If matched betting is so good, why isn't everyone doing it

Matched betting - Manipulating betting site sign up offers for risk free profit.

I've posted about this a few times in various subreddit but people always seem to be quick to dismiss it. Please check this out, even if its not though my referral and just a google search because I genuinely think its the best part time money maker I've found and it's helped me a lot.
It's called matched betting and it basically a way to make guaranteed profits off the sign up offers that betting companies offer by laying your bets on a bet exchange.
Imagine you get a £1 free bet and place England to win at odds of 2/1. If you win you get £2 if you loose you've not really lost anything because it was a free bet. If you also use a website like bet fair exchange you can bet on England NOT to win at similar odds. Put £1 on at 2/1. If England Win you win the free bet (£2 win) and if England loose you win the lay bet (£2 win). Either way because one of your £1 bets was free you've only spent £1 and you make £1 guaranteed profit.
I used matched betting to keep myself alive during my first year of university and made about £50 a week doing it very casually, like 30mins/1hour most nights. I did this for a while and made about £2000 however theres only so long you can do it for before you run out of sign up offers and have to start doing reload offers (offers companies run periodically) which offer significantly slower profits. Ive now hit this point and have had to resort to plugging my affiliate link.
The site I used to learn and do it all was called profit accumulator. The benefit of using a site like this is they will find the best matches to use to maximise the profits, pull together all the offers out there (there's a lot) and have all the tools and guides you need. You can sign up for a free account (which you can make about £30 off) to see if you like it first.
Heres my referral link - profit accumulator
and a non referral link - profit accumulator if your prefer.
So yeah there it is, they have videos on there that can explain it better than I can aswell. All you need is to be over 18 and have a uk bank account. I hope you can make some money off this as I did and thank you so much if you did use my affiliate link it genuinely does keep me alive (and allows me to buy the occasional beer). Feel free to pm me any questions you have.
TLDR; You can make risk free profit off betting site sign up offers (around the value of the free bet). Click one of the links above to watch a video about it.
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Here’s your morning coffee!

Good morning, hope everyone trades responsibly, let’s make some money!

DOW JONES

Boeing Company (BA) - Air Lease (AL) updated on its order book deliveries, sales and new significant financing occurring in Q2; at the end of the quarter, its fleet was comprised of 301 owned aircraft and 81 managed aircraft, with 398 new aircraft on order from Boeing and Airbus (EADSY) set to deliver through 2026; it delivered one new Airbus A320neo aircraft from its order book, and sold four aircraft.
Johnson & Johnson (JNJ) is facing calls from over 170 nonprofit groups to stop selling its talc-based Baby Powder worldwide, over concerns that it contains cancer-causing Asbestos, while some are also calling for the clearing of existing inventories.
Walgreens Boots Alliance (WBA) Q3 20 (USD): Adj. EPS 0.83 (exp. 1.17), Revenue 34.6bln (exp. 34.36bln), FY20 Adj. EPS view 4.65-4.75 (exp. 5.42); Suspending share repurchase programme, raises quarterly dividend to USD 0.4675/shr, a 2.2% increase. US Retail Pharmacy SSS +3.0% (exp. +1.2%). Most significant COVID-19 impact was in the UK market which required a review resulting in a non-cash impairment charge of USD 2bln. Boots (UK) will be cutting around 4,000 jobs. Annual cost savings to be in excess of USD 2bln by FY2022.

NASDAQ 100

Alphabet Inc (GOOG/GOOGL) said it has shut down its cloud project named “Isolated Region” and added that it was not weighing options to offer its cloud platform in China; earlier reports had stated that GOOG had shelved the project in China and other politically sensitive countries in May, partly due to rising geopolitical tensions and the pandemic; GOOG, however, added that the project’s shutdown was not due to either of those two reasons and that it has not offered cloud platform services in China.
American Airlines Group (AAL) / United Airlines (UAL) have temporarily halted flights to Hong Kong after its government-imposed coronavirus testing requirements for airline crews, according to Politico.
Costco Wholesale Corp. (COST) June sales update saw comparable sales (ex-gasoline and FX) rose 13.6% in the June five-week period, accelerating from the +9.2% seen in May, beating forecasts for around 9% growth.
Facebook, Inc. (FB) announced it is starting a chat with a business using QR codes, where people can scan QR codes businesses show at stores, product packaging or receipts to start a chat. It notes there are over 50mln WhatsApp Business app users globally every month.
Gilead Sciences (GILD) plans to make more of its drug remdesivir available for Germany and Europe from the fall, and will decide how much each country gets based on the rate of infection; it added that it could increase its worldwide monthly production from currently 190,000 treatment cycles to two million treatment cycles in December. Remdesivir is currently the only drug granted a conditional marketing authorisation by the EU for its use in COVID-19 patients.Oracle Corp. (ORCL) (Information Technology/Application Software) has been awarded a cloud services agreement by the Canadian government.

S & P 500

Carnival Corp. (CCL) Aida cruises are to recommence sailing vacations in August.
Ford Motor (F) said its China vehicle sales increased 3% in April-June from a year earlier, its first quarterly sales rise in China in almost three years; China sales grew by 158,589 units in Q2, attributed to the rise to a stronger vehicle line up and “strong demand following the lifting of COVID-19 pandemic restrictions”.
Mylan NV (MYL) announced it received FDA approval for its Hulio, a biosimilar to AbbVie Inc. (ABBV) Humira, for the treatment of rheumatoid arthritis.
Twitter, Inc. (TWTR) has been accused of being biased against conservatives and demanded information about its reactions to two tweets by President Donald Trump; two GOP lawmakers allege TWTR’s content moderation was not neutral. Meanwhile, analysts at Citi note its shares overreacted to the potential subscription service reports yesterday. Analyst Jason Bazinet says although it makes sense, there are many unknowns, such as the price and whether or not it will have advertisements. The analyst highlights that a consumer survey shows roughly 10% of its respondents were willing to pay for a USD 5/mth plan without ads and more analytic services. Citi estimates if such a service were to occur, it would be priced at USD 20/year internationally and USD 60/year in the US, assuming a 5% penetration for base case and 10% for its bull case with advertisements, the analyst believes the revenue contribution would be limited. Citi maintain a neutral rating.
United Continental Holdings (UAL) expects to recognise USD 300mln in employee separation charges in Q2, with USD 50mln to be in cash.
ViacomCBS (VIAC) reached a deal to stream all the UEFA Champions League and Europa League matches starting in August.

