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[Game Preview] Week 16 - Philadelphia Eagles (5-9) vs. New York Giants (10-4)

Philadelphia Eagles (5-9) vs. New York Giants (10-4)
The Philadelphia Eagles return home to take on the New York Giants in a divisional matchup at Lincoln Financial Field. The Eagles’ final two regular-season games are scheduled in Philadelphia against NFC East opponents.
General Information
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Date
Thursday, December 22nd, 2016
Game Time Game Location
8:30 PM - Eastern Lincoln Financial Field
7:30 PM - Central 1020 Pattison Ave
6:30 PM - Mountain Philadelphia, PA 19148
5:30 PM - Pacific Wikipedia - Map
Weather Forecast
Stadium Type: Open Air
Temperature: 41°F
Feels Like: 30°F
Forecast: Clear Night
Humidity: 55%
Chance of Precipitation: 0%
Cloud Coverage: 3%
Wind: SE 14 MPH
Betting Odds
Oddsshark Information
Favorite/Opening Line: Giants by -3
OveUnder: 42
Record VS. Spread: Philadelphia 6-8, New York 7-5-2
Where to Watch on TV
NBC - NFL Network - will broadcast Thursday night’s game to a national audience. Mike Tirico will handle the play-by-play duties and Cris Collinsworth will provide analysis. Heather Cox will report from the sidelines.
TV Map - Week 16 TV Coverage Map
Internet Streams
NFL Network - Provider Participation Required
Twitter - Free Stream
NFL Streams - Look here 30 minutes before the game for Streams
Radio Streams
Eagles App: Apple App Store or Google Play Store
Listen to Merrill Reese and Mike Quick
Calling the game on 94WIP and the Eagles Radio Network will be Merrill Reese, the NFL’s longest-tenured play-by-play announcer (40th season). Joining Reese in the radio booth will be former Eagles All-Pro wide receiver Mike Quick, while Howard Eskin will report from the sidelines.
Location Station Frequency
Philadelphia, PA WIP-FM 94.1 FM and 610 AM
Allentown, PA WCTO-FM 96.1 FM
Atlantic City/South Jersey WENJ-FM 97.3 FM
Levittown, PA WBCB-AM 1490 AM
Northumberland, PA WEGH-FM 107.3 FM
Pottsville, PA WPPA-AM 1360 AM
Reading, PA WEEU-AM 830 AM
Salisbury/Ocean City, MD WAFL-FM 97.7 FM
Wilkes-Barre/Scranton, PA WEJL-FM 96.1 FM
Salisbury/Ocean City, MD WAFL-FM 97.7 FM
Salisbury/Ocean City, MD WEJL-AM 630 AM
Salisbury/Ocean City, MD WBAX-AM 1240 AM
Williamsport, PA WBZD-FM 93.3 FM
Wilmington, DE WDEL-FM/AM 101.7 FM
York/LancasteHarrisburg, PA WSOX-FM 96.1 FM
Philadelphia Spanish Radio
Rickie Ricardo, Macu Berral and Gus Salazar will handle the broadcast in Spanish on Mega 105.7 FM in Philadelphia and the Eagles Spanish Radio Network.
Location Station Frequency
Philadelphia, PA LA MEGA 105.7 FM
Allentown, PA WSAN 1470 AM
Atlantic City, NJ WIBG 1020 AM; 101.3 FM
Giants Radio
Giants Radio Network
National Radio
Westwood One: Tom McCarthy, Tony Boselli
Satellite Radio
Station Eagles Channel Giants Channel
Sirius Radio SIRI 81 (Internet 824) SIRI 83 (Internet 821)
XM Radio XM 225 (Internet 824) XM 226 (Internet 821)
Sirius XM Radio SXM 225 (Internet 824) SXM 226 (Internet 821)
Eagles Social Media Giants Social Media
Website Website
Facebook Facebook
Twitter Twitter
Instagram Instagram
Snapchat: Eagles Snapchat: newyork-giants
NFC East Standings
Team W L T Pct PF PA Net Pts TD Home Road Div Pct Conf Pct Non-Conf Streak Last 5
x - Cowboys 12 2 0 0.857 366 258 108 42 6-1 6-1 3-2 0.600 8-2 0.800 4-0 1W 4-1
Giants 10 4 0 .714 272 250 22 33 7-1 3-3 3-1 .750 7-3 .700 3-1 2W 4-1
Redskins 7 6 1 0.536 345 343 2 37 4-3 3-3-1 3-2 0.600 5-5 0.500 2-1-1 1L 2-3
Eagles 5 9 0 .357 316 299 17 31 4-2 1-7 0-4 0.000 3-7 .300 2-2 5L 0-5
Series Information
The New York Giants lead the Philadelphia Eagles (86-81)
Series History
Head to Head Box Scores
First Game Played
October 15th, 1933 at the NYC Polo Grounds. New York Giants 56 - Philadelphia Eagles 0.
Points Leader
The New York Giants lead the Philadelphia Eagles (3268-3184)
Coaches Record
Doug Pederson: 0-1 against the Giants
Ben Mcadoo: 1-0 against Eagles
Coaches Head to Head
Doug Pederson vs Ben Mcadoo: Mcadoo leads Pederson 1-0
Quarterback Record
Carson Wentz: Against Giants: 0-1
Eli Manning: Against Eagles: 10-15
Quarterbacks Head to Head
Carson Wentz vs Eli Manning: Manning leads Wentz 1-0
Records per Stadium
Record @ Lincoln Financial Field: Eagles lead the Giants: 8-6
Record @ MetLife Stadium: Eagles lead the Giants: 5-2
Rankings and Last Meeting Information
AP Pro 32 Ranking
Eagles No. 26 - Giants No. 6
Last Week
Eagles: L 27-26 vs Ravens
Giants: W 17-6
Last Meeting
Sunday Nov 6, 2016
New York Giants QB Eli Manning passes for 257 yards & 4 TDs. Giants WR Odell Beckham Jr. has 2 TD catches.
Click here to view the Video Recap
Click here to view the Stats Recap
Last Meeting at Site
Monday Oct 19, 2015
Philadelphia RB DeMarco Murray rushes for 112 yards & TD. Eagles CB Nolan Carroll has 17-yard INT-TD.
Click here to view the Video Recap
Click here to view the Stats Recap
Last 10 Meetings
Date Winner Loser Score
11/06/2016 Giants Eagles 28-23
01/03/2016 Eagles Giants 35-30
10/19/2015 Eagles Giants 27-7
12/28/2014 Eagles Giants 34-26
10/12/2014 Eagles Giants 27-0
10/27/2013 Giants Eagles 15-7
10/06/2013 Eagles Giants 26-21
12/30/2012 Giants Eagles 42-7
09/30/2012 Eagles Giants 19-17
11/20/2011 Eagles Giants 17-10
Injury Reports Depth Charts
Eagles Eagles
Giants Giants
2016 Weekly Matchup
Week 16 - Iron Rank Matchup
Week 16 - "Expert" Picks
Week 16 - Sporting Charts Matchup
2016 Team Stats
Eagles Season Stats
Giants Season Stats
2016 Stats (Starters/Leaders)
Passing
Name CMP ATT PCT YDS TD INT RAT
Wentz 339 540 62.8% 3385 13 13 78.5
Manning 322 508 63.4% 3491 25 13 89.3
Rushing
Name ATT YDS YDS/G AVG TD
Mathews 137 615 51.3 4.5 8
Jennings 154 497 45.2 3.2 2
Receiving
Name REC YDS YDS/G AVG TD
Matthews 71 792 60.9 11.2 3
Beckham Jr. 85 1173 83.8 13.8 10
Sacks
Name Sacks Team Total
Cox 6.5 31.0
Vernon 8.5 31.0
Tackles
Name Total Solo Assist Sacks
Bradham 87 59 28 2
Collins 108 87 21 3
Interceptions
Name Ints Team Total
McLeod/Hicks 3 11
Collins 5 14
Punting
Name ATT YDS LONG AVG NET IN 20 TB FC BP
Jones 54 2451 72 45.4 39.8 18 6 14 0
Wing 82 3789 63 46.2 41.0 26 7 14 0
Kicking
Name ATT MADE % LONG PAT
Sturgis 37 32 96.0% 55 24/25
Gould 4 4 100.00% 47 18/21
Kick Returns
Name ATT YDS AVG LONG TD
Barner 9 277 30.8 61 0
Harris 19 473 24.9 46 0
Punt Returns
Name RET YDS AVG LONG TD FC
Sproles 17 224 13.2 66 0 11
Harris 20 126 6.3 17 0 9
League Rankings 2016
Offense Rankings
Category Giants Stat Giants Rank Eagles Stat Eagles Rank
Total Offense 320.6 27th 340.4 19th
Rush Offense 81.2 30th 112.9 9th
Pass Offense 239.4 17th 227.5 24th
Points Per Game 19.4 24th 22.6 16th
3rd-Down Offense 34.4 31st 37.9 20th
4th-Down Offense 50.0 T-13th 52.0 12th
Red Zone Offense (TD%) 60.0 12th 50.0 24th
Defense Rankings
Category Giants Stat Giants Rank Eagles Stat Eagles Rank
Total Defense 347.5 15th 344.2 12th
Rush Defense 90.1 5th 104.9 10th
Pass Defense 257.4 23rd 239.3 12th
Points Per Game 17.9 3rd 21.4 13th
3rd-Down Defense 35.5 3rd 39.2 17th
4th-Down Defense 53.9 17th 43.8 T-12th
Red Zone Defense 40.0 1st 47.7 5th
Team
Category Giants Stat Giants Rank Eagles Stat Eagles Rank
Turnover Diff. -3 T-23rd +2 T-13th
Penalty Per Game 5.6 T-1st 7.7 T-26th
Penalty Yards Per Game 54.6 11th 62.8 23rd
Notable Moments
The rivalry between the Philadelphia Eagles and New York Giants is the oldest rivalry in the NFC East. The rivalry began in 1933 with the founding of the Eagles, and slowly strengthened when both teams came to relative prominence in the 1940s and 1950s. The two teams have played in the same division in the NFL every year since 1933. The ferocity of the rivalry can also be attributed to the geographic New York-Philadelphia rivalry, which is mirrored in Major League Baseball's Mets–Phillies rivalry and National Hockey League's Flyers–Rangers rivalry. It is ranked by NFL Network as the #1 rivalry of all-time and Sports Illustrated has it among the top ten NFL rivalries of all-time at #4, and according to ESPN, it is one of the fiercest and most well-known rivalries in the football community.
November 20,1960 - The Hit - The Eagles' Chuck Bednarik cleanly blindsided Giants running back Frank Gifford, sending Gifford into an 18-month retirement due to a severe concussion
November 19, 1978 - The Miracle at the Meadowlands - The Giants were leading the Eagles 17-12 with 20 seconds remaining. Offensive coordinator Bob Gibson called for a running play when all that was needed was for the Giants to take a knee. The handoff between quarterback Joe Pisarcik and Larry Csonka was fumbled and Eagles CB Herman Edwards grabbed the loose ball and returned it for the winning score.
November 20, 1988 The Giants hosted the Eagles with both teams in the running for control over their division. The Eagles, led by head coach Buddy Ryan and quarterback Randall Cunningham, fought a tough match to bring the game into overtime with the score tied at 17-17. In overtime, Eagles Defensive End Clyde Simmons carried the ball 15 yards for the game-winning touchdown, after the Giants had blocked a FG attempt. Both teams finished with identical 10-6 records, but the Eagles won the NFC East due to their head-to-head victory, while the Giants lost the wild card tiebreaker to the Los Angeles Rams and missed the playoffs. The Eagles would lose to the Chicago Bears in a game famously known as the Fog Bowl.
October 31, 1999 - The Eagles and Giants were tied at 17-17 in overtime when Eagles QB Doug Pederson had his pass blocked up in the air and was intercepted by Michael Strahan. Strahan returned for a 44-yard touchdown to win the game for the Giants 23-17.
January 7, 2001 - The Giants defeated the Eagles 20-10 in a Divisional Playoff game due to Ron Dixon's 97-yard kickoff return and Jason Sehorn's acrobatic 32-yard interception return. This win would help propel the Giants to Super Bowl XXXV which they ultimately lost to the Baltimore Ravens, 34-7.
December 19, 2010 - Miracle at New Medowlands - The Giants led the Eagles 31-10 with 7:28 left in the first game between the teams at New Meadowlands Stadium where first place in the NFC East was on the line. But the Eagles would rally to tie the score, then win the game on DeSean Jackson's 65 yard punt return for a touchdown with no time left on the clock for a shocking 38-31 victory. The Elias Sports Bureau also believes that this is the first walk-off punt return in NFL history. The Giants went on to miss the playoffs, despite finishing tied for first with the Eagles at 10-6, and the Eagles lost their last two games.
October 12, 2014 - Black Sunday - The Eagles authored the first shutout in the series since a 20-0 loss in 1998, and their first shutout win in the series since 1996, winning 27-0. Quarterback Nick Foles threw for 248 yards and two touchdowns while he and three Eagles backs rushed for 203 yards (led by LeSean McCoy's 149 yards). The Giants failed on a fourth and goal attempt in the third quarter following a Foles interception; even worse, wide receiver Victor Cruz suffered a season-ending injury on the play. Eli Manning was held to 151 yards and backup Ryan Nassib connected for 60 yards.
Connections
Giants DC Steve Spagnuolo spent eight seasons on the Eagles’ coaching staff as a defensive assistant/quality control coach (1999-2000), DBs coach (2001-03) and LBs coach (2004-06).
Giants LBs coach Bill McGovern served as the Eagles’ OLBs coach from 2013-15.
Eagles QBs coach John DeFilippo was the Giants’ offensive quality control coach from 2005-06.
Giants CB Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie played for the Eagles from 2011-12.
Giants LB Deontae Skinner was a member of the Eagles practice squad in 2015
Giants P Brad Wing was originally signed by the Eagles as a rookie free agent in 2013.
Eagles OL coach Jeff Stoutland (New York, NY), DE Vinny Curry (Neptune, NJ) and S Malcolm Jenkins (Piscataway, NJ) are from the New York/North Jersey region.
Giants CB Eli Apple (Philadelphia, PA), LB Mark Herzlich (Conestoga, PA), QB Ryan Nassib (Malvern, PA) and G Justin Pugh (Holland, PA) are Philadelphia-area natives.
Pro Bowlers
Eagles Giants
OT Jason Peters WR Odell Beckham, Jr
DT Fletcher Cox CB Janoris Jenkins
SS Landon Collins
ST Dwayne Harris
General
Referee: Clete Blakeman
Since 2008, the Eagles have gone 13-5 (.722) against the Giants, including a Divisional Round playoff victory at the Meadowlands on 1/11/09 (W, 23-11). Philadelphia has won five of its last seven contests vs. N.Y. Giants, including four of its last five since the start of the 2014 campaign.
The Eagles have won two straight games against the Giants at Lincoln Financial Field. Dating back to 2009, Philadelphia has produced a 5-2 (.714) home record vs. N.Y. Giants
The Giants have won eight of their past nine games and can clinch a playoff berth with a win on Thursday. New York can also advance to the postseason with a loss by either Detroit, Atlanta, Green Bay or Tampa Bay. The Giants still have a shot at winning the NFC East and earning home-field advantage throughout the NFC playoffs.
Last week, Carson Wentz scored on a 4-yard run 4 seconds to play, narrowing Baltimore’s lead to 27–26. But Philadelphia head coach Doug Pederson opted for a two-point conversion and the play failed, giving the Ravens a one-point victory. The Eagles were only the fourth team in modern NFL history to miss a conversion after drawing within one point on a touchdown in the game’s final 10 seconds. The most recent was Washington against Tampa Bay in 2010.
The Eagles have outscored the Giants 54-7 ( 47) in the last two games they’ve hosted New York at Lincoln Financial Field.
The Eagles have sacked Giants quarterbacks 11 times in the last two games played in Philadelphia. Eli Manning was sacked six times in the 27-0 Eagles victory in 2014.
Eli Manning’s 15 career losses against the Eagles are his most against any single opponent, as are his 26 career interceptions thrown while playing against the Eagles.
Tonight marks the return of Eagles starting RT Lane Johnson, who had been suspended the last 10 games for a failed PED test. With Johnson on the field, the Eagles are 3-1 this season. Without him? 2-8.
Eagles
QB Carson Wentz owns the team rookie records for pass attempts (540), completions (339), passing yards (3,385) and passing TDs (13). Wentz also owns the highest completion percentage (62.8%) by an Eagles rookie (min. 200 attempts).
DT Fletcher Cox leads the Eagles with 6.5 sacks in 2016. Cox’s 28.5 career sacks are the 5th-most by an Eagles interior defensive lineman, trailing only Andy Harmon (39.5), Ken Clarke (32.5), Corey Simon (32.0) and Jerome Brown (29.5).
The Eagles' Offense leads the NFL in time of possession (32:29) and second-half time of possession (17:07) in 2016. The last time Philadelphia finished the season with a time of possession greater than 32:00 was in 1996 (32:12).
The Eagles' Special Teams leads the NFL in average starting field position after kickoff (27.9), as well as in opponent average starting field position after kickoff (22.4), in 2016. Overall, Philadelphia ranks 2nd in average field position (31.0) this season, trailing only Oakland (31.7) in that category.
The Eagles' Defense has allowed the lowest percentage of red zone third-down conversions (15.0%) in the NFL in 2016. Philadelphia ranks 2nd in opponent yards per play in the red zone (2.32) this season, trailing only Minnesota (2.27).
The Eagles' Special Teams leads the NFL in kickoff return average (28.5) in 2016 (franchise-record 27.3 average was set in 2014 - min. 30 kickoff returns). Philadelphia has also returned 5 kickoffs for 50+ yards this season, which are the most by an NFL team since 2013 (Kansas City and Minnesota).
The Eagles' Offense ranks 3rd in the NFL in 10+ play drives (33) in 2016, trailing only Dallas (34) and Detroit (34). Philadelphia also ranks 3rd in 5+ minute drives, behind the Cowboys (34) and Lions (32).
The **Eagles' Defense has produced the NFL’s 3rd-most opponent negative plays (97) this season, trailing only Arizona (109) and Los Angeles. Philadelphia also ranks 5th in opponent yards lost on negative plays (-350), behind the Cardinals (-427), Packers (-398), Rams (-358) and Seahawks (-356).
The Eagles' Offense has registered the NFL’s 4th-lowest percentage of three-and-out drives (17.4%) in 2016, trailing only Washington (10.9%), Atlanta (13.1%) and New Orleans (15.1%).
The Eagles' Defense ranks 5th in the NFL in opponent red zone TD efficiency (47.7%) this season, behind N.Y. Giants (40.0%), Carolina (45.7%), Pittsburgh (45.7%) and Indianapolis (46.7%).
The Eagles' Offense has recorded the NFL’s 5th-highest percentage of rushes gaining 4+ yards (46.3%) in 2016, trailing only Tennessee (51.3%), Buffalo (50.4%), San Francisco (49.5%) and Dallas (46.7%).
The Eagles' Offense is tied for the 5th-most rushes of 10+ yards (50) in the NFL this season, trailing only Dallas (66), Buffalo (65), San Francisco (56) and Tennesse (54).
The Eagles are one of only seven NFL teams with 4+ non-offensive TDs in 2016 (4), joining Kansas City (7), Minnesota (6), Atlanta (5), Denver (4), Miami (4) and San Diego (4).
Giants
QB Eli Manning has 559 pass yards (279.5 per game) with 6 touchdowns & 2 interceptions for a 94.9 rating in his past 2 games against Philadelphia. Manning is the 7th player in NFL history with 4,000+ career completions (4,017)
WR Sterling Shepard ranks 2nd among all NFL rookies with 592 reception yards and he ties for 2nd with 7 touchdown catches.
S Landon Collins is the only player with 5+ interceptions (5) & 3+ sacks (3). Collins leads all NFC safeties with 108 tackles.
WR Odell Beckham caught his 10th touchdown pass of the season in the Giants’ win. This is the third time in his three-year NFL career that Beckham has caught at least 10 TD passes. The only other players with at least 10 touchdown receptions in each of their first three seasons in the league were WR Bob Hayes (1965–67), WR John Jefferson (1978–80), WR Randy Moss (1998–2000), and TE Rob Gronkowski (2010–12).
Milestones
QB Carson Wentz (3,385 - 17th) can make a move up to 16th place on the Eagles' All-Time Passing Yards list with 341 more passing yards. He will pass QB Sam Bradford (3,725 - 16th) along the way.
QB Carson Wentz (3,385 - 12th) can set the Eagles franchise record for most passing yards in a single season with 532 more passing yards passing out QB Donovan McNabb's (3,916 - 1st) 2008 record. Additionally, 615 more passing yards would make Wentz the first Eagles QB to eclipse 4000 passing yards in a single season.
TE Brent Celek (4,832) needs 168 more yards to reach 5000 career receiving yards.
RB Darren Sproles (18,912 - 8th) is 8th on the NFL's All-Time All-Purpose Yards list. He can move into 7th place with 156 more yards. However, WR Steve Smith Sr. (19,067 - 7th) is currently in 7th place and is still active in the NFL. Sproles (18,912) is 88 All-Purpose Yards away from 19,000 Career All-Purpose Yards.
DE Connor Barwin (30.5 - 15th) is in 15th place on the Eagles All-Time Sack List. Barwin can move into 14th place with 1 more sack joining DE Juqua Parker (31.5 - 14th). Barwin is also 0.5 sacks away from reaching 50 career sacks!
DE Brandon Graham (29.0 - 17th) needs 1.0 Sacks to pass DT Jerome Brown (29.5 - 16th) on the Eagles All-Time Sack List. 1.0 Sacks will also give Graham 30 Career Sacks
DE Fletcher Cox (28.5 - 18th) needs 1.5 Sacks to pass DE Brandon Graham (29.0 - 17th) and DT Jerome Brown (29.5 - 16th) on the Eagles All-Time Sack List. 1.5 Sacks will also give Cox 30 Career Sacks
QB Eli Manning (199) will be playing in his 200th career game.
QB Eli Manning (6,735 - 8th) needs 89 more Passing Attempts to move into 7th place on the NFL's All-Time Passing Attempts list. He would pass HoF QB Warren Moon (6,823 - 7th) along the way.
QB Eli Manning (4,017 - 7th) can move into 6th place on the NFL's All-Time Completion list with 107 more completions and would pass HoF QB John Elway (4,123 - 6th).
WR Victor Cruz (4,458) is currently 10th on the Giant's All-Time Receiving Yards List, but can break into the Top 5 with 388 more receiving yards. He would pass WR Ike Hilliard (4,630 - 9th), WR Hakeem Nicks (4,676 - 8th), WR Chris Calloway (4,710 - 7th), LE Kyle Rote (4,797 - 6th), and SE Homer Jones (4,845 - 5th).
Matchups to Watch
LT Jason Peters Vs. DE Olivier Vernon
The Eagles' offensive line has seen a lot of movement and change this season, with different players shifting to different positions throughout the year. One constant has been Peters on the left side. Peters may be on the other side of 30, but he’s had a consistent year as a pass protector. The Giants paid big money for Vernon as a free agent this offseason, and he’s delivered with 8.5 sacks. Vernon will almost always be lined up against Peters, so expect a great matchup on Thursday.
CB Jalen Mills Vs. WR Odell Beckham Jr.
The Eagles have used a rotation at corner all season long, and they’ve typically tried to keep players on one side of the field during a game, rather than having them shadow certain receivers. So while Beckham will probably face a few different Eagles in coverage, look for the rookie Mills to have his chance to prove himself against Beckham. Mills can help prove himself as a key piece of the defense movie forward by doing his best to slow down his former LSU teammate.
TE Zach Ertz Vs. S Landon Collins
While Ertz seemed hindered by a rib injury for most of the first half of the season, he’s come into his own during the month of December. In the Eagles last three games, Ertz has 25 catches for 271 yards and a touchdown. Meanwhile, Collins has been the defensive MVP for the Giants this season, leading the team with 108 tackles and five interceptions. He was the NFC's Defensive Player of the Month for November. Collins is developing into the ball hawk the Giants were hoping for when they took him in the second round of the 2015 NFL Draft.
Fun Facts
The Giants defeated the Lions, 17–6, in a battle of teams that had 9–4 records at the start of play. The Giants have played in the NFL since 1925, the Lions since 1930 (including four seasons in Portsmouth, Ohio, known during that period as the Spartans). This was the first of their 44 regular-season meetings for which both teams had a record at least five games above the .500 mark.
Last week the Giants defeated the Cowboys, 10–7, after Dallas came in with an 11–1 record. Only two other teams in modern NFL history—which is to say since 1933—won consecutive games by holding each opponent to fewer than 10 points, with both victories against teams that were at least five games above .500. The others were San Francisco in 2001 and New England in 2010.
But the Giants also did that in the league’s early years. In 1929, they won a road game against the Frankford Yellow Jackets, 12–0, and then defeated the Yellow Jackets the very next day—yes, you read that right—by a 31–0 score at the Polo Grounds. Frankford had a 9–2–5 record prior to its back-to-back shutout losses.
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July 26 1993: Maddux Conquers Rockies, Crasnick Predicts Future Hall Of Famers

