic is on a team-friendly deal for the next two years. But what I wanted to talk about is the young blazers. The youngsters that will shape this franchise's future and ultimately decide whether Portland will be in the race for the title in the coming years. So without further delay let's talk some Blazers!
Anfernee Simons:
Simons is perhaps the most hyped up of the young blazers. The 21-year olds game is reminiscent, funnily enough, of C.j.’s. He projects to be a three-level scorer, who can get you a bucket from anywhere. He uses his speed and crafty ball handling to break down defenders, creating separation so he can get his shots off. Simons, in limited minutes, has shown to be able to get to the basket with relative ease, his shots don’t always fall when he gets there but he shoots solidly enough at the hoop. He’s shown glimpses of an ability to finish through contact, giving Blazers fans hope that he could one day be something more as an interior scorer. His shooting from both the midrange is impressive for his age. He’s shooting 45.2% from 15-19 feet away from the basket. To get these buckets he uses his arsenal of stepbacks and fakes to create separation and get his shot off. Can’t get to the midrange, no problem. Simons has shown the ability to be a high-end three-point shooter despite his career 33.9% shooting from behind the arc, he just needs to be more consistent. There are nights like April 10, 2019, where Simons shot 7-11 from downtown, scoring 37 points when it was all said and done. But there are also nights like December 3, 2019, where he will 1-5 from three. His shot looks good and he looks confident taking them which gives me hope that he will figure it out. He is a career 78.7% free-throw shooter as well, which points to him being able to one day knock down threes at a high clip. If Simons can improve upon his finishing at the basket and improve from deep I could easily see him being a three-level scorer who puts up 20+ points a night at his peak.
How’s the passing? Well, his 1.5 assists a game this season may not stand out but in his limited minutes, he has shown to be at least an adequate passer. Similarly to his shooting he just needs to be more consistent. For every full course pass or perfectly placed lob pass, he makes there will be another moment where he misses the open cutter or shooter in the corner. It’s more of his pass perception that needs some work, not as much his passing fundamentals. Despite the stats, I have faith that Simons will develop into a 4-5 assist guy in his prime.
What about his defense? For now, it’s pretty poor, but I do have hope for Simons on the less glamorous end of the court. Simons is an elite athlete which points to defensive upside. He has the lateral quickness to guard the perimeter while still having the hops to get up and contest shots around the rim. He lacks the strength to be an effective interior defender but with some NBA weight lifting training, that problem could be solved in no time. Simons is yet to fully understand how to defend opposing offenses and isn’t too great and reading passing lanes which limits his ability to disrupt the other team's offense and come away with steals. If Simons can figure out how to read other team's offense and get more steals it could be huge for the Blazers as Simons is an absolute menace in transition. If he can get on a fast break with the ball few players can stop him as he uses his speed blow by defenders and throws down some rim rocking dunks. His biggest fault on defense is his inability to be reliable on that end. He lacks awareness on that end, often losing his man and forgetting to provide help defense for his teammates. In the long run, I think Simons could be a strong perimeter defender and a blah interior one. His strength will likely always hold him back on the inside but if he can figure it out on the perimeter he will at least be serviceable on that end.
So the Blazers have a potential star on their hands. If Simons realizes his potential I could see him putting up 20+ points, 4-5 assists, and 4-5 rebounds on strong efficiency. All while being a solid defender. Of course, there are a lot of questions with Simons, but if it all works out I believe the Blazers have a star on their hands.
Nassir Little:
Coming out of high school Nassir Little was one of the nation's top-rated prospects (#2 overall). He had an underwhelming season at UNC which led him to fall to the 25th pick in the 2019 NBA Draft where the Blazers snagged him up. His first season in the big leagues was a mixed bag. His stats were rather underwhelming and if you didn’t watch the games you’d think this guy is a bonafide scrub. After all, he did put up just 3.6 points, 2.3 rebounds, and 0.5 assists on some garbage efficiency (23% from three). But where some see a dumpster fire I see potential. So what does he have going for him? Let's talk about it!
Little's biggest draw as a prospect is his freakish athleticism. We're talking about a 6’5, 220lb small forward with some serious bounce. I mean pretty much every highlight of this guy is either a dunk or a put-back. He’s got the ability to quickly accelerate and then just like that, stop on a dime. That same acceleration allows him to rapidly reach top speeds, making him a potential force in transition. He’s also pretty strong considering his 6’5 frame, however, a few extra pounds may not hurt.
His athleticism alone has allowed Nassir to be an average defender thus far in his career but it’s clear he has room to improve. He’ll use his speed to keep up with most players on the perimeter and use his strength, agility, and bounce to get up to contest shots at the hoop. He’s even shown to be able to get up multiple times in short succession, allowing him to block multiple shots in quick succession. He’s adept at covering for his teammates and being in the right position to assist his teammates on defense. Like many rookies Little struggles to consistently give 100% on defense all the time but on most nights he manages to stay locked in for the most part. He will hustle for open balls and try to make plays on defense, even if it doesn’t always work out. He’s also not too great at reading opposing offenses. He’ll miss out on steal opportunities because he’s unable to predict what the offense will do next. Similar to Simons, it would be huge if Little could improve upon his defensive awareness as it would lead to more steals which would result in more transition buckets for Little. Little could be a really good defender given some time, he has all the physical tools to effectively guard other forwards, he just needs to learn the mental part of the game.
Offensively Little is pretty limited. He’s proven to be an effective lob and put back threat, he’s shooting 59% at the rim. He’s also been able to use his athleticism to help him burst past defenders and get shots up 5ft-9ft away from the basket where he shoots 66.7%. That's it, there's not much to his offensive game. His playmaking in both College and thus far in the NBA is non-existent. His shooting has been poor from three-point range and from the line. His handle is okay, but not good enough to reliably create space and get shots off. I see some potential with Little as a shooter simply because his form looks solid enough, but it’s not assuring that he’s shooting 63.6% at the charity stripe. Still, I wouldn’t be shocked if he managed to shoot something like 33% from three in his prime (he’s 20, he has time). I see Little as a player that will need his offense made for him, whether it’s through lobs, cuts to the basket, or put backs off the rim.
I seriously doubt Little is ever going to be a star. He’s got all the physical tools to be a proficient offensive player but it’s his skills that are keeping him back. I think Little, at his peak, will be a 10-12 point scorer who operates mostly down low for his points. As I said previously I don’t think his shot can’t improve, I'm just not sure it will ever be even average. I have faith in his ability to become an above-average defender due to his physical prowess however it’s the mental aspect of the game that will decide if he will be a good or great defender. Ultimately I think Little’s best-case scenario is a fourth or fifth starter on a good team. If the Blazers can turn this athlete into a basketball player, they could have a very solid player under their wings.
Zach Collins:
Coming out of college Collins was seen as a perfect player for where the league was going. His crazy 47.6% from three in College to go along with his high-end blocking ability had scouts drooling over the possibilities with this near 7-footer. But thus far in his career, only one of those skills has come to fruition. That would be his shot-blocking. In his two full seasons as the Blazers center Collins has routinely shown the ability to keep up with ball handlers on the interior and swat away their shots at the basket. This has been his hallmark skill so far in his career but if he ever wants to be the player people projected him as coming out of college he’s gotta start hitting from outside. Between his rookie and sophomore season Collins has shot just 32.1% from three, not bad for your average center but a far cry from his 47.6% in college. So his shooting isn’t there yet but is he likely to improve. Hell yeah, he is. For one his shot looks clean and he seems to be fairly comfortable taking them (both of which are good signs). His free throw percentage, while not great at 72%, is still solid enough to make you think that he just hasn’t hit his shooting stride yet. He’s also improved all his shooting percentages from his rookie year to his sophomore year, giving further hope that he will figure his shot out.
Collins scores most of his buckets on the interior. He’s very skilled at using fakes, turns, hook shots, and even the occasional fade away to score within ten feet of the basket. Collins also uses his 6’11 stature to his advantage, always cutting to the basket or positioning himself to throw down a well-placed lob pass. Collins doesn’t have a go-to move, rather he uses a wide variety of post moves to get his shot up around the rim. Despite not being the fastest player on the court Collins still manages to be a threat in transition as he uses his size and length to his advantage, throwing down dunks with little regard for the defenders in front of him.
As a ball-handler Collins is subpar. He lacks the acceleration/burst to blow by defenders and he doesn’t have a crafty enough handle to make up for it. I don’t think being a shot creator will ever be one of Collin's main skills. But I do see some hope for him being a playmaker out of the post. In games, Collins has shown the ability to see cutters and get them the ball for an easy bucket. He hasn’t shown to be a good outlet pass to the perimeter but any sort of playmaking from the center position is a positive (even if he’s never anything special as a playmaker).
Collins isn’t a great rebounder for a center. He has the length and athleticism to be a solid rebounder however it’s his strength that has held him up to this point. He’s not weak, he’s just not as large as many other centers. Like if it’s between Collins or Karl-Anthony Towns to grab a rebound you can bet nine times out of ten Towns is getting that rebound simply because of his size and strength. This leads me to my main concern with Collins. I’m not sure that he’s ever going to be big enough to hang defensively with the upper tier of bigs in this league. He gets bodied by the larger bigs in the post and it makes me wonder if he can play the five long term. Ideally, Collins puts on some muscle to address this problem (hopefully he does) but even then I’m skeptical that he will be able to hold his own against the Embiid’s, Jokic’s, and Giannis’s of the league (then again few big men can). On the perimeter, Collins can hold his own against most other bigs but I would by no means call him a lockdown perimeter defender at this point in the league.
So what do the Blazers have with Collins? Well if he figures it out I believe they will have an ideal modern NBA big man who can score from both the interior and stretch the floor while playing plus defense. He could be the type of player that any team could want, not because he’s a star, but because he does everything you want your center to do. If he doesn’t figure it out he has at least shown to be a solid bench big who can score a bit and play some solid defense in limited minutes. Collin’s future is in question, his potential is not.
Gary Trent Jr.:
Gary Trent Jr. showed out this season. He emerged as a bench scoring option when the Blazers needed it. With McCollum missing time in the middle of the season, Trent showed what he could do to the tune of 7.7 points on 38.8% three-point shooting on 3.8 threes a game. This shooting ability along with some semi-respectable defense made him an attractive option off the bench for the crippled Blazers squad. His shooting from the rest of the court also impressed, shooting 45.8% from 10-14ft and 56% at the basket and 83.3% at the line. His handles are nothing to brag about but it was good enough to occasionally break down his defender and get an open shot off. He’s also a threat in transition as his speed allows him to cruise down the floor and get open for attacks at the basket or transition threes. Other than his shooting, transition scoring, and occasional shot creation Trent didn’t bring much more to the offense. But I mean our boy was selected in the second round (37th overall) so let's cut him some slack. Him being a contributor at all is a dub. He lacks the passing vision and accuracy to be an effective playmaker and isn’t much of an offensive rebounder (or rebounder, in general, to be honest).
Defensively Trent is just okay. His perimeter defense is better than his interior defense, which is not surprising considering his 6’5 stature and 210lb weight. He’s light on his feet which allows him to keep up with most guards. The problem comes when bigs get switched onto him as he’s not exceptionally strong or lengthy, leading him to being pushed to the side like Will Smith in his relationship with Jada (poor Will). He seems to have a solid idea of how to read opposing offenses as he’s been pretty good at identifying where passes are going and accumulating steals.
Of all the young Blazers we’ve talked about Trent is probably the least interesting in terms of long term potential. I don’t know that he will be anything better than a solid bench shooter who provides a bit of defense but that's alright. Considering his draft position (37th overall) the Blazers getting Trent was absolutely a win. I think Trent will be a 9-10 point scorer on good efficiency for years to come. That’s not bad for a second-round pick.
The Young Blazers:
If we look at all the young Blazers it’s pretty impressive what Portland has been able to do with their late lottery and non-lottery picks. Simons is a young, athletic guard who has all the potential in the world as a scorer. Collins has the makings of the perfect modern NBA big man. Little has starter potential with his interior scoring and high-end defensive upside. Trent was a nice pick up in the second round a couple of years ago. The Blazers have done an impressive job not only competing in the present but setting themselves up for a promising future. Maybe one day these young players could blaze Portland towards their second championship.
submitted by SundaeSports to nba [link] [comments]

Grand Haven Pronto Pup owner freaks out on Facebook.

This was posted on the Grand Haven Pronto Pup Facebook page.
From the owner of Pronto Pups in Grand Haven, MI
Have a seat. This is going hurt a little.
Today after playing phone tag with the Ottawa County Health Department regarding the Executive Order to wear a mask while working, I discovered some things.
An "higher" education does not make you capable of critical thought. It makes you educated, not smarter. (Yes there is a difference). When a rule/ordedirective is issued, it has a blanket policy. Period. I am referring to standing over a 395 degree cooker of oil, INSIDE an exhaust fan and trying to reason with our book learning inspector (Over the phone) why a mask is irrelevant and useless in this particular case. This is the issue with no real word experience in working. No thought process. The inspector just sited from the current Executive order. I am told my reasoning was presented to the board but I hope it nots true or the board is right at the inspectors level intellectually. That scares me.
My personal opinion is to have the Health Department shut me down. (This looks better for me in the future law suite)
However, as a business owner, I have to look out for the best interest of our co-workers. My hard head would cost them income. Not fair to them. I did present the option to continue maskless and wait for the inevitable Ottawa County Health Department shut down or to wear the mask. Majority choose the mask so Here we are. We will remain open until someone claims the color of the building is offensive. (White).
If any of you believe this is a health issue, unfriend me. Please. This is 100% political. We are witnessing a school yard bully fight between the right and left. Period. To think anyone would support these morons destroying our nations economy is just mind boggling at best. Don't hit me with the "rise " in cases. I call bullshit. You test more, you find more.
Yes, covid19 is real. The American Journal of Medicine defines coronavirus as "The common cold". FACT.
There is soooo much misinformation out there. Mask work, then they don"t, Save them for the "Front line" (Oh, don't even get me started on that attempted glorification and honor robbing of our Veterans.) Sunlight kills it, just wait for summer. So many smart individuals out there with facts that the mask make no difference. Problem is , the Fucking Media controls all we see and hear. (Good Job HITLER).