OTHER

Bed Bath & Beyond (BBBY) Q1 20 (USD): Adj. EPS -1.96 (exp. -1.22), revenue 1.31bln (exp. 1.39bln). Announced it is to close 200 stores over two years as sales fell around 50% during pandemic; BBBY said it was not reporting comp sales due to temporary store closures.
DocuSign (DOCU) had its PT upgraded at Wedbush to USD 240 (prev. USD 165, prev. closing price 206.35). The analyst “continues to believe DOCU’s deal flow is holding up well/stronger than expected in this Covid-19 pandemic environment which bodes well for strong underlying metrics/headline numbers during FY2Q”.
DraftKings (DKNG) and Twin River Worldwide (TRWH) Mardi Gras Casino announced the opening of DKNG’s temporary sportsbook at the casino in Black Hawk, Colorado. Guests can place bets at the sportsbook from 10th July.
Energy Transfer (ET) provided further clarification around news reports regarding the operations of the Dakota Access Pipeline, stating that it has never suggested that it would defy a court order. Rather, Dakota Access Pipeline was seeking appropriate relief from that order through the established legal process.
Japan Display (6740 JT) : FY group net loss JPY 101.42bln (prev. net loss JPY 106.59bln), operating loss JPY 38.54bln (prev. loss JPY 27.23bln), recurring loss JPY 57.76bln (prev. JPY 40.37bln).
Moderna (MRNA) announced a collaboration for large-scale commercial fill-finish manufacturing of its vaccine candidate with Rovi.
PTC (PTC) expects to deliver fiscal third quarter 2020 ARR growth of 9% year over year, 10% in constant currency; and also expects to deliver double-digit revenue and free cash flow year-over-year growth for the fiscal third quarter 2020; it will report results on 29th July.
Restaurant Brands (QSR) Burger King in the UK is warning of 1,600 potential job losses as it could close up to 10% of its restaurants
SAP (SAP GY, SAP) – Q2 prelim: total revenue EUR 6.74bln, +2% (+1% non-IFRS), operating profit EUR 1.28bln, +55% YY (+8% non-IFRS), non-IFRS cloud revenue EUR 2.04bln +21% YY (19% non-IFRS). At present, cloud backlog seen at EUR 6.65bln, +20%, cloud backlog remains strong but cloud revenue in Q2 was impacted by lower pay-as-you-go transactional revenue given COVID-19. Reiterates FY20 outlook. For FY20: confirm non-IFRS revenue EUR 27.8-28.5bln vs. Prev. EUR 27.6bln, cloud revenue EUR 8.3-8.7bln vs. prev. EUR 7.0bln, operating profit EUR 8.1-8.7bln vs. Prev. EUR 8.2bln. Have seen a strong sequential improvement compared to Q1 regarding software license revenue. Q2 & H1 results will be released on 27th July.
Siemens (SIE GY, SIEGY) – Are to spin off 55% of Siemens Energy to shareholders will equate to 1 Siemens Energy share for 2 Siemens shares. Initial listing of new shares is scheduled for 28th September 2020, will commence with a BBB rating at S&P. Siemens will retain a 35.1% stake in the spin-off and the Siemens pension trust an additional 9.9% stake, as such Siemens no longer has a controlling share. Further stake reductions could take place at a significant scale in the next 12-18 months. Separately, Co. are not planning any job reductions from COVID-19. For reference, in FY19 Siemens Energy generated revenue of circa EUR 29bln according to Siemens AG combined statements.

Additional US Equity Stories

Of note for Social Media names (FB, TWTR, SNAP), ByteDance is reportedly considering a change in the corporate structure to distance the app from China, and is also considering a TikTok HQ outside of China, according to WSJ.
Peloton (PTON) new product will probably not be a rowing machine or exercise bike, its CFO announced, but it could potentially be a lower price treadmill. The CFO stated the co. believes “the running and boot camp category is two-to-three [times] the size of the bike category”, adding it is first and foremost on their minds, reports Barron’s.
Walgreens Boots Alliance (WBA) CFO says towards the end of Q3 online volume sales reached Black Friday levels on a daily basis, and May sales increased almost 120%, with June sales growth even higher.
Tesla (TSLA) CEO Musk announced the automaker was "very close" to developing fully autonomous vehicles and could work out the basics of that technology as soon as this year; he reiterated that the electric vehicle maker has solved most of the essential challenges toward achieving fully self-driven cars that needs no human behind the wheel. The Tesla and SpaceX chief was reaffirming a goal first expressed in 2019.
Delta AIrlines (DAL) CEO reiterates urge for workers to consider voluntary departure., and announced it flew 20% of customers over the July 4th weekend.
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Wrestling Observer Rewind ★ Jun. 24, 2002