The good news is that the Rockies managed to score four runs off the Braves’ Greg Maddux, the bad news is that the fourth run didn’t cross the plate until the eighth inning, after the Rockies were already down by nine runs. The final score would be 12-7, but it wasn’t as close as it looked, as the Braves led all the way and smacked four home runs in the course of routing the Rockies, including an inside-the-parker by Deion Sanders. The season series now stands at 8-0 Braves, and with San Francisco’s loss today, Atlanta is now within eight games of first place in the NL West. While catching up with the red-hot Giants might seem like a pipe dream, manager Bobby Cox won’t rule it out — “We can make a strong run,” he told reporters today.
The Rockies, meanwhile, were without Andres Galarraga, who sat out due to injury. Charlie Hayes did his best to fill the power gap by hitting two home runs, but like Jayhawk Owens yesterday, his multi-home run day was not enough to bring victory. The club’s prospects look no brighter tomorrow, as they’re due to face John Smoltz, who has already beaten them twice this year. Armando Reynoso, who has lost to the Braves once this year, will oppose him.
In other baseball news, the Denver Posts Jerry Crasnick has been interviewing several of his fellow baseball writers to try and predict which of today’s potential Hall of Famers have the best chance of getting in. They agree that the recently-retired Dale Murphy, although “a tough call” has at least a decent chance of making the Hall if his last few unproductive seasons aren’t held against him. Other names discussed were categorized as follows:
Sure Bet
George Brett, Carlton Fisk, Rickey Henderson, Nolan Ryan, Dave Winfield, Robin Yount
Foot In The Door
Andre Dawson, Dennis Eckersley, Rich Gossage, Eddie Murray, Jeff Reardon, Lee Smith
Almost There
Roger Clemens, Kirby Puckett, Cal Ripken Jr., Ryne Sandberg
Longshots
Jack Morris, Alan Trammell, Lou Whitaker
Need A Milestone To Get In
Wade Boggs, Joe Carter, Tony Gwynn, Paul Molitor
BOX SCORE
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 R H E
Braves 0 1 2 0 2 0 3 3 1 12 14 0
Rockies 0 1 0 0 1 0 0 4 1 7 11 3
WP: Greg Maddux (11-8) • LP: Curt Leskanic (1-4)
Braves Batting
2B: Terry Pendleton (23); Mark Lemke (15).
HR: Deion Sanders (3); Jeff Blauser (10); Ron Gant (23); David Justice (24).
TB: Deion Sanders 6; David Justice 6; Ron Gant 6; Jeff Blauser 4; Fred McGriff 2; Terry Pendleton 2; Mark Lemke 2.
GIDP: Fred McGriff (10).
RBI: Terry Pendleton 3 (45); David Justice 2 (70); Jeff Blauser 2 (44); Ron Gant 2 (65); Deion Sanders (20).
2-out RBI: Jeff Blauser 2; Terry Pendleton 2; David Justice; Ron Gant.
Team LOB: 6.
With RISP: 3 for 13.
Braves Fielding
DP: 2. Mark Lemke-Fred McGriff; Mark Lemke-Jeff Blauser-Fred McGriff.
Braves Baserunning
SB: Deion Sanders (16).
Rockies Batting
2B: Freddie Benavides (8); Jayhawk Owens (5).
HR: Charlie Hayes 2 (16); Freddie Benavides (1).
TB: Charlie Hayes 9; Freddie Benavides 6; Jayhawk Owens 2; Chris Jones 2; Roberto Mejia; Jim Tatum; Eric Young.
GIDP: Jerald Clark (8); Dante Bichette (3).
RBI: Charlie Hayes 5 (64); Freddie Benavides (13); Jim Tatum (11).
2-out RBI: Charlie Hayes 4; Jim Tatum; Freddie Benavides.
Team LOB: 3.
With RISP: 2 for 7.
Rockies Fielding
DP: 1. Roberto Mejia-Freddie Benavides-Jerald Clark.
E: Chris Jones (1); Jerald Clark (8); Jayhawk Owens (4).
Rockies Baserunning
SB: Chris Jones (6); Eric Young (27).
Pickoffs: Chris Jones.
Pitching
team pitcher IP H BB R ER
ATL Greg Maddux 7.1 8 1 4 4
ATL Jay Howell 0.2 1 1 2 2
ATL Greg McMichael 1 2 1 1 1
COL Curt Leskanic 5 6 2 5 3
COL Bruce Ruffin 1.2 3 2 3 3
COL Mark Grant 1.1 3 0 3 3
COL Marcus Moore 1 2 0 1 1
Balks: Curt Leskanic (1).
WP: Curt Leskanic (3).
Other information
Umpires: HP - Brian Gorman, 1B - Gary Darling, 2B - Charlie Williams, 3B - Joe West.
Time of Game: 3:05
Attendance: 62,937
Location: Mile High Stadium.
NL EAST DIVISIONAL STANDINGS
Team W L GB
PHI 62 38
STL 57 41 4
MON 52 47 9.5
CHC 50 48 11
PIT 45 54 16.5
FLA 42 56 19
NYM 33 65 28
NL WEST DIVISIONAL STANDINGS
Team W L GB
SFG 67 34
ATL 59 42 8
LAD 52 47 14
HOU 51 48 15
CIN 52 50 15.5
SDP 38 63 29
COL 36 63 30
AL EAST DIVISIONAL STANDINGS
Team W L GB
TOR 56 44
NYY 56 45 0.5
BOS 55 44 0.5
BAL 54 45 1.5
DET 52 48 4
CLE 47 53 9
MIL 40 57 14.5
AL WEST DIVISIONAL STANDINGS
Team W L GB
CHW 53 45
KCR 52 47 1.5
TEX 49 49 4
SEA 49 50 4.5
CAL 44 54 9
MIN 42 54 10
OAK 41 55 11
submitted by SofieTerleska to ColoradoRockies [link] [comments]

/r/nfl subreddit stats

Period: 363.88 days
Submissions Comments
Total 999 617848
Rate (per day) 2.75 1691.16
Unique Redditors 598 77072
Combined Score 2653846 17867526