If my Dad or Grandfather were alive today they would beat the shit out of me for standing by and letting this happen to our state/nation. Freedoms gone that they gave their lives for. But, todays kids don't understand what it takes to keep our freedoms. This is why the schools haven't taught Civis in decades. They do not want informed person that knows their rights........ If you are under 60, your govt class taught you the three levels of govt and how a bill becomes a law. Period. None of that have any of us actually used.
Our government has gotten so big and out of control that none of us know how to retake it.
i am going to grab a good friend (Jerry) and make 12' stencil patterns and paint WHITE LIVES MATTER down the first the blocks of Washington street. Any bets on the outcome? BLM has absolutely nothing to do with racism. Its funded by Soros and the Democratic part to destroy our economy. Its working. On that note, why isn't that asshat Soros dead?... He openly admits this. Gimmie his address........
I believe it will take fire power. Period. That is a shame. People in local, state and federal positions are Fathers, Mothers, aunts and uncles but they have also neglected their SWORN duties to up hold our constitutional rights. This is why some Sherrifs in the state will not enforce the latest "order". Good for them.
I am curious of the MIchigan Militias stand on this act of Treason that Michigans governor is putting us through. Maybe I run for president of the militia......
In closing my small rant, I believe it is time to make a statement that we are not tolerating this over reach of government any longer. We, as a people, need to band together and restart this great nation. There is no such thing as reparations. Period. It is time for everyone in the United States to be self supportive. If you want 7 kids, be sure you can afford them or pay for your own abortion. No social security number, no check. If you don't pay taxes why should I support you? Enter the United States legally through the proper channels and I welcome you but be ready to support yourself and your family.
The first one that says White Privilege gets an ass Whooping. My Dad never owned your Dad. Native Americans killed many White people in the early days of our nation. ts time Churches pay their fair share of taxes. Besides, since when does a house of worship need an indoor basketball court, high tech light show, Full band P.A. system to worship the lord? My Dad always stated: Some of the most religious people in the world have never stepped foot in a church.
Its also time to scale back the police departments. NOT defund, but trim the fat. While does the GH Department of Public Safety feel the need for a patrol car to hide in the bushes on Coho drive and try to catch vehicles that don't stop for the rail road tracks. (Yes, I stop).... Are ya fuck'n kidding me? Thats my tax dollars getting pissed away. Start enforcing these assholes with the loud cars, bikes etc for the noise ordinance and Exabition driving. I don't mind a good rumble but shits goon out of hand.
Oh, and call 911 once and see how that process works. I can unload faster than you can get an officer out to your area.
The worst feeling I ever had (they say trust your gut feeling) I whole heartedly believe on the Friday that the asshole Jeffery Wilis was on trial for Jessicas murder, She was at my place of business. No one will ever convince me other wise. As she was standing in front of me, my gut wrenched and I started to shake. Looking back, I should have grabbed my .38 and held the man with her but instead I called 911. TWENTY MINUTES and no officer. Of course, you have to tell your story to 3 different people before they connect you to someone who can dispatch. After a face-to-face meeting with the head of Ottawa County central dispatch, he informed they are a model unit and revered throughout the state. After calling back, A GHDPS officer called. Not arrived, but called. Informing me if it was her she is only guilty of a runaway or missing person. UN FUCKING BELIEVABLE. Friends in the know tell me that are absolute it wasn't her based on the evidence that was never released to the public. Not Convinced. I do regret not getting ahold of either sides council.
Its here that I best stop. Sorry if I offended any of you but dig up some facts.
submitted by FacebookFreakouts to GrandHaven [link] [comments]

We Discovered a New Island in the Pacific Ocean. I'd Rather Die than Go Back There [Part 2]

Part 1
“Spetsnaz,” Simonov repeated, patiently explaining to the team. “They were Soviet... and later Russian special forces. Think of them like your US Marines.”
“So what in the name of all that is unholy is a Commie Spetsnaz helmet doing way out in the glowing tunnel underneath the island that only just appeared on the face of the Earth a couple weeks ago?” Wagner grilled him, perhaps a bit too hard considering he seemed just as confused as the rest of us.
“I don't know man. Who knows if it's even real? Normally they don't even print words on the side of the helmet like that.”
“We've been monitoring this island like a hawk ad nauseam ever since the Hall tsunami and we would know whether some deranged Russians tried to sneak past us, which means only one thing. It looks like the Russians were here at some point before us.”
“Hey,” I interceded attempting to calm the situation. “Let's just keep on moving, obviously he doesn't know any more than the rest of us, is that really important right now? And besides, I think I see something else up there as well,” I told him, pointing up about 20 feet ahead of us.
I swept aside my pity for Simonov, who, in my eyes, was an unjust target of scrutiny because of his nationality, and carried on down the tunnel while grasping the Spetsnaz helmet a good foot away from my body, not wanting to further contaminate any artifacts found here, but I quickly realized that wouldn't be much of an issue. My head turned towards the floor as my lamp shone upon the abundance of strange items littering the floor of the cave, which at this point I was questioning was even a cave at all.
A helmet here, radio there, body armor, boots, gas masks and more were strewn across the ground in a haphazard fashion. Their condition was congruent with or more deteriorated than the helmet we had stumbled across only minutes earlier and almost appeared to be... digested? For the helmets I saw on the ground, they appeared to be irreparably rusted, while the body armor and uniforms had massive patches missing or severely eaten away, leaving only fibrous strings gingerly holding the pieces together. Whether it was due to natural degradation or some kind of chemical process seen only in this unearthly cavern, I couldn't tell for sure because this wasn't exactly my line of expertise.
“What the hell....” I muttered as I sifted through the remains of some god-forsaken mission, consisting of helmets, gloves, vests, pants and jackets.
As I coughed out the foul air after my brief jog, nearly gagging on it's stench this far into the tunnel, I called out to the rest of the crew to further investigate
“Winter accessories...” Simonov muttered, shuffling through the fatigues. “Perhaps they were washed in by the tide.”
It didn't take me long to realize he was right. All of the items of clothing we found there, and there were a good amount, seemed to be suited for Arctic training, combat, exploration; whatever it was those poor Ruskies were doing on this god-forsaken rock in the first place. Scanning over the clothing myself I quickly realized that they were, in fact, of Russian origin, and almost all them were eroded or shredded beyond repair.
Once Simonov was done riffling through the remains of our doomed predecessors, he placed what he was carrying into my arms and turned back towards the rest of the group.
“I think we should be leaving now,” Simonov advised, wiping the grime from his hands onto his shorts.
“I second that,” agreed Perez, who by now was backing up towards the end of the pack.
We practically jogged back the way we came, eager to escape the lost passage from hell, although I wasn't all too thrilled with having to carry the... artifacts we discovered . The walls of the pathway seemed to be growing brighter and brighter by the second, bathing our faces in the luminous azure hue, while simultaneously, they appeared to be vibrating and undulating faster and faster. I couldn't bare to look at them, and kept my eyes focused on my feet and the bundles of Soviet contraband.
Normally I'd be fascinated by the discovery of this mold or algae-like mire that coated the walls and would be itching to give a further inspection to this as-of-yet undiscovered life form, if it really was alive at all, but something about the coursing blue lines mimicking veins simply did not sit well with me, and in the moment I prioritized living over curiosity.
“Fucking run!” Wagner shouted, as we nearly broke into a full-on sprint.
Sweat was now pouring off my face in buckets, absolutely coating my back, chest, arms and even crotch, mingling with the seawater that had yet to completely dry from our earlier stint through the shallows. I was never one to be a record-setter for the hundred yard dash, especially uphill with a backpack full of supplies and arm-full of garments, but the adrenaline coursing through my body made me feel light as a feather.
I was suddenly jolted to reality as I roughly slammed into something large and unwieldy. Simonov didn't even look back at me after our collision, but I certainly looked up at him.
“Why'd you stop?” I asked, moving around him to get a better look, but no one responded and they didn't need to.
What stood in front of us was a rounded clump of bright blue goop which seamlessly melded into the walls around us.
The opening to the cave was sealed off so smoothly and so uniformly, that it was almost as if it was never even there at all. It took us a few minutes of deliberation before agreeing to continue into the cavern, hoping against hope that another exit could be discovered on another part of the island (or whatever this place was). Sofia was rather adamant about staying behind alone at the now walled off cave entrance in case it opened back up again, but after some convincing I managed to get her on the bandwagon with the rest of us.
Our retreading of the path was far more solemn and quiet than the first time around and by this point I had already discarded what I was holding, figuring our lives were more important than some Soviet relics and shockingly, the walls had ignited to a vibrant neon blue, rendering our headlamps completely obsolete, which most of us had turned off anyway to conserve battery. I still saw the same strange patterns pulsating across the cavern's interior and it still gave me the same unnerving feeling when I first saw them.
As we trotted along, noticeably more jittery than at any point since we first landed here, I began to spot them. Deep inside the glowing translucent walls of the cavern there were what looked like small black patches strewn haphazardly here and there. I pointed them out first to Simonov, and then the rest of the crew, not even bothering to speculate as to what they might be. As we furthered our decent both deeper into the island and deeper beneath the surface I found out that they were not patches nor were they small as I first ascertained upon my initial glance, but rather globules of free-floating reddish-black objects.
They seemed to be getting closer and closer to the surface the longer we walked, and after walking for what I estimated to be 500 yards, they were practically bulging out of the walls, creating a strange and unsettling contrast with the rest of the tunnel. Wagner was about to poke at one of the strange dark pockets embedded on the right side of the wall with his machete when Simonov grabbed his arm.
“Don't even,” Simonov warned, and Wagner looked at him with a look of understanding on his face, appearing thankful that someone stopped him from such a reckless act.
Whatever it was, messing with the ecosystem in this alien environment was likely not a very splendid idea, considering that the contraction of our previous entrance may or may not have been related to the acupuncture Simonov performed on the side of the tunnel.
After another 15 minutes of walking or so the dark pockets began to peter out, but we made what was possibly the most shocking discovery of the day. As the walls of the tunnel began to widen out and the ceiling started to slope upwards, we came upon the mouth of what seemed to be an even bigger cavern than the one we were in.
The glowing blue jelly was relegated to the roof hundreds of feet above us in this massive cavern, raining down light almost like an artificial sky which stretched as far as we could see. The reason our vision was impended was due to a plethora of large rocks and stone structures that expanded nearly to the edge of our eyesight, perhaps further. The ground also seemingly morphed from the smooth faux-organic material from earlier in the tunnel to dirt and red rock not unlike that found on the surface.
But by far, the main star of the show was the number of large stone pillars that lay across this place, some standing upright, others leaning on each other, but most completely flat along the ground or crumbled into dust and mixing with the ashen earth at their bases, and I wondered if they could quite possibly be related to the red stone spires we discovered on the surface. Without saying a word, I ran to the lip of this new cavern's entrance and started to half-sprint/half-slide down the hill that remained our only obstacle between this new mystery to be unraveled and as I grew closer it became very clear that these structures were not at all similar to those found on the surface, as rather than tapering off into points near the top, these appeared more as rounded columns of stone, although I was still too far away to make out for sure.
Sofia was quick behind me and by this point had completely ditched the heavy rucksack at the top of the hill, although in a cloth she still carried the heavy metal instrument that Simonov had used to puncture the cave wall earlier, clearly not feeling entirely comfortable with putting it back in the bag with the rest of her belongings.
“These pillars...” I inquired while gesturing to the abundant stones. “What do you think they're made of?”
“Hard to say, dolomite? Limestone maybe?” She responded, engrossed in the rocks and sediment deposited at the base of one particular column which was around 4 feet wide and as for how tall it was, I couldn't begin to guess, but it didn't quite reach the ceiling of the cavern.
The rest of the team had followed us down the embankment but their attention was set elsewhere as I could see Allen picking up some stone fragments from the ground.
“Hey Singh,” Allen shouted to where he and his wife were inspecting a rough patch of Earth. “What do you figure of this here stone? You're Sou'frican, right? The pattern on it looks to be of some kind of African origin to me. I mean, my first guess was alien, but I guess anything's possible.”
“Well hold on now, just because I'm from Africa doesn't mean that I know about all of African anthropology,” Singh started while Allen grew closer with his find.
He handed it over and the 3 of them began to study what looked like to me to simply be a small concave stone fragment.
“Actually...” began Kekana, grasping the stone in her hands. “It is African: Egyptian as a matter of fact. Or at least it's based on the style of pottery found during the Late Period of ancient Egyptian history, or perhaps the Ptolemaic dynasty.”
“Egyptian!?” I suddenly interjected in a voice a bit too high-pitched and squeaky than I would've liked. “How could ancient Egyptians made it way out here to the Pacific when, for all we know, this island could've been underwater? And what's up with the columns? Are they Egyptian too?”
“Not Egyptian...” Singh trailed off, sliding his bare hand across the subtly ribbed surface of a nearby pillar. “They look to be Greek actually.”
At this point, my head was spinning. How in the world could ancient Egyptians or Greeks have made it to the bio-luminescent cavern of a lost island in the middle of the Pacific ocean? I thought to myself.
Allen spoke up and gathered us around for what he proclaimed was an important revelation that he guaranteed would “completely blow our minds”.
“Look...” he began with more confidence than I had ever seen him wield. “I have a theory, and I want you to take it seriously,” he continued with the most stern of expressions; eyebrows furrowed and eyes squinted. “It's going to sound a bit outlandish, but is it any more outlandish than the things we've seen since we arrived on this island?”
“Just get it out there,” barked Wagner.
“ You see, thousands and thousands of years ago, the Greeks wrote about a place like this,” he began. “Plato chronicled an entire city on an island that vanished overnight. I believe that this is that island and we're in that city.”
“So you're saying we're in-” I started before being interrupted.
“-Atlantis, precisely. I think that if we continue snooping around here we'll find more and more evidence to support my theory. Everything lines up so far, only I don't believe that the city sunk into the ocean. I think the city sunk into the ground, and then the island went into the ocean.”