Going through old issues of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter and posting highlights in my own words. For anyone interested, I highly recommend signing up for the actual site at f4wonline and checking out the full archives.
PREVIOUSLY:
1-7-2002 1-14-2002 1-21-2002 1-28-2002
2-4-2002 2-11-2002 2-18-2002 2-25-2002
3-4-2002 3-11-2002 3-18-2002 3-25-2002
4-1-2002 4-8-2002 4-15-2002 4-22-2002
4-29-2002 5-6-2002 5-13-2002 5-20-2002
5-27-2002 6-3-2002 6-10-2002 6-17-2002
  • We open with a ton of details on Steve Austin walking out on WWE last week, and the story took a darker turn this week when Austin was accused of allegedly beating his wife Debra. Looks like Dave is just going to run through the whole last couple of weeks first though, before we get to all that. No wrestler in the history of the business has generated more money than Austin has in the past 5 years, leading the way for WWE to become listed on the New York Stock Exchange and valued at more than $1 billion. Hulk Hogan, Antonio Inoki, Gorgeous George, Jim Londos....no one in the history of wrestling, even adjusted for inflation, has been a bigger money-maker than Steve Austin. Throughout it all, he had a reputation as a pro's pro, always working hard and being unselfish in trying to help the company and his co-workers grow. But over the last few months, things had changed. The company is nose-diving, Austin had become paranoid and distrustful of the locker room, particularly when the NWO guys were brought in. He refused to work with Hogan at Wrestlemania and wasn't happy about working with Hall either, and insisted on decisively winning their match and blowing off the feud. He went home after Wrestlemania, no-showing Raw the night after, but things seemed to be patched up soon after. When he came back, he still wasn't happy and spoke out publicly against the brand extension and the overall creative direction of the company. A lot of people in the locker room supported Austin, feeling he was completely justified in his complaints because everyone realizes the wheels are falling off the company lately. The Sunday night before Raw last week, Austin was told by Jim Ross that the plan was for him to face Brock Lesnar, with the idea that Eddie Guerrero would cost him the match. Austin pointed out the obvious: him vs. Lesnar is a huge money match that should be built up for months on PPV. Lesnar should go through the whole locker room before he gets to Austin last. No first, on free TV, with no build-up. Austin hated the idea and said he wasn't coming if that was the plan. Ross told Vince, who called Austin and left a voicemail. He told Austin to call him back, no matter what time. Austin did call back, at 2am, and they discussed the plan. According to Vince, Austin had reluctantly agreed to it. Austin evidently felt otherwise, because he showed up to Raw that day, found out the Lesnar match was still booked, and decided, "fuck that", got on a plane and went home with Debra.
  • Raw that night was mostly built around the angle where Ric Flair would have to be Austin's personal assistant after he lost their match last week. Because much of the show was written around that, they had to re-write the whole show at the last minute in a panic, abruptly turning Flair babyface again and ending the huge dual-ownership angle with no build-up (it really sounds like Vince was determined to give away something huge on TV that week without building it up. "Ok, fine, Austin walked out. What else can we ruin this week and throw away a perfectly good PPV money opportunity?"). Meanwhile, Austin was ignoring all phone calls until he finally answered one from Jim Ross, who told Austin he was being unprofessional and to come try and talk it out with Vince. But Austin refused, saying he refused to work with McMahon anymore, and hung up.
  • So then came the burial. Vince McMahon and Jim Ross taped interviews for this week's episode of WWE Confidential in which they completely buried Austin, with Vince vowing to never bring him back. Basically everything you can imagine: Austin turned his back on the fans, he betrayed the little kids with Stone Cold shirts and all the fans who made him rich. WWE invested so much in Austin only for him to turn his back on them and so on and so forth. Jim Ross in particular dumped a lot of dirt on Austin's grave here, which Dave seems taken aback by. Austin saved Jim Ross' announcing career by insisting that JR be brought back for his Wrestlemania 15 match with Rock. At the time, Ross was still suffering from Bells palsy and Vince had no intention of ever bringing him back, but Austin insisted and the crowd reaction led to Ross being brought back permanently. So for Ross to be burying his good friend like this seems to rub Dave the wrong way (for what it's worth, it rubbed JR the wrong way too. He's gone on record a million times since then saying he wished he hadn't done it and he's apologized to Austin profusely for it). Ross talked openly about some of Austin's personal business, like his previous divorce or when his kids went to live in England, and hinted that Austin's issues were more than just professional burnout. At the time this was being filmed, nobody knew just how true that was.
WATCH: WWE Confidential: The Steve Austine episode
  • The night before WWE Confidential aired, at 4am, Austin's wife Debra called 911 to their home in San Antonio, claiming Austin had attacked her. Austin drove away in his yellow Corvette before the police arrived. When they showed up, they found Debra crying with a large welt on her face. She said Austin had hit her several times after an argument then left when she made the 911 call. She said she was worried about the call because of how famous Austin is and knowing word would get out. She also showed them several marks on her back where she said Austin hit her. Austin called the house twice while police were there and they spoke to him and advised him to come home. Austin was cordial to the officers on the phone but refused to come back home while they were there. Debra declined to press charges and because she refused to seek medical attention, under Texas law, the police pretty much consider it a dead issue unless she changes her mind. Austin later returned home after they left. The national news media didn't pick up on it until Monday, at which point it became a huge story. They even had a news helicopter following Austin driving around town (with an open beer in his Corvette), talking with his neighbors in his yard, and also showed him flipping off the news cameras (I can't find footage of any of this). Because Austin is a wrestler and play fighting is what they do, the media treated this very serious issue as if were almost a joke, which Dave seems disgusted by.
  • With Austin being all over the news that day, this led to the unannounced surprise return of The Rock on Raw, after they spent the whole show teasing that Austin would show up. Rock wasn't scheduled to return until next month, to build for a match at Summerslam, but knowing the company was in a tough situation, Rock agreed to come back early. The plan appears to be for Rock to challenge for the WWE title at Fully Loaded next month. There's also been talk about Rock winning the title and then dropping it to Brock Lesnar at Summerslam, which is a surefire way to create a new superstar (indeed, that's exactly what happens). Rock's return, since it came as a complete surprise, was a flop in the ratings. If they had built it up just one week, they could have made some money on it, but not building up anything seems to be the M.O. for WWE these days. Between the Shawn Michaels return, the FlaiVince blow-off, and now this, that's 3 Raws in a row where they gave away major moments that should/could have been built up for bigger ratings or PPV money. Dave calls WWE a junkie pawning its $2,500 ring for $500 just to get a quick fix. And that's not even getting into the smaller details, such as the fact that Rock is a Smackdown guy, so why the fuck is he returning on Raw anyway? But again, the wheels are totally off the WWE train here in 2002. It's clear to see in retrospect how WWE was falling from their peak and Vince was desperately clawing at any idea he could think of to stop the bleeding.
  • So back to Austin. Even after the story broke, Vince went on Raw and changed his tune, saying he hoped Austin would some day come back to WWE but time would tell and for now, he's gone. Dave says if you think this is going to end Austin's career, look at Mike Tyson, Jimmy Snuka, Invader I, and Chris Adams. All of whom did even more heinous things than Austin and their careers were just fine. Dave is pretty sure he'll be back. Rock came out on Raw, gave a big rah-rah speech in which he also pretty much buried Austin for "taking his ball and going home" and did the whole "get the F out" tagline. And that's it on the Austin saga for now.