Top Submitters' Top Submissions

  1. 90587 points, 35 submissions: Jux_
    1. Antonio Brown: "Have a safe 4th of July and show up to work tomorrow with the same amount of fingers as the last time they saw you" (4657 points, 297 comments)
    2. Rex Ryan on Brady: One of these days I keep thinking if I stay in this division long enough that dude will retire (4433 points, 1026 comments)
    3. DaSilva: Brock Osweiler has been a $72 million disaster for the Texans (4129 points, 1899 comments)
    4. Chargers, Bosa agree to 4 year contract (4067 points, 1687 comments)
    5. Will Carroll: "Trainers may have saved [Bridgewater's] leg and career by quick action." (3503 points, 963 comments)
    6. This is apparently what the Titans send to season ticket holders (3131 points, 743 comments)
    7. Trevor Siemian will be Broncos' starting quarterback (3128 points, 1035 comments)
    8. In case you wanted to know, Alfred Morris is still driving that 1991 Mazda he bought for $2. (3125 points, 572 comments)
    9. Major Upheaval Continues on ESPN NFL Coverage: Cris Carter, Ray Lewis Out; Randy Moss In (3002 points, 1312 comments)
    10. NFL Owner: chance of Raiders moving to Las Vegas "is now 50 percent—and maybe as high as 75." (2861 points, 1298 comments)
  2. 67800 points, 26 submissions: NFL_Mod
    1. Von Miller named Super Bowl MVP for SB50 (4804 points, 1756 comments)
    2. Round 2 - Pick 28: Roberto Aguayo, K, Florida State (Tampa Bay Buccaneers) (4752 points, 1420 comments)
    3. Post Game Thread: Green Bay Packers (10-6) at Arizona Cardinals (13-3) (3826 points, 7664 comments)
    4. Game Thread: Carolina Panthers (0-0) at Denver Broncos (0-0) (3752 points, 36753 comments)
    5. Post Game Thread: Seattle Seahawks (4-1) at Arizona Cardinals (3-3) (3302 points, 3953 comments)
    6. Post Game Thread: Pittsburgh Steelers (10-6) at Cincinnati Bengals (12-4) (3291 points, 10902 comments)
    7. Post Game Thread: Seattle Seahawks (10-6) at Minnesota Vikings (11-5) (3114 points, 7321 comments)
    8. Game Thread: Carolina Panthers (15-1) at Denver Broncos (12-4) (1st Quarter) (3096 points, 17988 comments)
    9. Post Game Discussion Thread: Carolina Panthers (15-1) at Denver Broncos (12-4) (2866 points, 12574 comments)
    10. Post Game Thread: New England Patriots (12-4) at Denver Broncos (12-4) (2605 points, 5628 comments)
  3. 60807 points, 24 submissions: Jobbe03
    1. Vikings released K Blair Walsh (4050 points, 1231 comments)
    2. Tom Coughlin has been fired (3720 points, 1869 comments)
    3. Buffalo Bills firing OC Greg Roman, per league sources. Roman was NFL's top paid OC. (3319 points, 1618 comments)
    4. Browns have benched Manziel. Team announces McCown is the starter. (3231 points, 3080 comments)
    5. Justin Tuck has decided to retire (3231 points, 555 comments)
    6. Report: Greg Hardy arrested for drug possession (3197 points, 751 comments)
    7. Tennessee finalizing deal for Eagles RB DeMarco Murray, league sources tell ESPN. Trade expected to be complete for new league year Weds (3183 points, 1496 comments)
    8. Adam Schefter on Twitter: "Cleveland is expected to reach agreement with former Redskins' QB Robert Griffin III today, per team source. Griffin III to be a Brown." (3105 points, 1105 comments)
    9. Steelers have ruled out WR Antonio Brown. (3086 points, 2038 comments)
    10. RB Arian Foster is signing with the #Dolphins, source said. (2630 points, 605 comments)
  4. 57837 points, 21 submissions: PotRoastBoobs
    1. Browns say they're putting Robert Griffin III on injured reserve with a shoulder injury. (4416 points, 2313 comments)
    2. The Patriots have done extensive preparation over the past few days to get WR Julian Edelman ready as the backup QB. It may actually happen (4117 points, 1263 comments)
    3. Blockbuster deal: Patriots traded LB Jamie Collins to Cleveland for a compensatory third-round pick, sources tell ESPN. (3800 points, 2909 comments)
    4. Eddie Lacy is reportedly up to the same weight as last year, about 30 pounds over where the Packers want him. (3703 points, 1311 comments)
    5. The advice DeMarco Murray gave Ezekiel Elliott: "Be at Jason Witten's side, everywhere he goes, everything he does. Watch, listen, do the same" (3697 points, 763 comments)
    6. Best selling NFL jerseys by state, according to the last six months of data from Dicks Sporting Goods (3680 points, 1810 comments)
    7. Jaguars 1st-round pick Jalen Ramsey has suffered a knee injury, source said. Characterized now as a small meniscus tear. 2nd opinion coming (3108 points, 1015 comments)
    8. Carson Wentz named starter for Week 1 by HC Doug Pederson. So there it is. (3056 points, 1481 comments)
    9. LB Sean Weatherspoon was moving and found a lost game check for $138,235 (2877 points, 646 comments)
    10. Giants say they've released Josh Brown. (2749 points, 805 comments)
  5. 45924 points, 18 submissions: HaruSoul
    1. Bill Belichick: "I'm a football coach. I'm not a doctor ... They don't call plays, I don't do surgeries. We have a great deal here." (4345 points, 736 comments)
    2. Peyton Manning is the only QB to take multiple teams to the Super Bowl multiple times (4197 points, 2638 comments)
    3. Joey Bosa missed the first four weeks of the season, but he already leads all rookie defensive lineman with 14 pressures. (3810 points, 950 comments)
    4. Brandon Marshall bet Antonio Brown who'll have more yards this season. If he does he gets AB's Rolls Royce, if not AB gets Porche. (3318 points, 864 comments)
    5. KC S Eric Berry, diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma in late 2014 and posted All-NFL season in 2015, is PFWA's NFL Comeback Player of the Year (3234 points, 241 comments)
    6. Josh's 5-year, $75M deal with the Redskins includes $50M in guarantees, source said. (2807 points, 2094 comments)
    7. When told Greg Hardy is an available pass rusher, John Harbaugh said, "Greg Hardy? He won't be a Raven, I can tell you that." (2780 points, 1123 comments)
    8. Terrell Suggs on possibility Ben Roethlisberger won't play: "don't fall for that. His big Ass will be out there." (2441 points, 476 comments)
    9. NFL's Twitter account was hacked. Roger Goodell is working away. (2315 points, 641 comments)
    10. Ryan Fitzpatrick earns lowest QB grade ever in Chiefs loss (2217 points, 555 comments)
  6. 44448 points, 18 submissions: rhydon_my_steelix
    1. Cam Newton is the only NFL player with at least five rushing touchdowns in each of the last five seasons. Not the only QB. The only player. (4467 points, 1359 comments)
    2. Wade Phillips on Belichick: my dad said one time, 'Belichick can take his team and beat yours, but could also take your team and beat his.' (3576 points, 1066 comments)
    3. Eric Reid on Tom Brady: If I can get my hands on one of his balls, that will be huge. (Pause.) That didn't sound very good. Don't quote that (3343 points, 238 comments)
    4. Schefter: Johnny Manziel's agent has parted ways with him (3248 points, 1639 comments)
    5. None of the Falcons 2012 draft picks are in the NFL (3196 points, 638 comments)
    6. There are now only 11 NFL teams with a winning record, the fewest entering Week 11 since 1990. (2659 points, 1067 comments)
    7. BB on Chandler Jones' usage vs Chiefs: "I can just Xerox you a copy of the game plan, send it over to KC. Might be easier for all of us." (2614 points, 714 comments)
    8. Acee: NFL commissioner Roger Goodell just said it appears San Diego will not be able to present a viable plan in time to keep the Chargers. (2335 points, 1731 comments)
    9. The current Patriots' playoff roster has only 1 player on offense that was drafted in the 1st round... Steven Jackson - Rams 2004 (2317 points, 650 comments)
    10. Carr to Mack after the game: "I see why they took you before me" (2096 points, 534 comments)
  7. 39832 points, 15 submissions: Somali_Pir8
    1. Jared Allen is retiring (3970 points, 762 comments)
    2. This will be the first Colts-Broncos game without Peyton Manning involved since Week 5, 1993, when John Elway was the Broncos starting QB (3673 points, 489 comments)
    3. NFL has pulled Pete Morelli's crew from next Monday's Dallas-Washington game due to errors in the Cardinals-49ers game. (3660 points, 1549 comments)
    4. Los Angeles Rams will be featured on HBO's 'Hard Knocks' (3618 points, 680 comments)
    5. Adam Schefter on Twitter: "And now Drew Rosenhaus officially has terminated Johnny Manziel, making him second agent in two months to fire the talented and troubled QB." (3108 points, 1493 comments)
    6. Former Vikings and Cardinals coach Dennis Green died early this morning after suffering cardiac arrest (3084 points, 558 comments)
    7. 538: The Panthers Are The Worst Team To Ever Start 11-0 (2535 points, 1086 comments)
    8. Johnny Manziel’s 2nd agent this off-season, Drew Rosenhaus, informed Manziel either he gets treatment or he no longer will represent him. (2503 points, 548 comments)
    9. Can I Kick It? | By Marquette King (2070 points, 358 comments)
    10. RG3 cleaning out locker, says he's got nothing to say today. Shakes head no when asked if bitter. Polite; just guarded. (2051 points, 852 comments)
  8. 38082 points, 16 submissions: Chibears85
    1. The New York Jets have been eliminated from playoff contention (3986 points, 1462 comments)
    2. The Buffalo Bills have been eliminated from playoff contention (3507 points, 941 comments)
    3. Round 6 - Pick 180: Minnesota Vikings Select: Moritz Boehringer, WR, GER (3298 points, 882 comments)
    4. No NFL Team can be eliminated from playoff contention this week making it the longest the NFL has gone without eliminating a team since 2006. (2835 points, 580 comments)
    5. Brett Favre asked Mike McCarthy if he could play the first series in tomorrows preseason game. (2650 points, 563 comments)
    6. Manning when asked if he would retire a Bronco or a Colt, "I'm retiring today as a Univ. of Tennessee graduate who played for the Colts and the Broncos" (2609 points, 496 comments)
    7. Denver could see up to 6 inches of snow during Sunday's Patriots @ Broncos game (2497 points, 669 comments)
    8. Round 6 - Pick 210: Detroit Lions Select: Jimmy Landes, LS, Baylor (2215 points, 285 comments)
    9. The Chicago Bears have been eliminated from playoff contention (2045 points, 527 comments)
    10. The Houston Texans have clinched the AFC South (1927 points, 611 comments)
  9. 25896 points, 11 submissions: TheFencingCoach
    1. Marshawn Lynch is headed overseas to teach football, this time in Africa (3273 points, 342 comments)
    2. Jeff Fisher on the Rams' "Color Rush" uniform: "I'm glad it's not baseball, where I have to wear the uniform as well." (3079 points, 760 comments)
    3. Schefter: Romo - not Jerry Jones, not Jason Garrett - declared Dak Prescott deserves QB job. (2871 points, 862 comments)
    4. Kuechly: "People ask me, "What happened to your defense?" Drew Brees happened to our defense. That's what happened." (2701 points, 1108 comments)
    5. Schefter: Redskins to give out ‘You Like That?!’ rally towels at Sunday’s playoff game (2635 points, 841 comments)
    6. Carson Palmer named PFF's MVP of 2015 (2137 points, 733 comments)
    7. Belichick on firing O-line coach: “Dave’s contract is up” (2026 points, 552 comments)
    8. J.J. Watt says he'll stop playing when he's no longer one of the best in the NFL (1810 points, 525 comments)
    9. [OC] A collection of utterly stupid things anonymous NFL scouts have said (1802 points, 1161 comments)
    10. G Alex Boone says he thought Vikings still had one more year playing outdoors; he was "heartbroken" to learn new stadium opened this year. (1785 points, 608 comments)
  10. 25853 points, 8 submissions: SenatorIncitatus
    1. Kelly to coach 49ers (4859 points, 3035 comments)
    2. Chip Kelly says Colin Kaepernick will start at quarterback for #49ers this week (3916 points, 1744 comments)
    3. 2nd circuit denied Tom Brady's request for rehearing this morning. Appears the 4 game suspension will stick. (3852 points, 2986 comments)
    4. Panthers announce they've rescinded the franchise tag from Josh Norman. He's a free agent. (3493 points, 2190 comments)
    5. Larry Fitzgerald career drops (2954 points, 606 comments)
    6. Jason Pierre-Paul's Firework Safety PSA - be safe this weekend everyone (2579 points, 366 comments)
    7. Everyone loves long snappers: asked who was the best of all time, Belichick says "DeOssie changed the game." (2484 points, 330 comments)
    8. Regular season MVP hasn't won Super Bowl since Kurt Warner in 1999 (1716 points, 216 comments)

Top Commenters

  1. Super_Nerd92 (86218 points, 820 comments)
  2. TheElderSproles (72623 points, 251 comments)
  3. Snapple_A_Day (68317 points, 448 comments)
  4. Jux_ (66366 points, 459 comments)
  5. LutzExpertTera (46214 points, 163 comments)
  6. fear865 (45397 points, 370 comments)
  7. JaguarGator9 (44077 points, 214 comments)
  8. TheFencingCoach (42038 points, 216 comments)
  9. Flyers789 (41150 points, 228 comments)
  10. SenatorIncitatus (36571 points, 222 comments)
  11. CravingToast (33434 points, 217 comments)
  12. DCMurphy (32696 points, 609 comments)
  13. ImEddieLacy (32040 points, 41 comments)
  14. FredSmoot21 (31471 points, 108 comments)
  15. BlindManBaldwin (31236 points, 501 comments)
  16. AndrewDEast (28916 points, 269 comments)
  17. natberhe (26422 points, 137 comments)
  18. the_glutton (25672 points, 226 comments)
  19. WhirledWorld (24501 points, 185 comments)
  20. Simpleton216 (24190 points, 236 comments)
  21. JohnWalllOfChina (24146 points, 35 comments)
  22. erldn123 (23913 points, 68 comments)
  23. Bartins (23646 points, 199 comments)
  24. unc54 (22834 points, 501 comments)
  25. icecreamdude (22535 points, 180 comments)
  26. cowboysfan88 (21767 points, 398 comments)
  27. MikeTysonChicken (21681 points, 274 comments)
  28. man2010 (21340 points, 440 comments)
  29. Bouzal (21300 points, 86 comments)
  30. SyphiliticMonk (21235 points, 308 comments)
  31. spekkke (21079 points, 323 comments)
  32. Fuck-The-Modz (20255 points, 112 comments)
  33. ImKirkCousins (19493 points, 35 comments)
  34. GhostfaceNoah (19169 points, 88 comments)
  35. BeardedGirl (19117 points, 161 comments)
  36. Barian_Fostate (19047 points, 93 comments)
  37. Bersinator (18583 points, 54 comments)
  38. Jobbe03 (18426 points, 139 comments)
  39. BlindWillieJohnson (18380 points, 280 comments)
  40. aceofspadez138 (17999 points, 262 comments)
  41. Loate (17435 points, 185 comments)
  42. advillious (17351 points, 140 comments)
  43. AaronRodgers16 (17116 points, 72 comments)
  44. IAmTyrodTaylor (17028 points, 23 comments)
  45. nastylep (16948 points, 178 comments)
  46. Number333 (16615 points, 44 comments)
  47. KushedCudi (16251 points, 89 comments)
  48. reality_czech (16198 points, 44 comments)
  49. mrmagoo512 (15581 points, 214 comments)
  50. 2busy2blizzy2 (15553 points, 270 comments)

Top Submissions

  1. Eli Manning's response when asked by a reporter if the Vikings "have his number" by kleindrive (6970 points, 1255 comments)
  2. Antonio Brown on fines: "“I don’t think excessive celebrating should cost more than guys hitting other guys in the helmet" by ForBritishEyes0nly (6146 points, 950 comments)
  3. The Rams are moving back to Los Angeles. by howinevrgotoverrobin (6054 points, 6449 comments)
  4. Chip Kelly fired by Sperethiel (6049 points, 5943 comments)
  5. The NFL may consider fewer commercials to help improve television ratings by helpmeredditimbored (6033 points, 1384 comments)
  6. @ESPNNFL The Los Angeles Rams have still not scored a point since Dec. 24, 1994. by dpcdomino (5919 points, 1186 comments)
  7. Patriots get shut out for first time since 2006, and first time at home since 1993 by ContemplativeJoey (5805 points, 2050 comments)
  8. NFL fans deserve better than Phil Simms at the Super Bowl by sfitz0076 (5802 points, 2291 comments)
  9. Cam Newton gave TD ball to kid in Panthers jersey. The kid then took off his panthers jersey to reveal a saints jersey. by Bouzal (5799 points, 780 comments)
  10. The NFL is attempting to legislate joy out of its game. Maybe it should stop. by monkee67 (5789 points, 2677 comments)

Top Comments

  1. 5435 points: JaguarGator9's comment in NFL Roast of the: Cleveland Browns (5/32)
  2. 5201 points: SenorVasura's comment in Eli Manning's response when asked by a reporter if the Vikings "have his number"
  3. 5028 points: AWildSketchAppeared's comment in Game Thread: Carolina Panthers (15-1) at Denver Broncos (12-4) (1st Quarter)
  4. 4854 points: Drivezy's comment in Marshawn Lynch on Twitter: ✌🏿
  5. 4770 points: smallgiantman's comment in Post Game Thread: Seattle Seahawks (4-1) at Arizona Cardinals (3-3)
  6. 4766 points: DocsPillRush's comment in NFL Roast of the: Seattle Seahawks (30/32)
  7. 4643 points: Not_Sure23's comment in Browns say they're putting Robert Griffin III on injured reserve with a shoulder injury.
  8. 4563 points: 00XFACTOR00's comment in Giants DE Owa Odighizuwa was fined $12,154 for pretending to take a picture of S Landon Collins after his pick-6 on Sunday.
  9. 4552 points: BOOM_hehehe's comment in Eagles have been informed Sam Bradford wants to be traded and he will not be showing up for their off-season program any longer, per source.
  10. 4541 points: deleted's comment in Post Game Thread: New England Patriots (12-4) at Denver Broncos (12-4)
Generated with BBoe's Subreddit Stats (Donate)
submitted by TheElderSproles to nfl [link] [comments]

