This happened to my boyfriend a couple of days ago. My BF has a very gay Instagram profile, it is not a profile with nudes or anything like that, but you can tell he is gay, there is no room for doubt. So, a girl starts following him. So, out curiosity he follows her back. Within minutes the girl dm him and starts kind flirting with him. So he gets bored really fast and stops answer her back. The she dropped the bomb: “I have a good business idea you can get into it”. BF checked her profile and all pictures are about financial freedom with forex and shit like that. He, who does not know a lot about MLM, right away figures out it is a scam, and answer with a gif of the Ariana Grande Song: “Thank you. Next” Needless to say, she did not answer back and unfollowed him. I don’t know what people has on their minds, you can go flirts with strangers just to get them into your business. And if you gonna do it, check their profile, not al the dudes like girls.
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This may seem like a dumb question, but.... I don’t invest but some close friends of mine in college have begun too with good results. They have been for about a couple months. However, I was hesitant and a bit skeptical with how much money they were making. They recently invited me to a seminar to hear out what they had to say and explain about Forex. Now it sounded like a cool opportunity to learn something new with my friends and earn money. They make money off of forex but also u can optionally make more money when u invite others (which is pyramid scheme I believe, although they called it “multi level marketing”). One of them has made over $5000 in those couple months I believe. There is also a fee for an online website that offers lessons, tips, and seminars from people who have actually became very successful from forex (forgot the name of it), which is what they all used and consider it very helpful. The main thing they say is that “you get out of it, what u put in”. One of them actually dropped out of college to pursue it full time and expects to be a millionaire before 30. Am I being scammed? (Now they aren’t forcing this on me or anything, they just think it will be cool for me to join them. If I don’t it’s fine.) As far as I know, they are just unaware the kind of scheme they are apart of and are unintentionally scamming people. They truly believe this is a great thing and have a big passion for it. Although I just wanted input from people who may have been scammed, gone through a similar experience, or have been using forex for a long time. Edit: well good to know it is a scam, which I thought so just wasn’t sure.
Can you girls and boys uncheck some boxes for me? I’ve been shilling a person today about why blockchain is great in long term, as usual, and got myself thinking in a process. I am BTC maximalist, crypto supporter and successful day trader with average fundamental knowledge (probably read most of the important things since 2017).
Blockchain as sort of (or) industrial revolution - checked, but what is the correlation with BTC value long term?
BTC scarcity (digital gold) - checked, but anyone can make something digital with fixed supply?
Store of value - hm, checked, while mooning.
BTC is the first mover - checked, but the Wright brothers invented the plane. I don’t see any obstacle for something to overpass BTC on the free market in future. Dominance chart started at 100%, with lows at 35% (era of pump & dump ICO-s). I can imagine today’s big companies’ cryptos to be on the market tomorrow, providing some perks to customers.
Digital money - checked, but I am pretty sure each country will back their digital currency with something else then BTC. Probably toilet paper with some fine letters they send to banks and stuff. And it will be (thanks to BTC) able to move for (almost) free, instant and anywhere.
YOLO - checked. If we are fast enough, and the Elite is slow (and greedy while planning), we might get there. I just have an idea that in the future we might be trading crypto forex and big companies’ cryptos just like stocks and that the momentum would be provided by some moving average and global trends, not by digital gold. On the other hand, if company’s tech is being used as the base to build upon, I can only see a positive growth in value there (I ain’t shilling any existing company, just looking 10 years in the future). Looking forward to get roasted!
Stats: 5’7, 156 lbs, 14-15% body fat and was lifting 2-4 days a week at the gym Sidebar: Read RPC Finances: Making more money I’ve made working being currently unemployed ironically...I was working for a company that the government shut down lol. Living at home and trading forex until I can do that full-time. Spiritual: about 3 weeks in of seriously dedicating my life to reading the Bible daily, watching a sermon daily, praying and meditating daily, and fully believing that God will provide. ————————————— With that out of the way, I’ve probably been red pill for about 2 years now. Dating apps suck (especially Christian Mingle LOL) and it almost seems impossible to meet a girl that actually believes in God, practices, and has goals for herself and her faith anywhere besides church. I have 92 matches on Tinder but I might as well have no matches at that point honestly. When most girls I’ve even given time of day are really REALLY into me, they get turned off at the thought of me waiting to have sex, and I truly think it’s because most of them can only offer sex or are used to a man only wanting sex and not THEM as a human being. Ideally, I just want a future wife that doesn’t take life too serious. Doesn’t enjoy being lazy, doesn’t enjoy sitting around all day and just eating junk, and that doesn’t have addiction to social media. One that’s health conscious, has passions and goals, wants to leave behind a legacy for her children (monetarily, mentally and spiritually) and that just wants the simple things in life! I’m newly 24 years old, I’m at the point in my life now where I’m about to just work nonstop until I’m a full-time entrepreneur, and just sacrifice everything else to God until we get there together, which I know we will! My question is, in this situation, should I even be trying to find a woman of God to build an empire with? Or should I just pray about it and move on? So many RP Coaches are pretty much MGTOW, and most traditional people just tell me “you’ll find love when you’re not looking for it” all that jazz. I just don’t want to generalize EVERY woman like most on YouTube do, and hardly any of them ever talk about religion anyway! Thank you all for your advice!
Hi, I'm Sunshine, and I'm addicted to porn. I started this journey mostly for a girl, somewhat for myself. Made it to day 20 something, girl turned out to be not at all what I had expected or what she let on to be, I relapsed hard. Today is day 2 and I've learned something. Do this for yourself. Yea, sure, somebody else may benefit from your nofap journey, but not nearly as much as you. I've learned a lot over the past months, mostly this past month, and most of it revolves around doing things for yourself instead I'd others. I personally am going to resume reading, hicking, biking, my journey into forex trading, and designing a zero energy home(am an engineer who needs something on his resume to get a new job, but mainly I've wanted to build my own "zero energy house for years). It was amazing how much time I had, even with working 70-80 hour work weeks when there was no porn to look at. Feel free to tell me your experiences, what you do with your time etc. But I'm done with porn, this time it's for me. Btw. I appreciate this reddit, the motivational posts are actually fairly helpful and encouraging as the first post when my reddit opens. So, Thank you NoFap.
Hello boys and girls, I'm pretty new to trading, I've traded the S&P500 for a month. I noticed a lot of training videos and articles always mention forex trading and very little indexes for example. So why is that, is there any upside in trading forex intead of let's say the S&P500?
So there’s this one girl I graduated high school with who’s part of the group (title) and she DOES NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT FOREX. Almost in a mocking way. Like taking shit about people who don’t do it and who are broke, every god damn day she talks about how blessed she is that she’s got all this money and she posts pictures of her group chat which is just an egotistical circlejerk of “omg guys we’re gonna get rich together” and when everyone around her hits “platinum ###” or whatever the fuck that means. I guess my question is, is she just annoying or is she an annoying scammer?
Hey all. I'm a guy from the Netherlands. You know the drill, some things about me: I recently bought a house and I'm turning it into a homestead. My rule is that everything I spent a lot of money on, I have to grow/make myself. I've built 3 raised beds and a super makeshift greenhouse. Warm weather just hit, so everything is slowly emerging from the ground now, in 2 weeks it should look completely filled up. I'm self employed, except I'm not registered anywhere so maybe I'm actually unemployed. I trade forex to finance myself while building up my farm. I've worked as a quant (trader and coder) for a dutch and canadian company, but most of my knowledge I got from analyzing the bitcoin market as a hobby. I've been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, which is sad. I got bullied as a kid and my parents mostly ignored me. When puberty hit I got really depressed and started actively avoiding people. I kept that up until my 20's, when I started therapy. I'm not in therapy anymore, I don't think individual therapy offers me anything anymore. I'm on a waiting list to join a social anxiety exposure group, but I'm waiting for corona to end. I have real life friends now, but I've never really had a girl friend, which I'm very insecure about. I am and always have been a hardcore science freak and atheist. Although with therapy I also found myself getting more and more spiritual. I'm trying to figure out what place I should put this new "thing" in my head. So far shamanism seems to vibrate the most with me, paganism would be a good second choice.
Hey guys and girls, I’m currently learning options and thought this place is better than a lot of other groups to post in as everyone here seems to actually help. I am currently a forex trader and day trade ETFs and have been for a few years now and have been learning about options only over the last few weeks and months. I haven’t opened an account for it or even placed any trades as I have said that i should learn as much as I can first. Ive been stalking this group and reading a lot of posts to help me learn and pick up on things, but I wanted to post to see if maybe anyone has recommendations in regards to some resources on learning options, or even has some knowledge they would like to share with me because i’m getting the core basics down but still getting confused on the greeks and just trying to put the pieces together. I understand the option types, trying to understand the greeks, looking at some strategies that traders use and trying to see other strategies and i’m just trying to get to grasp with overall options. I have the foundations of a trader when it comes to risk management, emotional intelligence and shit through my trading but i’m wanting to move into this because it’s really intrigued me and the more i learn the more i love it Sorry if I sound like a complete noob and the long paragraph but as mentioned if there is any knowledge or resources that you can recommend that would be awesome Thanks heaps Edit: I’m looking at forex options to use to my advantage and also wanted to mention i’m a technical trader, so does this stuff still apply to stock or etf options or would i need to become more understanding about the fundamentals?