  • It's officially super-duper extra official now: the World Wrestling Federation is dead. WWE lost its final appeal in the UK's highest court in their battle against the World Wildlife Fund. Vince McMahon had already thrown in the towel and the company has already been renamed to WWE, but the final appeal was never dropped and was still going through the system. In the highly unlikely event that they somehow won the case, they planned to revert back to the WWF initials. But of course, they didn't win. Just like every single lower court before them, the court handed the wrestling company its final defeat. So WWF is dead. WWE it is.
  • Motoko Baba officially announced that she will be retiring as AJPW president at the end of September. It's expected that Keiji Muto will take over the role, which has been heavily rumored ever since he jumped ship from NJPW.
  • A rookie named Trevor Rhodes, who was trained by Harley Race, will be working the upcoming tour for Pro Wrestling NOAH (this would be future WWE star Trevor Murdoch).
  • NJPW held its annual stockholders meeting and Antonio Inoki couldn't even be bothered to attend. Masa Chono and Tatsuo Kawamura were named to the board of directors, to replace Riki Choshu. Speaking of, Choshu was also there and sold all his stock in the company and left without speaking to reporters.
  • In a radio interview, Jesse Ventura announced that he will not be running for a second term as Minnesota's governor. Ventura didn't go into all the reasons why, but he did acknowledge a recent controversy as playing a part. There's been some news stories this week noting that Ventura's 22-year-old son used the governor's mansion for a late night weekend party awhile back. Cleaning crew members of the mansion went public saying that when their parents are gone, this kid basically throws wild parties there that they have to clean up after. Ventura shot back, basically claiming his son is being slandered and denied it, but said the attacks on his family made him not want to run again. The news stories talked about some of the alleged damage and Dave actually sides with Ventura here. The damage doesn't sound that bad (some empty beer cans, a broken pool cue, and some tables that were scuffed up. "Geez, that's my house whenever there is a fight night," Dave writes. Doesn't sound like that wild of a party. A 22-year old brings his friends over to watch sports and drink some beer. Dave doesn't think that should be a huge controversy or anything. Neighbors near the mansion have said there's been no issue with noise or disturbances.
  • Major League Wrestling had its debut show at the old ECW Arena and the MLW championship was won by Shane Douglas. They did an angle where they basically tried to re-create the famous Shane Douglas/NWA title incident, where Shane was gonna throw the belt down, but they did an angle where he was told he'd be fined and suspended for life from wrestling if he didn't defend the belt. Angle didn't get over at all and most people there hated it and it led to pretty mediocre reviews for the show overall. Bam Bam Bigelow was supposed to work the show, but when he arrived, he found out they wanted him to do a job to AJPW wrestler Taiyo Kea in the first round of the title tournament. Bam Bam said fuck that and bounced. Steve Corino also managed to get a "fuck Paul Heyman!" chant going, in the ECW Arena nonetheless, which is an interesting note.
  • Sandman will be doing a celebrity boxing match in Philly soon, going against Tony Luke, who owns a bunch of sandwich shops in the area and is known as "The King of Sandwiches" in Philadelphia. Sure, why not?
  • There was a recent news story about Sputnik Monroe from a reporter who was in Memphis for the Tyson/Lewis boxing match. The reporter went to the Memphis Rock 'n Soul museum and saw the big display they had there for Monroe, including his ring jacket, trunks, boots, etc. Dave recaps the history of Monroe, who is credited with desegregating wrestling in Memphis during the Jim Crow days of the 1950s. Monroe was a white wrestler who hung out in the black part of town and, as a result, became the black fans' favorite wrestler. He was a huge draw in Memphis at a time when black fans weren't allowed to sit in the main seats, only the nosebleeds in the balcony. Monroe's popularity was so big that one week, they turned away more than 1,000 black fans even though they had room in the arena. Just not in the "colored" section. So Monroe told the promoter he was quitting if they didn't let in his black fans. And since Monroe was such a huge draw, the promoter caved, and just like that, black fans were allowed to sit with white fans anywhere in the arena. It actually had a domino effect, because it was the first sporting event in Memphis to desegregate and it led to other sporting and entertainment events in the city following suit. In the 50s and 60s, Memphis was one of the only wrestling territories in America that was desegregated like this (fun fact: I used to live in Memphis and just went to that museum back in 2018. For starters, I highly recommend it if you're ever in town. In fact, I have a million recommendations for anyone who ever visits Memphis. That city is my heart and soul. Also, the Sputnik Monroe exhibit is still there).
  • The TNA debut show hasn't happened at press time, but Ken Shamrock is expected to win the NWA title in the battle royal gimmick. If he doesn't, it's because there was a last minute change, but as of now, it's absolutely going to be Shamrock.
  • Good news for TNA, the company reached an agreement with Dish Network, which adds another 7-8 million potential homes to their exposure. The only PPV provider in the U.S. not carrying them now is Cablevision.
  • The TNA cruiserweight title has been renamed the "X" title. The idea is that it's not necessarily going to be limited to just small guys and will act more as a secondary title to the NWA belt, not exclusively a cruiserweight thing.
  • Disco Inferno turned down an offer to join TNA because they wanted him to change his name to Ad Man and have a gimmick where people print/draw ads on his body, like they do in boxing sometimes. Or like a NASCAR. The idea is he would be covered in ads and every week, he'd lose a match and a "sponsor" would drop out and eventually, he'd have no sponsors left because he keeps losing. Gee, hard to see why he turned that gimmick down.
  • Random other TNA notes: Ed Ferrara is involved in writing the shows along with Jeff and Jerry Jarrett (and, let's be honest, Vince Russo, though that's still top secret. Shhhh, don't tell anybody). Jeff Jarrett was in the pits for the recent NASCAR Kroger 300 race with Hermie Sadler, who is scheduled to be at TNA's debut show. Former ECW manager Sinister Minister will be part of this company, using his real name James Mitchell. K-Krush (Ron Killings, aka R-Truth) is expected to be one of the main heels in the promotion.
  • Okay, fine. Let's talk Russo. Officially, he's still not involved, but he has submitted a bunch of ideas, many of which are expected to be implemented on the debut show. But "officially" he's not part of the company (he's still gotta have a quick cup of coffee in WWE before they kick him to the curb again, at which point he finally decides to join TNA for real).
  • The WWA promotion is in deep trouble. They have a show scheduled for Ireland soon and ticket sales for that show are pretty decent. But every other show on their books looks to be dying. They have 3 shows scheduled for Germany next month and all 3 shows have less than 500 tickets sold each. The German promoters are wanting to cancel the tour but WWA promoter Andrew McManus has a contract that will result in a lot of financial penalties for him if the shows are canceled, so he's fighting it. Lex Luger is booked for the tour, which would be his first time wrestling since WCW went down. They're also still promoting names like Jeff Jarrett and other TNA contracted talent, but with their new plan of running live every week, it's going to be hard for any of them to get overseas, work the tour, and still do the TNA tapings.
  • XWF is making one last grasp to survive. Even though they've been saying this for almost a year now, the promotion is claiming once again to be very close to getting a TV deal. If it goes through, the plan is to hold a press conference to announce it and then tape 5 weeks of TV to air in Sept. and Oct., with plans to air a PPV some time in late-October. Dave says this sounds like desperation to him and he's not buying that a TV deal is close. Especially since they lost all their top stars, like Hogan, Curt Hennig, and Jerry Lawler, all of whom were involved at the beginning but have all since returned to WWE (though Hennig has since been fired by WWE again, so he's available). But even if this miraculously happens, most of the marketable names left out there have already signed short-term deals with TNA that will last through October, so they wouldn't be available either. So XWF will be struggling to fill a roster with names anyone even cares about (obviously this never happens).