Hey

How are you?
I'm pretty good myself.
Here is the Space jam script
All of it
Michael? What are you doing? lt's after 12. Couldn't sleep, Pops. Neither can we, with the noise you're making. Let's go inside. Just one more shot? All right. Just one. Good. Shoot it again. Getting pretty good. Shoot till you miss. You think if l can get good enough, l can go to college? lf you get good enough, you can do anything you want. l want to play at North Carolina. That's a real fine school. You can get a good education. l want to play on a championship team. Then l want to play in the NBA. All right, let's slow down, son. Shouldn't you get some sleep first? Once l've done all that... ...l want to play baseball, like you. Baseball. Yeah, now, that's a sport. When you've done that... ...l suppose you're going to fly? At this time... ...l've reached the pinnacle of my basketball career and must retire. The one good thing is that my father had the opportunity... ...to see me play my last game. That means a lot. What'll you do now? l've never really told anybody this, except for one person. l'm going to play professional baseball. What are you going to play? l don't know. As a kid, l was a pitcher. l think outfield, because it'll be hard for me to pitch. Let's get out of here. This stinks. Don't bring me again. Don't bring me again. Are you listening? Did you hear him? Did you hear him? That little brat is right. l told you, if l've told you once... ...l told you a thousand, thousand, thousand, thousand times! We need new attractions! New ones! Get it? Big, shiny new things. Absolutely, sir. Look at me and listen: The customer is always right! Right! The customer is always right! Exactly! Always! Right! Okay, we need something. We need something... ...nutty! Something wacky. Wacky! We need something, something.... Looney? Oops! Looney. Thank you! Looney? Yes! Looney! Now you're talking! Looney! Looney! That's it! That's the word l was looking for! Get the Looney Tunes. Bring them here. Sir, just noticing... ...they're from Earth. What if they can't come? What did you say? What if they can't come? Make them. Cool. Make them! We're gonna get them! Strike! Looks good in that uniform. Looks great. Can't teach that. Can't teach it. Thanks for autographing that basketball for my kid. l'm happy to do it. Let's go! Curve ball. Don't swing. Don't...swing. Ball! Fastball, outside corner. Swing. Strike! That was your pitch. l know, l missed it. l'll get you another one. Podolak! Come here. -l'm sorry, l didn't mean to-- -Come here! Make sure that nobody bothers Michael. l want him to be the happiest player. Slider. Don't swing. Strike three! l told you not to! l couldn't help it. l know. Nice talking to you! We're not worried. Good cut. That was a good-looking strikeout. You look good when you strike out. When l do, it looks nasty. At least you look good. Good-looking. Hi, Mr. Jordan. l'm Stan Podolak. Oh, jeez. You okay? That was a nasty fall. l'm Stan Podolak, Mr. Jordan, the Baron's new publicist. l'm here to make your life easier. Can l drive you somewhere? You want me to pick up your laundry, baby-sit your kids? l am here to personally guarantee... ...that no one will ever bother you. What was that? Hang on! -Hanging on! -Hanging on! Are we there yet? -Bombastic! -Cool. You irascible bunny! Come back here, you screwy rodent! l'll be with you in a second, folks, after l finish with nature boy here. All right, you pesky rabbit. l've got you now! One small step for moi.... One giant leap for Moron Mountain! And one whopper headache for Elmer Fudd. Diminutive, ain't they? We seek the one they call Bugs Bunny. -Have you seen him? -Where is he? ls he around? Bugs Bunny, Bugs Bunny. Say, does he have great big long ears? Like this? Does he hop around... ...like this? Does he say, ''What's up, doc?'' like this: What's up, doc? Nope! Never heard of him. You know, maybe there is no intelligent life... ...out in the universe after all. Hold on there, Mr. Looney Tune. What do you think we are? Stupid? Don't move a muscle. Okay, bunny, gather up your Tune pals. -We're taking you for a ride. -Move it. Totally. All right. So, like, where are we going? Are we there yet? -Sorry it took so long. -Don't worry about it. That exit on 65 wasn't clearly marked. -Hold up, right here. -Here? Thanks, Sherm. -Appreciate it. -lt's Stan, Mike. You can call me Sherm if you want. l follow your career and l think you're the greatest athlete that's ever lived. How do l get out? The door doesn't work. lt's a classic. lt's a classic, but it's got a few peccadillos. Hold on. A few? lt's smoking too. Thanks for the ride. This is nice. This is a nice house. Beautiful. What is that, Colonial? lt's a nice house. lf you need help with the house.... l'm fine, thanks. You gave me a ride. Thanks. l'll drive tomorrow, so l don't need a ride. But thanks, though. Too conspicuous? Yeah. Thanks, though. -Tomorrow! -See you tomorrow. Come on! No, not today! Get off me! Your breath! Mr. Jordan, are you okay? Get off of him, Charles! Bad dog! Git! Pooch, stop it! Get off of him before l cook you! Come on, come on, baby. Get out! Good game. Hey, Jeff, you okay? -How was your game? -l don't want to talk about it. How are you? You're covered with drool! That's your dog. What's wrong with Jeff? He lost 32 points in his average. ls that all? So that puts him at .685 or something. He's batting what? Smells good in here. What you cooking? Chicken. Chicken and what? Collard greens. Good. l need a good meal tonight. ls everything okay? l stunk up the place. Hope baseball was a good idea. It was another career day for Michael Jordan. What're you watching? He had 3 strikeouts. ls this the only thing on TV? What's up with this? His batting average is .214, which is his weight. Get this guy a tennis racquet! Did everyone get mad at you? No. Worse. They were nice about it. I know golf is your sport. But not here. You should open your stance. lt might make you more aggressive. You think so? l'll remember that. Watching this hurt me more than you. Why are you watching this stuff? lt's bad for you. There. Road Runner. Stop this cartoon! We've got an emergency Cartoon Character Union Meeting to go to. Hey, wait for me! Hold your horses! Where'd they go? Stop the music! Top duck coming through! Jeez! lt's getting so a guy can't even get himself wet around here! What's the big emergency? These little guys would like to make an announcement. Here. You... ...all of you... ...are now our prisoners! Oh, we're in big trouble now. We are taking you to our theme park in outer space. No fooling. You'll be our slaves. And placed on display for the amusement of our customers. Oh, fear clutches my breast. We ain't a-going... ...nowheres! Not so fast, doc. You just can't turn us into slaves. That would be bad. You must let us defend ourselves. Oh, yeah? Who says? Just a sec. Read. What's this? ''Give them a chance to defend themselves.'' Do we have to? lt's a rule. Okay. lt is in the rule book. Una momento! We must confer. All right, troops. lt is for us to choose a battlefield that affords us-- l got it. Yes, Private Porkster? How about we challenge them to a... ...spelling bee? Say... ...we could have a bowling tournament. Suffering succotash! What's wrong with you? Let's get a ladder... ...wait till the old lady's gone... ...and grab that little bird! Whoa! Take a deep breath, Sly! Okay, let's analyze the competition. Now what are we looking at here? We got a small race of invading aliens.... Small arms! Short legs! Not very fast. Tiny little guys. Can't jump high. We challenge you to a basketball game. Basketball it is! Basketball! What is basketball? -What's that? -Beats me. We didn't have that in school. Lights! Pardon me! Sorry. Down in front! An exhilarating team sport currently growing rapidly in popularity... ...is basketball. Unlike football and baseball, only 5 men can play on a team. It's a fast-paced, razzle-dazzle game that requires quick wits... ...and even faster reflexes. Here's how it's done professionally. The National Basketball Association... ...featuring the best players in the world. The best players in the world! The best! Excuse me. Oh, so sorry. Excuse me. Get off my nose! Quiet, they're looking! lt's basketball! Where? Whoa! Now what? -She's looking. -Close it up. Tightly. You poked me again. Sweetheart? l thought you'd get better seats. -This is the best l could get. -This guy's doing something weird. Just let me watch the game. Barkley is killing us. Someone's killing someone! No. Seriously? A killer! Let me see! There! That's the killer! He's big. He's good. He's mine! Go get him! Come on! Get back on defense! Let's go! Get back on d! What are you doing? Time out! Call time out! What's wrong with you? Let him in. Open up! Open! He did it. l got it! l got his talent! Super. -Sit down, Chuck. -Man, l'm fine! l am fine! l played you too much. -l'm not tired! -Get the doctor. You all right? You sure? Come on, we're okay. Come on, let's go. Come on, Patrick. Showtime! What's wrong with him? In a shocking development, 5 NBA players were put on the disabled list... ...in the last 24 hours, all suffering from the same mysterious ailment... ...that affects the player's coordination. l'll be home in a few days. Put your mom on. How you doing? Watching TV? What's going on? -You gonna be all right? -I'm ready, Coach. Looks like l retired just in time. l must go. l'll call you later. Love you, bye. lt's open! lt's game time! Lace up your Nikes. Grab your Gatorade and we'll get a Big Mac on the way. Now we go to the Los Angeles Forum... ...where the Lakers are refusing to take the court. Get dressed. We got a game in 5 minutes! We're talking a huge fine. We can't go in the locker room. You heard what happened to Barkley and Ewing. There's germs. Cedric, that was in New York, Bacteria travels faster than the speed of light. Like ''lnvasion of the Body Snatchers.'' All right. Dress in the hallway. Okay, okay, which one of you maroons has ever played basketball? l have, Coach. And there's an important question l must ask you. What do you think? l'm partial to purple and gold. lt's better with my coloring. Nice outfit, Daffy. The little aliens say it's their turn to use the court. Sure, let the little pipsqueaks knock themselves out. Too bad you can't practice getting taller, boys. Hey, little pig! l wet myself. Time to play a little basketball. These little pipsqueaks just turned into superstars! They're monsters! Suffering succotash! They're ''monstars''! Bye-bye. l think we might need some help. Okay, little fella. You my friend? Or my enemy? You are my friend. You are my ally. You are my associate, my personal assistant. You are my weapon. You are leaving. -Great shot. -Nice shot. You can stop posing now. Good try. Not bad. -Something for you to shoot at. -Hit it good. Do my best. Good shot. l know. l must ask you something. The NBA must face reality. What's happening is serious. They're going to need new players with talent. Skilled guys who never really thought about a professional career. Think l got a shot? Come on, really? Don't kid. lt's a man's game. -You can't play. -What if l tried hard? Keep it down. lt's because l'm white. No. Larry's white. So what? Larry's not white. Larry's clear. Get inside his ball! You clowns can't beat that. -My best shot ever. -You haven't played long. A Hall-of-Fame shot. -Nice shot, Mr. Bird. -Larry, please. Nice shot, Mr. Larry. Nice shot. You can do this. Don't be nervous, you can do this. You feel the NBA has to face reality, don't you? Look for some players where they never looked before. Just look at the ball. Visualize where you want it to go. Be the ball. Get off the tee. Can't jump. Go on. Close to the pin? For dinner? -Sounds good. -l'll go close to the pin. l'll have some. Not bad. Good shot. Get down. Look at that spin. Come on! lt is alive! My first hole in one. Never seen one of these. Nothing but the bottom of the cup. -That's his ball too. -Yeah, it's my ball. Wait, let me get a picture! You must smile. Reach in for the ball and then smile, okay? ls this good? Just take the picture! What kind of camera is that? Don't point it at me. -l didn't do anything! -Where'd he go? Look out for that first step, doc, it's a real lulu. Bugs Bunny? You expected the Easter Bunny? You're not real. Not real? lf l weren't real, could l do this? ls that Michael? lt's Michael! lt's Air Jordan. Basketball! l thought l saw.... l did. l did see Michael Jordan. Pardon me, Mr. Jordan. Can l have your auto-- Your John Hancock, please? Let the doctor take a look. A little high. Going down! So, what do you say we go for a little spin? Let's see what we got inside here. Say, ''Ahh.'' All right. He's okay! What's going on here? l thought you'd never ask. These aliens from outer space want to make us slaves in their theme park. They're little. So we challenged them to a basketball game. Then, they ain't so little! They're huge! We need to beat these guys. They're talking about slavery! They'll make us do stand-up, the same jokes every night! We'll be locked up like wild animals, trotted out to perform... ...for a bunch of bug-eyed, fat-headed, humor-challenged aliens! What l'm trying to say is... ...we need your help! l'm a baseball player now. Right. And l'm a Shakespearean actor. Mike? Michael? lt's Stan. Stan Podolak. l need you to come out now, okay? You got a baseball game tomorrow. And I'd look pretty stupid ifyou don't show up. Think he's all right? l hate to leave him. He's fine. l think he just had to get away from that Stan character. He's pathetic, isn't he? l'll give us both twos. We weren't in any kind of emotional state to putt. l think that's fair. lf Mike is gone, the NBA is going to need some new people. There's room at the top. An exciting guy who could even perform at half-time. You know David Stern? A phone call from you.... l want to help... ...but l haven't played in a long time. My timing's off. We'll fix it. Look at our facility. We got hoops. We got weights. We've got balls. You sure do. This place is a mess. You're worried about a mess? There's nothing here a little spit shine wouldn't fix. Spit shine! Lemony-fresh. You guys are nuts. Correction: We're Looney Tunes. And as such are the exclusive property and trademark of Warner Bros. lnc. l'm here! Me too! That hurt. Who are they? Remember the tiny aliens l told you about? You've heard of the Dream Team? We're the Mean Team, wussieman! Wussieman. We're the Monstars. M-o-n-.... Let's see what you got... ...chump! l don't play basketball anymore. ''l don't play basketball anymore.'' Maybe you're chicken. l say, l resemble that remark. You calling me chicken? Come here. Here you go. Take him! Watch the footwork. Can you believe it? Get out of the way! Everybody. Look at your hero now. You guys are making a mistake. You're all washed up, baldy! Baldy? He is not washed up! -Michael's the greatest! -Shut up! My poor little cranium. You okay? Yeah, are you okay? Whoops! You're not scared of them... ...are you? Let's play some basketball. You're...! You're Charles Barkley. Girls! Come on over! Hurry up! Hurry! Look! lt's Charles Barkley! Can l play? You're not Charles Barkley. Just a wanna-be who looks like him. Sorry. Break out. You shouldn't even be here! Be gone! Wanna-be! Be gone! Just a few more tests. Electrolyte levels, glucose, CBCs, RBCs, etc. And we've scheduled a stress test... ...and neurological battery to include EEG and.... And this girl... ...five feet nothing, blocked my shot. When did you first have this dream? lt wasn't a dream! lt really happened! lt climbed up my back... ...and into my brain. Are there other areas... ...besides basketball... ...where you find yourself... ...unable to perform? No! Just asking. l've been MRl'd, EKG'd, x-rayed, laser beamed.... l'll never swear again. l'll never get another technical. l'll never trash-talk. l've got other skills. l could go work on the farm. Really? Or maybe l could go back to the jungle and be a missionary. What are you saying? That l'm trying to disobey my mama? You said that, not me. l love her. Still can't find anything wrong! Maybe nothing's wrong! Maybe it's just in our head. We're fine. lt's psychosomatic. Or has to do with the moon. l'll never date Madonna again. What are you doing? l'm fixing a divot. He's fixing a divot! Has anyone here ever played basketball? l have. l'd like to try out. Hi. My name is Lola Bunny. Lola? Hello! My name's Bugs. You want to play one-on-one, doll? ''Doll''? On the court, Bugs. She's hot! Ready? l got it! l got it! That girl's got some skills. Don't ever call me... ...''doll.'' Check! Nice playing with you. Very smooth. She's obviously nuts about me. Obviously. Mais oui. Where's the ball? Let's do some drills. Can anyone lend me some sneakers? Sneakers? Sorry. Someone must get my gear from my house. Your house? ln 3-D land? Whatever you do... ...remember my North Carolina shorts. Your shorts? From college? l wore them under my Chicago Bulls uniform every game. l washed them after every game! l did! The view back here stinks. We're in front of his house. l knew that! Let's go in this way. l say, let's go in that way! He just never learns! Let me see. l must be very, very... ...close. Mother! Nice digs. Well, well. l wonder who that could be. Twinkle, twinkle, little star. Everyone's sleeping! l knew that. Come on, we must find Michael's basketball stuff. Nope. Nothing in here. Nope. But a very nice dinette set. Not here. Let's look upstairs. Yes, Oh, Fearless Leader. So, he needs his special underwear. Sorry. You think she's got enough toys? Speaking of toys, you know all those mugs and... ...lunch boxes with our pictures on them? You ever see any money from it? -Not a cent. -Me neither. lt's a shame. We need a new agent. We're getting screwed. We've found the trophy room. Spread out and search the place. Yes, sahib. Oh, brother. Here l am, in the peak of my form... ...playing second banana to some sort of harebrain.... This could be useful. lf this were a union job.... That's very nice. -l could use this. -One of his shoes. Where is the other shoe? Where are you? Eureka! Come to Papa. What a fuzz-foot. You are so clumsy. Catch. Thanks. Time to go. Did we get everything? The shorts! ln there? Okay, l'll check. l found the shorts. The pain! l'm right behind you. That's not reassuring. Nice puppy. Want a bone? No dice. How about a nice ham? Can't we talk this over? Down, Beethoven. The kids are here. Give it. Here. Thanks, kid. Bad dog! That is the last time l'm ever working with dogs or children. Where you going? You see, the Looney Tunes have a big basketball game coming up and... -...your dad's playing. -All right! Yeah! But don't tell anybody! l see aliens. Little aliens from outer space. They forced their way inside your bodies. They need your talent to win a... ...basketball game against... ...Bugs Bunny. l also see Michael Jordan... ...being sucked down a golf hole... ...by furry creatures. That's it. We're going. We're leaving. Let's try acupuncture. Good idea. This is it! This is it! l don't know where you are... ...but you obviously enjoy being there more than being with me! You better hope this Jordan character still can play. You and me both, brother. Listen, how is this for a new team name: The Ducks. Please! What kind of Mickey Mouse organization would name a team that? So sue me. lt's just a suggestion. You're doing it! You're becoming mighty! Go! No pain, no gain. Guys? Look who's finally ready to play! Let's see if l remember how. ls it really you? Thank God you're all right! l was so worried! Come on, Stan. Don't hug me, please. Sorry. -Why are you here? -l must take you back for practice. l can't. l'm helping my friends in their basketball game. Your friends are cartoon characters. Yeah. So? lt doesn't bother me. Let me help? Let me help! l can help! What can you do? l may not be tall, but... ...l'm slow. And large. And a dork! l'll do anything! Anything! Anything? Anything. Come here. Come here for a second. Sit right here. No problem. All right! All right, let's go, team! lf someone gets injured, we could see a lot of minutes. l'm a cheerleader. Mr. Commissioner, the place is sealed off. Quiet! Listen. After meeting with team owners... ...l decided that until we can guarantee... ...the health of our players... ...there will be no more basketball this season. Just get out of my way. Ready? Let's go! Are these the best seats? Like them! Can see everything from here! Very good! Ready to go? Yeah, sure. Riot! Ladies and gentlemen... ...the starting lineup for... ...the Tune Squad! Standing 2 foot 4... ...The Wonder From Down Under... ...the Tazmanian Devil! At small forward... ...standing a scintillating 3 foot 2... ...The Heartthrob of the Hoops... ...Lola Bunny! At power forward... ...The Quackster of the Courts: Daffy Duck! Thank you! Thank you! Very funny. Let's all laugh at the duck. And at point guard... ...standing 3 foot 3, ...co-captain of the Tune Squad... ...The Doctor of Delight: Bugs Bunny! Thank you! Thank you! And now... ...the player-coach of the Tune Squad... ...at 6 foot 6, from North Carolina... ...His Royal Airness: Michael Jordan! Who? ls he a Looney Tune? Perhaps. Ready? l'll take it to the rack. They'll wish they never were born! Guys, let's just go out and have fun. The challengers for the Ultimate Game... ...all the way from Moron Mountain: The Monstars! Go Monstars! Go Monstars! Go Monstars! What are you looking at? Cool shoes. Ready? l got it! l got the ball! Way to go! Did you see the moves on that one? Come on. Show me something! The duck! Oh, my! She was wide open. Watch the screen! Watch out! Get him! How did he do that? Nice shot, Mr. J. Let's play defense. Way to go! Air J! Red light! Feed me! Feed you? Feed me! -Bad old putty tat! -l'll take that. Don't try this at home! ''l wish l was in the land of--'' Going somewhere? May l remind you, sir... ...that physical violence is patently against the rules! Did you order Original Recipe or Extra Crispy? Let's go. Me? l'm ready. l can do this. You picked the mouse? l love basketball. l always have. Do you? l bet you're good. l'm small, but l try hard to be good. l always try hard. My mom says, ''Try your best--'' Try to get by me, doll. ''Doll''? Don't ever call me... ...''doll.'' Nice shot. There's the defense boy. l got you. Pie? Pork chop? Sorbet, perhaps? Half-time. Holy Putty Tat! We're better than them. We got them. Moron Mountain, here we come. We're going to be slaves. There's a whole other half to play. lt's the boss. Hello, Mr. Swackhammer! All right. Not bad for the first half. But we must keep this up. No problem. We stole talent from the NBA players! From the NBA! Shut up! l smell something. We've been playing hard. Not you, you idiot! lt's coming from over here. That locker. Look! lt's the chubby boy! lt smells like a... ...spy! You guys need a publicist? l can make you big. -l know we're down. -Let's hear the story. l've been here before. We can still win this. lt's not over. We must come together. We must believe in ourselves. That'll help us. Looks like Stan had a close encounter with a bug-zapper. The Monstars! The Monstars! That must hurt. The Monstars! The Monstars... ...stole the talent from the NBA players. So that's what happened to them. l think we should qui-- qui-- forfeit. Listen, l didn't get dragged down here to lose to ugly Monstars. l ain't going out like that. We're letting them push us! We must fight back! We must get right in their faces! Well? Are you with me or not? Finished? Great speech and all. You had them riveted. But didn't you forget something? Your secret stuff! Nice deltoids! Play along. Stop hogging it. We're teammates! Secret stuff? Secret stuff? You wouldn't hold out on us, would you? No. l didn't think you needed it. You're so tough. You're competitive. We're also chicken. We need it bad. -l'd like some of that. -Could l have a sip, please? This goes against everything l learned in health class. Do you want to win? Bottoms up. Yummy. How about we go out and kick some alien butt? How about it? Ready? Open! Coming through! Special delivery! Nice kaboom. Let's teach them a lesson. Nice butt! Going up! Slammy! Hello! A little surprise for you, my friends. This will be good. Okay, birdie! Time out! Shut up, get away from me. Powwow! We're right back in this game. Let's play tough defense. Why didn't you get him? He's a baseball player. A baseball player. Looks like a basketball player to me. Me too. He's the one l want for Moron Mountain. Are you talking to me? Yeah, l am. You want a piece of me? Come and get it! What do you have in mind? What about we raise the stakes? lnteresting. lf we win, you give the NBA players their talent back. But what if we win? lf you win? You get me. Good deal. Doc, you think that's a good idea? You'll be our star attraction. You'll sign autographs all day long. And play one-on-one with the paying customers. And lose. Do we have a deal? Deal. l don't think you should do this. l have faith in my team. Crush them! Defeating time, boys. Good-bye! Fore! But, Mommy, l don't want to go to school today. l want to stay home and bake cookies with you. l'm open! Heads up! Belly flop! Oh, my! ls this your man? You okay? Me? Oh, yeah. l'm fine. Are you okay? Thank you. lt was nothing. That was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. Time out. l could have been a contender! The Monstars! The Monstars! l could have had a V-8! We need a fifth player. You got any more secret stuff? l think it's starting to wear off. lt didn't wear off. lt was water. You guys had the ''special stuff'' inside you all along. Yeah, l knew that. But you got any more? Can l have some? -Stan? -Me? You're center. Just guard the big guy. Guard him? l'll smother him! l'll be all over him like a cheap suit! l'll be on him like stink on rice! He's going down! Over here! Over here! l'm open! Nice shot! Big man, ain't he? Let's get him out of here! Oh, my! How'd he do that? Anyone can do that. Even you. Watch this. No sweat. This is Looney Tune Land. Thanks for telling me, doc. l hate to be the bearer of bad news, Your Airness... ...but if you don't find a fifth player, your team will forfeit the game. Forfeit? Precisely, Sir Altitude. No way. We'll find someone. l didn't know Dan Ackroyd was in this picture! Perhaps l could be of some assistance? That's our fifth guy. Now you get to live your dream. Let's go. -We need to score 2 points. -Here's how l see it. You kick it to the girl bunny down in the post. You dish it to Bugs. You swing it to Mike. You go to the hole. -And dominate! -We're on defense! l don't play defense. Typical. You must listen to Mike on this. Someone steal the ball, get it to me and l'll score. Don't lose that confidence! Paws and wings in here! Okay! This is why l was born. l thrive on pressure. Excuse me, sorry. Easy on the trousers, Daf. Pardon me. Mr. Murray, something's really been bugging me. Just how did you get here? Producer's a friend of mine. Had a teamster drop me off. That's how it goes. You see this chunky fellow? That's good! Let's do it! Play fair. Don't choke now. Come on. lt's gut-check time! This must be mine. l'm going this way! l'm going left! Never trust an Earthling! Get the girl! Come on! l'm open! -That's mine! -Not today! Bring it on, dude. You're mine! l'm open! Never mind. The Tunes win! Nice pass. Great stretch at the basket too. You really got some skills. You could play in the NBA. Thanks, Mike. l'll probably quote you on that. But l'm going to take this opportunity to retire from the game. Come on. No, l'm going to retire right now and that's it. l'm going to go out undefeated. That's how it will be. -You go celebrate. -Come with us. l'd like to, but l have to ice down my knees now. They're starting to go. Good-bye. See you. You sure? Yes. Definitely sure. Definitely. -Losers! -Sorry. -Choke artists! -Sorry again. Wait till l get you back on Moron Mountain. The party's over! Get in the spaceship. Why do you take that? Because he's bigger. He's bigger? Than we used... ...to be. What're you doing? -Wait! What are you doing? Wait! -Come here. Had it in you all the time. One thing. Pass me the ball, Bugs. Give my friends their talent back. Do we have to? lt's part of the deal. Touch the ball. Fair is fair. Touch it. That was so much fun. l feel so... ...insignificant. My clothes don't fit. What a trip! l'm up for another! Can we ask you a favor, Mr. Bunny? We don't want to go back. -We hate it there. -lt stinks. l was thinking, could we stay here? Please! Oh, brother. l don't know if you guys are looney enough. Looney enough? Do you know what time it is? Seven-fift-- Seven-fift-- Quarter past seven. You have a baseball game in 5 minutes! Okay. Take this. ls it safe? Yeah, put it in my bag. Let's go. l enjoyed playing with you. You've got a lot of.... Whatever it is, you got a lot of it. Got to go. Stay out of trouble. You know l will. Come here! The delay is killing us. Where's Michael? Where is Michael? He's not back from his other game. What game? What other game? Ladies and gentlemen... ...Michael Jordan! Guys... ...we suck! My grandmother plays better. You guys are still tall. l'm nothing now. Just a short guy. You're right. That's the only thing you got right. -Who's that? -Who is it? l don't know. You've been getting beaten. lt's Mike. -What's up? -Why're you here? Don't be embarrassed. Just face it. You stink. Lighten up. l know. You want your games back. What games you had. lt's hard enough as it is. Give us a break. l'm going to regret this. Give me the ball. lt's like ''Star Trek.'' Touch it. No way, Jose. You want your talent back? Just touch it. -l don't know. -Don't touch it. You'll walk around with a bad game for the rest of your career. Touch it. Careful, Pat. We've tried everything else. Come on. Touch it. The rest of you. Just touch it. -What was that? -l liked that. l caught it! Look at Mugsey handle the rock! l can handle it again! That's the old Mugs l know. Yeah, get height now! lt gave me my powers back! Let me show you something. The Round-Mound is back! Want to see something? That felt good! -l got it. -You got it. Yeah, baby. Stay. Play some 3-on-3 with us? l don't think so. You going to work on your swing? Leave the baseball player alone. He doesn't play basketball now. He probably doesn't have it anymore. Do you hear them? They don't think you can play the game. There's one way to find out. The Chicago Bulls is proud to welcome back... ...Michael Jordan! What's the matter? Larry could have been me. Will you get off that kick? lt's over. lt's done with. You can't play. Let's go, Bulls! Well, that's all, folks! That's my line. Step aside, Babe. Let a star do this. That's all-- That's all, folks! Can l go home now?
submitted by MirrorsCliff to meh_irl [link] [comments]