“Oh really? Then how do you explain the Soviet fatigues? Winter fatigues nonetheless? And what hell is Atlantis doing way out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean? Shouldn't it be in the Atlantic Ocean considering it's name?”
“Here's what I think, you can take it or leave,” Allen continued while beginning to pace back and forth around the pillars. We all stared at him dutifully. “This place, this landmass, it clearly didn't just pop into existence the other week during our nation's worst tsunami in history. How do you figure it got here? And in pristine condition too?” He looked around the group and locked eyes with me in particular. “That's right, it was moved here from somewhere else. I don't think this is a natural island at all, just look at that tunnel we just came out of and the glowing ceiling above our heads. I think that this place is a vessel, a vessel that came from out of this world,” Allen concluded looking somewhat satisfied with his brusque dissertation.
The group fell silent before immediately erupting into a squabble of accusations of absurdity on the part of Allen, who stood unfazed by our mockery, completely content with his proud logic. Singh and Kekana hypothesized that perhaps the island was settled by ancient Greek or Roman sailors who got lost on the way to India or elsewhere in Asia, Sofia was still occupied with studying the structures and rubble that towered over us and said that she couldn't tell how old they were due to unnatural erosion patterns, but it could've been anywhere from hundreds to thousands of years old and she assured us it certainly didn't look like a hoax to her.
“Stop wasting our time with your Discovery channel bullshit theories,” Wagner cut us all off. “This place wasn't created by Aliens, but it does however have Ruskie fingerprints all over-”
Wagner ended his sentence abruptly as most of us took sight of something slithering around the pillars around 40 ft away from our circle; something that could only be described as... alien.
Wagner and Perez immediately stepped forward, guns raised, as out from between two faded tan pillars the thing stepped out, or more aptly, splashed out from the shadows. Between the duller bright blue lights shining from the ceiling and the light from our head beams we were able to make out the same reddish-black blob that we encountered cocooned in the gelatinous walls of the tunnel.
It had a somewhat smooth and rough surface, but the best way to describe it would be if ferrofluid was being stretched in all directions simultaneously while attempting to locomote in any given direction. As this curious, horrid creature began to slink from between the pillars we noticed it left behind a thin inky black trail in it's wake and it let out the most horrid combination of clicking, chirping and scuttling noises; something I found akin to nails on a chalkboard, and which I found quite odd since I couldn't spot a single orifice or organ on the creature with the exception of slimy black tendrils which shot out and attached to any and all neighboring objects within a foot radius around it, including the neighboring pillars and the ground.
As it grew nearer and nearer, the creature seemed to change from an amorphous ever-shifting blob into a more humanoid shape, albeit extremely unshapely and crude to say the least. It almost looked like what a 3 year old would draw when attempting to portray their family members in their preschool art class, and it would appear that the subterfuge was failing as parts of it's gooey, black, outstretched “arms” began to drip down and plop onto the ground before being reabsorbed by it's wobbly, stumbling “legs”.
Unlike in most horror movies, the soldiers that were with us weren't stupid enough to attempt contact with this dripping maroon madness or do something asinine like order it to halt. We all had a common understanding that this thing was not human and likely did not have the best intentions for us. Wagner took the lead, turning off the safety for his rifle and opening fire on the monstrosity at around 10 yards with quite stellar accuracy before Perez joined in.
The shots were definitely hitting their mark as black gunk exploded out from behind the creature, peppering the wall and pillars in it's wake, but just at that very moment it lurched forward, moving quickly almost as if it was leaping across the ground in an extremely fluid motion. Surprisingly, it went for Perez first, completely vaulting into the poor man's chest and knocking him and his rifle to the ground as the rest of us scattered, shrieking in terror.
The creature stood over the downed man, almost as if it were inspecting him, before one of the dripping fluid tendrils of god knows what snaked down from it's “arm” and directly into Perez's chest, clearly knocking the wind out of him rendering him unable to even scream. But something certainly did escape from his mouth just then, a combination of bright crimson blood mixed in with the creature's own disgusting dark fluid, with the two mingled, before it becoming clear that the fluid was the dominant substance being released from Perez's outstretched mouth, all the while Wagner released the rest of his clip into it's side.
I only managed to get a brief look at this while fleeing to the right at the tail end of the remaining crew, but Wagner continued to shoot with his AR, quickly running out of ammunition and switching to a Beretta, putting round after round into where he assumed the creature's head would be. At this point, the creature's “head” lifted up from it's latest victim and pointed it's faux-arm in Wagner's direction, shooting out a spray of dark tendrils directly into the top right quadrant of the soldier's face, completely flooring him within seconds and sending his Beretta flying out of his hand and into our general direction.
Against my better judgment, I halted while the crew continued on running. As fast as I could, and while the creature was distracted with hovering over it's prey, I sprinted towards the carnage and without skipping a beat, leaned down, picked up the pistol and started once more in the opposite direction, unfortunately gaining the creature's attention as I did so. Although I had a lead of a good 30 feet I knew it could cover ground fast, and in a fit of testosterone-fueled fury I pumped my legs like an Olympic sprinter, knowing that this time, it really was a matter of life and death if I wasn't quick enough.
Shockingly, at this pace it actually didn't take me too long to nearly catch up to the rest of the group, although still at the back, and I turned around and saw, to my horror, that the creature was now joined by 2 others, all of them moving in that mesmerizing yet horrific manner of sliding and splashing along the ground. As I witnessed the creatures swim through the air towards us in all their twisted glory between the clicks and hisses and wet slaps of their fluid tendrils along the ground I heard one speak in what I could only describe at the time as nothing other than an alien language.
“Pommoomi ooobimeennaa,” one gargled out in a horrific display. “Pozallllluuuusssst-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t,” said another, the ending of what I assume to be it's word morphing into a distorted ungodly clicking pattern.
Although horribly obscured, I could still tell that the sounds the creatures were emitting were without a doubt some kind of language, a fascinating, albeit somewhat irrelevant discovery considering the more pressing matters at hand.
This distraction almost cost me my life as I had failed to notice the rest of the group splitting off and it was only after a few more seconds of me blindly running forward with my eyes dead set on the abominations that I heard Simonov cry out.
“Over here my friend!”
I turned and saw that the entirety of the group had diverted and entered a small hole that appeared up in the wall on the right side of this gargantuan cavern, and I started making a beeline up the steep hill that led up to this newly discovered tunnel. I spat and whined and gibbered and cursed the entire time during my ascent up the treacherous terrain littered with gravel and stones of varying size, knowing that one trip would spell out certain death, but if I could only just regroup with the rest of the crew in the newfound tunnel, perhaps it could lead to some kind of safety.
However, I peered up and saw that the entrance to this new tunnel was very quickly beginning to contract from the outside-in, closing in with a material not unlike that we stumbled upon at the entrance of the very cave that trapped us in this hell, and hence my brain furiously sent signals down to my legs to drastically pick up their pace, even if I already felt like they were about to snap at any second.
I propelled myself head-first up and into the contrasting opening, that, by now was only a few feet in diameter, and I almost felt like I'd look back to see oozing dark maroon tendrils grabbing my leg and dragging me back into the fray, but thankfully I landed on the others side, frantically scrambling deeper on my hands and knees, hacking up the stench that was coating my lungs.
I looked back and saw that one of the creatures had shoved it's head into the opening, which by this time was the size of a basketball.
”Ooobay meenaaaa!” The creature croaked out in the most horrific of displays.
I saw Kekana, Singh and Sofia clutching their faces in terror, right before Simonov, wielding the metal rod from earlier, smashed it directly into the head of this abomination, sending a spray of inky gunk flying out of the hole, leaving nothing but black and red residue to slide down the now solid wall of flesh that had closed us in yet another catacomb.
“I knew I shouldn't have signed up for this man!” Allen repeated to himself, pacing back and forth. “Why on Earth did I ever trust the government in the first place? They probably weren't even planning on giving me my payout, and now I'm fucking dead man!”
“Allen, stop panicking and get a hold of yourself!” Simonov shouted, grabbing his shoulders and vigorously shaking him back to the moment.
“Let him stay here and rot with his aliens,” Singh stated, strapping up his boots and standing up. “We're getting the hell out of here. Mankind was never meant for a place like this.”
We could still hear the things -the aliens? wildly screeching, hissing and clicking from the other side of our only line of defense.
“Hey guys,” I stammered out between bouts of wheezing and coughing. “I don't know if I'm going completely screwy, but it almost sounded like those creatures were speaking to each other, like they were intelligent,” I stammered out.
“I heard it too,” Simonov assured me. “You are not crazy.”
“Yeah,” Allen chipped in. “Those aliens were probably giddily chatting with each other about which one of us looked the most tasty!”
“Those were not aliens,” Simonov insisted with a scowl across his face.
Simonov leaned against the wall for support, but immediately grimaced in disgust as I could tell that the slimy exterior of the wall was quickly oozing through his shirt and likely coating his back.
“Man, I've seen this enough times to know where this is going,” Allen whimpered, clearly letting fear completely take control of his mind at this point.
“This isn't a movie,” I assured him, more to comfort myself than anyone else. “We're not going to die and we will find a way out of here.”
“Those aliens just killed our only protection! We're fucked!” Allen shouted.
“For Christ's sake, they are NOT aliens, you buffoon!” Simonov blurted out with a raised voice, now noticeably aggravated.
“Oh yeah? And how can you be so sure?”
“Because that wasn't an alien language they were speaking...” Simonov began as his eyes drifted to the ground. “It was Russian.”
“Help me... Please... Help me,” Simonov translated solemnly, taking in a deep breath and pausing for a second before finishing. “...Kill me.”
The dread was now palpable on the face of every surviving crew member, especially Allen, although Singh and Kekana expressed more of what seemed to be worry.
“My Russian is not as good as my Ukrainian ever since I left my home country 20 years ago, but the languages are very similar and I could clearly make out the words after the 4th or 5th time they were spoken... or however it was that those things were able to make those sounds.”
However incredulous it sounded that those things, those unholy freaks of nature, could make a cheap mimicry of a language, an actual human language, I had to believe it since I had heard it for myself.
“But those things...” I began. “They're not human. There's no way they could be.”
“Maybe not anymore, but I think this answers our question of what happened to the missing crew- the Soviets,” Simonov replied. “I nearly hesitated back there when it almost came through the hole after us once I heard it speak.”
We had begun walking down the tunnel by this point and by looking at Simonov's face, even in the thick humid air and radiant blue lights that surrounded us, I could tell that he was completely drained of any color, and I would take a guess that if I had a mirror that I would see the same in my own face. Sofia was practically clinging onto us, more so Simonov than myself, but careful not to stray more than a couple feet away after that horrific display we had witnessed.
“You think that really is them?” I inquired. “What could possibly turn a man into an animated mass of petroleum? Plus, we saw them in the walls earlier, I'm sure you noticed that.”
“They could still be aliens!” Allen shouted from ahead of us, but both of us ignored him, seeing the serious psychological toll this experience was having on him.
I had noticed a distinct bend in the trail we had been walking on for the past couple hours and it almost seemed to circle back around. I had seriously hoped that we weren't just being led in circles or going further into this nightmarish realm. Simonov was still grasping the large metal instrument he had used to secure our first act of retaliation on the creatures, while I had tucked Wagner's Beretta into the front of my waistband, which I have to admit was remarkably uncomfortable, despite what television shows would have you believe.
After rounding a particularly sharp bend in the path, an opening to another cavern was quickly becoming clear, only this one was definitely not the same one we had just left since I would estimate we were a good 20 or 30 yards deeper underground than when we first started walking. Although smaller, the layout to this cavern was very similar to the former and similarly, I immediately spotted more stone structures, only these were far more recognizable as actual buildings and had less damage done than the ones from above. We cautiously poured out from the tunnel, rapidly missing whatever false sense of security it had provided for us and peered around the ruins. I spotted a glimmer in the dim blue light being emanated from the ceiling and saw, much to my surprise, that is was a machete.
“I can't believe there's more Greek structures here.” Singh stated, somewhat lost in the moment. “This has got to be the most fantastic anthropological discovery in the history of the world.”
“I'm not going to lie, discovery isn't really a huge concern of mine right now,” I quipped back at him, reminding him of our ever-so precarious situation.
That's when I spotted it; a large figure around 50 ft away in the ruins, wearing those familiar tan and green military fatigues. I dashed over and confirmed my suspicions when I saw a disheveled Wagner leaning away from us against a large stone wall, and I couldn't believe he was still alive.
“Wagner? Holy shit!” I shouted, astounded by what I was seeing.
The figure then turned to face us revealing a scene that can only be described as a living nightmare.
“Holy shit man!” I repeated, only the tone and emphasis of my words expressed an entirely different attitude than before.
The upper right portion of Wagner's face had bloated to extreme levels you wouldn't expect to see outside of an emergency room. Thick black veins ran up and around the new growth on his head, trailing down to other parts of his face, neck and lord knows where else. His eyes had taken on a cloudy sheen but I could still make out bloodshot sclera, only instead of red veins, they were closer to black in color, matching that found on his face. Dark fluid leaked out of every orifice, leaving trails of shadowy liquid smeared across his face, hands and uniform, and what parts of his skin I could see that weren't covered in bulging black veins or the oily substance took on the pallor of a corpse.
“Jesus, Wagner, what happened to you? Where's Perez?”
“Perez? Perez who?” Wagner hoarsely replied before getting his bearings. “Oh, the little guy! They grabbed him already, but he's fine.”
The rest of the group had approached now, their head's cocked in confusion, only with terrified expressions plastered on their faces as well, clearly overshadowing the puzzlement.
“What? Who? Who took him!?”
“Anyways, has anyone seen my car keys?” Wagner droned on, completely ignoring my questions, seemingly in a daze. “My arm has been killing me and I think I really gotta go see my doc-”
He interrupted his own sentence after being wrapped up in a raucous coughing fit, ending by wiping his mouth with his sleeve, leaving a trail of black ooze smeared across his face.
“Wagner, we're going to take you to see a doctor, I promise, but first we have to get off of this island.”