  • UFC will make its TV debut as part of a 30-minute segment on Fox Sports' "The Best Damn Sports Show Period." It will be hosted by Fear Factor host Joe Rogan, who is a huge UFC fan and has a lot of martial arts experience himself. The idea is to show one full fight in its entirety (Robbie Lawler vs. Steve Berger), with highlights of other fights to fill out the rest of the time. Dave criticizes them for not putting Chuck Liddell vs. Vitor Belfort on the show, or at least airing highlights, but that's not the plan as of press time. Obviously, that's a strong PPV draw and that's where the money is, but you only get one chance to make a good impression and Dave thinks it would be in UFC's best interest to give TV viewers a taste of their best foot forward and try to get somebody like Liddell over with a new, large audience.
  • Dave says the Bob Sapp fight in K-1 that was talked about last week, in which Sapp basically mauled his opponent in such a way that he got DQ'd, was at least partially a work. Had it not been, Sapp would have been immediately fired, not given a rematch with the same opponent 6 weeks later. There's a pretty good chance that his opponent didn't know and that the people who ran in to separate them after the fight didn't know either, but Dave seems pretty confident that Sapp was instructed by someone higher up in K-1 to do what he did.
  • Rock's next movie, "Helldorado" is expected to film between September until around Christmas. WWE is hopeful Rock can make some appearances on TV during the those months in between filming dates, but that's going to be difficult to pull off (indeed, he never shows up during this time).
  • Speaking of Rock, he worked the Honalulu, HI house show over the weekend, which drew an easy sellout crowd, the first sellout for a house show in a long time. Due to Rock being on the card, tickets sold out in 2 hours and scalpers were making a ton of money. In fact, the show was such a big deal that a local radio station was giving away tickets for the craziest stunt fans could pull and 2 fans walked through downtown Honolulu completely naked in order to score tickets. Rock beat Jericho in the main event in a great match. It was WWE's first time there in 8 years (Dave corrects himself from before, when he said 14 years in a previous issue and someone here on Reddit called him out on it haha). Rock got a reaction like Antonio Inoki in Japan, he was basically a god in this city. A lot of his friends and family were there as well and backstage, Rock told people that the show was bigger to him than even his 4 Wrestlemania main events and called it the biggest night of his career. When talking about his grandfather, Rock got emotional and began crying and talked about his history promoting in Hawaii. Bruce Willis, for whatever reason, was in attendance, and during the match, they did an angle where Rock held Jericho for Willis to punch him which got a huge pop. Genichiro Tenryu and Motoko Baba were there as well, meeting with John Laurinaitis (Johnny Ace, who spent much of his career in AJPW). They were there to discuss doing business with WWE as well as to get some photo ops for the magazines back in Japan so they can get that WWE-rub. (Sure enough, here's an article from just a couple months ago where Rock says once again, to this day, that the match with Jericho in Hawaii was the most meaningful match of his career. I can't find any footage of the damn thing though, which is a shame).
WATCH: The Rock, in 2020, talks about the Hawaii match with Jericho being his most meaningful match
  • Notes from Raw: X-Pac lost in a King of the Ring qualifier match to RVD and Dave says it's a good thing nobody in WWE pays attention to their own storylines because just a week or two ago, the story was that if anyone in the NWO loses a match going forward, they're out of the group. But of course, that wasn't even acknowledged or remembered here. Raven lost to Jeff Hardy in 3 minutes and Dave's not sure that Raven made the right move by giving up his safe commentary job because they sure don't seem to see much in him as a wrestler. The "Molly Holly is fat" storyline continued because fuck this company. Lawler even tried to get a "She's a fat ass" chant going. Backstage, X-Pac was shown crying after his loss, "sort of like real life," Dave jokes. They teased Austin showing up by playing his music and having Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit come out instead. They did a thing with Jackie Gayda teasing her being on the WWE Lingerie Special that airs next week and had Vince hitting on her backstage, making it very apparent why she was chosen to win Tough Enough over the obvious most deserving finalist, Kenny. And in the main event, Nash and Shawn Michaels were on commentary burying the match, making fun of Jim Ross, etc. And of course, the show closed with Rock doing his surprise return and promo where he pretty much buried Austin for leaving.
WATCH: The Rock makes surprise return to Raw to bury Austin
  • Coming out of Raw, a TON of fans still seemed to think the Austin thing was an angle. Vince's first promo, which was a total shoot about Austin being gone, didn't get over that way, with most fans in the arena expecting an angle and waiting for him to show up. There were constant "We want Austin!" chants and many people that Dave has heard from even thought the Confidential episode was all a work.
  • Notes from Smackdown: all the mentions of Austin on commentary weren't done live during the show, but were later dubbed in. Mostly it was just an effort to plug the Confidential episode about him, and it was such a last minute decision to do that episode that they had to edit the plugs in after the show was taped. The wall of security guards in the ring during the Triple H/Undertaker contract signing was copying the same thing they did before the Tyson/Lewis fight because it's a pretty cool visual. Nidia is doing a hillbilly gimmick now. Hurricane seems to be dropping his gimmick and going back to Gregory Helms. Word is most of the agents hated the Hurricane character for whatever dumb reason.
  • Dave talks about the upcoming Hogan vs. Kurt Angle match at King of the Ring and is curious to see how it goes. He thinks the most likely ending is Vince costing Hogan the match and Angle pinning him, but he's curious to see if Hogan is really going to try to put Angle over or is it gonna be another Kidman situation. That being said, WWE is protecting Angle and there's serious talk of giving Angle a run as the top guy, in the wake of Austin and Rock leaving and Undertaker and Triple H being so banged up. The idea is to put the belt on Angle and have him take on all comers, heel and face, like an old-school Lou Thesz-type champion. Either way, this Hogan match is going to be a test of how good Angle is because if he can't carry Hogan to a good match, then no one can. It's also going to be a test of whether Hogan is really the team player he claims to be now (yeah Dave's gonna be shocked at how this one ends I bet).
  • At the latest WWE tapings in Atlanta, Dusty Rhodes was backstage visiting and introducing his 16-year-old son Cody Runnels to everyone. Cody has been training with his father to be a wrestler. Good luck kid.
  • Former 50s-80s promoter Jim Barnett was also backstage at Raw and since it was his birthday, the McMahons got him a cake and orchestrated everyone singing happy birthday to him. Barnett was there because he was just hired as a consultant, which is curious timing. Barnett hadn't been officially hired by TNA or anything, but he had agreed to appear at their debut show as part of an angle with old NWA champions. So when WWE swooped in this past week and hired him, it got a lot of people talking but Dave says there's nothing to it. If Vince McMahon was trying to poach people from TNA, he wouldn't start by hiring a 78-year-old guy to be a consultant.
  • The local FOX station in Los Angeles, like everyone else, covered the Steve Austin/Debra story on the "Good Day L.A." morning newscast. The story was presented as a big joke, even using the headline "Smackdown At Home." Well, one of the anchors, Jillian Barberie, refused to play along, presenting the story as the serious issue it is and afterwards, criticized the station's writing team live on the air, calling them low class for making light of a woman being beaten by her husband.
  • Random WWE news and notes: Bubba Ray Dudley missed the UK PPV and TV this week due to the death of his mother. Edge and Chris Jericho have joined Kurt Angle as part of the Get Tough on Angina campaign that Angle has already been doing commercials for. A commercial for Summerslam was filmed this week with a bunch of guys chasing Trish Stratus in an ice cream truck.
WATCH: Trish Stratus Summerslam 2002 ice cream truck commercial
  • Rey Mysterio made his WWE debut at a house show in San Diego, beating Chavo Guerrero. Mysterio was wearing his mask again and was said to be more impressive than anyone else on the show. The mask actually did come off by accident at one point though. Mysterio also looked substantially bigger than he did in WCW because, well, he's coming to WWE and you know how that goes.
NEXT WEDNESDAY: Bret Hart injured in bicycle accident, WWE re-hires Vince Russo, King of the Ring fallout, and more coverage of TNA's debut than you could ever possibly want, and a ton more...
submitted by daprice82 to SquaredCircle [link] [comments]