Jojo's OC Tournament #2 Round 2, Match 7: James Burton VS Felix Down

[The Results are in! The Winner is....]()
Category Winner Reasoning
Popularity Sunset Company 5 -1, in Sunset Company's favor!
Jojolity Sunset Company 25 - 19 in Sunset Company's favor! Jojolity denial was the name of the game here.
Quality Diamond Dogs 25 - 19 in the Diamond Dogs' favor!
 
Turk: Hello Pepe. How are things looking where you are?
Pepe: Perfectly fine, why do you ask?
Turk: Well I wanted a little recap on our situation. One of our operatives, Lone, decided to go after The Overload.
Pepe: So? It isn't necessary to reach us.
Turk: It could be a problem if it fell into wrong hands. I count Lone as one of those wrong hands. He's proven himself a liability. I need to know if we can safely get rid of him.
Pepe: Him?
Pepe: Well strictly speaking we don't need anybody. Your assistant is not even aware of our existence, Blin and his cronies can always make more pillars and defenses, but that is just insurance by now. We don't need his money. I think we are only keeping tabs on Line in case he remembers something and becomes a problem then, Lite is useful but ultimately unnecessary.
Pepe: And Lone is the least useful of everyone. The area is already destabilized. We do not need him any more.
Turk: Thank you, Pepe.
Pepe: Strictly speaking, even I'm too much. Your influence is all the organization really needs.
Turk: That's an exaggeration. So then hopefully Lone does not come back. We hardly need another Murray. I've cut him off so far but….
Turk: You understand.
Pepe: Yes, I understand. And do not worry, I will keep a close eye on the situation here. Best wishes!  
Felix Dawn sighed as he reached the small village in the valley. It had been quite an unusual journey to get there. Dr. Feelgood had sent him to China on some intel that an artifact called the Overload could be found in the valley. About as soon as he’d landed in Beijing, Felix was accosted by another Stand user named James Burton, who demanded to know if Felix had seen a California Redwood anywhere, claiming that the tree had crippled Burton’s friend. Somehow.
As it turned out, Burton had also been sent after the Overload based on intel gathered by Huey Lewis and was conducting his own personal investigation on the side. The two shared an interest in archery and decided to work together to find the Overload. Burton seemed like a pretty decent guy to Felix, though it felt odd to always be referred to as “Best Felix” by his partner. Still, it was better than “Other Felix”, which was what Burton had called him at first. As the two trekked toward the Kyrgyzstan border, they heard enough rumors and clues to point them in an increasingly specific direction. They also became a pretty ironclad team, fully prepared to take on whatever enemy Stand users they encountered.
When they finally reached the village, they even knew that the Overload was a knife and which specific house it was supposed to be in. And of course, the ancient shack was empty. Burton was turning the whole place upside down trying to find the knife when a gravelly Texan drawl stopped them.
“Sorry, losers, but y’all’re a little late.”
Felix and Burton spun around to see a large man wearing a UT Varsity Jacket and, for some reason, a cat mask. He was also holding an ancient Chinese dagger: The Overload.
“The name’s Lone, but you can call me… Lone. Anything else and I kill ya. Though I’m probably gonna kill ya anyway.”
“Hey, Tex,” came a second voice, this one more dignified, and with Australian accent. “Earth to Austin Texas. You got the knife or what, mate?”
“This isn’t Texas, dumbass,” Burton said in response to Lone’s unseen partner.
“I know, mate. Austin Texas is just his name,” said the Australian, stepping into view. He was quite a bit shorter than Lone and dressed in a tuxedo modified with numerous pouches, a Civil War rifle slung over his back. “Speaking of, might as well add, I’m Cliff. Cliff Currenti.”
“See, when that asshole Line sent me after this thing, I bet he planned on it being a suicide mission, but I brought company,” Lone continued, clearly agitated that Cliff had given away his real name.
“Can’t say I blame this Line guy,” Cliff muttered. “I’m gonna have to hold so many balls when I get out of this.”
Felix was pretty confused about what these two were talking about, but the situation reminded him of Null’s story about what had happened to him at the Colosseum. He had a feeling this would be a little harder.
“You must be one of those ‘Golds’ that Chance has been raving about ever since the baseball game,” Burton said. “I’mma deck you in the schnoz.”
Lone looked taken aback by that for a moment, then regained his composure. “Do you dumbasses even know what the Overload does?” Lone asked. “When it pierces you, it boosts your Stand threefold in every way. Fuckin’ morons.”
Overhead, rain clouds began to form.
“C’mon, Best Felix. We can still take ‘em. Two on two!” Burton said.
“Not exactly,” came a third voice, this one with a Spanish accent, coming from somewhere outside. “More like, dos en tres. Is a bad fate for you.”
“Figured I wouldn’t take any chances in case someone else got to the Overload first,” Lone said. “Turns out, I didn’t need it. I’m going to have fun killing you two.”
Felix shared a look with Burton, glad to have the other archer’s help. The two summoned their Stands and readied for battle. As Lone drove the Overload into his own forearm, Felix wondered why he kept needing to deal with knife theft.
“Ow! Shit! Ugh, hurts like a bitch. [Lone Digger], you idiots, kill them!”
A little blood trickled out of Lone’s forearm. A pink tube, his Stand, slithered out from the wound and dove underground. Lone shot the duo a menacing glare. Suddenly a massive wall of earth shot out of the ground, reaching towards the heavens. Felix turned around, only to see another wall rumbling up. Everyone, even the others Lone brought, looked shocked at this display of power.
Lone stood up. “My Stand is normally pretty weak. It can only move things like a foot. But you fuckos done screwed yourself. [The Overload gets rid of my weakness.”
He turned to his allies. “Well what am I paying you for? Kill them already!”
 