Being a Christian on NoFap and learning of the RedPill
Before you click off this post, just hear me out. This is coming from a guy who first discovered redpill in 2016 and didn't even believe it until 2019. That was when I had a couple of experiences and it pointed me right back to the redpill when I didn't think it would be valuable at all. The Redpill has taught me a lot of things. NoFap has also taught me a lot of things. Us as Christians already know some of the redpill, because we know that the Bible is true, the Holy Spirit is alive, Jesus is always with us. The Redpill is seeing the truth for what it is. Knowing the gospel is part of this, I believe. But when it comes to women, 90% of guys will not take the redpill unless they have had an experience. It took me two experiences to wake up out of this bluepill society. And it all happened in 2019, but I'm still currently learning but also seeking God before I go out trying to date again. This is serious and real stuff. I'm going to begin with the first experience. Prior to this experience I was still struggling with nofap, always binging because I was alone. I became comfortable with the fact that I would be lonely for a while after a breakup in 2017, so I spent 2018 binging like crazy and not caring. Spent the first couple of months of 2019 doing the same. Until I met this girl. I didn't even have to chase her. She pursued me the whole time, making conversation everytime she saw me, then we ended up having a conversation about God. She could tell that I was a Christian through my energy. Even though I was secretly binging on PMO, I carried myself as a man of God to the best of my ability even though it was hard to stop PMO. She asked what church I went to and I told her, and she wanted to come so she gave me her number. This was last April. We texted for a couple weeks, she would go to my church and I started to begin to realize that she really liked me. She would give me hugs every time she saw me, and then one day a conversation struck about us liking each other. She really liked me a lot, more than I could really ever know probably. She wrote me deep poems, and stuff like that. She gave me a kiss on the cheek when I saw her at my job one day in the parking lot. That's where we met. My job at the grocery store. Then we had a sexual conversation one day. It happened out of nowhere. Prior, I had told her that I wanted to wait till marriage to have sex, and she respected it. We still had a sexual conversation, and I never would've thought that she had this type of mentality at all. Because of how she carried herself in public and what not. About a month of us talking passed, and we ended up hanging out, playing a little video games, then she brought in the wine later. We didn't drink a whole lot, but it was my first time drinking so I got tipsy quick. The sum it up, we did do it. We didn't do a whole lot, but we did enough. It was sin regardless. We both felt bad, but I think she felt worse. And afterwards I was thinking that since we did it, we might as well just date and be a couple or whatever. She wouldn't let it happen. She felt we both weren't ready. We hung out about 3 more times, including one time where she took me to the beach and we were out all day and then went back home and did it again. We knew we were wrong for it, and in the end we ended up agreeing to never see each other or talk again. I really didn't want to let go of her but she insisted. After that chapter was over, I was still bluepill. So I was just wishing for that girlfriend who will love me and be with me. No later than a month passed, and I end up reconnecting with this girl from church who's family came back after about 7 or 8 years or more from going to church. The whole family struggled with believing in God, but the parents finally began to trust and believe God. But she didn't. She told me she did, but in the end I found out that she didn't. Her actions showed that she didn't, but I ignored them. As ignorant as I was, knowing that we both liked each other and not acknowledging her past, I rushed into a relationship with her. I wanted her for her looks, I didn't care that she dressed provacatively in church or anything. I ignored everything about her baggage, her crazy past and her ex that was in jail. I just wanted a relationship with her and to make it work. That's all I wanted. And I made it known, through trying to impress her. Even though she told me she never been on a date before, but she wasn't a virgin at all. I ignored all these red flags. I would be an almost perfect gentleman to her, buying her flowers and stuff like that. A month in everything was going well until something happened. She found out her ex was out of jail, but he was killed in a car crash. That's when I found out that he really wasn't her ex. She was really waiting on that moment for him to get out of jail and possibly take her back. But she wouldn't tell me that. Despite all that she told me about him cheating on her. Me being bluepill I ignored the fact that she was using our relationship as a way to try to stop thinking of him, but she was still wanting him. He treated her bad but she still wanted him. He was her imprint and I didn't understand this until it was all too late. Once she found out about him, everything went 180 degrees. She was depressed over his death, and I didn't know what to do. She wasn't acting the same at all. I tried to be there for her but it didn't really help that much. Then I tried asking her best friend what I should do, and she got mad because I talked to her friend behind her back about the situation. Me being beta, I began to constantly apologize to her, begging for forgiveness. I invested to much of my attention to this short relationship and I didn't want to lose her at the time. A week passed, and she said she wanted a break. Then she said it was best if we just stopped altogether, and I'm not gonna lie it left me devastated because she sold me a dream, and I believed that we would be long term. She sold me this dream that she would try and get closer to God and I immediately believed it. After all this, she told me that she didn't care about God, and that once she moved out of her parents house she was going to stop going. She always said that I wasn't a reckless enough for her, meaning I wasn't wild and bad like the guys of her past. Because I am a good person, who wouldn't break the rules. I was respectful, and she wasn't into that. It took for all that to happen just for her to admit all of this. Now imagine if that tragedy didn't happen? It's terrible that it did happen. She told me things about him, like him being a gang leader and killing 3 people and stuff like that, but I can't judge him. We all sin. But if I feel like, as bad and as crazy as it sounds that God got me out of that relationship quick. Because I had no business in it. A week before he even died, I fell into a light sleep and had a vision of me driving downhill, and going into a huge roadblock sign, but before I hit it the dream stopped and I awoke. That very next week all that stuff happens. No coincidence. I was relieved to know the truth. Because I could've been in that relationship for longer and it would've been bad. I would've stayed unaware and let her do stuff and ignore it. After the break up I was disappointed, I wasn't deeply sad, I just felt rejected, lied to and robbed. A few weeks later, I decide to get more serious about nofap so I continue back watching nofap videos. This NoFap YouTuber, who is now my Forex mentor began redpill. He had seen the similar things that I saw. Women selling men a dream. Them saying things, and doing the exact opposite. He mentioned a redpill channel, and that's when EVERYTHING started to make sense. Everything. I learned a whole lot, and everything in those videos explained both of my situations from 2019. As in the first situation, a woman can carry herself as a saint, but behind closed doors I saw a totally different person. And I'm not shaming her, we all know that the devil is working. I actually learned a lot from the first girl. In the end she knew she was wrong, that we were wrong. She actually helped me be more closer to God, more than I wanted to be. Back then I didn't even want to read the Bible or anything everyday like I do now. Both of these experiences lead me to closer to God because I want to know the truth and be who God has called me to be. In conclusion, it isn't worth it guys. Don't let a woman sell you a dream, and don't ignore the red flags like I did. We have to put more trust in God more than anything. The devil can tempt anyone, and it can be easy to just give in and sin, just like with PMO. Women are capable of entertaining other guys whether you committed to them or not. Or they committed. And at the end of the day we have no control over that. All we can really do is self improve, draw closer to God and go on about our lives. We can't become too attached to these females. Only stay attached to God, because he'll never turn your back on you. The effect all of this has had on me eventually led me to read the word of God more, watch more sermons, meditate and pray more and also workout and eat better. And also not believe absolutely everything a person says to you. I hope you've got through this whole thing and this has helped you if you're going through something. Because this can apply to PMO as well. Those women on the screen don't care about you. They only care about your attention, whether it be your money, your click, or your double tap. Before we try to get into a long term relationship we have to seek God first. Because in this world today, a virtuous woman who is actually virtuous is hard to find. But God can lead us to the right path of what we need.
Giving Audiobook Gifts from my large library! Pick one and I'll send it to your Audible Library :D