“Island?” he rasped in a quizzical manner. “No, no, no, no, I came back from the island weeks ago...” His face suddenly took on a look of extreme confusion. “Wha' are you guys doing in my house anyways?”
The man had positively lost his marbles, I thought, not knowing whether he was ever going to be okay again.
Wagner, pushed himself away from the wall and opened his mouth to speak, but instead of words, a volley of reddish-black tar came pouring out of his mouth like he was a freshman who had too many beers at his first house party. It pooled on the ground at his feet and Wagner lifted up his face to take a look at us, peering down and noticing what I was holding in my hand. I can't speak for the others, but I was certainly at a loss for words.
“Hey kid?” Wagner started. “What are you doing with my machet-t-t-t-t-t-t-t,” but the end of his sentence morphed into a rapid clicking sound as he attempted to eject the words from his vocal cords. I immediately took a step back in shock.
“Wha's happn-n-ning?” he let out as black slime drooled down his lips and added to the shimmering puddle.
Taking a cue from the rest of the group, I slowly started backing away with my arms outstretched in a defensive posture.
“Wagner, stay right here. We're going to come back with some help for you, okay?” Simonov stated in a lie so obvious I wondered why he even bothered in the first place.
“Wai- don' go. I don' feel very good-” was all he was able to get out right before another jet of the same reddish-black fluid shot out from his mouth in an impressive display of projectile vomiting which I had to swiftly part my feet away from to keep from getting soaked.
“Wagner, stop!” I ordered as he slowly stumbled after us in a drunken manner, although I could tell that he wasn't completely incognizant as of yet. “You need to stay here. You can't come with us right now. I don't think it's safe for the rest of the crew.”
“No, no, you have t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-to geh me out-t-t-t-t-t-ta here. Please,” Wagner wailed as his voice quickly deteriorated into a garbled mess of clicks and chirps, almost sounding like a human being attempting to imitate a cicada on a warm summer night.
He reached his arms out towards us and I noticed the oozing black blemishes that littered his skin underneath the sleeves of his arms, and I knew for a fact that I wasn't letting him anywhere near me. I looked over to the group and saw that, without a word, Sofia had already taken off and I motioned for the rest to follow her and once more we began our sprint through this cursed place. I didn't know how long my stamina would last or how long my body would put up with this before it collapsed under sheer exhaustion but that was certainly a preferable option to the alternative.
“Wai- wai-” Wagner (or at least the thing that used to be Wagner) screamed at us, running after us in a fury, the black tar dripping from his body like sweat off a star athlete.
I dodged and ducked my way through the remnants of this lost civilization, something I'm sure Allen would equate with the urban practice of parkour, and words could not express the absolute terror I felt knowing the infected Wagner was only feet behind me in this subterranean maze of horrors. The very last words he said to us while chasing us through the darkness of the ruins have stayed with me ever since.
“Don' run away! Don' run away!” Wagner screeched in a rather pitiable tone. The most disturbing aspect of it was that he didn't seem to be angry or violent or aggressive. He only seemed to be absolutely terrified like us and I imagine in an immeasurable amount of pain and suffering.
“Don' run away! Don' run aw-” he was abruptly cut off as I turned around to see him trip over a stone column that lay flat along the ground.
He broke his fall with his forearms but his face still smacked against the dusty ground, sending a wave of black ooze splattering onto the floor from his face, almost as if someone dropped a carton of milk. As he crashed to a halt in his own muck, I saw that it seemed as if his right arm had actually broken off halfway down, revealing nothing inside but the very same gunk and slime that the creatures we saw earlier were made of, which somehow kept the arm attached in one piece despite it's mangling.
Even though the threat of Wagner seemed to have been dealt with on it's own, we continued running and I knew that I for one was merely seconds away from gagging and expelling the contents of my stomach. I carried on with a combination of fear and disgust and terror... and guilt, but I rationalized to myself that there was nothing we could do for Wagner at this point. With any luck, we lucky few could escape these underground depths with our lives and never visit this island again. In fact, I planned on staying away from islands altogether in the future, maybe moving somewhere nice inland like Montana or Wyoming.
“Here!” Sofia shouted from the front of the group, pointing at another tunnel entrance in the side of the cavern.
It couldn't have been any worse than trying our luck in the Greek city with the half-dead plague man, so I hedged my bets and entered after them.
“We'll send a retrieval mission for Wagner once we get out of here,” I panted out to the group, trying to justify our monstrous actions. “Right now our priority should simply be to get out of here and let the world know what we've seen.”
But it didn't seem like anyone was absorbing my words as I saw that once more they had all come to a halt shortly in this tunnel.
“Iсус Христос...” Simonov let out, the first time I heard him speak in his mother tongue.
They gathered in a half circle facing the wall, huddled around something that seemed to be of great interest, or at least interesting enough to briefly forget about the oozified Wagner. I could tell that they were shocked by their expressions, but at this point I assumed that nothing could truly terrify me more than anything we had seen already. I was wrong.
“What? What is it?” I asked while coming up behind him and parting them aside so I could get a better look.
I took one look once I was inside the tunnel and nearly dropped the machete I was still white-knuckling from before. In the wall was a large black cocoon comprised of that all too familiar reddish-black slime, with tendrils and a patchwork of other fibers stretching out in all directions. Although buried under a few feet of the translucent slime that comprised the tunnel walls in these depths, I could still clearly make out what lied in the center of the hellish mass.
The bloated and butchered face of Perez gazed out from the substance's embrace, his mouth fixed open in a noiseless scream and glazed over eyes bulging out of their sockets.
submitted by Masaman14 to nosleep [link] [comments]

Story Time You Degenerate Fucks--Top 5 Novels of the 21st Century

A while back, one of the faithful, u/fuzzyblankeet, tried to start a book club, in which you fucks were somehow supposed to generate literary suggestions. The project was akin to asking a gaggle of sociopaths to share their feelings. There were some decent suggestions, but most of you held the understanding that literature started with Harry Potter and ended with Ready Player One. It was fucking embarrassing.
Time to get a little lesson in modern literature so you fucks can begin to understand why you make the poor decisions you do, and maybe get in touch with one or two of the synapses that try to muster some action potential whenever you try to suppress the time Daddy touched your no-no-zone. It might just help you understand why you're buying high and selling low like the rabble of idiots that you are.
We're just over twenty basis points into this god-forsaken century. Now is as good and arbitrary a time as ever to list my top five books of the 1/5 mark.
A lot of people make the distinction between favorite and best. I'm ambivalent on the matter, as you should be too, because finding objectivity within any rendering of our essentially conscious experience is the child of folly--though I'd expect nothing more from you bumbling lot of bairns. It's not that I much care anyway; my bias is what makes my taste, and my tastes inherently signal to my brain that I think more people should think like me. This is the kind of thinking that churns the democratic engine. God bless America.
So on with it then:
  1. A Naked Singularity, by Sergio De La Pava: The best self-published book of all time, period. As the story goes, De La Pava had tried over 100 agents before shelving the masterpiece, as it was too 'difficult' for us Americans, who need more time and brain-space to money-grub. It's particularly telling when a child of Colombian immigrants gives up. But his wife, Susanna, didn't. She published and promoted the thing herself. After selling tens of thousands of copies, it was picked up by the University of Chicago Press, which is obviously an odd placement for a mammoth Joycean effort. Anyhow, the novel follows a young Manhattan defense attorney, Casi--as Sergio was himself at the time of writing. In preparing a defense for an appointed client, our protagonist overhears the specifics of a drop for a drug deal. In an unlikely twist, Casi teams up with a pseudo-rival--a colleague with reproachable morals--to steal the money from the drug deal. To say the book is about this heist is like saying Ulysses is about Leopold's horniness or something. ANS is simply indescribable. The prose is purely revolutionary, hilarious, poetic, and infinitely cutting, all in the same breath. A paradoxically oblique yet accurate picture of the novel and its author can be gleaned from a piece by Garth Risk Hallberg (author of City on Fire, which was the bloated and underwhelming sophomore effort of a genius), about how he came to love this book as well: https://themillions.com/2012/06/outside-the-ring-a-profile-of-sergio-de-la-pava.html
  2. In the Distance, by Hernan Diaz: We're now 40% of the way through the list of my five favorite novels for 20% through the 21st century, and we haven't run into a single straight white male yet. I am become the radical left. How about this for an endorsement: In the Distance was a finalist for the Pulitzer. Enough said. But you should still keep reading, for the sake of seeding your barren cognitive landscape. Seriously, you people are fucking idiots. But for those of you who still peruse snail mail catalogs and participate in book clubs in which major points of discussion include whether a book boasts an 'exciting plot'--i.e. those of you who should seriously consider alternative methods of living your lives--don't worry: Carys Davies of The Guardian--an editorial ranging between worthless and adding negative value to society--as a "thrilling narrative, full of twists and turns." Thanks, Carys. Set in the time of Manifest Destiny (for you illiterate pieces of shit, that's when the pioneers went west, my sons), In the Distance follows Haukan, an incredibly large and hulking Swedish immigrant. Haukan loses--as in literarlly, he can no longer locate--his brother on the way to America. In spending the rest of his life in search of his lost brother, his legend waxes and wanes, he loves and loses, he fights and he makes peace--the whole gamut of contretemps and vicissitudes that go with any good epic. Only, with this one, the language is perfectly colloquial to the time period, while sacrificing none of its potential given the modern technology of English literature. Meanwhile, you ragged curs can't even find the bone hidden in your own yard. Seriously, you disgust me.
  3. The Flamethrowers, by Rachel Kushner: We're 60% of the way through listing my five favorite novels through 20% of the 21st century, and we haven't encountered a single straight white male. Look at the strides we've made. It's probably just me. This one you might have heard of, if you've ever red a bok 1nce. Represented by Jonathan Franzen's agent, Susan Golomb, it's no wonder Rachel slipped this one into the list of fat contracts handed out by Scribner that year. It certainly was deserving. A good friend of Sergio De La Pava's, Kushner is no stranger to baroque prose. Whether pulling us into the Italy of yore or the New York of 1976, Kusher's obsession with actualizing time and culture is impeccable. Speaking of Garth Hallberg (remember, the writer I mentioned twenty minutes ago--adjusting for the reading pace of you homunculi?), City on Fire was lionized for, if anything other than its bloated narrative, its verisimilitude of 1970s New York. However, I think Kushner did a far better job, and didn't limit herself as Garth did for the sake of a commercially viable project. Meanwhile, you all would sell your filthy prostates to the first horny codger handing out a fiver. From certain writers, I've heard of Rachel Kushner's faith to story and craft, likened to the old masters' obsession with art, which you don't find today among the tripe that's plastered with a generic vertical title and assortment of colors that passes for cover art (you can bet your bottom bitch that I do in fact judge by its cover). Prior to an earlier novel of hers that's set in Cuba, Kushner disappeared for for years, allegedly there, for research. This dedication shows in her work, contrary to what you see around this sub.
  4. Emerald City, by Brian Birnbaum: This is probably the most flawed book of the bunch, even more so than ANS. Still, Emerald City is an incredibly dynamic novel about a college basketball player whose father is defrauding the government through subsidies for deaf teleconferencing technology--with the catch being that his parents are deaf as well. The story pulls in two other 'protagonists'--a Romeo and Juliet sort of deal in that there are warring crime families behind the fraud scheme. The novel exhibits the best blend of plot and prose. There are more than 150 named characters and a ton of action, and yet every line is pyrotechnic, lyrical, hilarious, or all three. It also offers as much a blend of genre, from crime novel to campus drama to family saga. You got your Raymond Chandler, Chad Harbach, and Jonathan Franzen all in one novel. Not that any of you would know the first thing about any of them... Also a good friend of De La Pava (who blurbed Emerald City), Birnbaum's path to publication was somewhat similar. He actually did get signed at a big agency before his agent left the business. EC is the first novel of a small press that's putting out their second this September, so it's got a similar feel to A Naked Singularity in its upstartishness. It's also challenging, if not quite as much as ANS. This one might help you dimwits forge a few electrical connections before graduating to the big leagues.
  5. Stephen Florida, by Gabe Habash: Speaking of writers that blurbed Emerald City, Gabe Habash rounds out the list, safely keeping straight white males in the minority. Good job, me. To call this book unique is like saying it was unlikely that the Golden State Warriors would lose two of their top three stars to injury in the playoffs last year. The obvious stated, but you're still out of the loop. Allow me to fill you in. Whereas Emerald City boasted one antihero-cum-protagonist (it's latin, you fucking pigs), Stephen Florida's first person perspective comes from the antihero of all antiheroes--the eponymous Stephen Florida. Weirdly, that's actually not how his name is spelled, but Florida allowed a clerical error made by the school he wrestles at and attends to ride uncorrected. Florida's goal is simple: win the NCAA D-III wrestling title. As a senior, he's got a shot. The only problem is himself: he's batshit fucking crazy, the type who pisses into water fountains and gets into fights with people because it's a day that ends in 'y'. He makes for a novel that's as hilarious as it is intense. This one is perfect for you fucks. Maybe it's because he grew up with his grandmother after losing his parents as a child. Maybe it's because he's his own worst enemy. Maybe it's simply the fact that he cares as much as he does. Somehow, you find yourself rooting for the kid. But the purpose for reading this book hinges on far more than the outcome of his championship run--it hinges on what drives us to accomplish our goals, what makes the sort of people that are as driven as Florida is, and what happens when people like him are deprived of their ambition.
I expect all of you to read all of these novels within the year. If not, you'll continue to lose money. That's all I have to say. Wasting any more breath on this digital cesspool would only begin to incur on my spirit. Do yourselves a favor and fucking educate yourselves.
submitted by Pizza_Bagel_ to wallstreetbets [link] [comments]

this took way too long and everyone is gonna forget about this post in like 2 days

when tyler said “[Intro] Bitch, fuck! (Uh, uh, fuck) You have a question?