Remain in Light #3: [The Overload]
Appearance: An ancient dagger of Chinese make.
Power: None (Though it is sharp enough to pierce human skin)
Speed: None
Range: None
Durability: ???
Precision: None
Potential: None
Ability: [The Overload], when stabbed into a Stand user, will triple all of the Stand’s stats, and will boost their ability a ridiculous amount. However, this only works for a minute, and after which, [The Overload] will never work for that person again.
 
Boss 1:
Name: Austin Texas (Lone)
Age: 23
Occupation: Mercenary
Appearance: Lone wears a generic Varsity Jacket open over a white T Shirt and blue jeans. He is relatively small. He wears a cat mask on at all times, so his actual facial features are unknown.
Bio: From the moment he was born, Austin Texas was given every reason to hate the world. His parents were cocaine addicts who thought it would be funny to name their child after the city in which he lived. While they were at it, they alternatively neglected or abused him. So, when he first learned what murder was, he figured he’d try it out on them, but wasn’t really sure how.
Luckily for him, around this time, his Stand [Lone Digger] was awoken. In exploring his newfound powers, Austin killed two birds with one stone, using his Stand to kill his parents. Its ability ripped their hearts right out of their chests. Arguably, this killed three birds with one stone, as it gave the child an inspiration for his new codename to replace the atrocious “Austin Texas”: Lone.
Personality: Lone is a thug. He's a murderer who doesn't care about human life, and is willing to sell anyone else out for his own gain. He's been covering the role of general murderer in the team, and has been pretty happy with being low level in the group.
He doesn't especially mind if his allies die and will probably try and kill them afterwards to save money.
Power: 3
Speed: 5
Intelligence: 3
Constitution: 5
Intimidation: 1 (Lone does not command any fear or respect from anyone.)
Stand Name: [Lone Digger]
Stand Appearance: [Lone Digger] takes the appearance of a glowing neon pink tube, capped at both ends with silver metal. It is about 1m long and 5cm in diameter.
Power: E (It can't attack nor escape if it is caught)
Speed: D (Lone Digger is not fast, especially while tunneling.It's about 5 mph when tunneling and 10 mph when not.
Range: A
Durability: A (It can be caught but is essentially unbreakable.)
Precision: D (Lone can control his Stand, but it is much easier to use the ability on large objects
Potential: E
Ability: First of all, [Lone Digger] has the ability to tunnel through anything the metal caps touch, leaving it unharmed. It cannot do any damage whatsoever, and pulling it out by force with not do harm either.
Second of all, it can move anything that both of the metal caps touch by up to 1 foot. This ability is better on large objects, as they are easier to touch with its low Precision. Objects up to tectonic plates can be manipulated, albeit slowly and only 1 foot at a time. However, smaller objects require planning and careful use of the Stand’s tunneling abilities to touch with both caps.
 
Boss 2:
Name: Miguel Marcado
Appearance: A small man wearing slightly rumpled clothing, with black hair and a somewhat equine face.
Personality: Miguel is a very simple man. He likes money, likes his life much more, and wants both of them. He prefers staying back, as his Stand is not a combat based one at all.
Items: None
Power: 1
Speed: 5
Intelligence: 5
Constitution: 4
Running Away: 5
Stand Name: [Wheel in the Sky]
Stand Appearance: Clouds, which can be anything from stormy black to fluffy white in color and shape.
Power: E (The clouds have no offense whatsoever. All they can do is rain.)
Speed: E (This Stand is very slow.)
Range: A ([Wheel in the Sky] can go up to 50 miles away from its user.)
Durability: A (It’s far in the air, and cannot really be attacked at all.)
Precision: E (This Stand can only really do one thing, and the user cannot control the predictions from it.)
Potential: E
Ability: [Wheel in the Sky] can rain. This can either be an isolated sprinkle or raging monsoon. This rain is real, but will go back to the Stand as it evaporates. There’s a large amount of rain stored, so the user doesn’t need to worry about that. It could feasibly rain constantly on a city for a matter of weeks.
Whenever it rains, the user of [Wheel in the Sky] hears a piece of advice to avoid some misfortune that will happen to them in the future. They can choose to avoid this misfortune, but at the cost of it being "passed" onto someone else. They can only hear one prediction every minute, and only if there is something in the next hour that affects the user negatively.
 
Boss 3
Name: Cliff Currenti
Age: 26
Occupation: Mercenary, Ballroom Dancer
Bio: The youngest of three brothers, all Stand users, Cliff always felt left out. He was a late bloomer and developed his Stand later in life than his brothers, and his Stand was also unlike the others in his family, though probably the strongest of the three. Cliff developed a passion for ballroom dancing, and, through that, discovered a secondary ability of his Stand. When he went off to college, he cut ties with his family in order to start work as a mercenary, using his Stand to make money for various illegal deeds. While he never charged a high price, it was enough to make a living. These days, he spends about as much time organizing fancy dance parties as carrying out jobs, using his hard-earned money and his Stand’s ability to throw the biggest balls around.
Personality: Cliff is someone who believes that someone should do as much good in the world as they do evil, which has led him to throw his charity balls alongside performing his dirty deeds. On a job, he is analytical and quick to understand a situation. He doesn’t especially like hurting people, though he never shies away from a job. He’s also a fan of puns and wordplay, leading him to quickly be able to come up with anything that can be considered a ball.
Physical Description: A small man, Cliff is stronger than he looks. Even on a job, he’s dressed for a ballroom dance, with his various pouches, belts, and packs of gear over it.
Equipment: Springfield Rifle Model 1861 and 20 Minié Balls, a baseball, a rubber bouncy ball, 30 ball bearings, a ball of twine, two steel balls, and a miniaturized bowling ball.
Strength: 3
Speed: 3
Intelligence: 4
Constitution: 2
Throwing Balls (This applies to both actual balls and fancy dancing balls): 4
Stand Name: 「Big Balls」
Appearance: 「Big Balls」takes the appearance of a smooth faceless punchghost clad in fancy attire.
Ability: It has the ability to completely control the size of anything called a ball. With two exceptions, the power functions to increase or decrease the mass and/or volume of a ball within its range, so long as the Stand has touched the ball since the ball entered its range. The Stand does not need to be touching the ball at the time the ball’s size is being affected. 「Big Balls」 can control the rate at which the balls change their size and the user often chooses to do so at a rate where the mass and volume increase or decrease at rates such that density remains constant. The two ways the Stand affects balls that are exceptions to its typical functionality are this: 「Big Balls」 can metaphorically grow the user's "balls", increasing the user's confidence, charisma, and combat skill at the cost of making the user less careful and intelligent. 「Big Balls」 can also increase the "size" of a fancy dance party, essentially affecting the energy and enthusiasm of the participants so long as they are within the ballroom.
Stand Stats:
Power: D
Speed: A
Range: B (About 50m of range total.)
Durability: D
Precision: C
Potential: B
 
Objective: Defeat the enemy. For the purposes of this match, you really only need to defeat Austin and one other person. Once you do that, the other will bolt.
Location: A valley on the border of Kyrgyzstan and China, with the remains of a village in it. There are large walls on both sides, blocking everyone in. Lone is about 3m away from the contestants, and he has about 20 seconds left that The Overload will work. The user of Wheel in the Sky is near some walls about 10m behind the contestants. An extra note about how his abilities work is that the nearest person to him will have the fate he was about to have passed over. Cliff is ahead of the group about 10m in the other direction. The slopes of the surrounding mountains are arid, and excessive rain will cause mudslides. None of the bosses will go especially out of their way for eachother.
 
Team Combatant JoJolity
Players Both "You're really good at sobbing J.Geil. Well, you're about to fall down to hell, sobbing the whole way down. But there's one thing I can't really on the guardians of hell to do for me. And that's... To turn you into a pincushion!": RETIRE another combatant using [The Overload], and do not purposefully stab yourself with it.
Boss Lone "I am a god in all but name! With the powers at my command, I will rule this world!": Let nobody else get their hands on The Overload!
Boss Cliff and Miguel "American style. French style. Japanese style. Italian. Specifically Naples style. The world's fingers for fuck off.": Get Lone RETIRED during the fight! Seriously, screw that guy!
Jojolity points will be awarded for style and feasibility of its execution, independently of the plausibility of winning the fight.
 
Match Number Match Format Match Flavor Match Location Combatant A Combatant B Date
1 1v1 Objective A fancy ball where the guests are getting a little rowdy… DJ Nick Mason May 13
2 1v1 Deathmatch Inside a dark cave, the only source of light being an oil-powered lantern that’s rapidly running out! Presto Gami May 17
4 1v1 Deathmatch Mumbai, India. A certain thing seems to be happening… Sigmund Tremaine Kewlin Ciudad May 25
5 1v1 Deathmatch A lagoon, somewhere deep in the tropics. Nicola Henderson ??? May 29
7 2v1 Objective A hidden valley in between two mountains… James Burton Felix Down June 6
8 1v1 Objective Live on the Jerry Springer show! Prime opportunity to discredit your opponent! Niban Shosha Huey Lewis June 10
10 1v1 Deathmatch Northern Territory, Australia. A tense duel on the edge of a national monument! “Waveshaper” Rick Max June 18
11 1v1 Deathmatch A frozen lake, a straight shot at your opponent! Felix Arrowsmith Cole Pineburg June 22
13 1v1 Objective A museum break-in. Shouldn’t be too hard, right? Christina “Chris” Carlisle James Chance June 30
14 2v1 Deathmatch A warehouse… inside of another warehouse?! David L. Palmer Famoso Pietraduro July 4
16 1v1 Deathmatch An airliner, crashed in the middle of the red sea! Junky Luck Dr. Alice Slash July 12
17 1v1 Objective Caught in the middle of a large-scale, armed bank robbery! Duvelleroy Steve Genoard July 16
19 1v1 Objective Suddenly trapped inside of a dark cave! Find a way out before it’s too late! Vivi Bianchi Stefan C. Megiddo July 24
20 1v1 Deathmatch Louisiana. Swamp country. Although the decoration is quite odd around here… Steppenwolf Leonard Davis July 28
 
Match Number Match Format Match Flavor Match Location Team A (1) Team A (2) Team B (1) Team B (2) Date
3 2v2 Deathmatch Open plains in the middle of Saskatchewan, hell raining down from all sides! Bill Dolby Rooftop Singer Jack Mercury Savage Garden May 21
6 2v2 Objective A bowling alley where the balls are a little too big… Adriano Donati Jitterbug Moseph Sabat Farewell Angelina June 2
9 2v2 Objective A massive, sprawling labyrinth, in the dead of night! Spandau Ballet Airis Ani Donatello Blackwell Don Under June 14
12 2v2 Deathmatch An egyptian dig site, the palms of massive statues the only thing sticking out. Pascal Chaleur Elio Valez Floyd Feelgood Nicholas Al-Bach June 26
15 2v2 Objective A large ship, filled to the brim with guards! Natsuru Springfield Harvey Harold Hillhouse Gray Jay Michael Sembello July 8
18 2v2 Deathmatch Granbury, Texas. The annual Field of Flags event. Cassandra Corazon Kate Smith Elliot J. Diamond Boy July 20
 
Reddit Name User Name Stand Name Team Status
u/Zanegaru Junky Luck Robot Parade Sunset Company Active
u/pm_ur_veggie_garden Diamond Boy Dirty Dancer Sunset Company Active
u/Mightymindsoup Elliot J Love Bites Sunset Company Active
u/johntindlemen Adriano Donati Clearest Blue Sunset Company Active
u/boredCommentator Duvelleroy Great King Rat Sunset Company Active…?
u/jem_rye Albrecht Durer Just Push Play Sunset Company RETIRED
u/Shark_Steel Duke Rhayader What is Love Sunset Company RETIRED
u/Strange_Bean Dana Davis Stay Sunset Company RETIRED
u/Gallerian Jitterbug Amun-Ra Sunset Company Active
u/phinsa123 Jack Mercury Mötley Crüe Temperance Machine Active (2 KOs)
u/Unknowni123 Stefania Sandu Rich Girl Temperance Machine RETIRED
u/YoloSwagginsV12 Nicola Henderson Exmilitary Temperance Machine Active
u/Otha_Joestar Savage Garden Jungle Love! Temperance Machine Active (2 KOs)
u/Bentonic64 James Creech Northern Hues Temperance Machine RETIRED
u/Nivrap Dionne Stained Glass Heart Temperance Machine RETIRED
u/Quickdrawnmoron Dr. Alice Slash Mississippi Queen Temperance Machine Active (1 KO)
u/bauccgia0 Rip Van Winkle Self Called Nowhere Temperance Machine RETIRED
u/KiwiArms David "2D" Delasoul Feel Good Ink Right Now, Forever RETIRED
u/SweaterSnake Spandau Ballet Paint Box Right Now, Forever Active
u/Toedpens Seth Turmur Heart of the Sunrise Right Now, Forever RETIRED
u/Dead_Star_World Cassandra Johnson Getaway Right Now, Forever RETIRED
u/farispie Nermin Reeds Spooky Skeleton Right Now, Forever RETIRED
u/PerPapple Christina “Chris” Carlisle Shadow on the Wall Right Now, Forever Active
u/Skelly-Tan Marco Forneira Man Eater Right Now, Forever RETIRED
u/WoobidyWoo Stefan C. Megiddo Switch - 625 Right Now, Forever Active
u/Leafsw0rd Rooftop Singer Wintergatan (Cannot Decide on a Name) RETIRED
u/TheMysteriousDoc Sigmund “Ziggy” Tremaine Demon Days (Cannot Decide on a Name) Active (3 KOs)
u/HeavenAscensionTaric Erick "Rick Max" Maximilian Withered Delilah (Cannot Decide on a Name) Active
u/NowWithPulp James Chance Electric Avenue (Cannot Decide on a Name) Active (2 KOs)
u/Slaycube James Burton Of Wolf and Man (Cannot Decide on a Name) Active (2 KOs)
u/Addem_Up Huey Lewis Change of Heart (Cannot Decide on a Name) Active (2 KOs)
u/Sh0tgunLlama Felix “Fat Rat” Arrowsmith Set in Stone (Cannot Decide on a Name) Active
u/ChocolateDiscloud Bill Dolby It’s Raining Men (Cannot Decide on a Name) RETIRED
u/CPU_Dragon DJ Rasputin (Cannot Decide on a Name) Active (1 KO)
u/rederister Michael Sembello Automatic Man Diamond Dogs Active
u/Repider Jason “Gray Jay” Jukes Hush Diamond Dogs Active
u/Calumba Dr. Francesca Marvel Ting Tings Diamond Dogs RETIRED
u/anxientdesu Airis Ani Musical Star Diamond Dogs Active…?
u/JinxTheFrosslass Farewell Angelina Chains of Love Diamond Dogs Active
u/yelualstar Kenneth “Ken” Masters Leather Rebel Diamond Dogs RETIRED
u/Ongsay Moseph Sabat Digital Lover Diamond Dogs Active
u/SilverJakler Leonard Davis Ace of Spades Diamond Dogs Active
u/KantuK Kewlin Cuidad Smooth Criminal Loca's Motions RETIRED
u/VforVanarchy Presto Fly By Night Loca's Motions Active (3 KOs)
u/spyguy318 Dr. Nick Mason Dark Side of the Moon Loca's Motions RETIRED
u/Ronandstone Cole Pineburg Slim Shady Loca's Motions Active (2 KOs)
u/Drebin996 Kate Smith Cibo Matto Loca's Motions Active
u/Tesla__Coil Cassandra Corazon Through the Fire and Flames Loca's Motions Active (2 KOs)
u/ArtisanBubblegum Steve Genoard Dance Comander Loca's Motions Active (2 KOs)
u/SP-Q-R Viviana “Vivi” Bianchi Noisy Pink Bubbles Loca's Motions Active
u/yelualstar Steppen Born to be Wild Loca’s Motions Active
u/Ismat_Urbur Pascal “Paz” Chaleur Canned Heat White Stripes Active
u/SmashPachi Evan Lain Count on Me White Stripes RETIRED
u/StonedVolus David L. Palmer Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger White Stripes Active
u/Screedledude Harvey Harold Hillhouse Flatlands White Stripes Active
u/kljg Kenny Nixon Grease Lightning White Stripes RETIRED
u/JMBChaos Niban Shosha Ocean Man White Stripes Active
u/tryburningundam Elio Valez Danger! High Voltage White Stripes Active
u/NatsuruSpringfield Natsuru Springfield Evil Woman White Stripes Active
u/CptDouglasJFalcon ”Waveshaper” Wisdom of Rage White Stripes Active
u/webdiings Null(Neal) Fly Me To the Moon The F.L.E.A.s RETIRED
u/vyhox Gami Haru Haru The F.L.E.A.s RETIRED
u/Spade4103 Don Under Hot Space The F.L.E.A.s Active
u/WayofAlexGaming Nicholas Al-Bach Camera Shy The F.L.E.A.s Active
u/Sullivanity333 Dr. Floyd Feelgood Moving Pictures The F.L.E.A.s Active (2 KOs)
u/Mosses76 Felix Down Learn to Fly The F.L.E.A.s Active (2 KOs)
u/FastLikeLightning Famoso Pietraduro Wayward Son The F.L.E.A.s Active (2 KOs)
u/TornkeS Donatello Blackwell I Am The F.L.E.A.s Active (2 KOs)
submitted by JDog413 to StardustCrusaders [link] [comments]