Hi everyone, I have a bunch of awesome audio-books and I learned that Audible lets you gift 1 book to every Audible account. I haven't done this before so everyone will be able to get a book! Below is my list of books, I have the Sherlock collection which is over 60 hours, The Silent Patient, Bird Box, some great Sci-fi books and much much more! Send me a message to bradkingbooks at g.mail with the book you'd like and the e.mail associated with your Audible Account that you'd like it sent to and I'll send it over asap! I'm sure I'll get a lot of requests so I'll have to batch process these, don't panic if I don't get the book to you right away, I will :) List of Audiobooks The Things We Cannot Say Kelly Rimmer The Dark Bones Loreth Anne White A Killer's Mind: Zoe Bentley Mystery Mike Omer Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man's Fundamentals for Delicious Living Nick Offerman Dad Is Fat Jim Gaffigan Sentiment Inc.: The Retro Sci-Fi Series, Book 2 Poul Anderson Shadows of Tomorrow Jessica Meats Thinking Big: Think Differently, Grow Rich, Develop Better Personal Relationships, Move Up the Corporate Ladder, Sleep Better and Fight Mediocrity: Everything You Need to Become a Stable, Succesful Human: Superior Ultralearning Topics, Book One Paxton Arbital What to Expect When You’re Expecting Heidi Murkoff So, You Want to Talk About Government Contracting?: Everything You Need to Know in Order to Become a Government Contracting Master - 3 Guides in 1! Brad W. King Then She Was Gone: A Novel Lisa Jewell The Silent Patient Alex Michaelides Bird Box: A Novel Josh Malerman The Silver Horn Echoes: A Song of Roland Michael Eging, Steve Arnold The Burnout Generation Anne Helen Petersen One Good Deed David Baldacci DragonMan: The 13th Sign: DragonMan Series, Book 8 Ted Lazaris Visions: Knights of Salucia, Book 1 C.D. Espeseth The Black Hussars Mitchell Lüthi Swing Trading: How to Become a Swing Trader. Complete Guide to Learning Strategies, Techniques, Tools & What You Need to Know About: Options, Stocks, Forex & Cryptocurrency Ted Brown Starblind: Starblind, Book 1 D. T. Dyllin Akillia's Reign: Puatera Online Series, Book 4 Dawn Chapman Confessions of a Shanty Irishman Michael Corrigan True Crime Stories Boxset: 48 Terrifying True Crime Murder Cases: List of Twelve Collection, Book 1 Ryan Becker The Sisters Dervla McTiernan Body of Proof: An Audible Original Darrell Brown, Sophie Ellis Understudies Ravi Mangla Academic Curveball: Braxton Campus Mysteries, Book 1 James J. Cudney Dead on Instinct: A Dr. Jessica Coran, FBI, Medical Thriller: The Instinct Series, Book 15 Robert W. Walker Captain Thomas Block To My Beloved Heart: The Last Journey of Edgar Allan Poe James Marchiori The Cabinet of Curiosities: A Novel Douglas Preston, Lincoln Child Wally Roux, Quantum Mechanic Nick Carr Treasure Island: An Audible Original Drama Robert Louis Stevenson, Marty Ross - adaptation Reliquary: Pendergast, Book 2 Douglas Preston, Lincoln Child Relic Douglas Preston, Lincoln Child The Life We Bury Allen Eskens We Are Legion (We Are Bob): Bobiverse, Book 1 Dennis E. Taylor The Wife Between Us Greer Hendricks, Sarah Pekkanen The Deep, Deep Snow Brian Freeman The Evil of Father: Father Earth, Book 2 Brad W. King Backlash: The Scot Harvath Series, Book 19 Brad Thor Leviathan Wakes James S. A. Corey Ender's Game Alive: The Full Cast Audioplay Orson Scott Card Chainworld Matt Langley, Paul Ebbs The Dead Drink First Dale Maharidge Alien III: An Audible Original Drama William Gibson The Silver City: A Prequel of the Father Earth Series Brad W. King The Echo Killing: A Mystery Christi Daugherty Sherlock Holmes Arthur Conan Doyle, Stephen Fry - introductions Evil Has a Name: The Untold of the Golden State Killer Investigation Paul Holes, Jim Clemente, Peter McDonnell Infernal Devices: Mortal Engines, Book 3 Philip Reeve A Darkling Plain: Mortal Engines, Book 4 Philip Reeve The Expectant Father: The Ultimate Guide for Dads-to-Be Armin A. Brott, Jennifer Ash Yeah Baby!: The Modern Mama's Guide to Mastering Pregnancy, Having a Healthy Baby, and Bouncing Back Better Than Ever Jillian Michaels Situation Momedy Jenna Von Oy Whoa, Baby! What Just Happened? Kelly Rowland Predator's Gold: Mortal Engines, Book 2 Philip Reeve Where the Crawdads Sing Delia Owens Sharp Objects: A Novel Gillian Flynn Congo Michael Crichton Something in the Water: A Novel Catherine Steadman Mortal Engines: Mortal Engines, Book 1 Philip Reeve The Last Mrs. Parrish: A Novel Liv Constantine Sometimes I Lie Alice Feeney Silent Child: Audible's Thriller of 2017 Sarah A. Denzil Paradox Bound: A Novel Peter Clines Armada Armada: A Novel Ernest Cline Ready Player One Other Actions The Alice Network The Alice Network: A Novel Kate Quinn Killman Creek Rachel Caine The Woman in the Window: A Novel A. J. Finn Murder on Black Swan Lane Andrea Penrose Before We Were Yours: A Novel Lisa Wingate The Good Samaritan John Marrs Children of Time Adrian Tchaikovsky The Midnight Line: A Jack Reacher Novel Lee Child Bitter Moon: The Huntress/FBI Thrillers, Book 4 Alexandra Sokoloff Cold Moon: The Huntress/FBI Thrillers, Book 3 Alexandra Sokoloff Blood Moon Alexandra Sokoloff Huntress Moon Alexandra Sokoloff The Good Daughter: A Novel Karin Slaughter Stillhouse Lake Rachel Caine Little Girl Lost: Detective Robyn Carter Crime Thriller Series, Book 1 Carol Wyer The Likeness Tana French In the Woods: A Novel Tana French Never Go Back: A Jack Reacher Novel Lee Child My Sister's Grave: Tracy Crosswhite, Book 1 Robert Dugoni Persuader Lee Child Sycamore Row John Grisham The Trapped Girl: Tracy Crosswhite, Book 4 Robert Dugoni Midnight Dean Koontz Plum Island Nelson DeMille Fear Nothing Dean Koontz A Perfect Spy: A Novel John le Carré It's Superman! Tom De Haven The Chemist Stephenie Meyer Invisible Man: A Novel Ralph Ellison Airborn Kenneth Oppel
I have a bunch of awesome audio-books and I learned that Audible lets you gift 1 book to every Audible account so anyone can pick any book any number of times, so choose your favorite. I haven't done this before so everyone will be able to get a book! Below is my list of books, I have the Sherlock collection which is over 60 hours, The Silent Patient, Bird Box, some great Sci-fi books and much much more! Send me a message with the book you'd like and the emal associated with your Audible Account that you'd like it sent to. I'm sure I'll get a lot of requests so I'll have to batch process these, don't panic if I don't get the book to you right away, I will :) List of Audiobooks The Things We Cannot Say Kelly Rimmer The Dark Bones Loreth Anne White A Killer's Mind: Zoe Bentley Mystery Mike Omer Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man's Fundamentals for Delicious Living Nick Offerman Dad Is Fat Jim Gaffigan Sentiment Inc.: The Retro Sci-Fi Series, Book 2 Poul Anderson Shadows of Tomorrow Jessica Meats Thinking Big: Think Differently, Grow Rich, Develop Better Personal Relationships, Move Up the Corporate Ladder, Sleep Better and Fight Mediocrity: Everything You Need to Become a Stable, Succesful Human: Superior Ultralearning Topics, Book One Paxton Arbital What to Expect When You’re Expecting Heidi Murkoff So, You Want to Talk About Government Contracting?: Everything You Need to Know in Order to Become a Government Contracting Master - 3 Guides in 1! Brad W. King Then She Was Gone: A Novel Lisa Jewell The Silent Patient Alex Michaelides Bird Box: A Novel Josh Malerman The Silver Horn Echoes: A Song of Roland Michael Eging, Steve Arnold The Burnout Generation Anne Helen Petersen One Good Deed David Baldacci DragonMan: The 13th Sign: DragonMan Series, Book 8 Ted Lazaris Visions: Knights of Salucia, Book 1 C.D. Espeseth The Black Hussars Mitchell Lüthi Swing Trading: How to Become a Swing Trader. Complete Guide to Learning Strategies, Techniques, Tools & What You Need to Know About: Options, Stocks, Forex & Cryptocurrency Ted Brown Starblind: Starblind, Book 1 D. T. Dyllin Akillia's Reign: Puatera Online Series, Book 4 Dawn Chapman Confessions of a Shanty Irishman Michael Corrigan True Crime Stories Boxset: 48 Terrifying True Crime Murder Cases: List of Twelve Collection, Book 1 Ryan Becker The Sisters Dervla McTiernan Body of Proof: An Audible Original Darrell Brown, Sophie Ellis Understudies Ravi Mangla Academic Curveball: Braxton Campus Mysteries, Book 1 James J. Cudney Dead on Instinct: A Dr. Jessica Coran, FBI, Medical Thriller: The Instinct Series, Book 15 Robert W. Walker Captain Thomas Block To My Beloved Heart: The Last Journey of Edgar Allan Poe James Marchiori The Cabinet of Curiosities: A Novel Douglas Preston, Lincoln Child Wally Roux, Quantum Mechanic Nick Carr Treasure Island: An Audible Original Drama Robert Louis Stevenson, Marty Ross - adaptation Reliquary: Pendergast, Book 2 Douglas Preston, Lincoln Child Relic Douglas Preston, Lincoln Child The Life We Bury Allen Eskens We Are Legion (We Are Bob): Bobiverse, Book 1 Dennis E. Taylor The Wife Between Us Greer Hendricks, Sarah Pekkanen The Deep, Deep Snow Brian Freeman The Evil of Father: Father Earth, Book 2 Brad W. King Backlash: The Scot Harvath Series, Book 19 Brad Thor Leviathan Wakes James S. A. Corey Ender's Game Alive: The Full Cast Audioplay Orson Scott Card Chainworld Matt Langley, Paul Ebbs The Dead Drink First Dale Maharidge Alien III: An Audible Original Drama William Gibson The Silver City: A Prequel of the Father Earth Series Brad W. King The Echo Killing: A Mystery Christi Daugherty Sherlock Holmes Arthur Conan Doyle, Stephen Fry - introductions Evil Has a Name: The Untold of the Golden State Killer Investigation Paul Holes, Jim Clemente, Peter McDonnell Infernal Devices: Mortal Engines, Book 3 Philip Reeve A Darkling Plain: Mortal Engines, Book 4 Philip Reeve The Expectant Father: The Ultimate Guide for Dads-to-Be Armin A. Brott, Jennifer Ash Yeah Baby!: The Modern Mama's Guide to Mastering Pregnancy, Having a Healthy Baby, and Bouncing Back Better Than Ever Jillian Michaels Situation Momedy Jenna Von Oy Whoa, Baby! What Just Happened? Kelly Rowland Predator's Gold: Mortal Engines, Book 2 Philip Reeve Where the Crawdads Sing Delia Owens Sharp Objects: A Novel Gillian Flynn Congo Michael Crichton Something in the Water: A Novel Catherine Steadman Mortal Engines: Mortal Engines, Book 1 Philip Reeve The Last Mrs. Parrish: A Novel Liv Constantine Sometimes I Lie Alice Feeney Silent Child: Audible's Thriller of 2017 Sarah A. Denzil Paradox Bound: A Novel Peter Clines Armada Armada: A Novel Ernest Cline Ready Player One Other Actions The Alice Network The Alice Network: A Novel Kate Quinn Killman Creek Rachel Caine The Woman in the Window: A Novel A. J. Finn Murder on Black Swan Lane Andrea Penrose Before We Were Yours: A Novel Lisa Wingate The Good Samaritan John Marrs Children of Time Adrian Tchaikovsky The Midnight Line: A Jack Reacher Novel Lee Child Bitter Moon: The Huntress/FBI Thrillers, Book 4 Alexandra Sokoloff Cold Moon: The Huntress/FBI Thrillers, Book 3 Alexandra Sokoloff Blood Moon Alexandra Sokoloff Huntress Moon Alexandra Sokoloff The Good Daughter: A Novel Karin Slaughter Stillhouse Lake Rachel Caine Little Girl Lost: Detective Robyn Carter Crime Thriller Series, Book 1 Carol Wyer The Likeness Tana French In the Woods: A Novel Tana French Never Go Back: A Jack Reacher Novel Lee Child My Sister's Grave: Tracy Crosswhite, Book 1 Robert Dugoni Persuader Lee Child Sycamore Row John Grisham The Trapped Girl: Tracy Crosswhite, Book 4 Robert Dugoni Midnight Dean Koontz Plum Island Nelson DeMille Fear Nothing Dean Koontz A Perfect Spy: A Novel John le Carré It's Superman! Tom De Haven The Chemist Stephenie Meyer Invisible Man: A Novel Ralph Ellison Airborn Kenneth Oppel
22 year old friendship ruined, need your thoughts....