[Verse 1: Tyler, The Creator] How many cars can I buy 'til I run outta drive? How much drive can I have until I run outta road? How much road can they pave until I run outta land? How much land can it be until I run in the ocean? Niggas go with the motions and all the plans See, I was never into the beaches and all the sands See, I was in the woods with flowers, rainbows, and posies Fallin' outta my pocket, but y'all want to know if I swam to cool down How much cooler can I get until I run out of fans? How many fans can I have until they turn on the AC? If the AC blow up, then I'm TNT, I'm gone
[Bridge: Rex Orange County] I'm gone and I'm finished And I ain't seen my friends in a minute Guessing nothing lasts forever Yeah, nothing lasts forever Nothing sticks together Sick of sitting in doubt Please let me figure this out
[Verse 2: Tyler, The Creator] Shout out to the girls that I led on For occasional head and always keepin' my bed warm And tryin' their hardest to keep my head on straight And keepin' me up enough 'til I had thought I was airborne How many raps can I write 'til I get me a chain? How many chains can I wear 'til I'm considered a slave? How many slaves can it be 'til Nat Turner arise? How many riots can it be until them Black lives matter? Niggas click-clack splatter, (Pew) pew that nigga Life a game of basketball, you better shoot that nigga 'Cause if that cop got trigger, he better pull 'Cause when I get pulled over, I usually play it cool 'Cause I know what I'm drivin' is usually paid in full And my ego and possessions, will not let me be one (Nah) Because I got a mansion, my mansion got some rooms Them rooms got some windows and my windows got some views Them views get some stares and my backyard does too And if you walk to the bottom you'll prolly see a pool You better not drown, keep them ten toes up 'Cause if them ten toes down, that mean that you fucked up And that's what I swim in
[Outro: Rex Orange County] And if I drown and don't come back Who's gonna know? (Maybe then I'll know) And if I crash and don't come back Who's gonna know? (Maybe then I'll know) And if I fall and don't come back Who's gonna know? (Maybe then I'll know) I'm wondering if I don't come back Maybe then I'll know Don't come back Don't come back Ayy, don't come back Don't come back No, no
[Verse 1: Tyler the Creator] Ayo Let's take it back to them days Counting sheep on Sadie Hannah's floor Carpet was my baby mama 80 dollar profit from the coffee I poured Rent-A-Center calling everyday Nobody home, they're knocking on the door Now I skrrt, skrrt, skrrt, skrrt (Skrrt!) In toys I only dreamed that I could afford Now I roll through Okaga
[Chorus: Frank Ocean & Tyler the Creator] I ride to California (Yeah) These frog oval goggles I'm leanin' out the window OJ shinin' on me (Oh, ooh) Simp sun shinin' on me (ayy, yeah) Slick circles float roll Out this world Yeah, yeah
[Bridge: Tyler, The Creator] Run it, run it, run it, run it I rock, I roll, I bloom, I grow (I grow) I rock, I roll (What you say?), I bloom, I grow (I glow) I rock, I roll (Let 'em know), I bloom, I grow (I glow) I rock, I roll (One more time), I bloom, I grow (Let's go!)
[Verse 2: Tyler, The Creator] Ain't nobody fucking with T, but that just may be my ego But don't be too cool, you might freeze Because niggas get stuck in the cold (Man, look at this ice) Shit weighs a ton Water your garden, my nigga (Stunt on these niggas!) Tell these black kids they could be who they are Dye your hair blue, shit, I'll do it too (What the fuck?) Look, I smell like Chanel I never mall grip with my manicured nails I coconut oil the skin I keep the top low 'cause the follicles thinnin' But other than that, man It feels like I'm winning (I'm winnin', nigga) Went from statistic to millionaire CNN doubted 'cause my skin is dark Then they forget when I get in my car
[Chorus: Frank Ocean] These frog oval goggles I'm leanin' out the window OJ shinin' on me (Oh, ooh) Simp sun shinin' on me Slick circles roll float Out this world Yeah, yeah Run it, run it, run it, yeah (Ohh, ohh!)
[Bridge: Tyler, The Creator] I glow (I glow) I rock, I roll (What you say?), I bloom, I grow (I glow) I rock, I roll (Let 'em know), I bloom, I grow (I glow) I rock, I roll (One more time), I bloom, I- (Let's go!)
[Verse 3: Tyler, The Creator] Flower boy T, nigga that's me Rooted from the bottom, bloomed into a tree Took a lil' while, nigga makin' leaves Keep it in my branches so my family can eat Favorite color green, energy is skrong Giving niggas life, birdies and the beez Droppin' them seeds, not what you want You don't know what I keep in the trunk
[Interlude: Tyler, The Creator] Ah, shit!
[Outro: Tyler, The Creator] Ahh, ahh Ahh Run it, run it, run it, run it Run it Run it Run it
[Tyler, The Creator] Sometimes, I sit in my room and think about us
[Shane Powers] "It's Golf Radio, you're on the air with Shane Powers Taking requests... Uh, What’s uh, pick that one... What's uh... What's your name? Hello? Um, okay, well, since you want to be Mr. Fucking-Secret-Agent, what song you wanna hear?"
[Wyatt Navarro] The one about me
[Intro: Tyler, The Creator] Okay, okay, okay, okay Okay, okay, oh
[Verse 1: Tyler, The Creator] You live in my dream state Relocate my fantasy I stay in reality You live in my dream state Any time I count sheep That's the only time we make up, make up You exist behind my eyelids, my eyelids Now I don't wanna wake up
[Pre-Chorus: Tyler, The Creator] 20/20, 20/20 vision Cupid hit me, Cupid hit me with precision, I Wonder if you look both ways When you cross my mind I said, I said I'm sick of, sick of, sick of, sick of chasing You're the one that's always running through my day dreams, I I can only see your face when I close my eyes
[Chorus: Kali Uchis & Tyler, The Creator] Can I get a kiss? And can you make it last forever? I said I'm 'bout to go to war And I don't know if I'ma see you again Can I get a kiss? (Can I?) And can you make it last forever? (Can you?) I said I'm 'bout to go to war (I'm 'bout to) And I don't know if I'ma see you again Ugh, switch it up
[Verse 2: Tyler, The Creator] I said, okay, okay, okay, okie dokie, my infatuation Is translatin' to another form of what you call it? (Love) Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, I ain't met you I've been looking, stop the waiting 'Fore I stop the chasing, like an alcoholic "You don't understand me", what the fuck do you mean? It's them rose-tinted cheeks, yeah it's them dirt-colored eyes Sugar honey iced tea, bumblebee on the scene Yeah, I'd give up my bakery to have a piece of your pie Uugh!
[Pre-Chorus: Tyler, The Creator] 20/20, 20/20 vision Cupid hit me, cupid hit me with precision, I Wonder if you look both ways When you cross my mind I said, I said I'm sick of, sick of, sick of, sick of chasing You're the one that's always running through my day dreams, I I can only see your face when I close my eyes (So)
[Chorus: Kali Uchis] Can I get a kiss? (Can I get a kiss?) And can you make it last forever? (Make it last forever) I said I'm 'bout to go to war ('Bout to go to war) I don't know if I'ma see you again (See you again) Can I get a kiss? (Can I?) And can you make it last forever? (Can you?) I said I'm 'bout to go to war ('Bout to) And I don't know if I'ma see you again
[Outro: Tyler, The Creator & Kali Uchis] Okay, okay, okay, okay Okay, okay, okay, oh La la, la la la la, la la La la, la la la, la la Okay, okay, okay, okay Okay, okay, okay, oh La la, la la la la, la la La la, la la la la One more time?
[Verse 1: Tyler, The Creator] Yo, who dat boy? Who him is? Him that ni-guh, I swear Stand out guy, him don't need no chair Well, where the fuck him at? 'Cause nigga, I'm right here I don't shop at the mall, all y'all just Dumb mothafucka, I'm a goddamn artist You can give me some markers and I'll draw you a closet And you know that it's GOLF, bitch, gonna make the deposit Nigga fresh to death like he got dressed in a coffin Cons, overalls, and a striped shirt The boy drips swag like a broken faucet It's runnin', nigga, I'm runnin' shit That cherry be the bomb like he ran in Boston Won't stop 'til the cops surround him One nigga jiggy and the other awesome With his fuckin' face blown off, that's how they found him It's Young T
[Chorus: Tyler, The Creator & A$AP Rocky] Who dat boy? Who him is? Who dat boy? Who him is? Nigga, who dat boy? Who him is? Who dem boys? Nigga, who dem is, nigga? Why you niggas feel like that? Mad 'cause a nigga neck chill like that You mad 'cause a nigga push wheel like that? Why you puttin' bad vibes in the air like that? Nigga, who dem boys?
[Verse 2: A$AP Rocky] Who dem is? Nigga, who dem is? Who else step in this bitch this jig? Who else your bitch say got a bick this big? Who else came through with a wrist this flick? Nigga, Guess my pants, do my dance Spin around, bitch, you could kiss my ass Never seen a nigga in this much Raf Still doin' math when I miss my class Was it Summertime '06, had the Number (N)ine Nigga, never mind, was another time before Vince Had the Gucci gold tips with the letterman Nigga, dollar sign was my favorite number at the time Fresh freshmen 'til they skipped my ass Senior citizen, don't forget my pass Been that nigga and you knew that there Make the dick disappear, how she do that there?
[Chorus: Tyler, The Creator & A$AP Rocky] Who dat boy? Who him is? Who dat boy? Who him is? Nigga, who dat boy? Who him is? Who dem boys? Nigga, who dem is, nigga? Why you niggas feel like that? Mad 'cause a nigga's neck chill like that You mad 'cause a nigga push wheel like that? Why you puttin' bad vibes in the-?
[Verse 3: Tyler, The Creator & A$AP Rocky] Fuck the rap, I'm tryna own a planet From my other fuckin' business ventures These niggas these days Actin' like some bitches, like they're fuckin' with ya (yeah) Teeth is glistenin', Jesus, Christmas He just shittin', she exquisite, bitches be expensive (Yeah, let 'em know, nigga) And I don't even need attention WANG$AP on the bumper sticker, fuck you niggas Fuck global warming, my neck is so frío I'm currently lookin' for '95 Leo My mom say she worried because I'm so ill I should stay in bed, but got too much bread To make, she said watch my weight So I stayed home and start eatin' some meals Get out of my way-way, boy that's McLaren That's 0 to 60 in 2 point nueve, I'm gone
[Outro: Tyler, The Creator] Fuck
[Intro: Tyler, the Creator] Shit
[Verse 1: Tyler, the Creator] My mother warned me that some niggas ain't my right hand To trust her, only my heart and that elder white man His name is Clancy, I fancy him, gotta give him props He half the reason why dealerships even let me cop So now I'm speedin' and tryna drive away from the fact That she was right, so I triple left, tryna double back The streets are filled with some clues Like how I ain't notice that? (How I ain't see that?) Fuck it, I seen some familiar stuck in the cul-de-sac I pull up, get out, what up? I wanna help But what you want for some, some niggas Really don't want for themself Now do I stay? Do I go? That's my dilemma And traffic is picking up, if I don't leave I'ma get stuck (Skrt) So I speed off, we talk barely and it seems awkward And I heard through some words that you're off it I got too much drive, don't wanna steer off path And crash and get distracted But I listen to that weather man 'cause it might rain Keep my windshield wipers prepared 'Cause y'all throw so much shade And I got jacket in trunk, but that's in the front I also got power for both of us if you're ever in need of jump Just let me know, my nigga
[Chorus: Jaden Smith & Tyler, the Creator] I had to switch gears on 'em Fishtail in the rearview mirror on 'em (Skrrrrrt!) I had to switch gears on 'em You know, swerve, left turn, steerin' wheel on 'em Nigga that's a pothole, watch out for the pothole Watch out for the pothole, watch out for the pothole Look out for the pothole, watch out for the pothole Watch out for the pothole, watch out for the pothole
[Verse 2: Tyler, the Creator] Snakes in the grass, but I walk I got some new boots, on the back it says GOLF So I be prepared for their bites, they're all talk I left the condom in the grass so fuck off Watchin' Clarence in a mansion with nobody in it Young successful nigga, ride McLaren with no windows tinted I drive by piggies when I'm in it 'cause it feels amazin' The irony is I stopped eatin' bacon Don't get it twisted, nigga, I'm still hungry, oh he lonely All my friends talk about their hoes and tenderonies But all I can show 'em is a couple cars and more things That I've made in the couple past month, he's on, please Everyone is a sheep, me, a lone wolf Nobody gon' make a peep 'cause everyone wants some wool Since everyone is a sheep, not everyone here is cool Man I'd rather drown in a pool by myself Than fuck with their fleece See, man, T-Man fans be seesaw Wind blows, they go, which way, who knows? One day, "Fuck no," the next day, "Okay" But fuck y'all, I know that T is four for four I just want that garden and that Batmobile Good health, success, time on earth worthwhile Find somebody who love me and raise a couple of lizards But my vehicle's good for now, that's in a couple of miles Now keep it pushin', nigga
[Chorus: Jaden Smith & Tyler, the Creator] I had to switch gears on 'em Fishtail in the rearview mirror on 'em (Skrrrrrt!) I had to switch gears on 'em You know, swerve, left turn, steerin' wheel on 'em Nigga that's a pothole, watch out for the pothole Watch out for the pothole, watch out for the pothole Look out for the pothole, watch out for the pothole Watch out for the pothole, watch out for the pothole
[Outro: Tyler, the Creator] Fuck, okay, next one Do-do-do-do-do-do Gotta watch out for the potholes Ooh, said watch out for the potholes Haha
[Chorus: Estelle] Don't kill a rose Before it could bloom Fly, baby, fly Out the cocoon
[Verse 1: Tyler, the Creator] You don't have to hide I can smell it in your eyes That there's something more to say, baby Them words Damn, run me back, yeah
[Bridge: Estelle & Tyler, the Creator] If I could, if I could If you could Find the words to say Find the words to say Find the words In the garden Shed Go
[Chorus: Estelle] Don't kill a rose Before it could bloom Fly, baby, fly Out the cocoon
[Verse 2: Tyler, the Creator] Ayo Garden shed, garden shed, garden shed, garden shed For the garden That is where I was hidin' That was real love I was in Ain't no reason to pretend Garden shed, garden shed, garden shed Garden shed for the garçons Them feelings that I was guardin' Heavy on my mind All my friends lost They couldn't read the signs I didn't wanna talk and tell 'em my location And they ain't wanna walk Truth is, since a youth kid, thought it was a phase Thought it'd be like the phrase; "poof," gone But, it's still goin' on Big fan of the beige tan Polka dot nose, how it goes Had to keep it on the subwoofer A couple butterflies wanna float But I was always like, "Eh" Barely interested, but bagged just to brag to my boys like, "Bruh" This is a crucial subject matter Sensitive like cookin' batter 'Til the temperature that's risin' Steppin' on that ladder, tryna Grab the rings of Saturn, I'ma Planet by the time you hear this Shit and chatter 'bout the heat It will not fuckin' matter
[Intro: Rex Orange County & Corinne Bailey Rae] When you're having fun, fun Time flies, time flies, time flies When you're having fun (time flies) Out the window (it goes, goes, goes)
[Chorus: Rex Orange County] Find some time Find some time to do something Find some time Find some time to do something Find some time Find some time to do something Ah
[Verse 1: Rex Orange County & Anna of the North] Boredom got a new best friend (Boredom, boredom, best friend) 'Cause boredom got a new best friend (oh, oh, oh) Boredom got a new best friend Na-na-na, na-na-na, oh-na-na-na Oh, oh, oh
[Chorus: Rex Orange County & Anna of the North] Find some time Find some time to do something Find some time (Find some time, oh)
[Verse 2: Tyler, The Creator] Boredom, boredom, boredom, boredom Boredom, boredom, boredom Boy, my bedroom floor is a cereal burial, I'm serious I ate 'em all, dry boxes, bodies, yeah I caught 'em If we're talkin' 'bout real meals, ask my stomach, he ain't saw 'em I've been in this fuckin' room so long My eyeballs are turning to drywall My friends suck, fuck 'em, I'm over 'em "Hi y'all, y'all ain't hit me all-day What the fuck is the problem? Is it me? 'Cause I'm not solved, I'm... bored."