The Entire Script of Space Jam (1996)

Michael? What are you doing? lt's after 12. Couldn't sleep, Pops. Neither can we, with the noise you're making. Let's go inside. Just one more shot? All right. Just one. Good. Shoot it again. Getting pretty good. Shoot till you miss. You think if l can get good enough, l can go to college? lf you get good enough, you can do anything you want. l want to play at North Carolina. That's a real fine school. You can get a good education. l want to play on a championship team. Then l want to play in the NBA. All right, let's slow down, son. Shouldn't you get some sleep first? Once l've done all that... ...l want to play baseball, like you. Baseball. Yeah, now, that's a sport. When you've done that... ...l suppose you're going to fly? At this time... ...l've reached the pinnacle of my basketball career and must retire. The one good thing is that my father had the opportunity... ...to see me play my last game. That means a lot. What'll you do now? l've never really told anybody this, except for one person. l'm going to play professional baseball. What are you going to play? l don't know. As a kid, l was a pitcher. l think outfield, because it'll be hard for me to pitch. Let's get out of here. This stinks. Don't bring me again. Don't bring me again. Are you listening? Did you hear him? Did you hear him? That little brat is right. l told you, if l've told you once... ...l told you a thousand, thousand, thousand, thousand times! We need new attractions! New ones! Get it? Big, shiny new things. Absolutely, sir. Look at me and listen: The customer is always right! Right! The customer is always right! Exactly! Always! Right! Okay, we need something. We need something... ...nutty! Something wacky. Wacky! We need something, something.... Looney? Oops! Looney. Thank you! Looney? Yes! Looney! Now you're talking! Looney! Looney! That's it! That's the word l was looking for! Get the Looney Tunes. Bring them here. Sir, just noticing... ...they're from Earth. What if they can't come? What did you say? What if they can't come? Make them. Cool. Make them! We're gonna get them! Strike! Looks good in that uniform. Looks great. Can't teach that. Can't teach it. Thanks for autographing that basketball for my kid. l'm happy to do it. Let's go! Curve ball. Don't swing. Don't...swing. Ball! Fastball, outside corner. Swing. Strike! That was your pitch. l know, l missed it. l'll get you another one. Podolak! Come here. -l'm sorry, l didn't mean to-- -Come here! Make sure that nobody bothers Michael. l want him to be the happiest player. Slider. Don't swing. Strike three! l told you not to! l couldn't help it. l know. Nice talking to you! We're not worried. Good cut. That was a good-looking strikeout. You look good when you strike out. When l do, it looks nasty. At least you look good. Good-looking. Hi, Mr. Jordan. l'm Stan Podolak. Oh, jeez. You okay? That was a nasty fall. l'm Stan Podolak, Mr. Jordan, the Baron's new publicist. l'm here to make your life easier. Can l drive you somewhere? You want me to pick up your laundry, baby-sit your kids? l am here to personally guarantee... ...that no one will ever bother you. What was that? Hang on! -Hanging on! -Hanging on! Are we there yet? -Bombastic! -Cool. You irascible bunny! Come back here, you screwy rodent! l'll be with you in a second, folks, after l finish with nature boy here. All right, you pesky rabbit. l've got you now! One small step for moi.... One giant leap for Moron Mountain! And one whopper headache for Elmer Fudd. Diminutive, ain't they? We seek the one they call Bugs Bunny. -Have you seen him? -Where is he? ls he around? Bugs Bunny, Bugs Bunny. Say, does he have great big long ears? Like this? Does he hop around... ...like this? Does he say, ''What's up, doc?'' like this: What's up, doc? Nope! Never heard of him. You know, maybe there is no intelligent life... ...out in the universe after all. Hold on there, Mr. Looney Tune. What do you think we are? Stupid? Don't move a muscle. Okay, bunny, gather up your Tune pals. -We're taking you for a ride. -Move it. Totally. All right. So, like, where are we going? Are we there yet? -Sorry it took so long. -Don't worry about it. That exit on 65 wasn't clearly marked. -Hold up, right here. -Here? Thanks, Sherm. -Appreciate it. -lt's Stan, Mike. You can call me Sherm if you want. l follow your career and l think you're the greatest athlete that's ever lived. How do l get out? The door doesn't work. lt's a classic. lt's a classic, but it's got a few peccadillos. Hold on. A few? lt's smoking too. Thanks for the ride. This is nice. This is a nice house. Beautiful. What is that, Colonial? lt's a nice house. lf you need help with the house.... l'm fine, thanks. You gave me a ride. Thanks. l'll drive tomorrow, so l don't need a ride. But thanks, though. Too conspicuous? Yeah. Thanks, though. -Tomorrow! -See you tomorrow. Come on! No, not today! Get off me! Your breath! Mr. Jordan, are you okay? Get off of him, Charles! Bad dog! Git! Pooch, stop it! Get off of him before l cook you! Come on, come on, baby. Get out! Good game. Hey, Jeff, you okay? -How was your game? -l don't want to talk about it. How are you? You're covered with drool! That's your dog. What's wrong with Jeff? He lost 32 points in his average. ls that all? So that puts him at .685 or something. He's batting what? Smells good in here. What you cooking? Chicken. Chicken and what? Collard greens. Good. l need a good meal tonight. ls everything okay? l stunk up the place. Hope baseball was a good idea. It was another career day for Michael Jordan. What're you watching? He had 3 strikeouts. ls this the only thing on TV? What's up with this? His batting average is .214, which is his weight. Get this guy a tennis racquet! Did everyone get mad at you? No. Worse. They were nice about it. I know golf is your sport. But not here. You should open your stance. lt might make you more aggressive. You think so? l'll remember that. Watching this hurt me more than you. Why are you watching this stuff? lt's bad for you. There. Road Runner. Stop this cartoon! We've got an emergency Cartoon Character Union Meeting to go to. Hey, wait for me! Hold your horses! Where'd they go? Stop the music! Top duck coming through! Jeez! lt's getting so a guy can't even get himself wet around here! What's the big emergency? These little guys would like to make an announcement. Here. You... ...all of you... ...are now our prisoners! Oh, we're in big trouble now. We are taking you to our theme park in outer space. No fooling. You'll be our slaves. And placed on display for the amusement of our customers. Oh, fear clutches my breast. We ain't a-going... ...nowheres! Not so fast, doc. You just can't turn us into slaves. That would be bad. You must let us defend ourselves. Oh, yeah? Who says? Just a sec. Read. What's this? ''Give them a chance to defend themselves.'' Do we have to? lt's a rule. Okay. lt is in the rule book. Una momento! We must confer. All right, troops. lt is for us to choose a battlefield that affords us-- l got it. Yes, Private Porkster? How about we challenge them to a... ...spelling bee? Say... ...we could have a bowling tournament. Suffering succotash! What's wrong with you? Let's get a ladder... ...wait till the old lady's gone... ...and grab that little bird! Whoa! Take a deep breath, Sly! Okay, let's analyze the competition. Now what are we looking at here? We got a small race of invading aliens.... Small arms! Short legs! Not very fast. Tiny little guys. Can't jump high. We challenge you to a basketball game. Basketball it is! Basketball! What is basketball? -What's that? -Beats me. We didn't have that in school. Lights! Pardon me! Sorry. Down in front! An exhilarating team sport currently growing rapidly in popularity... ...is basketball. Unlike football and baseball, only 5 men can play on a team. It's a fast-paced, razzle-dazzle game that requires quick wits... ...and even faster reflexes. Here's how it's done professionally. The National Basketball Association... ...featuring the best players in the world. The best players in the world! The best! Excuse me. Oh, so sorry. Excuse me. Get off my nose! Quiet, they're looking! lt's basketball! Where? Whoa! Now what? -She's looking. -Close it up. Tightly. You poked me again. Sweetheart? l thought you'd get better seats. -This is the best l could get. -This guy's doing something weird. Just let me watch the game. Barkley is killing us. Someone's killing someone! No. Seriously? A killer! Let me see! There! That's the killer! He's big. He's good. He's mine! Go get him! Come on! Get back on defense! Let's go! Get back on d! What are you doing? Time out! Call time out! What's wrong with you? Let him in. Open up! Open! He did it. l got it! l got his talent! Super. -Sit down, Chuck. -Man, l'm fine! l am fine! l played you too much. -l'm not tired! -Get the doctor. You all right? You sure? Come on, we're okay. Come on, let's go. Come on, Patrick. Showtime! What's wrong with him? In a shocking development, 5 NBA players were put on the disabled list... ...in the last 24 hours, all suffering from the same mysterious ailment... ...that affects the player's coordination. l'll be home in a few days. Put your mom on. How you doing? Watching TV? What's going on? -You gonna be all right? -I'm ready, Coach. Looks like l retired just in time. l must go. l'll call you later. Love you, bye. lt's open! lt's game time! Lace up your Nikes. Grab your Gatorade and we'll get a Big Mac on the way. Now we go to the Los Angeles Forum... ...where the Lakers are refusing to take the court. Get dressed. We got a game in 5 minutes! We're talking a huge fine. We can't go in the locker room. You heard what happened to Barkley and Ewing. There's germs. Cedric, that was in New York, Bacteria travels faster than the speed of light. Like ''lnvasion of the Body Snatchers.'' All right. Dress in the hallway. Okay, okay, which one of you maroons has ever played basketball? l have, Coach. And there's an important question l must ask you. What do you think? l'm partial to purple and gold. lt's better with my coloring. Nice outfit, Daffy. The little aliens say it's their turn to use the court. Sure, let the little pipsqueaks knock themselves out. Too bad you can't practice getting taller, boys. Hey, little pig! l wet myself. Time to play a little basketball. These little pipsqueaks just turned into superstars! They're monsters! Suffering succotash! They're ''monstars''! Bye-bye. l think we might need some help. Okay, little fella. You my friend? Or my enemy? You are my friend. You are my ally. You are my associate, my personal assistant. You are my weapon. You are leaving. -Great shot. -Nice shot. You can stop posing now. Good try. Not bad. -Something for you to shoot at. -Hit it good. Do my best. Good shot. l know. l must ask you something. The NBA must face reality. What's happening is serious. They're going to need new players with talent. Skilled guys who never really thought about a professional career. Think l got a shot? Come on, really? Don't kid. lt's a man's game. -You can't play. -What if l tried hard? Keep it down. lt's because l'm white. No. Larry's white. So what? Larry's not white. Larry's clear. Get inside his ball! You clowns can't beat that. -My best shot ever. -You haven't played long. A Hall-of-Fame shot. -Nice shot, Mr. Bird. -Larry, please. Nice shot, Mr. Larry. Nice shot. You can do this. Don't be nervous, you can do this. You feel the NBA has to face reality, don't you? Look for some players where they never looked before. Just look at the ball. Visualize where you want it to go. Be the ball. Get off the tee. Can't jump. Go on. Close to the pin? For dinner? -Sounds good. -l'll go close to the pin. l'll have some. Not bad. Good shot. Get down. Look at that spin. Come on! lt is alive! My first hole in one. Never seen one of these. Nothing but the bottom of the cup. -That's his ball too. -Yeah, it's my ball. Wait, let me get a picture! You must smile. Reach in for the ball and then smile, okay? ls this good? Just take the picture! What kind of camera is that? Don't point it at me. -l didn't do anything! -Where'd he go? Look out for that first step, doc, it's a real lulu. Bugs Bunny? You expected the Easter Bunny? You're not real. Not real? lf l weren't real, could l do this? ls that Michael? lt's Michael! lt's Air Jordan. Basketball! l thought l saw.... l did. l did see Michael Jordan. Pardon me, Mr. Jordan. Can l have your auto-- Your John Hancock, please? Let the doctor take a look. A little high. Going down! So, what do you say we go for a little spin? Let's see what we got inside here. Say, ''Ahh.'' All right. He's okay! What's going on here? l thought you'd never ask. These aliens from outer space want to make us slaves in their theme park. They're little. So we challenged them to a basketball game. Then, they ain't so little! They're huge! We need to beat these guys. They're talking about slavery! They'll make us do stand-up, the same jokes every night! We'll be locked up like wild animals, trotted out to perform... ...for a bunch of bug-eyed, fat-headed, humor-challenged aliens! What l'm trying to say is... ...we need your help! l'm a baseball player now. Right. And l'm a Shakespearean actor. Mike? Michael? lt's Stan. Stan Podolak. l need you to come out now, okay? You got a baseball game tomorrow. And I'd look pretty stupid ifyou don't show up. Think he's all right? l hate to leave him. He's fine. l think he just had to get away from that Stan character. He's pathetic, isn't he? l'll give us both twos. We weren't in any kind of emotional state to putt. l think that's fair. lf Mike is gone, the NBA is going to need some new people. There's room at the top. An exciting guy who could even perform at half-time. You know David Stern? A phone call from you.... l want to help... ...but l haven't played in a long time. My timing's off. We'll fix it. Look at our facility. We got hoops. We got weights. We've got balls. You sure do. This place is a mess. You're worried about a mess? There's nothing here a little spit shine wouldn't fix. Spit shine! Lemony-fresh. You guys are nuts. Correction: We're Looney Tunes. And as such are the exclusive property and trademark of Warner Bros. lnc. l'm here! Me too! That hurt. Who are they? Remember the tiny aliens l told you about? You've heard of the Dream Team? We're the Mean Team, wussieman! Wussieman. We're the Monstars. M-o-n-.... Let's see what you got... ...chump! l don't play basketball anymore. ''l don't play basketball anymore.'' Maybe you're chicken. l say, l resemble that remark. You calling me chicken? Come here. Here you go. Take him! Watch the footwork. Can you believe it? Get out of the way! Everybody. Look at your hero now. You guys are making a mistake. You're all washed up, baldy! Baldy? He is not washed up! -Michael's the greatest! -Shut up! My poor little cranium. You okay? Yeah, are you okay? Whoops! You're not scared of them... ...are you? Let's play some basketball. You're...! You're Charles Barkley. Girls! Come on over! Hurry up! Hurry! Look! lt's Charles Barkley! Can l play? You're not Charles Barkley. Just a wanna-be who looks like him. Sorry. Break out. You shouldn't even be here! Be gone! Wanna-be! Be gone! Just a few more tests. Electrolyte levels, glucose, CBCs, RBCs, etc. And we've scheduled a stress test... ...and neurological battery to include EEG and.... And this girl... ...five feet nothing, blocked my shot. When did you first have this dream? lt wasn't a dream! lt really happened! lt climbed up my back... ...and into my brain. Are there other areas... ...besides basketball... ...where you find yourself... ...unable to perform? No! Just asking. l've been MRl'd, EKG'd, x-rayed, laser beamed.... l'll never swear again. l'll never get another technical. l'll never trash-talk. l've got other skills. l could go work on the farm. Really? Or maybe l could go back to the jungle and be a missionary. What are you saying? That l'm trying to disobey my mama? You said that, not me. l love her. Still