OBLIGATORY FILLER MATERIAL– Just a quickie…

That reminds me of a story.
Yeah, Es and I are still in Dubai. We’re still going slowly out of our minds.
It’s gotten so bad that I actually leave our suite now and again to wander the hotel (too bloody hot to go outside) actually looking around to see if there’s anything to alleviate this tedium.
Maybe, even find someone to talk with…
Yes. Gad. I’m that bored.
Sure, I’m writing about 10-15 very technical pages a day, rounding up my references, bashing out bibliographies and other such scholarly shenanigans for the articles I’ve been asked to publish on my way to my next degree.
But, c’mon, man. I need a fucking break now and again.
And to focus on something greater than 20” away from the tip of my nose.
And there’s nothing here that immediately looks like it needs demolition. Not a blasting cap super-booster or keg of dynamite in sight. I’d wager you couldn’t rustle up a single kilo of C-4 if your life depended upon it.
“Klytus. I’m bored.” And “Forward: Drink!” sort of go together.
So, once again I’m sitting in the Seeker’s Lounge in the Gold Market Bar of the JW Marriott Hotel, in the air-conditioned patio section of course, drinking cold potato juice and citrus cocktails, with lime wheels, of course. Wild Turkey 101 Rye on the side, and full-pint Little Kings Cream Ale beer chasers, hiding from the brutish realities of this increasingly intensely foul year, two thousand and twenty, CE.
The bar is almost empty, save for the bartender and one or two unidentifiable expats growling about the lack of flights, and the ridiculous stringency the airport has saddled travelers with in this age of Pandemic Phobia and COVID Craziness.
I’m smoking my usual double Churchill cigar, having a sip or eleven, lazily looking around the drinking establishment and out over the next-door hotel pool.
The pool is fucking huge.
It extends from the inside, under a half-wall, to the outside of the 29th floor. I’ve been in it on occasion, but venturing outside, nearly 300 feet in the air in a glass-bottomed puddle, sort of overwhelms my inner ear. And my desire to continue metabolizing.
It really does get me all vexed and vertiginous.
So, I reserve my laps for the Jacuzzi in our suite.
That’s a joke, by the way. It’s not that large.
Close. But not quite.
Anyways.
There’s a family outside on the pool veranda. A very handsome African family with the obligatory couple of kids running around, screaming and generally confirming my desire to stay inside where it’s air-conditioned and the drinks are cold and close.
Well, kids will be kids. One is approximately 15 or 16 and the other is 8 or 9. I spoke briefly with Workneh Chernebereck, the patriarch of the family. He was looking rather lost after he wandered into the bar in his flip-flops, bathing attire, and robe.
Pool service here is abysmal with the lockdown and overall 15% hotel occupancy in Dubai right now.
He slowly shuffled in. Since I was the first one he saw, he came over and asked if I thought he could get a couple of cold drinks for him and his family.
“I guarantee it”, I said and gave Shabdiz, the redoubtable Pakistani bartender, the high sign.
Shabdiz came over and with a thumb over the shoulder, I said to give this guy what he wants and put it on my tab.
I’m very gregarious when someone else is paying the bills.
He orders a selection of soft drinks for his family and I tell him that it’s OK here if you want a beer or something stronger by the pool.
“Yeah, it’s a Muslim country, but when there are dollars involved, they tend to look the other way.” I smiled. “You have any proscriptions against drinking alcohol?”
“No, sir. None. ”, he replied.
“Good. Well first, cut out that “sir” shit. Call me Rock.” I smiled and extended my non-cybertronic hand.
‘Work’, as he liked to be called, beamed a dazzlingly-white smile as we shook hands and I offered him a cigar. Work was amazing. Very, very dark; and muscled like a pile of boulders stacked one atop the other. But soft-spoken and evidently educated.
He smiled and accepted my hand. He also grinned canyon-widely when I ordered him a quick beer.
“The wife will never know”, I said in an otiose conspiratorial manner.
Work was from Ethiopia originally but was now in Dubai with his family as he was just hired to be a department manager or something like that for some global telecommunications concern.
“First time an ex-pat?” I asked.
“Oh, yes, sir...umm…Rock”, He said, “I have to admit, it is somewhat disorientating.”
“Schooled in the UK, were we?” I grinned.
“Yes. How did you know?” he asked and sipped his beer while Shab went to get the soft drinks.
“Most normal people would say ‘disoriented’. Brits always add a few extra syllables when words aren’t long enough, evidently.” I say.
“You are correct. Manchester.” Work replies.
“I won’t hold that against you”, I chuckled and wondered where the hell Shab got off to. My glass was all dry and empty.
We laughed and chatted while Shabdiz scouted up some plastic tumblers with lids for the kids out by the pool. Work was a very interesting sort of character. Evidently, Ethiopia has much more in its history than just producing exquisite coffee.
I ask him how long they’ll be at the hotel and explain a bit of what Esme and I are up to. I’m sure Es would be interested in talking with Work and his wife, Moneereh and their two children, Yekameh and Zarrineh, in order of eldest to youngest.
Esme’s like that. She likes to meet new people, chat with them, and find out their story. Besides, she and Tash were in Ethiopia some years back for some American School All Invitational Track and Field thingy.
I scribble my room phone number on my business card.
“If you and Moneereh would like to have some dinner, my treat, just give us a call. My wife and I would enjoy the chance to talk with some new folks.” I said, handing Work my business card.
Work took my card, the drinks, which had now arrived, and replied:
“I will do so. Please to expect a call in the soon time.” He smiled as he headed for the door.
I didn’t know or care if he would. It was a pleasant little diversion for a few minutes. I wouldn’t mind Es and me having dinner with them if the ‘soon time’ came soon enough.
I looked out to the veranda, and Work was pointing my direction as his kids grabbed the drinks and demolished the bowl of bar nibbly bits I sent out with him.
He waved to me. Moneereh waved to me. I waved back.
It was a nice little diversion in a series of long, uneventful diversionless days.
I sat at the bar, drank my drink, smoked my smoke, and futzed with this new Dell Latitude 7424 Rugged Extreme computer I got in Dubai Duty-Free.
Esme said it matched our luggage. I was looking for a new portable and well, Robert Gascoyne-Cecil, 3rd Marquis of Salisbury is your mother’s sister’s husband.