I'd love some perspective on a recent story that's bothering me. Any and all perspectives welcomed. In August last year an old friend (we're 38 now and 16 when we met) had been doing a guidance ritual with his mum who is trained to be a shaman… she gave him LSD as part of the ritual- and I haven't tried it so I don't know what it's like. Anyway, for some reason I contacted him out of the blue the next day when he was still feeling some of the effects. He told me that he loved me, probably always had and it had been a long time coming. I was really surprised, but it was lovely. On some level I'd always felt like that about him (I denied it a lot over the years) but really didn't think that he would ever say or feel something like that. In that convo he said I'd make a great girlfriend and he'd be lucky to have me, I was really smart and lovely but intense and opinionated. Also, that ironically he thought he'd missed his one chance at happiness with me (you can understand the ironically part when you know the backstory). He said I was beautiful and he was stupid for not being completely in love with me. He said he was sure we'd known each other in past lives. I was very touched by all of this because I adore him but I took it with a pinch of salt, and tried to find out if it was just a fleeting feeling. But he also said that his life is on a dark path, and that in this lifetime he is only meant to suffer, maybe he'll be dead by 50 and we should see each other in the next life. He said he has huge issues (lots of drink and drugs of many types), is also very intense, and I'd never be able to handle the up and down of his lifestyle. I got the feeling that he was having those thoughts about loving me for the first time right then, so I asked him if he’d felt like that before, or just that night. And he said he’d thought it the last time we spoke when I’d interviewed him for a book a couple of years previously. But I didn’t get the impression he’d really felt like that when we were younger. I checked a month or 2 later if he remembered what he said because I thought maybe he had just been high. He said he thought he remembered everything he had said, and said I wasn't very nice for not believing him, so I was really happy and decided to go and see him. Fast forward a couple months to after Christmas - I hadn't been to see him yet- but we’d been messaging and sending photos. For Christmas, his mum had bought him a tarot card reading with a chocolate ritual with a shaman or a psychic lady, and he was sharing with me that he'd done it and that it said his head was really messed up. He seemed quite upset. So me being 5% moron, my nervousness and excitedness had returned (I was always very, very nervous around him when we were young) and I made a joke he really didn't appreciate, offering to shoot him in the head if he wanted (I was trying to lighten the mood, and also we seemed to be getting a bit more gentle, intimate and less jokey in the way that we were talking to each other, which freaks me out. He's much sweeter than he used to be, and it kind of makes me freeze up a bit). Well! Bang. It was like I stabbed him in the chest or something. It seemed to instantly remind him of all the things that annoy him about me, and after 5 months being really sweet he went cold on me. Really, really cold. From there I got very confused and kept making worse mistakes because I got nervous, and kept trying to fix it. I sent him some long, weird email which I’m sure made things worse. I also posted something on Facebook which made it look like I was chatting to other guys. All very silly. It's ridiculous. I'm an adult and am pretty confident these days. But suddenly I was really nervous again feeling like a kid and like there’s something terribly wrong with me. I arranged to go and see him for a few days in Tenerife, and before I went it was pretty tense between us and I couldn't tell if he wanted me to go or not- I did everything I could to try and find out if he actually wanted me to go or not- but he was his usual tight-lipped self. When I got there, he was very hospitable, apologized for being off-radar and showed me round, we went out to bars and the beach... We spent four days (before he had to go home to England) as a quasi-couple, and it was a very surreal experience. It was bizarrely intimate, sweet but tense, with someone I know very well... naked. For the first time I realised how peace-loving and gentle he is- which I never saw before. He can't stand a lot of the more boisterous things I do, which is fair, but ironically they're things I tended to do from nerves and trying to get his attention. I kind of got it after that- why he finds me so aversive sometimes, it's like we're stuck in a negative feedback loop, and he thinks I’m too harsh for his delicate constitution. Which, he might just be right about. In between the fun, laughing, joking, drinking, sex and bonding- of which there was lots and it was really nice - he was filled with sadness and depression, grumpiness, and a funny attitude from him that seemed to shout: "yuck, it's you, you're more like a sisteannoying irritation than a woman to me." He said that it was because his life was falling apart- and he was obviously very very depressed but trying to show me a good time and doing a good job of it too, I might add. But so many things pointed to the fact that he mainly just felt annoyed by me, found me totally unsuitable, and kind of pitied me, rather than feeling any love for me, and that he finds me generally very annoying. Wall up, blinds closed, aint comin' in. He also kept telling me about his lifestyle of drink and drugs and how everyone he knows is a junky or a crazy person. It felt like he was trying very hard to make me see reality and put me off him, or save me from him, or warn me, or see how I would react and if I would run. Or save himself from what he sees as inevitable hostility and rejection (as well as from me and how annoying I am). "Be careful what you wish for" and "curiosity killed the cat" seemed to be his repetitive catchphrases when I showed an interest in him. Apparently, his ex thinks he's a bastard, he would tell me. I think, ideally, if he could change me (he used to talk a lot about me doing DHT to rebalance myself) he would want to be in a relationship, because we enjoy each other’s company. But it could only work if he was tougher and I was less harsh. I think he sees these things quite clearly as they are – that he’s got a delicate constitution, and I’m far too frustrated by him to be delicate enough for things to work out. I’d soon get pissed off and ditch the situation, rather than sweep things under the rug and carry on from day to day in a carefree world of consumption- I just couldn’t do that. I’m a strategic future-planner. At one point we played some intimacy/trust game with lots of questions, and he loosened up a little... but the way he would answer questions like "Name 3 things you like about your partner" was like "well you ARE very caring" in the same way that someone might say "Well, Hitler WAS very spiritual." It's funny because in relationships I'm very soft in general, in recent years, but I do still get very harsh and frustrated when problems don’t seem solvable. But with him I just can't seem to relax and trust him enough to be soft with him at all, and he didn't give me a chance anyway. We just don’t trust each other- we’re not safe for each other. After I went home he checked in with me a couple times, which I liked. He tried to share some things with me that interest him, about quite spiritual or unusual subjects (trees being interconnected, aliens having been involved in human development, DHT, the memory of water… stuff that as someone who studied physics I don’t normally hear about, but I’m pretty open to hearing about them)- he's very soft and very chilled- doesn’t like stress at all. But every time I tried to dig a bit deeper and engage with him to see what it was about them that interested him - he completely ignored me. Didn’t try, nothing. Me trying to talk with him about the things he shared seemed to send the walls up and just bug him. Really really frustrating. It's like I couldn't do anything right. Particularly frustrating when he said he was trying to open up my mind- but then wouldn't connect or follow through. So, for a couple months, for the first time in 20 years I seemed to be chasing him. It's like he promised me something, judged me for being nervous and "annoying" and not perfect, and then instead of being understanding, he ran. Yikes. Eventually I got so confused I sent him screenshots of the conversation where he'd said he loved me and he didn't even remember it! He was shocked, blamed it on the drugs and mental illness saying that he was "not a well person." He said he was beginning to get the feeling that he'd "annoyed me" now, and that he sees me as a friend, and he didn't mean to piss me off. Then he changed the subject. He finished up that conversation by saying "we're on different paths and in different places", and he needs to sort himself out and that's that. The backstory goes like this… The first year we knew eachother he nicknamed me “TT” which meant “no tits and no teeth” (I had big gaps before I had braces). He used to do things like hit me on the butt with a stick and then I’d punch him and go nuts. He really took the piss out of me with his friends and girlfriends because I had a huge crush on him (he thought it was hilarious that I felt like I’d been struck by lightning when I first saw him). They used to put me on speakerphone and laugh. He was the only guy I ever asked out – which I did on his answer machine!! Ugh. So, yeah, really humiliated me actually and I’ve never asked anyone out since (thank goodness I’m a woman, haha). After that I had braces and turned into a social person who had lots of parties and friends. He started being really nice to me. But I didn’t forgive him very easily, and we had a big bust up and weren't friends for a year or so. I did a pizza leaflet with his phone number on it. And I banned him from my 18th birthday party to which all our friends were going, and he was pretty upset. I felt bad once when I saw him outside one of my parties on the curb holding his head in his hands saying “why does she hate me so much?” Well, deep down I loved the guy, but he’d humiliated me, so I guess there was a thin line between love and hate. I don’t know if that would have made him feel any better, but hopefully. From some point on, we made up and we always had great chemistry after that... we did things like hanging out and smoking some weed in his car together with other people, going out in London with our mutual friends, him giving me lots of lifts home from pubs and friends houses, me driving his car drunk and pretending I was going to crash it to wind him up (that was stupid and irresponsible). Looking back I think he kind of liked me at that point but was scared of me, didn’t know how to make a move as I had moved on and had given him such a hard time, but at the time I really didn't have a clue whether he liked me or not, I was always just very, very feisty and energetic around him (after all the humiliation I guess) so I could never be calm. Then we went to the same uni town, texted constantly for a year, and even then he said he thought we’d known each other in past lives. To my friends I gave him the nickname "my future husband", he asked me out in the cutest way by saying that if I had the guts and the inclination to go out with him, then we should go for a drink. I was soooo excited.. Well, we almost went out and then he dropped out of uni because of an argument with a lecturer or something. I honestly believe everyone has to follow their own path, so for me it was just sad for him that he had so much stress, and it was disappointing about the date. Our first kiss was when he came up to the uni town again and we did a pub crawl, and he seemed to want to go and sit somewhere and be sweet but I was too nervous so we just kept doing the pubcrawl and ended up spooning on a friend’s floor (just hugging and kissing). We almost went on a date in our home area but he cancelled without suggesting an alternative, and I got annoyed so he stopped talking to me- surprisingly easily- it’s like he has a very low threshold for any kind of angst, and isn’t able to soothe himself or the other person, so just bails. Which, considering the fact that he creates a lot of angst-provoking situations means that he kind of expects to go through life without facing any consequences for his actions. Pretty frustrating for someone like me, who expects quite a lot of openness and honesty. We eventually hooked up once and he never called me after so after waiting for a while, I reluctantly moved on and ended up with someone else for 4 years. I have no idea how he felt about this, but a couple of small things surprised me and I wondered if he had actually felt more than I gave him credit for. I mean, that love confession blew me away, I wouldn't have thought for a moment that he had been harbouring any thoughts like that about me, I thought for him it was all a big joke and meant