can't find anything wrong! Maybe nothing's wrong! Maybe it's just in our head. We're fine. lt's psychosomatic. Or has to do with the moon. l'll never date Madonna again. What are you doing? l'm fixing a divot. He's fixing a divot! Has anyone here ever played basketball? l have. l'd like to try out. Hi. My name is Lola Bunny. Lola? Hello! My name's Bugs. You want to play one-on-one, doll? ''Doll''? On the court, Bugs. She's hot! Ready? l got it! l got it! That girl's got some skills. Don't ever call me... ...''doll.'' Check! Nice playing with you. Very smooth. She's obviously nuts about me. Obviously. Mais oui. Where's the ball? Let's do some drills. Can anyone lend me some sneakers? Sneakers? Sorry. Someone must get my gear from my house. Your house? ln 3-D land? Whatever you do... ...remember my North Carolina shorts. Your shorts? From college? l wore them under my Chicago Bulls uniform every game. l washed them after every game! l did! The view back here stinks. We're in front of his house. l knew that! Let's go in this way. l say, let's go in that way! He just never learns! Let me see. l must be very, very... ...close. Mother! Nice digs. Well, well. l wonder who that could be. Twinkle, twinkle, little star. Everyone's sleeping! l knew that. Come on, we must find Michael's basketball stuff. Nope. Nothing in here. Nope. But a very nice dinette set. Not here. Let's look upstairs. Yes, Oh, Fearless Leader. So, he needs his special underwear. Sorry. You think she's got enough toys? Speaking of toys, you know all those mugs and... ...lunch boxes with our pictures on them? You ever see any money from it? -Not a cent. -Me neither. lt's a shame. We need a new agent. We're getting screwed. We've found the trophy room. Spread out and search the place. Yes, sahib. Oh, brother. Here l am, in the peak of my form... ...playing second banana to some sort of harebrain.... This could be useful. lf this were a union job.... That's very nice. -l could use this. -One of his shoes. Where is the other shoe? Where are you? Eureka! Come to Papa. What a fuzz-foot. You are so clumsy. Catch. Thanks. Time to go. Did we get everything? The shorts! ln there? Okay, l'll check. l found the shorts. The pain! l'm right behind you. That's not reassuring. Nice puppy. Want a bone? No dice. How about a nice ham? Can't we talk this over? Down, Beethoven. The kids are here. Give it. Here. Thanks, kid. Bad dog! That is the last time l'm ever working with dogs or children. Where you going? You see, the Looney Tunes have a big basketball game coming up and... -...your dad's playing. -All right! Yeah! But don't tell anybody! l see aliens. Little aliens from outer space. They forced their way inside your bodies. They need your talent to win a... ...basketball game against... ...Bugs Bunny. l also see Michael Jordan... ...being sucked down a golf hole... ...by furry creatures. That's it. We're going. We're leaving. Let's try acupuncture. Good idea. This is it! This is it! l don't know where you are... ...but you obviously enjoy being there more than being with me! You better hope this Jordan character still can play. You and me both, brother. Listen, how is this for a new team name: The Ducks. Please! What kind of Mickey Mouse organization would name a team that? So sue me. lt's just a suggestion. You're doing it! You're becoming mighty! Go! No pain, no gain. Guys? Look who's finally ready to play! Let's see if l remember how. ls it really you? Thank God you're all right! l was so worried! Come on, Stan. Don't hug me, please. Sorry. -Why are you here? -l must take you back for practice. l can't. l'm helping my friends in their basketball game. Your friends are cartoon characters. Yeah. So? lt doesn't bother me. Let me help? Let me help! l can help! What can you do? l may not be tall, but... ...l'm slow. And large. And a dork! l'll do anything! Anything! Anything? Anything. Come here. Come here for a second. Sit right here. No problem. All right! All right, let's go, team! lf someone gets injured, we could see a lot of minutes. l'm a cheerleader. Mr. Commissioner, the place is sealed off. Quiet! Listen. After meeting with team owners... ...l decided that until we can guarantee... ...the health of our players... ...there will be no more basketball this season. Just get out of my way. Ready? Let's go! Are these the best seats? Like them! Can see everything from here! Very good! Ready to go? Yeah, sure. Riot! Ladies and gentlemen... ...the starting lineup for... ...the Tune Squad! Standing 2 foot 4... ...The Wonder From Down Under... ...the Tazmanian Devil! At small forward... ...standing a scintillating 3 foot 2... ...The Heartthrob of the Hoops... ...Lola Bunny! At power forward... ...The Quackster of the Courts: Daffy Duck! Thank you! Thank you! Very funny. Let's all laugh at the duck. And at point guard... ...standing 3 foot 3, ...co-captain of the Tune Squad... ...The Doctor of Delight: Bugs Bunny! Thank you! Thank you! And now... ...the player-coach of the Tune Squad... ...at 6 foot 6, from North Carolina... ...His Royal Airness: Michael Jordan! Who? ls he a Looney Tune? Perhaps. Ready? l'll take it to the rack. They'll wish they never were born! Guys, let's just go out and have fun. The challengers for the Ultimate Game... ...all the way from Moron Mountain: The Monstars! Go Monstars! Go Monstars! Go Monstars! What are you looking at? Cool shoes. Ready? l got it! l got the ball! Way to go! Did you see the moves on that one? Come on. Show me something! The duck! Oh, my! She was wide open. Watch the screen! Watch out! Get him! How did he do that? Nice shot, Mr. J. Let's play defense. Way to go! Air J! Red light! Feed me! Feed you? Feed me! -Bad old putty tat! -l'll take that. Don't try this at home! ''l wish l was in the land of--'' Going somewhere? May l remind you, sir... ...that physical violence is patently against the rules! Did you order Original Recipe or Extra Crispy? Let's go. Me? l'm ready. l can do this. You picked the mouse? l love basketball. l always have. Do you? l bet you're good. l'm small, but l try hard to be good. l always try hard. My mom says, ''Try your best--'' Try to get by me, doll. ''Doll''? Don't ever call me... ...''doll.'' Nice shot. There's the defense boy. l got you. Pie? Pork chop? Sorbet, perhaps? Half-time. Holy Putty Tat! We're better than them. We got them. Moron Mountain, here we come. We're going to be slaves. There's a whole other half to play. lt's the boss. Hello, Mr. Swackhammer! All right. Not bad for the first half. But we must keep this up. No problem. We stole talent from the NBA players! From the NBA! Shut up! l smell something. We've been playing hard. Not you, you idiot! lt's coming from over here. That locker. Look! lt's the chubby boy! lt smells like a... ...spy! You guys need a publicist? l can make you big. -l know we're down. -Let's hear the story. l've been here before. We can still win this. lt's not over. We must come together. We must believe in ourselves. That'll help us. Looks like Stan had a close encounter with a bug-zapper. The Monstars! The Monstars! That must hurt. The Monstars! The Monstars... ...stole the talent from the NBA players. So that's what happened to them. l think we should qui-- qui-- forfeit. Listen, l didn't get dragged down here to lose to ugly Monstars. l ain't going out like that. We're letting them push us! We must fight back! We must get right in their faces! Well? Are you with me or not? Finished? Great speech and all. You had them riveted. But didn't you forget something? Your secret stuff! Nice deltoids! Play along. Stop hogging it. We're teammates! Secret stuff? Secret stuff? You wouldn't hold out on us, would you? No. l didn't think you needed it. You're so tough. You're competitive. We're also chicken. We need it bad. -l'd like some of that. -Could l have a sip, please? This goes against everything l learned in health class. Do you want to win? Bottoms up. Yummy. How about we go out and kick some alien butt? How about it? Ready? Open! Coming through! Special delivery! Nice kaboom. Let's teach them a lesson. Nice butt! Going up! Slammy! Hello! A little surprise for you, my friends. This will be good. Okay, birdie! Time out! Shut up, get away from me. Powwow! We're right back in this game. Let's play tough defense. Why didn't you get him? He's a baseball player. A baseball player. Looks like a basketball player to me. Me too. He's the one l want for Moron Mountain. Are you talking to me? Yeah, l am. You want a piece of me? Come and get it! What do you have in mind? What about we raise the stakes? lnteresting. lf we win, you give the NBA players their talent back. But what if we win? lf you win? You get me. Good deal. Doc, you think that's a good idea? You'll be our star attraction. You'll sign autographs all day long. And play one-on-one with the paying customers. And lose. Do we have a deal? Deal. l don't think you should do this. l have faith in my team. Crush them! Defeating time, boys. Good-bye! Fore! But, Mommy, l don't want to go to school today. l want to stay home and bake cookies with you. l'm open! Heads up! Belly flop! Oh, my! ls this your man? You okay? Me? Oh, yeah. l'm fine. Are you okay? Thank you. lt was nothing. That was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. Time out. l could have been a contender! The Monstars! The Monstars! l could have had a V-8! We need a fifth player. You got any more secret stuff? l think it's starting to wear off. lt didn't wear off. lt was water. You guys had the ''special stuff'' inside you all along. Yeah, l knew that. But you got any more? Can l have some? -Stan? -Me? You're center. Just guard the big guy. Guard him? l'll smother him! l'll be all over him like a cheap suit! l'll be on him like stink on rice! He's going down! Over here! Over here! l'm open! Nice shot! Big man, ain't he? Let's get him out of here! Oh, my! How'd he do that? Anyone can do that. Even you. Watch this. No sweat. This is Looney Tune Land. Thanks for telling me, doc. l hate to be the bearer of bad news, Your Airness... ...but if you don't find a fifth player, your team will forfeit the game. Forfeit? Precisely, Sir Altitude. No way. We'll find someone. l didn't know Dan Ackroyd was in this picture! Perhaps l could be of some assistance? That's our fifth guy. Now you get to live your dream. Let's go. -We need to score 2 points. -Here's how l see it. You kick it to the girl bunny down in the post. You dish it to Bugs. You swing it to Mike. You go to the hole. -And dominate! -We're on defense! l don't play defense. Typical. You must listen to Mike on this. Someone steal the ball, get it to me and l'll score. Don't lose that confidence! Paws and wings in here! Okay! This is why l was born. l thrive on pressure. Excuse me, sorry. Easy on the trousers, Daf. Pardon me. Mr. Murray, something's really been bugging me. Just how did you get here? Producer's a friend of mine. Had a teamster drop me off. That's how it goes. You see this chunky fellow? That's good! Let's do it! Play fair. Don't choke now. Come on. lt's gut-check time! This must be mine. l'm going this way! l'm going left! Never trust an Earthling! Get the girl! Come on! l'm open! -That's mine! -Not today! Bring it on, dude. You're mine! l'm open! Never mind. The Tunes win! Nice pass. Great stretch at the basket too. You really got some skills. You could play in the NBA. Thanks, Mike. l'll probably quote you on that. But l'm going to take this opportunity to retire from the game. Come on. No, l'm going to retire right now and that's it. l'm going to go out undefeated. That's how it will be. -You go celebrate. -Come with us. l'd like to, but l have to ice down my knees now. They're starting to go. Good-bye. See you. You sure? Yes. Definitely sure. Definitely. -Losers! -Sorry. -Choke artists! -Sorry again. Wait till l get you back on Moron Mountain. The party's over! Get in the spaceship. Why do you take that? Because he's bigger. He's bigger? Than we used... ...to be. What're you doing? -Wait! What are you doing? Wait! -Come here. Had it in you all the time. One thing. Pass me the ball, Bugs. Give my friends their talent back. Do we have to? lt's part of the deal. Touch the ball. Fair is fair. Touch it. That was so much fun. l feel so... ...insignificant. My clothes don't fit. What a trip! l'm up for another! Can we ask you a favor, Mr. Bunny? We don't want to go back. -We hate it there. -lt stinks. l was thinking, could we stay here? Please! Oh, brother. l don't know if you guys are looney enough. Looney enough? Do you know what time it is? Seven-fift-- Seven-fift-- Quarter past seven. You have a baseball game in 5 minutes! Okay. Take this. ls it safe? Yeah, put it in my bag. Let's go. l enjoyed playing with you. You've got a lot of.... Whatever it is, you got a lot of it. Got to go. Stay out of trouble. You know l will. Come here! The delay is killing us. Where's Michael? Where is Michael? He's not back from his other game. What game? What other game? Ladies and gentlemen... ...Michael Jordan! Guys... ...we suck! My grandmother plays better. You guys are still tall. l'm nothing now. Just a short guy. You're right. That's the only thing you got right. -Who's that? -Who is it? l don't know. You've been getting beaten. lt's Mike. -What's up? -Why're you here? Don't be embarrassed. Just face it. You stink. Lighten up. l know. You want your games back. What games you had. lt's hard enough as it is. Give us a break. l'm going to regret this. Give me the ball. lt's like ''Star Trek.'' Touch it. No way, Jose. You want your talent back? Just touch it. -l don't know. -Don't touch it. You'll walk around with a bad game for the rest of your career. Touch it. Careful, Pat. We've tried everything else. Come on. Touch it. The rest of you. Just touch it. -What was that? -l liked that. l caught it! Look at Mugsey handle the rock! l can handle it again! That's the old Mugs l know. Yeah, get height now! lt gave me my powers back! Let me show you something. The Round-Mound is back! Want to see something? That felt good! -l got it. -You got it. Yeah, baby. Stay. Play some 3-on-3 with us? l don't think so. You going to work on your swing? Leave the baseball player alone. He doesn't play basketball now. He probably doesn't have it anymore. Do you hear them? They don't think you can play the game. There's one way to find out. The Chicago Bulls is proud to welcome back... ...Michael Jordan! What's the matter? Larry could have been me. Will you get off that kick? lt's over. lt's done with. You can't play. Let's go, Bulls! Well, that's all, folks! That's my line. Step aside, Babe. Let a star do this. That's all-- That's all, folks! Can l go home now?
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Betting System by GenerationWeb 201 (GenerationBet v1.7) sportsbetting.com.au pty ltd is licensed and regulated by NT Government of Australia For South Australian residents, Sportsbetting’s gambling operations are governed by the South Australian Gambling Codes of Practice. After a cup of coffee in the NFL, Murray led the AAF with a 64.8 Completion Percentage. Adding 96 yards with his legs, Murray should ascend to relevance in Trestman’s pass first offense. Mandatory Credit: Noah K. Murray-USA TODAY Sports (Noah K. Murray) Negotiations for the 2020 MLB season are still ongoing, with the league and players going back and forth on trying to find a If you have a hunch about the outcome of the fixture between Ryan Murray and John Michael, have a punt on it! We have odds on 9 different popular markets for Ryan Murray v John Michael. Betting on Ryan Murray v John Michael? Bet on the darts fixture between Ryan Murray and John Michael, which starts on 6th May 2020 19:30. Baseball bettors seeking data, angles and ideas for the 2009 baseball season can do no better than Betting Baseball by Hank Myers and Michael Murray (216 pages, paperbound, $24.95). Even if you've bought the book in the past, you still need the 2009 edition, since a major portion of the work has been updated.

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