So, I sat at the bar, enjoying another cold libation, a new cigar from the hotel’s walk-in humidor, and playing around with my new toy. I had already transferred the few hundred gigs of dissertation data over and was spending some time fucking around with Zotero and Mendeley. I looked up every now and again to see what Work and his brood were doing.
They were out enjoying the Dubai sun and heat, as they found the hotel, kept at a brisk 26C ‘a bit too chilly for them’.
Gads. They must have lived on the sun if they find this hotel anything but uncomfortably warm.
I note that the lifeguard chair out by the pool is empty. Shabdiz brings me another tot and I ask him about that.
“Shab, last time I went for a swim, there was this asswipe of a lifeguard. Said I couldn’t smoke around the pool. He shut up and left me alone when I pointed out the ashtrays strewn about the deck.” I remarked.
“Yay. Todd. He’s a gomer, that soulless fucker. Never there. Always out getting baked. You know, the ganja man? He’s a pothead. Hotel don’t care because it’s so empty. Most bosses out anyway vacationy.” He relates to me.
“That’s seriously fucked,” I replied and tipped my glass his direction.
“Thanks, boss” Shabdiz says, “It is, how you say, very dusty here today.”
He helps himself to a top-shelf tot on my tab.
I’ve either trained the hotel staff well or I’m a real bad influence on them.
Either way, it keeps my drinks full and iced and my ashtrays empty.
I return to my translations. Damn, my Russian’s gone all to hell and back. Still, it’s keeping me occupied and I have to read these bloody .ПДФ files anyways…
A couple of hours later, I glance over at the pool and see Work and company have departed. I suddenly realize I haven’t visited the euphemism for a couple of hours and my bladder’s sending out an urgent SOS.
I call over to Shabdiz, “Gotta go make a fatter bladder flatter, Shab. Watch my shit for me while I’m gone?”
“Sure, Doc”, San smiles, “Awfally thirsty work watching your shit…”
“Go ahead, you pirate.” I laugh and head off to the head. He taps another tot off the top-shelf for himself.
I’m gone a few minutes. No hurry, quick comb through the locks, a quick comb-comb-comb of the beard and I’m looking my Grizzly Adams best.
Which isn’t all that good. But I care not, he says.
I wander back to the bar and the two ex-pats and Shabdiz are staring out the bar window toward the pool.
“What’s up? I ask. “Another clandestine nude photoshoot?”
“Naw, man”, Shabdiz says, “Looks like a kid’s over in the deep end of the pool. Maybe being in trouble all lonesome there by herself.”
I look out and see a small African child thrashing in the deep end of the pool, obviously in way over her head.
“Holy shit! It’s Zarrineh!”, I say. I tear off the Stetson and toss it on the bar. I rip off my watch and hand Shabdiz that and my wallet.
“Hold these!”
I didn’t wait for an answer.
I was gone as fast as my scarred and battle-worn carriage would allow.
I hit the pool doors, flung them open, and did a pretty creditable aging Johnnie Weissmuller maneuver into the pool.
One thing about being from Baja Canada and growing up cheek-by-jowl with the greatest of the Great Lakes. Everyone there knows how to swim like the state fish, the mighty muskellunge, by the time they can walk.
I am no exception.
I may be old, beat-up, MS-addled, scarred, keloided, and road-weary, but I can swim like a goddamned narwhal.
Take that, Johnny Tremain.
I was under the divider and suddenly outside, some 300’ directly above the distant pavement in a motherfucking glass-bottomed pool.
Fuck that. There’s a kid in danger. That’s my first priority.
Two strokes later, I’ve got her around the waist, facing away from me. I’ve enough natural buoyancy to keep both of us out of the danger zone; even though she’s thrashing around and clearly panicked.
All those years of API RP T-7 offshore survival training and HUET drills come flooding back like a tsunami.
“Zarrineh! I know your father! Calm down. I’m a trained rescuer, not some dingbat off the boardwalk. Settle down, I’ll get us out of here. But you’ve got to help me. Now, Zarrineh, chill out or whatever you kids say these days. I got you. Let me do my thing” I said, in calm, clear, reassuring registered tones.
She turns to look at me.
I’m surprised she didn’t faint or go completely bananas.
I must have been a sight. A sodden, soaking, gray 1/3rd of ZZ Top.
“I’m a very young Ethiopian child and this old, very large, very white behemoth has me around the waist.” She must have been thinking.
“But he talks nice. I guess I’ll listen to him. Not much else I can do.” I would suppose her inner dialogue was going.
She calmed down, and we just bobbed there for what seemed like a few minutes. It was actually probably all of 60 seconds, but I was doing a quick assessment to see if she swallowed any water and was going to dry-drown on me once I got her to the side.
“OK. That’s much better. Zarrineh. Are you OK? Swallow any water? Can you breathe OK?” I asked.
“Yes. Sir. I’m OK. No water. Just got too deep so fast. Floor is slippery. Now I’m OK sir”, she said, much calmer.
“Call me Rock”, I said. “Let’s get out of here. I’ll swim backward and hold you, you just go along with the flow. OK?” I asked.
“OK, Rock. We go.”, she said, absolutely calm.
I slowly paddled over to the divider, and we slipped silently under. The water’s much shallower here and I just kind of instinctively sort of aim for the side when my feet hit bottom. A few more feet and I can stand up.
I gently undo my death-grip on her and stand up. I pick her up bodily and set her, feet-first, on the side of the pool.
“Give me a minute”, I say, “I’m an old cigar smoker. It takes me a minute to work up a head of steam to get out.”
I get out and take her over to a poolside lounge chair.
I have her sit and I go over her vitals, as best as observation and inquiry allow. She hadn’t aspirated any water nor had any in her lungs, that much was clear. She looked scared but OK.
“Looks like I got there just in time”, I said.
“It got so deep so fast”, she said. “I’m a good swimmer and told daddy I’d stay on this side of the pool. There was even a lifeguard here. He left, and I didn’t think it was so slippery and deep.” She said, somewhat shakily.
“See?”, I said, “Your parents set rules for reasons. But, you’re OK and I’ll bet you won’t do that again.”
I give the high sign to Shabdiz for him to call hotel security.
There’s supposed to be a lifeguard here.
Someone’s just catapulted himself onto my shit list.
“So, you’re OK. That’s the main thing. Bet I scared you when you were thrashing around out there. The look on your face when I grabbed you was priceless”, I chuckled.
“I was scared. Ascared of drowning and scared of you. You’re so big and old and…hairy. And white. Then you grabbed me…” she said, stiffening a bit.
“Yeah, hey. I’m all that”, I chuckled.
“But you knew my name. You said you knew my daddy. Then I didn’t have ascared anymore. I knew I was OK.” She smiled at me.
Fuck if something tough inside didn’t melt a little at that declaration.
“That’s what’s important.” I said, “Ah, blast. Could you hand me that towel?”
She did and I ripped off my left-hand glove.
My new techno-digits are supposed to be waterproof, but that’s yet to be seen. Shower? OK. Jacuzzi? No worries. Full-on laps in the pool? Ummm…
I removed the sodden leather glove and dried off my Kevlar-ed faux-fingers…