nothing, so maybe he did feel something other than annoyance for me when we were younger. It's hard to tell as he's been with a lot of women, is very tight-lipped and doesn’t put himself on the line, or take any risks at all. But in those days I was always so nervous around him that any signs would have just gone completely under the radar anyway. A few years later, after lots of traveling, he popped up working in the office down the hall from me at this random summer job I took and we started emailing lots. He seemed disappointed with how life was not as exciting as he'd expected. Then he disappeared one day- he was living with his ex at the time (very lovely girl) and I was with the same guy (the 4 year one). A few years after that we were back hanging around in the same social circle until everyone, including him, moved abroad, and eventually, so did i. It was funny, I would always be able to talk to him if I was upset about, say, moving to uni or something. It didn't happen often but a couple of times. Most of this he probably wouldn't even remember because I think he's been with a lot a lot of girls. He has low self-esteem, apparently. He thinks he has bad luck with women even though women adore him (he's exceptionally easy on the eyes. He’s beautiful actually)- and according to a mutual friend of ours, when he was a teenager he always worried that no decent women would want someone like him. Recently (in the past 15 years, which isn’t so recent, lol) we didn't really hang out much but we became more normal adults. I went down quite a dry academic path and got a BSc in physics with astrophysics and an MSc in clinical research, and ended up stuck in a corporate job I hated until I quit to become a writer, whereas he had more balls than me and did what he wanted much earlier- becoming an entrepreneur trading stock, gold, Forex, imports and exports... at times making a fortune and at other times going bust and beating himself up for it, but always finding something new to try, which I think's pretty damn cool (but try convincing him of that). It's pretty normal for entrepreneurial people to have ups and downs in their success-levels I think, but he seems to judge himself very harshly. The last couple of years he’s been making more money than I’ve ever been able to shake a stick at! I really don’t think he should feel ashamed at all (which he seems to), I think he should feel proud that he’s so dynamic. Good for him. He’s awesome. The only thing I wish is that he had heavy enough emotional armor that he could deal with more difficult situations without bailing. Anyway. Over the years I stopped being super into him and we had a nice, pretty normal friendship -we chatted sometimes on messenger and would always have nice chemistry when we saw each other. He's been trying to arrange a visit for about 10 years or so between the various countries we've been living in (we're both expat people and he wanted to come see me in Madrid and Amsterdam when I lived there, then he wanted me to go seem him in Tenerife for a few years) and I've avoided it, as although I wanted to see him I was scared of a casual fling with him as it’s not what I wanted, and I really don’t like that kind of thing anyway (tried it once or twice thinking I could handle it and I was being all “modern” and cool and everything – because I think I’m a bit old fashioned deep down - but I got emotionally attached and then end up hurt. So now I accept myself for who I am- someone who doesn’t really like flings or casual stuff, but someone who is into monogamy. Whoops! How very boring and unfashionable, and I don’t give a shit. Rayyyy for the love. Whoop whoop.). A couple years ago I interviewed him for a book I wrote about ADHD entrepreneurs. His lifestyle was pretty cool making a lot of money through affiliate marketing and living near the beach in hot sunny Tenerife in an apartment with a pool. But he seemed to think that he sucked for some reason (everyone else seems to think it's pretty darn cool). He said that when he grew up he was under a lot of pressure and that it seemed to have messed up his head. He said that to do well in life you need to do what you want to do, because if you listen to other people you are only going to be messed up. When he was on LSD he said that he had thought he loved me during that interview. This year, his life as an expat abroad basically fell apart as the affiliate marketing scheme crashed and he had to move home to live with his parents, which has brought him really, really down into depression. He said he keeps being told he is going to end up working in McDonalds, and being reminded of the fact that he’s almost 40, and this seemed to be weighing on his mind. It sounds like a lot of pressure. But anyway, for about 5 months after the conversation when he was on LSD he opened up to me, and he was really lovely to me. It was so nice. I guess it was because I was more relaxed and the main thing I wanted was to check up on him and see that he was ok. I didn’t have an agenda to see if he would be a match for me or anything like that- I was just really worried about him. So maybe he felt safe enough to relax. I said that I always imagined that we would end up as platonic roommates when we were 50 and I would make him sandwiches and listen to all his funny antics – which he thought was cute. Actually, I really did like that idea- because it would take away the underlying obligations that a relationship brings that we couldn’t deliver for each other. And friendship is what relationships turn into anyway. For my part, it's really disturbed my sleep for months since I came back from visiting him. Now after trying to message in a friendly way during the coronavirus quarantine (er, I am very very bored) and being annoyed by his total lack of supportiveness, I've recently just told him that I don't want to be friends any more. Too painful. He says I have anger issues and I think he sees himself as an innocent victim. Actually, if I'm honest, I've been pretty angry at a lot of people for a few years, so, maybe he has a point. I guess I'm being a bit selfish. It's not really fair expecting anything from a self-confessed depressed, unwell person. He's "in his pit of despair" as he calls it for 6 months and he has zero interest in me. I'm utterly irrelevant to him. He's snippy, rude, ignores me, and then seems to offer a little bit of an olive branch in the smallest of ways. Excuse the really long story, would be interested in any insight people have on this situation, particularly with respect to how you think he feels and why he acts the way he does. If I feel like I understand this situation then hopefully I can stop thinking about it, because for the past 10 years I've just had the odd nice thought every now and then about him- and would like that to become the status quo again.
Giving Audiobook Gifts from my large library! Pick one and I'll send it to your Audible Library :D
Hi everyone, I have a bunch of awesome audio-books and I learned that Audible lets you gift 1 book to every Audible account. I haven't done this before so everyone will be able to get a book! Below is my list of books, I have the Sherlock collection which is over 60 hours, The Silent Patient, Bird Box, some great Sci-fi books and much much more! Send me a message to bradkingbooks at g.mail with the book you'd like and the e.mail associated with your Audible Account that you'd like it sent to. I'm sure I'll get a lot of requests so I'll have to batch process these, don't panic if I don't get the book to you right away, I will :) List of Audiobooks The Things We Cannot Say Kelly Rimmer The Dark Bones Loreth Anne White A Killer's Mind: Zoe Bentley Mystery Mike Omer Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man's Fundamentals for Delicious Living Nick Offerman Dad Is Fat Jim Gaffigan Sentiment Inc.: The Retro Sci-Fi Series, Book 2 Poul Anderson Shadows of Tomorrow Jessica Meats Thinking Big: Think Differently, Grow Rich, Develop Better Personal Relationships, Move Up the Corporate Ladder, Sleep Better and Fight Mediocrity: Everything You Need to Become a Stable, Succesful Human: Superior Ultralearning Topics, Book One Paxton Arbital What to Expect When You’re Expecting Heidi Murkoff So, You Want to Talk About Government Contracting?: Everything You Need to Know in Order to Become a Government Contracting Master - 3 Guides in 1! Brad W. King Then She Was Gone: A Novel Lisa Jewell The Silent Patient Alex Michaelides Bird Box: A Novel Josh Malerman The Silver Horn Echoes: A Song of Roland Michael Eging, Steve Arnold The Burnout Generation Anne Helen Petersen One Good Deed David Baldacci DragonMan: The 13th Sign: DragonMan Series, Book 8 Ted Lazaris Visions: Knights of Salucia, Book 1 C.D. Espeseth The Black Hussars Mitchell Lüthi Swing Trading: How to Become a Swing Trader. Complete Guide to Learning Strategies, Techniques, Tools & What You Need to Know About: Options, Stocks, Forex & Cryptocurrency Ted Brown Starblind: Starblind, Book 1 D. T. Dyllin Akillia's Reign: Puatera Online Series, Book 4 Dawn Chapman Confessions of a Shanty Irishman Michael Corrigan True Crime Stories Boxset: 48 Terrifying True Crime Murder Cases: List of Twelve Collection, Book 1 Ryan Becker The Sisters Dervla McTiernan Body of Proof: An Audible Original Darrell Brown, Sophie Ellis Understudies Ravi Mangla Academic Curveball: Braxton Campus Mysteries, Book 1 James J. Cudney Dead on Instinct: A Dr. Jessica Coran, FBI, Medical Thriller: The Instinct Series, Book 15 Robert W. Walker Captain Thomas Block To My Beloved Heart: The Last Journey of Edgar Allan Poe James Marchiori The Cabinet of Curiosities: A Novel Douglas Preston, Lincoln Child Wally Roux, Quantum Mechanic Nick Carr Treasure Island: An Audible Original Drama Robert Louis Stevenson, Marty Ross - adaptation Reliquary: Pendergast, Book 2 Douglas Preston, Lincoln Child Relic Douglas Preston, Lincoln Child The Life We Bury Allen Eskens We Are Legion (We Are Bob): Bobiverse, Book 1 Dennis E. Taylor The Wife Between Us Greer Hendricks, Sarah Pekkanen The Deep, Deep Snow Brian Freeman The Evil of Father: Father Earth, Book 2 Brad W. King Backlash: The Scot Harvath Series, Book 19 Brad Thor Leviathan Wakes James S. A. Corey Ender's Game Alive: The Full Cast Audioplay Orson Scott Card Chainworld Matt Langley, Paul Ebbs The Dead Drink First Dale Maharidge Alien III: An Audible Original Drama William Gibson The Silver City: A Prequel of the Father Earth Series Brad W. King The Echo Killing: A Mystery Christi Daugherty Sherlock Holmes Arthur Conan Doyle, Stephen Fry - introductions Evil Has a Name: The Untold of the Golden State Killer Investigation Paul Holes, Jim Clemente, Peter McDonnell Infernal Devices: Mortal Engines, Book 3 Philip Reeve A Darkling Plain: Mortal Engines, Book 4 Philip Reeve The Expectant Father: The Ultimate Guide for Dads-to-Be Armin A. Brott, Jennifer Ash Yeah Baby!: The Modern Mama's Guide to Mastering Pregnancy, Having a Healthy Baby, and Bouncing Back Better Than Ever Jillian Michaels Situation Momedy Jenna Von Oy Whoa, Baby! What Just Happened? Kelly Rowland Predator's Gold: Mortal Engines, Book 2 Philip Reeve Where the Crawdads Sing Delia Owens Sharp Objects: A Novel Gillian Flynn Congo Michael Crichton Something in the Water: A Novel Catherine Steadman Mortal Engines: Mortal Engines, Book 1 Philip Reeve The Last Mrs. Parrish: A Novel Liv Constantine Sometimes I Lie Alice Feeney Silent Child: Audible's Thriller of 2017 Sarah A. Denzil Paradox Bound: A Novel Peter Clines Armada Armada: A Novel Ernest Cline Ready Player One Other Actions The Alice Network The Alice Network: A Novel Kate Quinn Killman Creek Rachel Caine The Woman in the Window: A Novel A. J. Finn Murder on Black Swan Lane Andrea Penrose Before We Were Yours: A Novel Lisa Wingate The Good Samaritan John Marrs Children of Time Adrian Tchaikovsky The Midnight Line: A Jack Reacher Novel Lee Child Bitter Moon: The Huntress/FBI Thrillers, Book 4 Alexandra Sokoloff Cold Moon: The Huntress/FBI Thrillers, Book 3 Alexandra Sokoloff Blood Moon Alexandra Sokoloff Huntress Moon Alexandra Sokoloff The Good Daughter: A Novel Karin Slaughter Stillhouse Lake Rachel Caine Little Girl Lost: Detective Robyn Carter Crime Thriller Series, Book 1 Carol Wyer The Likeness Tana French In the Woods: A Novel Tana French Never Go Back: A Jack Reacher Novel Lee Child My Sister's Grave: Tracy Crosswhite, Book 1 Robert Dugoni Persuader Lee Child Sycamore Row John Grisham The Trapped Girl: Tracy Crosswhite, Book 4 Robert Dugoni Midnight Dean Koontz Plum Island Nelson DeMille Fear Nothing Dean Koontz A Perfect Spy: A Novel John le Carré It's Superman! Tom De Haven The Chemist Stephenie Meyer Invisible Man: A Novel Ralph Ellison Airborn Kenneth Oppel
Hi Guys/Girls, Apologies if this has been answered elsewhere, I have recently started Forex with Trading212 and I set my purchase to take profit at 0.35+. I SAW the price go to this, however nothing was done ? I have seen it hit this price a few times now and not sold. Am I missing something ? Thanks I advance.
Should i start or stay strong 5 days in. KLONOPIN. Anxiety, Sleep Issues, Depression. Or i dont know what is happening to me.