[Chorus: Rex Orange County & Anna of the North] Find some time Find some time to do something Find some time Find some time to do something Find some time Find some time to do something (Oh)
[Verse 3: Tyler, The Creator] Bored and getting desperate as hell (Desperate, using, texting, amusing) Cellular not amusing and I hope someone will Message me with some plans that are amusing as well 'Cause I haven’t seen the exit of these walls since before this morning Morning, morning, morning, morning (Morning, oh, what the fuck?) Got some cars I can handle but nowhere for performance My stomach angry and yellin', I need some food, I could order But I hate eating solo Need someone, we can loiter in parking lots As sunsets at the border, yeah Ringy dingy dong, I can't be alone I been starting to feel like I don't know anyone So now I'm staring at my ceiling fuckin' blowing Like I have no idea where I'm going Tick tock (Damn, gotta get outta here)
[Chorus: Rex Orange County, Anna of the North and Tyler, the Creator] Find some time Find some time to do something (Hey, can y'all help me right quick?) Find some time Find some time to do something Find some time Find some time to do something(Tick Tock) (Ti-Ti-Tick Tock) (Oh)
[Bridge: Tyler, the Creator & Anna of the North] 'Cause boredom got a new best friend Tick tock Boredom got a new best friend 'Cause boredom got a new best friend Tick tock
[Outro: Rex Orange County] Find some time, find some time Gotta find some time, find some time Gonna find some, find some time Gotta find some time, find some time Gonna find some, find some time Gotta find some time, find some time Gonna find some, find some time Time, time, time, time Time, time, time, time Time, time, time, time Time, time, time
[Shane Powers] "Ride's over, we got some tickets to see s-"
[Intro: Shane Powers] Right now we got some new music only here on Golf Radio! (God I love this sample) We're going to dance And exercise And have some fun
[Chorus] I ain't got time for these niggas Better throw a watch at the boy Had my boys in this bitch, looking like a seminar Who the fuck you talking to, motherfucker? Boy, I ain't got time for these bitches Better throw a clock at these hoes Have these hoes in this bitch looking for a water hose Who the fuck you talking to, motherfucker? Boy, I ain't got time
[Verse 1] Boy, I need a Kleenex How I got this far? Boy, I can't believe it That I got this car, so I take the scenic Passenger a white boy, look like River Phoenix First, happy birthday! You bitch ass nigga, yup I'm thirsty Them little shots that you threw, they ain't hurt me I ain't fuck with you bitch ass in the first place
[Chorus] I ain't got time for these niggas Better throw a watch at the boy Had my boys in this bitch, looking like a seminar Who the fuck you talking to, motherfucker? Boy, I ain't got time for these bitches Better throw a clock at these hoes Have these hoes in this bitch looking for a water hose Who the fuck you talking to, motherfucker? Boy, I ain't got time
[Verse 2] Nat Turner would be so proud of me 'Cause all these motherfuckers got they style from me I bet they all looking from the crowd at me And if I ask them, they would bow at me But you're a house nigga, so you don't know How that shit go, with my big lips and my big nose And my big dick and my short hair 'Cause you already know how slow my shit grow
[Bridge] (Hey) Tick, tock Tick, tock Tick, tock Tick, tock
[Verse 3] Been the man with a pickle plan, niggas know the dill When I sell the carnival, I bet I get a 100 mil' Next line will have 'em like "Whoa" I've been kissing white boys since 2004 One me, two feet, three M's Four, five, six years ago sucked Seven figure conversations with Converse finalized 'Cause Vans fucked up I'ma read commas, you gon' leave comments Saying what I shoulda did, but you ain't did nada You ain't important I'ma keep sporting All smiles over here Shout out to The Garden (Tick-tock) (And that's a fact boy!) And I just handle all my business like a chessboard (Tick tock, tick, tock) And at them Golf boys? That's my motherfucking set, boy Hard pill to swallow like some thick soda Walk weird 'cause my pockets look like thick Yoda With a Skywalker, riding 'round solar Anakin skin Sprite, and my tint cola Getting neck from abroad like some big shoulders Till I bust like that 9 in ya heat holster Everything I say is hot, bitch I speak toaster And the bread orthodox like I eat kosher Shout out to (shhh) they gave a big loaf of Green bread, got me chilling like a clean sofa What's that thick odor? Young Millie T A young, focused black boy, oh silly me (I ain't got time!)
[Verse 4] Better talk shit 'Cause I'm either in my Cons or my Golf shit Pants got a lil flood, nigga pipe down I'm Lil Boosie, Lil Boosie, way I wipe down (Boy I ain't got time!) Yeah right now 'Cause niggas dying every day and I ain't light brown And i-D ain't wanna give a nigga no post So I went and did a 12-page spread in Vogue (Nigga I ain't got time!)
[Outro] Listen, man, I'm that boy All you little niggas clones Boy I fill that void You better kill that noise Turn around and remap route When they see that boy with them big ears and that gap tooth Bitch Tick, tock Tick, tock Tick, tock Fuck, hello
[Part I: 911]
[Intro: Tyler, The Creator] (Call me, call me, call me) Uh (Call me, call me, call me) Uh (Call me, call me, call me) Uh (Call me, call me, call me) (Call me) How you doin'? (Call me) My name is Lonely, nice to meet you Here's my number You can reach me, woo!
[Chorus: Tyler, The Creator] (Call me) 911, call me some time (You should call me) 911, call me some time 911 (You should call me, oh) 911 (Call me)
[Verse 1: Tyler, The Creator] Aw, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah My thirst levels are infinity and beyond Sippin' on that lemonade, I need a Beyoncé Can't see straight, these shades are Céline Dion Sucks you can't gas me up, shout out to Elon Musk, yeah, I got a sold-out show Crowd wild out but don't matter 'cause you not front row I've been lookin' for a keeper, listen to the speaker If you fit description, hit me on my beeper At that 911
[Bridge: Steve Lacy, Anna of the North & Tyler, The Creator] Call me some time (ring, ring, ring) Please bang my line, you know I'll answer (click) Call me some time (ring, ring, ring) Please bang my line
[Chorus: Tyler, The Creator & Anna of the North] Call me 911, call me some time You should call me 911, call me some time 911, (you should call me, oh) 911, (you should call me)
[Verse 2: Frank Ocean] Chirp, chirp Chirp, chirp Woke up in the 'burbs, 'burbs, with the birds, birds Where you used to come and get me with the swerve, swerve These days you gotta find time Even the nightline Work line Dial nine
[Verse 3: Tyler, The Creator] Five car garage Full tank of the gas But that don't mean nothing, nothing Nothin', nothin', without you shotgun in the passenger I'm the loneliest man alive But I keep on dancing to throw 'em off I'm gon' run out of moves 'cause I can't groove to the blues If you know any DJs, tell 'em to call me at 911...
[Part II: Mr. Lonely]
[Intro: A$AP Rocky, ScHoolboy Q, Lionel & Tyler, The Creator] I can't even lie, I've been lonely as fuck Old lonely ass nigga I can't even lie, I've been lonely as fuck Forreal, you need to go somewhere, like, get some bitches or something I can't even lie, I've been lonely as fuck Old weird ass nigga I can't even lie, I've been Lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely
[Verse: Tyler, The Creator] They say the loudest in the room is weak That's what they assume, but I disagree I say the loudest in the room Is prolly the loneliest one in the room (that's me) Attention seeker, public speaker Oh my God, that boy there is so fuckin' lonely Writin' songs about these people Who do not exist, he's such a fuckin' phony One thing I know, is that I wanna Win so bad, but I'm not Chicago Heart is low, it's real low, it's so low You can't lift me up, I'm like Gallardo From the start it's been real dark It's been so dark, I guess that you could call me charbroiled, huh I'm playin' like Hasbro I'm really Saari, call me Arto Crashed the McLaren, bought me a Tesla I know you sick of me talkin' 'bout cars (skrrt) But what the fuck else do you want from me? That is the only thing keepin' me company Purchase some things until I'm annoyed These items is fillin' the void Been fillin' it for so long I don't even know if it's shit I enjoy (ohh) Current battle as an adult My partner is a shadow I need love, do you got some I could borrow? Fuck it, I could find some tomorrow But that never comes Like a vasectomy, what have I done? I got the talent, the face and the funds Found myself long ago but I haven't found someone (who) Mirror, mirror on the wall (who) The loneliest of them all (me) Cupid actin' stupid Do you got another number I could call? Never had a pet I've never had a pet There's more fish in the sea But I never had a goldfish to begin with I never had a dog So I've never been good with bitches 'Cause I never threw a ball, fetch I never had a pet, that's where it stems from, I bet Treat me like direct deposit Check in on me sometime Ask me how I'm really doin' So I never have to press that 911
[Outro: Jasper] Ohh! Damn! Damn!
[Intro: Lil Wayne] Mula!
[Verse: Lil Wayne] Like Adam in the Garden of Eden My bitch got an apple bottom and she swallow my seeds Follow my lead, fire I breathe, water my seed And sit back and watch money grow on trees Droppin' seeds like classes, these hoes drop they asses I drop a seed in her panties if it smell like pansies I'm a banshee in her panties, nigga, ask your mammy Never played golf, but got a driver and a Caddy Whole squad slammin' like Onyx, you know Sticky Fingaz Some drop science, I'm droppin' English Even if Tyler named the song "Flower" No seeds in the bud, still don't trust bugs I'm down
[Outro: Tyler, The Creator & Lil Wayne] Droppin' seeds on these niggas, they can't fuck with the boy (Mula!) I'm droppin' seeds on these bitches for the love of the sport I'm droppin' seeds, got this garden, flowers poppin' of course I'm droppin' seeds, motherfucker, Weezy Baby the boy, yugh!
[Intro] Say some more, never want to talk about it Feel a way, woah Feel a way, woah Feel a way, November...
[Chorus] Take me back to November Take me back to November Hawaiian shirts in the winter, cold water, cold water Yeah, take me back to November, wassup Can we go back to November? Take me back to November Hawaiian shirts in the winter, deep thoughts, deep thoughts Naw, take me back to November, wassup
[Verse 1] What if Clancy fuckin' me over? What if "Who Dat Boy" is rhetorical and this shit is over? What if I'm hustling backwards? What if my accountant ain't payin' my taxes? Fillin' his pockets and IRS show up asking me questions I couldn't answer 'cause I was too busy tryna make classics Boy ain't got no motherfucking classics What if my music too weird for the masses? And I'm only known for tweets more than beats or All my day ones turn to three, fours 'cause of track seven Fuck, what if I get stuck? What if I got comfortable? I gotta keep it buck fifty What if I lost it all and ended up back in Ladera At them shitty apartments that's across the Bank of America Damn, I would be hurtin' Writing all of these songs cause Wi-Fi wasn't working Last year in total, I put out two verses But five-seven figures since then, life's kinda perfect Oh is it really? Oh is it really? Bitch you know the dealy Really hilly willy tilly silly, hold that billy how I Milly Rock When they can't relate him, when they start to hate him They don't drive these cars so what's their ultimatum? Tell me, what's your November? Is it a person? Mine was the summer '06, I remember the... (horn) What if I thought the brake was the gas? What if I crashed? What if these deep thoughts was my last? Let me pull over, quick!