Hi all im 27(M), ok here is the things. Its gonna be long. Thanks for your time guys. I Really need an OPINION AS IM LOST RIGHT NOW. THANKS REDDIT. Actually i have insomnia for a long term since i start my college. And i dont know it has something to do with my anxiety and stress untill i started doing weed. For about a year and half. It does help me a bits untill i feel it ruins my life where i wake up with panic and cannot back to fall asleep. Then it will be okay within 2 days. And i finally sleep. Oso tbh i have sex life party when im smoking weed. This is when the things start to fall apart, where i lose my job and start trade forex but not doing good at forex and lose my saving. And at the same year which is 2018 i quit weed cold turkey. Everything coming strong at me. My dad passed away within that year. Lose my job. A lot of bad things happen and then come the depression, anxiety and start to ruin my sleep. The thing with sleep is it alters your mood and energy. At that year i m at home and start blaming my self for what has happen. Btw im doing good at my college and got a decent job before that. And also on 2018, i didnt go to hospitals.. Just self medicate with 5htp and also a little sex life.. It does wonder to me.. Within 3 4 months i no longer have anxiety and sleep great. And then i got a job at Jan 2019. My life turns 180. I was so happy back then and thoughts that it gonna be memories untill at Jun 2019 where i know a girl and plan to get married with her. Things go wrong when im fasting for about one month... I dont know where im lack of. But all of it comes again. Anxiety, Depression and sleep. The major issues is sleep. I have perform 3 blood test and go to psychatrist at this time. And nothing comes abnormal so i believe it is something to do with my mental. And it all goes on untill this day. Luckily i still have my gf but i lose my job already. And doc prescribe me with sertraline and clonazepam, before this. Celexa and lorazepam. And i think i got bad panick attack from lorazepam. Becuase i cold turkey on those meds. I literally try everything for sleep. Herbs and anything u name it. Untill i have amitriptyline.. It does wonders for me a couple of weeks and then it starts creep me out. Im a freaking zombie on it. So i stop taking it. Now what i have is zoloft and Clonazepam. Ive try zoloft not really help. And klonopin. Ive been on it.. It kills my anxiety and i sleep thru the nights for 7 hours. The thing is i read an horror story about it and currently im not working and i still get some sleep. But wake up every 2 hours and one hours which is leaving ke fatigue and zombie on the next day and i was thinking is this because of amitriptyline and klonopin. Should i be taking it again. I barely function in this five days.. Bedridden. Want to sleep but cant. And when im jerk off. I feel okay for one day and back to normal the next day. Im not saying jerk off is good but it does lift my moods. Right now im blurred what to do.. Should i not taking the klonopin or DOES THING GETS BETTER? BECAUSE IVE BEEN IN THIS BATTLE FOR 8 MONTHS.. And sometime im ok.. Sometime not.. I was thinking.. Am i bipolar.. But doc onpy diagnosed me with GAD and Clinical depression. Im blurred. I just want to have my life back.
So here it is, three more days and October begins, which marks one year of trading for me. I figured I would contribute to the forum and share some of my experience, a little about me, and what I've learned so far. Whoever wants to listen, that's great. This might get long so buckle up.. Three years ago, I was visiting Toronto. I don't get out much, but my roommate at the time travels there occasionally. He asked everyone at our place if we wanted to come along for a weekend. My roommate has an uncle that lives there and we didn't have to worry about a hotel because his uncle owns a small house that's unlived in which we could stay at. I was the only one to go with. Anyways, we walk around the city, seeing the sights and whatnot. My friend says to me "where next?" "I don't know, you're the tour guide" "We can go check out Bay Street" "what's 'Bay Street?'" "It's like the Canadian Wall street! If you haven't seen it you gotta see it!" Walking along Bay, I admire all the nice buildings and architecture, everything seems larger than life to me. I love things like that. The huge granite facades with intricate designs and towering pillars to make you think, How the fuck did they make that? My attention pivots to a man walking on the sidewalk opposite us. His gait stood out among everyone, he walked with such a purpose.. He laughed into the cell phone to his ear. In the elbow-shoving city environment, he moved with a stride that exuded a power which not only commanded respect, but assumed it. I bet HE can get a text back, hell he's probably got girls waiting on him. This dude was dressed to kill, a navy suit that you could just tell from across the street was way out of my budget, it was a nice fucking suit. I want that. His life, across the street, seemed a world a way from my own. I've worn a suit maybe twice in my life. For my first communion, it was too big for me, I was eleven or whatever so who gives a shit, right? I'm positive I looked ridiculous. The other time? I can't remember. I want that. I want the suit. I want the wealth, the independence.I want the respect and power, and I don't give a shit what anyone thinks about it. Cue self doubt. Well, He's probably some rich banker's son. That's a world you're born into. I don't know shit about it. \sigh* keep walking..* A year later, I'm visiting my parents at their house, they live an hour away from my place. My dad is back from Tennessee, his engineering job was laying people off and he got canned... Or he saw the end was near and just left... I don't know, hard to pay attention to the guy honestly because he kind of just drones on and on. ("Wait, so your mom lives in Michigan, but your dad moved to Tennessee... for a job?" Yea man, I don't fucking know, not going to touch on that one.) The whole project was a shit show that was doomed to never get done, the way he tells it. And he's obviously jaded from multiple similar experiences at other life-sucking engineer jobs. My mom is a retired nurse practitioner who no longer works because of her illness. I ask him what he's doing for work now and he tells me he trades stocks from home. I didn't even know you could do that. I didn't know "trading" was a thing. I thought you just invest and hope for the best. "Oh that's cool, how much money do you need to do that?" "Ehh, most say you need at least $25,000 as a minimum" "Oh... guess I can't do that..." Six months later, I get a call and it's my dad. We talk a little about whatever. Off topic, he starts asking if I'm happy doing what I'm doing (I was a painter, commercial and residential) I tell him yes but it's kind of a pain in the ass and I don't see it as a long term thing. Then he gets around to asking if I'd like to come work with him. He basically pitches it to me. I'm not one to be sold on something, I'm always skeptical. So I ask all the questions that any rational person would ask and he just swats them away with reassuring phrases. He was real confident about it. But basically he says for this to work, I have to quit my job and move back home so he can teach me how to trade and be by my side so I don't do anything stupid. "My Name, you can make so much money." I say that I can't raise the $25,000 because I'm not far above just living paycheck to paycheck. "I can help you out with that." Wow, okay, well... let me think about it. My "maybe" very soon turned into a "definitely." So over the next six months, I continue to work my day job painting, and I try to save up what I could for the transition (it wasn't a whole lot, I sucked at saving. I was great at spending though!). My dad gives me a book on day trading (which I will mention later) and I teach myself what I can about the stock market using Investopedia. Also in the meantime, my dad sends me encouraging emails. He tells me to think of an annual income I would like to make as a trader, and used "more than $100,000 but less than a million" as a guideline. He tells me about stocks that he traded that day or just ones that moved and describes the basic price action and the prices to buy and sell at. Basically saying "if you bought X amount of shares here and sold it at X price here, you could make a quick 500 bucks!" I then use a trading sim to trade those symbols and try to emulate what he says. Piece of cake. ;) Wow, that's way more than what I make in a day. He tells me not to tell anyone about my trading because most people just think it's gambling. "Don't tell your Mom either." He says most people who try this fail because they don't know how to stop out and take a loss. He talks about how every day he was in a popular chatroom, some noob would say something like, "Hey guys, I bought at X price (high of day or thereabout), my account is down 80% .. uhh I'm waiting for it to come back to my entry price.. what do I do??" Well shit, I'm not that fucking dumb. If that's all it takes to make it is to buy low, sell high, and always respect a stop then I'll be fantastic. By the end of September, I was very determined. I had been looking forward everyday to quitting my painting job because while it used to be something I loved, it was just sucking the life out of me at this point. Especially working commercial, you just get worked like a dog. I wasn't living up to my potential with that job and I felt awful for it every minute of every day. I knew that I needed a job where I could use my brain instead of slaving my body to fulfill someone else's dream. "Someone's gotta put gas in the boss's boat" That's a line my buddy once said that he probably doesn't know sticks with me to this day. It ain't me. So now it was October 2018, and I'm back living with Mom n' Pops. I was so determined that on my last day of work I gave away all of my painting tools to my buddy like, "here, I don't need this shit." Moving out of my rental was easy because I don't own much, 'can't take it with ya.' Excited for the future I now spend my days bundled up in winter wear in the cold air of our hoarder-like basement with a space heater at my feet. My laptop connected to a TV monitor, I'm looking at stocks next to my dad and his screens in his cluttered corner. Our Trading Dungeon. I don't trade any money, (I wasn't aware of any real-time sim programs) I just watch and learn from my dad. Now you've got to keep in mind, and look at a chart of the S&P, this is right at the beginning of Oct '18, I came in right at the market top. Right at the start of the shit-show. For the next three or four weeks, I watch my dad pretty much scratch on every trade, taking small loss after small loss, and cursing under his breath at the screen. Click. "dammit." Click. "shit." Click. Click. "you fuck." Click. This gets really fucking annoying as time goes on, for weeks, and I get this attitude like ugh, just let me do it. I'll make us some fucking money. So I convince him to let me start trading live. I didn't know anything about brokers so I set up an account using his broker, which was Fidelity. It was a pain and I had to jump through a lot of hoops to be able to day trade with this broker. I actually had to make a joint account with my dad as I couldn't get approved for margin because my credit score is shit (never owned a credit card) and my net worth, not much. Anyways, they straight up discourage day trading and I get all kinds of warning messages with big red letters that made me shit myself like oooaaahhh what the fuck did I do now. Did I forget to close a position?? Did I fat finger an order? Am I now in debt for thousands of dollars to Fidelity?? They're going to come after me like they came after Madoff. Even after you are approved for PDT you still get these warning messages in your account. Some would say if I didn't comply with "whatever rule" they'd even suspend my account for 60 days. It was ridiculous, hard to describe because it doesn't make sense, and it took the support guy on the phone a good 20 minutes to explain it to me. Basically I got the answer "yea it's all good, you did nothing wrong. As long as you have the cash in your account to cover whatever the trade balance was" So I just kept getting these warnings that I had to ignore everyday. I hate Fidelity. My fist day trading, I made a few so-so trades and then I got impatient. I saw YECO breaking out and I chased, soon realized I chased, so I got out. -$500. Shit, I have to make that back, I don't want my dad to see this. Got back in. Shit. -$400. So my first day trading, I lost $900. My dumbass was using market orders so that sure didn't help. I reeled the risk back and traded more proper position size for a while, but the commissions for a round trip are $10, so taking six trades per day, I'm losing $60 at a minimum on top of my losing trades. Quickly I realized I didn't know what the hell I was doing. What about my dad? Does HE know? One day, in the trading dungeon, I was frustrated with the experience I'd been having and just feeling lost overall. I asked him. "So, are you consistently profitable?" "mmm... I do alright." "Yea but like, are you consistently profitable over time?" ......................... "I do alright." Silence. "Do you know any consistently profitable traders?" "Well the one who wrote that book I gave you, Tina Turner.. umm and there's Ross Cameron" ...................... "So you don't know any consistently profitable traders, personally.. People who are not trying to sell you something?" "no." ................... Holy fucking shit, what did this idiot get me into. He can't even say it to my face and admit it. This entire life decision, quitting my job, leaving my rental, moving from my city to back home, giving shit away, it all relied on that. I was supposed to be an apprentice to a consistently profitable day trader who trades for a living. It was so assumed, that I never even thought to ask! Why would you tell your son to quit his job for something that you yourself cannot do? Is this all a scam? Did my dad get sold a DREAM? Did I buy into some kind of ponzi scheme? How many of those winning trades he showed me did he actually take?Are there ANY consistently profitable DAY TRADERS who TRADE FOR A LIVING?Why do 90% fail? Is it because the other 10% are scamming the rest in some way? Completely lost, I just had no clue what was what. If I was going to succeed at this, if it was even possible to succeed at this, it was entirely up to me. I had to figure it out. I still remember the feeling like an overwhelming, crushing weight on me as it all sunk in. This is going to be a big