[Chorus] And drive back to November Take me back to November Hawaiian shirts in the Winter, cold water, cold water Yeah, take me back to November, wassup Can we go back to November? Take me back to November Hawaiian shirts in the Winter, deep thoughts, deep thoughts Naw, take me back to November, wassup
[Interlude: Jasper Dolphin, Taco, Kilo Kish, Christian Clancy, Syd, Lionel, Vince Staples, Julian Conesugra] My November was those Odd Future Sundays, where we used to just skate all day My November, and I was performing and Lil Wayne rapped with me, I think I cried that night My November was awesome, I booked my first feature film My November was when I was gifted this Getz and Gilberto album My November was seeing Erykah Badu perform My November was... my brother took me to my first concert ever, which was to Kanye West's Glow in the Dark... My November was summer 2015 when I fell in love with someone who fucked my whole world up, showed me life through a different 2014, Miami 43rd Street, every day was November
[Bridge] Take me back, take me back Take me back, take me back Take me back, take me back, take me back Take me back, take me back Take me back, take me back Take me back, take me back Take me back, take me back, take me back Take me back, take me back I ain't doin' fine, lost my mothafuckin' mind Time travel back and help me find Take me back, take me back to November, this I know Take me back, take me back Take me back, take me back to November, this I know "My November is right now"
[Verse 2] I wrote a song about you, I want your opinion Opposite of my heart rate, it slows down at the ending 'Cause the love I got for you has exceeded appearance, the lyrics are Matter of fact, I'ma just call you, so you can hear it If you do answer, I'll play it to state facts Although I already know the response you gon' say back At that point I'll hang up, disappear and just stay back And if you don't I'll leave a voicemail with the playback
[Outro] Hello, no one is available to take your call Please leave a message after the tone [beep]
[Intro] Da na na na na, da na na na na Da na na na na, my baby You've been on my mind (How ya feel?) I'm losing my mind because I hope that we can be more than just friends
[Chorus] Fireworks, I feel like glitter And every time you come around, I feel like glitter (How ya feel?) You're the one that I needed in my life (How ya feel?) You're the one that I needed in my life
[Verse 1] Ayo, mirror mirror on the wall, who the brightest of them all? I never been the darkest one 'cause my self esteem is tall So I never seen eye-to-eye with y'all niggas, ayo Uno peso, never paid attention to what niggas gotta say-o So I keep that buck, I ain't give no fuck They ain't build me up so I block 'em like Lego Feelin' glitter, feelin' good and great Got the burner, got the heat, like wait Got the shit, it's all up on that hip I'll use it on myself on the day you dip Got that 4, 5, 7, track 8 for me Baby doll, I hope you agree Because you light my
[Chorus] Fireworks, I feel like glitter (I don't even know what that means) And every time you come around, I feel like glitter (How you feel?) You're the one that I needed in my life (How you feel?) You're the one that I needed in my life 'Cause I love having you around (I love) 'Cause I love having you around
[Verse 2] Yeah, look at my face, look at that joy This is one sided, yeah, I can't lie We ain't gon' work out, we a fat boy Yeah, sumo, got it, memo Pale skin see-through, must be a window 'Cause you ain't an L, could be a DJ When I see you my heart beat changes tempo Yeah, simple, that's what I want but I can't That's who you are but I ain't (how ya feel?) We can track 10 skiptrace, I'm caught in your quicksand, wait Please don't save me
[Bridge] Ooooh (Please don't save me, yeah) How ya feel? (Rose tinted cheeks) How ya feel? How ya feel? How ya feel? How ya feel? How ya feel? (Scum Fuck Flower Boy) How ya feel? (Scum Fuck Flower Boy) How ya feel? (Scum Fuck Flower Boy) How ya feel? How ya feel?
[Outro] We didn't get your message, either because you were not speaking or because of a bad connection Fuck” i felt that
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(really long) no other romantic pairing worked for jackie and hyde other than the one they had with each other

Note: This got extremely long, so I wouldn’t suggest reading it unless you have a strong opinion on their relationship. I’m sorry for the length-I intended for it to be much shorter. It’s basically an essay at this point.
Although most people seem to feel the same way as me, I know there are a few Jackie/Kelso, Jackie/Fez, and Hyde/Donna shippers (or even Jackie and Eric shippers). Usually I don’t have strong opinions on things but I have to say this is pretty much not subjective. Hyde and Jackie belong together and that is final. If you feel differently you just haven’t read into the show enough.
Oh...Jackie and Fez. The opposite dynamic of Jackie and Hyde in every way and a terrible match, especially by season 8. He is willing to drop everything for her which she loves. He has always been attracted to her. Well...guess what. Fez is attracted to EVERY GIRL (and possibly Kelso). And not just every girl. Fez is attracted to random bottles of breast milk. He doesn’t feel anything special for her. He doesn’t wait on her hand and foot because he loves her, he does it because he wants to have sex. She only likes him (for VERY limited parts of the show) because he will do anything for her. Both are terrible people to each other. As much as I like Jackie, she is racist or xenophobic (not trying to dismiss this-it is terrible but it makes sense for her background in the 1970s) and won’t consider him as an option because he is “foreign”. How could anyone date someone that has been that racist to them, even if they somewhat get over it after many years? And it’s not like Fez is some kind of angel. Although he has his funny moments, Fez is a glorified pervert, hiding in bathrooms and in closets and stealing womens’ clothes. How could anyone date a guy who once stole their sweater to jack off to while they were dating someone else? A guy who tries to kiss them while they’re vulnerable and asking for advice from their “nice” friend? A relationship built on such a foundation of both racism and sexism is a TERRIBLE one, and I don’t see how anyone can ignore this. Especially by season 8 (when they finally got together) when Fez went from a somewhat pervy kid to a full blown creep.
Next up is Hyde and Donna. On the surface, this could maybe work since they have some similarities. But they didn’t have the long term potential Hyde had with Jackie, or Eric had with Donna (Eric and Donna fans, this is for you too). During Hyde’s crush on Donna in season 1, he is portrayed as the unlikeable asshole trying to steal his friend’s girl. He doesn’t listen when she tells him to move away his hand, he kisses her after she rejects him during the ski trip, he shows up at Eric and Donna’s first date to selfishly get her to reconsider choosing Eric after the whole ski trip incident and she says she’s not interested. Those last three words are important. Not once does Donna ever express any kind of romantic feelings or even physical attraction for Hyde. Hell, Eric is more physically attracted to Jackie (at least in the scene when Hyde helps him realize that she’s hot). And we get to see an alternate future where they get married in It’s A Wonderful Life that doesn’t end too well. Although it might not be THAT dark if they ever got together, we have reason to think he would hold her back from following her dreams or become distant in a way Eric never would. They had a great friendship, but a romantic relationship between the two wouldn’t make sense and neither of them has feelings for each other after season 1. As soon as Hyde’s crush on Donna ends, his character is fleshed out to be more sympathetic as we see his hard home life and kindness to Jackie, a girl he initially wants nothing from in subsequent episodes. If there’s even a shadow of a doubt that his crush on Donna was bigger than his love for Jackie (of course there are way less scenes to compare but I have seen a few people comment on videos such as the disco dance “wow he never talked to jackie like that” etc, Hyde himself puts that to rest when he tells Kelso “I’ve never felt this way about a girl before” as he tries to get Jackie back.
I guess I might as well quickly address Jackie and Eric since there’s a weird number of people that seem to want them to get together (I even saw someone say donna should’ve dated fez though once haha). Yes, there were some values the characters shared (or desire to go to a doll expo) but even those are limited. Although they might agree on traditional gender roles in a relationship, Eric would not be able to provide the lavish future Jackie would want and Jackie would not be able to keep up a house and be a good mother like Eric was used to from Kitty. Neither character had the power to change the other like Jackie and Hyde did, so they would grow to resent each other pretty quickly. And this is only IF they developed romantic feelings for each other, neither of which either character showed the slightest sign of during any part of the show. Oh, but Hyde hated her too at first and she just wore him down, you might say. Jackie/Hyde in early seasons and Jackie/Eric have a very different kind of dislike for each other. Jackie and Hyde were shown to take a special interest in each other from the beginning, with scenes such as Hyde revealing Jackie’s embarrassing middle name with glee. Way back in episode 6 (The Keg) Hyde even gets annoyed when Eric wants to lie to Jackie because he says that’s his thing. Jackie dances to her music right in front of Hyde’s space. Eric and Jackie largely ignore each other-their scenes usually begin with Jackie looking for Donna and settling for talking to Eric. Jackie and Hyde hated what the other stood for (classwise etc), but as they got to know each other better they began to see there was a good person underneath. Even before they became better friends in episodes such as “Cat Fight Club” where Hyde teaches Jackie to be Zen to stand up to Laurie’s insults, Hyde and Jackie go to prom together and he tries to expose Kelso for cheating on her, so on some level he doesn’t hate her. She picks up on this and runs past Eric and Donna to hug Hyde when she finally finds out about Kelso cheating on her. Eric could care less about what Kelso is doing to Jackie. Hyde and Jackie also admit to being physically attracted to each other early in the series “I bet you clean up real good” “If you want to make out the answer is PROBABLY no” “You’re beautiful” “I’d think you were totally hot” (if I didn’t know you”, etc), while Eric and Jackie never said anything remotely similar about each other (Jackie clearly thinks the opposite about Eric).
Lastly, addressing Jackie and Kelso since they are the most likely alternative to Jackie and Hyde and the one that is explored the most in the show. “But Ashton and Mila are married in real life!”. Yeah that’s pretty cute. But did you watch the show? They were a funny couple with the occasional cute scene that worked when both characters were sixteen and immature. They were also incredibly incompatible, and the characters themselves even figured that out right before their last breakup when Kelso went to California. They brought out the worst in each other. They hated each other’s personality and their relationship was based almost purely on lust. That’s fine for a quick hookup, but not for characters who are actually in a relationship. Jackie bossed Michael around too much and he didn’t know how to deal with it so he went and cheated on her. Women like Brooke were able to get through to Michael and occasionally force him to appreciate them for things besides their looks, but Jackie’s bossiness was far from doing that. He constantly put her down, and she had no patience with his stupidity. I’ll give it to you from a purely comic standpoint they might have been the best couple on the show, but that was only because they were so horribly unmatched as a couple. I’ve even heard people say they should be together purely since they looked the best together. Yeah...think about that some more. There’s a scene near the end of season 3 when Jackie and Kelso get back together and he gives her a promise ring in front of Hyde and Fez. Before giving it to her (after she rudely says “I want my promise ring and I want it NOW”) he says, “Jackie, from the first minute that I saw you I knew I wanted to fool around with you”. She looks back at Hyde and they roll their eyes at each other. I think that says enough.
On the other hand, Jackie and Hyde had exactly what the other needed to find better futures, happiness, and become better people. Neither of them were great people all the time, but when put together they had more integrity than maybe anyone else on the show. Before Hyde, Jackie was spoiled, selfish and bossy. Hyde wasn’t going to take crap from her like Kelso or Fez would, and she loved him enough to become a better person, thinking less of material objects and more of others. She learned she couldn’t just assume he would do things with her but she had to ask nicely, and that she should consider working herself instead of just waiting for a man to provide for her, which she did. Hyde realized that in order to be in a long term relationship he would have to be more compassionate and learn how to show he cared about someone. He was scarred from his parents abandoning him, but his relationship with Jackie (in addition to people like the Formans and Leo) began to heal those wounds. Jackie pushed him to call his father back and start a better life. Even in earlier episodes such as “Jackie Bags Hyde”, some of those qualities are shown. Jackie demonstrates a lot of empathy for Hyde on their date as she describes his situation and doesn’t force him to go on some kind of lavish date he would hate. In turn, Hyde is protective of her (punching guys that call her a bitch, which Kelso would never do) and shows his nicer side when he gives her his pop and coat and admits he doesn’t want the date to end. This is seen even in “Prom Night”, where Jackie asks if she should go in and meet Hyde’s mom although she is supposedly disgusted by poor people, and sincerely thanks Hyde for taking her to prom. Hyde, in turn, buys Jackie flowers, tells her she looks beautiful, and awkwardly (since they haven’t had much interaction up to this point) tries to comfort her about Kelso and Pam going to prom together. Also, although they appear very different on the surface, they share some core similarities. They can relate to each other’s bad home lives (both characters are abandoned by their parents during the show). Jackie trying to downplay her situation by saying “I’m fine” when they discover her living there with Hyde and asking her if she needed help was completely something he would do. I wonder why he was the only one that understood why she did it? They also share a similar feistiness (notice their compatible ability to burn people), and pride (which leads to some of their arguments, but their love for each other brings them back together). Throughout the show, Hyde is there for her when Kelso isn’t. Jackie has a unique ability to see this and understand that behind his rough exterior he is a good guy. Think of an episode like “Kelso’s Serenade” in Season 2, which is right after Jackie catches Kelso cheating on her and breaks up with him. Kelso and Fez are vocal about their “love” for her, trying to serenade her and win her over. Hyde isn’t perfect to her, admitting he finds her “abrasive” and not seeming interested in spending more time with her as they go out to dinner together, but Jackie doesn’t get mad at him since she can see past the surface and notice how he also genuinely comforts her and tells her she’ll find someone better than Kelso. Generally, Hyde would probably rather get exposed for dancing to Luck Be a Lady when no one’s around than serenade Jackie, but he is the one that actually comforts her over the breakup, teaches her his emotional distancing technique, punches guys that want her for the wrong reasons, and even gets arrested in place of her. Jackie recognizes this through his claims of dislike for her. The show kind of dropped the ball with them for a couple seasons after their date near the beginning of season 3, but we can see clearly Hyde felt something when they kissed and is sad when she says she didn’t feel the same way, but he doesn’t want to admit it after she spent months chasing him and he claimed to not return her feelings. In some ways, I’m glad Jackie got back with Kelso again before dating Hyde since she began to get more mature and realize having a boyfriend to just boss around and do what she wanted wasn’t necessarily going to make her happier. Although they have limited scenes together during this time, it’s clear Hyde likes her better also (my take is that he secretly kind of liked her for all of season 4 but he tries to push away those feelings). He scares off a clown trying to touch her, high fives her after she burns Eric, flirts with her in her cheese maiden outfit, expresses his dislike of her getting back with Kelso many times, and generally insults her less behind her back. Although Jackie is given even less lines to Hyde than he is to her, she kisses him on the cheek on his birthday, so they seem to be closer than at the beginning of the series. And when they finally start dating in season 5, we can see there is so much more to their relationship than what is shown on the surface. When they are caught making out, both characters deny their feelings for each other and call it a “meaningless fling” etc, but we can see they are unable to break it off and that they like each other beyond their looks. Jackie says she hates his beard to Eric and Donna but then admits she likes how scruffy he is. Eric asks Hyde how he could possibly like her and he says he ignores what she says and just focuses on how hot she is. Later in the same episode, Jackie uses an analogy about setting her hair when talking to him and asks him if he is listening to her. He says, “God help me I am”. Also, in the Thanksgiving episode, Hyde says “so much for talking” to her when they can’t agree on conversation topics and they start kissing, but we can clearly see them happily talking in the background in the next scene. As they grow into having a real relationship, we can quickly see the difference between Jackie/Kelso and Jackie/Hyde. We see them changing themselves for each other. Hyde shaves off his beard to cheer Jackie up, comes up with a pet name for her, goes to school dances he wouldn’t be caught dead at before, overcomes his commitment issues to tell her she looks beautiful in a wedding dress, and finds a place for her to live when her parents abandon her, explaining to Donna that she only said she was too popular to live with her since she was humiliated by the way she asked her. This shows how Hyde understands there is a good person behind Jackie’s sometimes rude remarks. Jackie settles for a cheeseburger wrapped in tinfoil as a shiny gift, doesn’t tell Hyde her birthday to be less shallow, saves him from being kicked out of the Formans’ house even though they were arguing, and helps him start his new life when he calls his dad back and gets a more high powered job, baking him cookies when he is having trouble to cheer him up even though she doesn’t like cooking. As high maintenance as she is, she doesn’t get mad at the little insults Hyde sometimes tells her that come with nice things he says to her and is able to look past them (ex. “You’re really cute so no one ever told you to shut your piehole” to which she just says “You think I’m cute?”), so she recognizes there is a good person behind his rough exterior. One of my favorite scenes that show how far both characters have come is in the episode when Hyde finds out it is her birthday and Kelso gives her a pink sweater he later admits to have stolen. Hyde points out he is only doing it since he wants something from her (for her to leave Hyde for him), and at the end of the episode there is a great scene where he gives her his favorite Led Zeppelin shirt. Jackie legitimately tries to fake excitement at the present for his sake even though she hates Led Zeppelin (well, she thinks Led is hot), and she would have preferred a more expensive gift. Hyde giving her his favorite shirt demonstrates his long term commitment to her. This politeness is something she learned from being with Hyde-just think of how she would have acted if Kelso had done the same thing. Eventually she can tell Hyde knows she is faking it so she says “Do I have to wear it?”. He isn’t offended at all and says no, and this time she legitimately says “Steven, I LOVE it”, caring about the gesture even if the present didn’t cost anything, and they smile deeply at each other. This scene proves how well both characters understand each other, and how much they have both grown together.