deal.. I'm not the type to give up though. In that moment, I said to myself, I'm going to fucking win at this. I don't know if this is possible, but I'm going to find out. I cannot say with certainty that I will succeed, but no matter what, I will not give up. I'm going to give all of myself to this. I will find the truth. It was a deep moment for me. I don't like getting on my soapbox, but when I said those things, I meant it. I really, really meant it. I still do, and I still will. Now it might seem like I'm being hard on my dad. He has done a lot for me and I am very grateful for that. We're sarcastic as hell to each other, I love the bastard. Hell, I wouldn't have the opportunity to trade at all if not for him. But maybe you can also understand how overwhelmed I felt at that time. Not on purpose, of course he means well. But I am not a trusting person at all and I was willing to put trust into him after all the convincing and was very disappointed when I witnessed the reality of the situation. I would have structured this transition to trading differently, you don't just quit your job and start trading. Nobody was there to tell me that! I was told quite the opposite. I'm glad it happened anyway, so fuck it. I heard Kevin O'Leary once say, "If I knew in the beginning how difficult starting a business was, I don't know that I ever would've started." This applies very much to my experience. So what did I do? Well like everyone I read and read and Googled and Youtube'd my ass off. I sure as hell didn't pay for a course because I didn't have the money and I'm like 99% sure I would be disappointed by whatever they were teaching as pretty much everything can be found online or in books for cheap or free. Also I discovered Thinkorswim and I used that to sim trade in real-time for three months. This is way the hell different than going on a sim at 5x speed and just clicking a few buy and sell buttons. Lol, useless. When you sim trade in real-time you're forced to have a routine, and you're forced to experience missing trades with no chance to rewind or skip the boring parts. That's a step up because you're "in it". I also traded real money too, made some, lost more than I made. went back to sim. Traded live again, made some but lost more, fell back to PDT. Dad fronted me more cash. This has happened a few times. He's dug me out of some holes because he believes in me. I'm fortunate. Oh yeah, about that book my dad gave me. It's called A Beginner's Guide to Day Trading Online by Toni Turner. This book... is shit. This was supposed to be my framework for how to trade and I swear it's like literally nothing in this book fucking works lol. I could tell this pretty early on, intuitively, just by looking at charts. It's basically a buy-the-breakout type strategy, if you want to call it a strategy. No real methodology to anything just vague crap and showing you cherry-picked charts with entries that are way too late. With experience in the markets you will eventually come to find that MOST BREAKOUTS FAIL. It talks about support/resistance lines and describes them as, "picture throwing a ball down at the floor, it bounces up and then it bounces down off the ceiling, then back up." So many asinine assumptions. These ideas are a text book way of how to trade like dumb money. Don't get me wrong, these trades can work but you need to be able to identify the setups which are more probable and identify reasons not to take others. So I basically had to un-learn all that shit. Present day, I have a routine in place. I'm out of the dungeon and trade by myself in my room. I trade with a discount broker that is catered to day traders and doesn't rape me on commissions. My mornings have a framework for analyzing the news and economic events of the particular day, I journal so that I can recognize what I'm doing right and where I need to improve. I record my screens for later review to improve my tape reading skills. I am actually tracking my trades now and doing backtesting in equities as well as forex. I'm not a fast reader but I do read a lot, as much as I can. So far I have read about 17-18 books on trading and psychology. I've definitely got a lot more skilled at trading. As of yet I am not net profitable. Writing that sounds like selling myself short though, honestly. Because a lot of my trades are very good and are executed well. I have talent. However, lesser quality trades and trades which are inappropriately sized/ attempted too many times bring down that P/L. I'm not the type of trader to ignore a stop, I'm more the trader that just widdles their account down with small losses. I trade live because at this point, sim has lost its value, live trading is the ultimate teacher. So I do trade live but I just don't go big like I did before, I keep it small. I could show you trades that I did great on and make people think I'm killing it but I really just don't need the validation. I don't care, I'm real about it. I just want to get better. I don't need people to think I'm a genius, I'm just trying to make some money. Psychologically, to be honest with you, I currently feel beaten down and exhausted. I put a lot of energy into this, and sometimes I work myself physically sick, it's happened multiple times. About once a week, usually Saturday, I get a headache that lasts all day. My body's stress rebound mechanism you might call it. Getting over one of those sick periods now, which is why I barely even traded this week. I know I missed a lot of volatility this week and some A+ setups but I really just don't give a shit lol. I just currently don't have the mental capital, I think anyone who's been day trading every day for a year or more can understand what I mean by that. I'm still being productive though. Again, I'm not here to present an image of some badass trader, just keeping it real. To give something 100% day after day while receiving so much resistance, it takes a toll on you. So a break is necessary to avoid making bad trading decisions. That being said, I'm progressing more and more and eliminating those lesser quality trades and identifying my bad habits. I take steps to control those habits and strengthen my good habits such as having a solid routine, doing review and market research, taking profits at the right times, etc. So maybe I can give some advice to some that are new to day trading, those who are feeling lost, or just in general thinking "...What the fuck..." I thought that every night for the first 6 months lol. First of all, manage expectations. If you read my story of how I came to be a trader, you can see I had a false impression of trading in many aspects. Give yourself a realistic time horizon to how progress should be made. Do not set a monetary goal for yourself, or any time-based goal that is measured in your P/L. If you tell yourself, "I want to make X per day, X per week, or X per year" you're setting yourself up to feel like shit every single day when it's clear as the blue sky that you won't reach that goal anytime soon. As a matter of fact, it will appear you are moving further AWAY from that goal if you just focus on your P/L, which brings me to my next point. You will lose money. In the beginning, most likely, you will lose money. I did it, you'll do it, the greatest Paul Tudor Jones did it. Trading is a skill that needs to be developed, and it is a process. Just look at it as paying your tuition to the market. Sim is fine but don't assume you have acquired this skill until you are adept at trading real money. So when you do make that leap, just trade small. Just survive. Trade small. get the experience. Protect your capital. To reach break even on your bottom line is a huge accomplishment. In many ways, experience and screen time are the secret sauce. Have a routine. This is very important. I actually will probably make a more in-depth post in the future about this if people want it. When I first started, I was overwhelmed with the feeling "What the fuck am I supposed to DO?" I felt lost. There's no boss to tell you how to be productive or how to find the right stocks, which is mostly a blessing, but a curse for new traders. All that shit you see, don't believe all that bullshit. You know what I'm talking about. The bragposting, the clickbait Youtube videos, the ads preying on you. "I made X amount of money in a day and I'm fucking 19 lolz look at my Lamborghini" It's all a gimmick to sell you the dream. It's designed to poke right at your insecurities, that's marketing at it's finest. As for the bragposting on forums honestly, who cares. And I'm not pointing fingers on this forum, just any trading forum in general. They are never adding anything of value to the community in their posts. They never say this is how I did it. No, they just want you to think they're a genius. I can show you my $900 day trading the shit out of TSLA, but that doesn't tell the whole story. Gamblers never show you when they lose, you might never hear from those guys again because behind the scenes, they over-leveraged themselves and blew up. Some may actually be consistently profitable and the trades are 100% legit. That's fantastic. But again, I don't care, and you shouldn't either. You shouldn't compare yourself to others. "Everyone's a genius in a bull market" Here's the thing.. Markets change. Edges disappear. Trading strategies were made by traders who traded during times when everything they did worked. Buy all the breakouts? Sure! It's the fucking tech bubble! Everything works! I'm sure all those typical setups used to work fantastically at some point in time. But the more people realize them, the less effective they are. SOMEONE has to be losing money on the opposite side of a winning trade, and who's willing to do that when the trade is so obvious? That being said, some things are obvious AND still work. Technical analysis works... sometimes. The caveat to that is, filters. You need to, in some way, filter out certain setups from others. For example, you could say, "I won't take a wedge pattern setup on an intraday chart unless it is in a higher time frame uptrend, without nearby resistance, and trading above average volume with news on that day." Have a plan. If you can't describe your plan, you don't have one. Think in probabilities. You should think entirely in "if, then" scenarios. If X has happens, then Y will probably happen. "If BABA breaks this premarket support level on the open I will look for a pop up to short into." Backtest. Most traders lose mainly because they think they have an edge but they don't. You read these books and all this stuff online telling you "this is a high probability setup" but do you know that for a fact? There's different ways to backtest, but I think the best way for a beginner is manual backtesting with a chart and an excel sheet. This builds up that screen time and pattern recognition faster. This video shows how to do that. Once I saw someone do it, it didn't seem so boring and awful as I thought it was. Intelligence is not enough. You're smarter than most people, that's great, but that alone is not enough to make you money in trading necessarily. Brilliant people try and fail at this all the time, lawyers, doctors, surgeons, engineers.. Why do they fail if they're so smart? It's all a fucking scam. No, a number of reasons, but the biggest is discipline and emotional intelligence. Journal every day.K no thanks, bro. That's fucking gay. That's how I felt when I heard this advice but really that is pride and laziness talking. This is the process you need to do to learn what works for you and what doesn't. Review the trades you took, what your plan was, what actually happened, how you executed. Identify what you did well and what you can work on. This is how you develop discipline and emotional intelligence, by monitoring yourself. How you feel physically and mentally, and how these states affect your decision-making. Always be learning. Read as much as you can. Good quality books. Here's the best I've read so far; Market Wizards -Jack Schwager One Good Trade -Mike Bellafiore The Daily Trading Coach -Bret Steenbarger Psycho-cybernetics -Maxwell Maltz Why You Win or Lose -Fred Kelly The Art and Science of Technical Analysis -Adam Grimes Dark Pools -Scott Patterson Be nimble. Everyday I do my research on the symbols I'm trading and the fundamental news that's driving them. I might be trading a large cap that's gapping up with a beat on EPS and revenue and positive guidance. But if I see that stock pop up and fail miserably on the open amidst huge selling pressure, and I look and see the broader market tanking, guess what, I'm getting short, and that's just day trading. The movement of the market, on an intraday timeframe, doesn't have to make logical sense. Adapt. In March I used to be able to buy a breakout on a symbol and swing it for the majority of the day. In the summer I was basically scalping on the open and being done for the day. Volatility changes, and so do my profit targets. Be accountable. Be humble. Be honest. I take 100% responsibility for every dime I've lost or made in the market. It's not the market makers fault, it wasn't the HFTs, I pressed the button. I know my bad habits and I know my good habits.. my strengths/ my weaknesses. Protect yourself from toxicity. Stay away from traders and people on forums who just have that negative mindset. That "can't be done" mentality. Day trading is a scam!! It can certainly be done. Prove it, you bastard. I'm posting to this particular forum because I don't see much of that here and apparently the mods to a good job of not tolerating it. As the mod wrote in the rules, they're most likely raging from a loss. Also, the Stocktwits mentality of "AAPL is going to TANK on the open! $180, here we come. $$$" , or the grandiose stories, "I just knew AMZN was going to go up on earnings. I could feel it. I went ALL IN. Options money, baby! ka-ching!$" Lol, that is so toxic to a new trader. Get away from that. How will you be able to remain nimble when this is your thought process? Be good to yourself. Stop beating yourself up. You're an entrepreneur. You're boldly going where no man has gone before. You've got balls. Acknowledge your mistakes, don't identify with them. You are not your mistakes and you are not your bad habits. These are only things that you do, and you can take action necessary to do them less. It doesn't matter what people think. Maybe they think you're a fool, a gambler. You don't need their approval. You don't need to talk to your co-workers and friends about it to satisfy some subconscious plea for guidance; is this a good idea? You don't need anyone's permission to become the person you want to be. They don't believe in you? Fuck 'em. I believe in you.