Also, they have great natural physical chemistry. Jackie sits in Hyde’s lap in many scenes, and they often keep a hand on each other or around each others’ arms. We can see many of their cute background moments, such as Jackie pinching Hyde’s nose and smiling at him when he goes in for another kiss, Hyde and Jackie playing chess together, Hyde kissing Jackie after she makes a shot in basketball over his hand (who would’ve thought she’d go near a basketball), and both characters comparing the sizes of their wrists to each other while she is sitting on his lap. Even when the focus of the scene isn’t on them, they look very happy to be with each other in the background. Although they clearly have sex with each other (comfirmed in a few scenes, especially when Jackie says she could have used the fake pregnancy card with him) the relationship is one of the only ones on the show that clearly goes beyond that as few of their storylines revolve around sex, and Hyde let Jackie stay with him when her parents left her without sex in return.
Parallels are drawn many times between their relationship and the most “mature” (due to the fact they have been together for many years) relationship on the show: Red and Kitty’s. The more you think about it, the more deeply obvious it becomes how similar Red is to Hyde and Kitty is to Jackie (except that they are more mature, but Hyde and Jackie are on their way to having more respect for others like Red and Kitty). Kitty shows Jackie how to “pick your battles” in a relationship and gets Red to leave his beer alone to get a magazine for her. Jackie is worried that Hyde thinks Brooke (Kelso’s new girlfriend) is hot, but she learns to look past that and asks Hyde to get her a magazine and leave behind his ice cream. Hyde obliges in a way that is very similar to Red, showing how similar the two couples are. Also, the four of them go to a car show together (in which Hyde actually stays with Jackie when Red won’t stay with Kitty), and Red and Hyde hide from Jackie and Kitty when they catch Pam naked (and at the end of the episode, Jackie and Kitty hide from Red and Hyde when they catch Bob naked). Although Eric and Donna have more screen time and Red and Kitty are Eric’s parents, not Jackie or Hyde’s, these parallels are never even drawn with Eric/Donna and Red/Kitty, which hints at the long term compatibility of the characters.
The most common criticism of Hyde and Jackie’s relationship I see is that they wouldn’t have wanted the same future. This is true at surface level, but think even of their visions of the future-neither of them had an ideal view. Jackie had a very superficial view of a high class life where she wouldn’t have to do anything herself, while Hyde envisioned himself ending up in prison, or at best, sitting in the Formans’ basement depressed his whole life. However, when these two views are combined, we end up with a realistic, decent life. As established earlier, Hyde and Jackie were willing to change for each other and compromise, so with a few more years of maturity I believe they would be able to have a decent life together. We see Jackie getting through to Hyde about getting a real job and not wasting his life away, and Hyde getting through to Jackie about not just waiting for a man to provide for her and that material objects aren’t the only important thing in the world. With this, they are becoming closer to wanting the same future.
Also, I’ve seen people say that they didn’t “deserve” each other. But Hyde cheated on Jackie just like Kelso! Let’s address this. Yes, cheating is wrong and he should have talked to her first when he saw her with Kelso. But Kelso cheated on Jackie out of lust for another woman, while Hyde cheated on her only because he was so hurt when he saw her comforting Kelso and assumed she was cheating on him. In some ways, that showed how much he really wanted to be with her. Kelso probably would have never told Jackie about Laurie (and Pam Macy, etc.), and he cheated many times, but Hyde only cheated that one time and immediately told Jackie about it. He even told her he loved her afterward, which showed incredible character development as he probably would have said something like “love is paranoid delusional crap” in season 1. A few others seem to think he never truly had enough compassion to be with her, but Hyde’s expression of compassion was often shown through actions instead of words (with a few exceptions even), which few of the other couples on the show are able to do (think of how Kelso pushed Jackie out of the way in the season 2 Halloween episode when he thought he was in danger-Hyde even said that was wrong back then). Is getting arrested in place of her, offering her a place to live, protecting her from men with the wrong motives, and changing his appearance to the way Jackie wanted it among many other things not showing compassion? Other people don’t like Jackie and find her annoying and bossy throughout the entire show. Although she starts out this way, it is clear she is a complex character and she is a good person even if she can be rude and shallow. As the seasons go on, she realizes how bossy and materialistic she is (mostly with the help of Hyde) and begins to change (except for season 8, where the writers didn’t understand the complexities of her character-I’ll address this more later). Her nicer moments are not limited to her interactions with Hyde-she pays for Eric and Donna’s promise ring when Donna tells her she’s hard to live with despite not being a big fan of their relationship, feels bad for Donna when she is having a hard time and gives up going to the mall (one of her favorite things) to spend time with her, and sincerely forgives Kelso after years of him cheating on her. She is high maintenance on the surface, but also is forgiving, likes to help people, and actually has a lot of pride and can find sympathy humiliating which is where she is similar to Hyde. There is so much more to Jackie than a spoiled princess, and her good qualities beneath are what Hyde needs for a better future.
I will say, the writers weren’t always that invested in this relationship as their seasons together went on (which makes sense in some ways, as Kelso had a child, Eric and Donna were engaged, while Hyde and Jackie were happy together but they didn’t always see the need to focus on them with a storyline etc.), so they occasionally acted out of character to each other, such as in the infamous episode “Winter” or their whole last reconciliation in season 7 where they reduce their whole relationship down to the fact they enjoyed sneaking around in the early days and ignored seasons of character growth they had together. (It wasn’t just dumb, it was confusing-as obsessed with this relationship as I am, the first time I watched the show I actually didn’t fully realize that scene had gotten them back together. This just might be my young mind speaking that’s used to “hookup culture” but when Hyde said they should make out again I didn’t necessarily take that as them actually getting back together). Although the writing wasn’t always there or sacrificed for a quick joke, from what they did establish it was clear the characters belonged together. And I don’t want to say they did a bad job before season 8-they managed to write many great moments between them.
Unfortunately, as many people know the showrunners really did intend for them to be together at the end (and Danny Masterson himself has said multiple times they should be together) but this didn’t end up happening. It’s hard to find sources years after the show ended (I only watched it for the first time two years ago) but from my understanding, this is what happened. I’ve heard that the scene at the end of season 7 where Hyde comes to see Jackie in Chicago was originally supposed to be a proposal or a promise at commitment, but it was edited to have naked Kelso come in and leave on a cliffhanger when the show was renewed for another season at the last minute. The season 8 showrunners used this cliffhanger to break Jackie and Hyde up for good. Bonnie and Terry Turner, who were creators of the show, wrote Moon Over Point Place and were the original fans of Jackie and Hyde getting together. They were promoted to showrunners in season 4, which probably had something to do with them getting together in season 5. Unfortunately, they left at the end of season 7. The new showrunners for season 8 didn’t like Jackie and Hyde together since they didn’t like Jackie in general and they thought she should be with Fez. As dumb as that is (Jackie clearly isn’t a bad person the more you watch especially in later seasons-just look at how much criticism Donna gets on this subreddit compared to her), I get that everyone likes the show for different reasons. There are many other things about this show that are great other than the relationships, and Jackie and Hyde in particular are so much more than surface level, appreciating Jackie and Hyde’s relationship takes some work. Still, I can’t believe that these new showrunners ignored so many years of their growth together. Clearly, this isn’t an unpopular opinion. Even for people that aren’t invested in Jackie and Hyde’s relationship, between the absence of Eric and Kelso, the addition of Randy, and just the general decline in comedy, season 8 is almost unwatchable. Even David Trainer, the director, said season 8 was like an alternate reality for the characters that didn’t make sense after the other seasons. I heard once that their goal was to make the show like season 1 again, which makes some sense, but they clearly failed. Despite the mess at the end, Jackie and Hyde would have been together had things gone differently.
Okay, so I’ve written about ten times more than I possibly thought I would and pretty much exhausted every possible alternative. If you’re wishing they could have gotten together with a minor character (like Hyde and the girl he likes at his party in season 4), I’d say it’s not a fair comparison since we didn’t see enough of their interactions although theoretically this could possibly work. I guess the only other option is that the characters are better off single, which I’ll address. In early seasons, Hyde may seem like he won’t ever be invested in a long term relationship. Are you wondering, would he have been happier the whole time if he wasn’t tied down by Jackie? In season 7, Hyde admits himself he was less pissed off when he was with Jackie. He is clearly unhappy with all of their breakups, and most of his most genuine expressions of happiness occur when Jackie is there. Therefore, Jackie was a positive influence in his life. This is a harder case to argue for Jackie, since throughout the show she expressed interest in being in a romantic relationship, but it’s clear she also enjoys being with him as she says so herself, says he likes that he makes her think, tells his father he is “perfect”, and also cannot stay broken up from him for long. This is probably only a legitimate option for those who truly hate the character and want her to suffer alone. Based on what I have established before, there is more to Jackie than a bad person. I guess if the direction of the show had gone very differently Jackie or Hyde ending up with a side character or by themselves could have worked out, but by the time they had been together for a few seasons it clearly wasn’t the best option for either character. There we have it-I’ve argued against every possible alternative and why Jackie and Hyde together is the only option that makes sense. I probably annoyed a few people at the beginning, but I hope I’ve changed your mind if you felt differently. I just want to apologize for the length of this-I’m in college and my summer internship got cancelled because of coronavirus so I won’t even try to claim to have a life right now. Thank you if you actually read any of this. I understand if the only comment on this is something like “chill they’re just fictional characters” haha. And of course there are many other great parts of and characters on the show-I’m not trying to say that they are the only thing about this show that matters.
TL;DR: Jackie and Hyde were different on the surface and didn’t start out on great terms, but beneath that they were exactly what the other needed for long term happiness and to grow up. No other pairing for either of the characters makes any sense.
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Line Movement - What Causes Betting Lines To Move Why Betting Odds and Lines Change - Sports Betting Basics and How-To Guides 7 ways to bet on a Basketball Game Sports Betting Explained Finally Understand Sports Betting Spreads & Odds NBA Betting 101  Converting Point Spreads To Money Lines

When it comes to sports betting lines, you probably are wondering what the lingo of lines, odds, and spreads really mean. Understanding what these terms mean is essential to making proper picks on your favorite teams. For the most part these rules apply to all the main sports such as football, basketball, soccer, and hockey. For beginning sports gamblers, moneylines (sometimes called money lines or American odds) can be confusing.Unlike point spreads, which are concerned with who wins and by how much, a moneyline is solely dependent upon who wins.Moneylines are used most commonly in low-scoring games like baseball or hockey, but they may also be used in boxing and other sports. For basketball and football, the primary display will show the total and points spread. For baseball and hockey, the money lines appear before it is displayed along with the total of the game, more so happens in hockey. Hockey Stanley Cup and Football Super Bowl Point Spreads Understanding NFL football betting odds & weekly point spread is So to help those people out, we put together a list of Everything You Need to Know About How Betting Lines Work. Whether you're planning on betting big on the game this weekend or just want to be The single bet option is done with a point spread. Sports books determine a favorite and an underdog, then assigns each one with a point total. The bettor then wagers on which team he or she thinks will cover the spread. Boston –7.5 Detroit +7.5 In the above example, Boston is a -7.5 point

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Line Movement - What Causes Betting Lines To Move

A lot of sports bettors think that lines move because of the number of bets being placed on either side, but in this video I take a look at the real reason why betting lines move. Category Sports Five tips for betting the NBA basketball odds COVERS. ... Here are some simple tips and tactics to help you slam dunk on the sportsbooks this basketball season. ... Sports Betting Explained: ... How odds makers convert point spreads to money lines and vice versa in the NBA is always an interesting topic to sports bettors at all levels of experience. Professional handicapper Ross Benjamin ... Finally understand how sports betting works, what spreads and odds are, and how to really make money with betting! This video is all about sports betting explained spread information but also try ... In this video I show you how to read a Las Vegas sportsbook betting odds board. First time bettors can be intimidated by all of the numbers up on the board, but once you understand what they mean ...