12 years of "repairing" myself + mental re-calibration on what's important to me.
Hi! I've read some posts here and felt like this could be a good place to maybe get a helpful perspective. I am 32 years old and all choices that I have made so far in my life were driven by insecurity, anxiety and need as well as longing for approval. My biggest weaknesses are consistency and the ability to get massively excited, that plummets almost as fast as it rises. I am an ENFP (look up "MBTI") and during my entire time in high school my main interests were making people happy and wanting to be liked. I am not clumsy, but I acted like I was to give my classmates a reason to laugh. I wanted to see them smile, even if I had to pay for it. I excelled in Sports and English and I had no love left for math - my primary school math-teacher ridiculed me in front of the class when I barely 8 and in the past I sometimes wondered whether that messed with me somehow. I cared little about grades, as my main focus was a) having fun and b) good relationships. I was very lazy and I hardly ever did any pre- or post-prep. I was indeed liked by most students as they were always happy to see me and I was invited to most birthday parties etc. and I was also bullied by those classmates who were less popular as they gave comments like "look, the education-gap is coming" and quite a number of other events. All those comments stung and some girls told me to defend myself, because they noticed those harsh comments. I never defended myself, because a) I was afraid b) I didn't know how, because I was conflict-averse by nature. I was 18. I knew about my bad grades and I was massively embarrassed because of that, but I still didn't focus on studying but having good relationships. I compensated by working out and I noticed a massively growing interest on how the body works. Anatomy, physiology were my thing. Over time still during High School girls would start notice a change in my physique and guys sometimes stared at my arms. I was far away from a bodybuilder, but I was more muscular. Towards the end of High School some classmates would ask me "so do you want to become a fitness trainer? *snarky chuckle*". In that very moment this option died for me, because according to those classmates a fitness coach was nothing one could be proud of. I was like a leave in the wind - dependent on the thoughts, comments and judgements of others. I neither knew how to make decisions for myself now how to be responsible for myself. I graduated from High School with two things: 1. with barely any preparation at all and 2. without a slightest amount of self-esteem I've always had a deep and loving relationship with my parents, but I never shared any of the events that happened at school. I was a master of ignoring acting like everything was fine. (Where those character traits come from is another topic of course, but I want to be as objective as possible here.) At 20 years all I knew was that I had to study... like all of my classmates. I decided to study sports science and I trained for a month, 6 days a week, several hours a day. I went to the local pharmacy and asked for legal drugs to help my body recover faster. I qualified for studying sports, but my GPA was too low to get accepted in the same year. I decided to pick a different subject, because not starting a study in the same year was not an option - to much peer pressure in my head. I picked a major that completely antagonized my character - it was the only option I found. I had to move far away from my parents and while it was frightening in the beginning, I started to enjoy it after a few weeks. I quickly noticed that my major was nothing for me, but I liked to live on my own terms so I neither quit nor did I tell my parents that this major was a bad choice. I lived in the moment until my circumstances at college forced me to quit. I was 23. I felt bad for quitting, although I knew this major was a torture for me. I didn't want to go back to my parents and at the same time I felt like I had to make up for the lost time by picking a major that would let me shine in a supposedly good light. I wanted to redeem myself. Again... I didn't think about what would be good for me, but I looked at myself through the eyes of other people. Sport Science popped back into my head. In my head Sport Science wouldn't give me the credit I felt like I needed to redeem myself from my High School-failure. I decided to go for Sports Medicine, but I had to wait a few years to get accepted into the program. I was hellbent on following that road, so I successfully became a registered nurse in the meantime. I was 27. I wasn't accepted into the medical program and I still had to wait. I was running low on finances and I detested the work as a nurse. Not the work itself was the problem, but its societal reputation. It didn't give me the alleged prestige I needed to regain my self-esteem which I was still longing for. I decided to try a completely different industry. I started working for a service provider that produced blueprints. I was 29. I still wasn't accepted into the medical program and I decided that it was enough. I had waited 5 years, received nurse training in the meantime. I moved back to my parents and almost decided to do Sport Science, but I didn't. Also during those years I met a number of software engineers who told me about their work and how many job offers they receive on a regular basis. That tempted me. So I decided to study informatics. Futuristic stuff had always fascinated me and I thought virtual reality is cool. I watched and read a lot of material on software engineering and I prepped myself with tons of speeches the one from Steve Jobs that said "programming teaches you how to think...". During the first year I noticed that I didn't enjoy it. Learning programming was tough! It still was fascinating to me though and I buckled down. I passed, but I still didn't get hooked. Programming made me feel smart, because of all the seemingly cryptic languages. I felt like this could be something to make up for my failure and dump reputation at High School. Sometimes I would meet people who said "he is an IT guy" and it made me shudder. In my head I said "I'm no IT guy, I'm a Sport Scientist.", but I didn't say it out loud. I was 30. I continued with my study, because I didn't want to quit again and I started feeling depressed. I didn't want to get up in the morning. I didn't want to smile. I didn't want to meet people, which was completely contrary to my nature. When friends asked me how study was going and how I felt I said "Oh well, I'm good. Study is going alright." while thinking at the same time "don't ask me about my study.". Only very few people in my life are able to see through my cloak - my always smiling persona. As a little kid a teacher would ask my Mum how it was possible that I was always happy. I actually was happy, because I was backed by my parent's unconditional love. I am and always will be utmost thankful for that, way beyond words can express. Being more true to myself, my emotions and letting more people in is something I've been learning continuously. I was 31 and whilst I kept studying and feeling down, I started reading, watching and listening to anything that had to do with motivation, life-purpose and entrepreneurship to push myself out of the depressed feeling. I wanted to stimulate myself so I read Elon Musk's, Steve Job's, Jack Ma's and Richard Branson's biographies. I also started reading about stock trading, forex trading and online advertisement. I dove into those topics, because (a) of interest (b) to distract myself (c) to regain my happiness, which is basically (b) as well and lastly d) to find out what else was out there. On a positive note... by feeling depressed, I encountered a whole new world in terms of business and entrepreneurship. Thanks to all that self-imposed input, I learned a lot about myself and that academia is not the only way to financial opportunities. Side-note: I grew up with the notion that a college degree is inevitable. ...it's crazy how my High School memories still knock on my door and I have to be vigilant to not get caught up in them. If you read until here I salute you. My feelings of depression come and go. I am still studying and working part time. I have lost a considerable amount of hair, because of stress and worries. I sometimes feel like I have aged fast-forward because of that. I still live with my parents. I can't imagine working in the IT industry longterm and I can't help but thinking about Sports Science. Since I've been diving into the world of entrepreneurship I am also keeping a list of projects that I'd love to put into practice. I keep conceptualizing and some ideas seem to be good enough to me to turn them into an mvp. Recently I found a college that allows me to do a 1 year bachelor in Sport Science, because it takes into account my precious education in nursing. A whole lot of scattered thoughts and ideas. My current study will still take me about 1,5 years and I've been thinking about quitting to turn towards the subject that I've been wanting to do since I was 20. In order to sustain financially I considered going through a coding boot camp (despite what I said a few lines before) so that I can work as a developer while studying part time. If the 1 year Bachelor pans out, I'll be done when I'm 35-ish. I could even imagine doing a PhD some day, because anything sport-related gets me hooked. I want to be a sports coach to other people and I want to raise awareness concerning physiological health. It hurts my brain when I think about the fact that it took me over a decade to accept my innate interest as worthy and valuable and to grow over that remark by my classmate over 12 years ago. It's almost ludicrous to think that such comments can cause emotional trauma that in turn can have such long-lasting influence on decisions. On the other hand I feel like I had to go through all those feelings of depression to deal more with myself and to become aware of my characteristics and personality traits. Today I know how important conflict is, how benefitial arguments can be, how important emotions are and that it's equally important to not ignore emotions but to go through them and to face them. Honestly... if I didn't know that my parents loved me as much as they do, I'm not sure how far I would've made it. If you have advice or thoughts concerning turning my fragmented thoughts into a viable roadmap, please feel free. I'm not hoping for a specific answer. I want to let people grant a look inside my head and listen to their general advice. Thx again for reading.
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