“Nope”, I exhale heavily, “Everything’s OK.”
Zarrineh stares mouth-agape at my left hand. She sees all the keloids, the scarring, the mangled paw, and those outrageous black fingers in that ever so white hand.
“Oh, sorry. Industrial accident. Years ago. These are new, just got them. Still trying to figure them out.” I say.
She stands and stares.
“Don’t be scared. They’re just replacements for the ones I lost in Russia years ago.” I said.
“What do they do?” She asks.
“Same things yours do, just a bit faster and more strongly”, I said, flexing them so she could see how they work.
“That is so cool! Wait until I tell Yekameh!” she squealed, “I got rescued by a robot man.”
“Cyborg-American, if you please.” I chuckled.
Right at that moment, a certain Todd showed up.
He walks right past us and heads towards his chair.
“Hey, Chuckles. You work here?” I asked.
“Well, duh!”, he scoffs.
“Were you supposed to be on duty over the last hour?” I asked.
“Yeah. There wasn’t hardly no one here. I left for a bit.” He slurred.
“Oh, really. You always leave when there are young kids alone in the pool?” I quizzed him.
“There weren’t no one here”, he said with bacon-shot eyeballs.
“You were out getting high, weren’t you?” I asked.
“Yeah. So the fuck what?” he scoffed.
“The fuck about doing your job, asshole. I usually don’t swim in a Hawaiian shirt and Chinos, you prolapsed fuckhole. I was in the bar and saw Zarrineh here drowning in the deep end. I had to jump in to get her before she died. That’s what the fuck about, you shithead sumbitch!” I growled.
“Ah, yeah? One less pickaninny, more or less. Big deal.” He scoffed and tried to turn to leave.
“YOU SORRY COCKSUCKER!” I roared, reached out and grabbed him by the neck.
He was such a fucking pipe stem, I swear my new fingers could have wrapped twice around his scrawny collar.
I lifted this asshole bodily off the ground, by the throat.
I dragged him to within 10 centimeters of my face and snarled:
“You want to ever take another goddamned breath, you apologize to this young lady like your life depends on it. Because it fucking damn well does!” I snarled.
I hadn’t been this seeing-red angry for many, many years.
It was most refreshing.
“I’m so..sorr…sorry…” he croaked.
“Um, Rock, I think you’re crushing his little neck bones there”, a voice from behind me says.
I turn to look and it’s Work.
“This cocksucker…out getting high…Zarrineh was in trouble…he…made me angry. Very angry indeed.” I said.
‘That we can see”, Work says, “Zarrineh’s OK, Rock. Let it go.”
“’ Let it go?’ What a great idea.” I said, walked over to the pool and threw the miscreant as hard as I could at the wall divider.
Fucking gravity got the better of the situation. Either that or I’m losing my arm. Whatever the case, he made a sufficiently satisfactory splash upon re-entry.
“Asshole!”, I spat in his general direction.
He was already crawling out of the pool, on the opposite side, and slinking away like the soggy ferret he was, towards his perch.
“Yeah, you fucking Jobbernowl! Like now is a good time to watch an empty pool. You clodpate!” I go all archaic when I’m really spitting angry.
Work and Zarrineh are talking. I wander over, splotching over in my soaked shirt and sodden shorts.
“Rock, Zarrineh just told me. Thanks. Thanks so much, we owe you the world.” He said.
‘Well, probably wasn’t the brightest idea to leave her here alone.” I mentioned, cautiously. No need to add insult to near-miss injury.
“There was supposed to be a lifeguard here.” He said, “But You’re right. We’re all a bit muddle-pated with all the flying.”
“That’s a good word.” I chuckled, “However, all’s well that ends well. Let me go terrorize Todd a little more. That was fun. I haven’t had that much fun in a while.”
Work talks me out of having a spot more fun just as hotel security, a day late and a dollar short, shows up and asks “Right. What’s all this then?”
I tell the tale of how Todd was AWOL and Zarrineh, as any inquisitive 8 year-old would be, was checking things out. She got into a spot of bother, how I jumped in, and rendered aid.
“That’s all”, I said, “Except for that Todd motherfucker cowering over there!”
“Sir!”, the hotel security guard exclaimed."Language!"
“That’s right. I tossed that ignoramus knucklehead in the pool, only because I didn’t think to toss him off the fucking ledge first. After he was derelict of duty and very nasty and bigoted to this young lady.” I said.
“Is that so? And you are?” he asked.
“I’m the Motherfucking Pro from Dover, Scooter. I’m DOCTOR Rocknocker, a native of these here parts. And I don’t like skinny, little douchebag job-toking retards. Especially when they’re out fucking off, and leaving a child alone in a huge, dangerous pool.” I replied.
“Ah, yes. Doctor. Sorry, sir. Didn’t recognize you sopping. We’ll look into this. Thank you. “ he said and shuffled off Todd-ward.
Work and Zarrineh were sitting on a chaise lounge, and she was telling her daddy of the big, crazy-haired white guy that hit the water like an angry erne, grabbed her in the deep end, calmed her down and got her back to safety and out of the pool.
“All while Todd, the sorry…scumbucket, was out toking up.” I snarled Toddward.
He leaped back seeing me giving him the stick-eye.
“Rock”, Work, says, “What can I say? But I thank you. I owe you a huge debt. We owe you a debt that cannot be repaid.”
“Look, let’s your family and mine do dinner.” I say, “That way, we can call it even.”
“How is that even?” He asked.
“It’s even in my book”, I said, “Since I’m currently writing a book, that’s the way it is.”
Work looks at me puzzling. Zarrineh breaks the tension by mentioning to her dad that she was rescued by a robot-man.
I hold up my left hand and waggle my fingers.
“Industrial accident. Years ago. New techno-fingers. All your base are belong to us.” I chuckled.
Now Work thought I was really off the deep end.
We shook hands and I slogged back to the bar.
Shabdiz was there with the bar manager.
“We saw what you did.” The Arab manager, one Mohammad, said.
“Don’t worry. I don’t charge extra for the show.” I lamely replied.
“Shabdiz here watched your gear. Your bar bill is paid. We thank you.” he said.
“That’s mighty nice of you. Thanks. Twernt nothin’. I’d do the same for either of you.” I laughed. “Just make sure that Todd asshole finds employment elsewhere, like Afghanistan.”
I gathered up my gear and splooped off to the elevator.
“Ding dong”, dinged the doorbell.
My hands were full, I didn’t want to bother searching for the key.
“Yes? Rock, what the hell?” Es says as she opens the door.
“I was bored. I went swimming.” I replied.
“Get in here. You’re making a mess.” Esme commanded.
After changing into some dry duds, Es had a very tall, very cold libation waiting for me.
“OK, give”, she commanded.
So, I told her the story, in full three-part harmony.
“Whatta bastard.” She exclaimed, referring to Todd. “I’m surprised he’s still breathing.,”
“Yeah. Pity stayed my hand. It’s a pity I didn’t want to talk to the local constabulary if I killed him. At least, he’ll be off breathing somewhere’s else. He’s lost his job for certain. At most, he’s breathing on a jet plane, taking him back to Schmoeland or from wherever the fuck he originated”
“Good. Dubai’s got enough assholes as it is without importing more.” Es smiles.
Esme Rocknocker knows the score.
I go back to work on my dissertation/paper for ‘Precambrian Research’ magazine.
Esme is busying herself doing jigsaw puzzles.
I loathe and despise jigsaw puzzles. Long story. Remind me not to tell you about it some time.
The phone rings. It’s for me.
“Work! How are you and yours?” I ask.
“I am calling to see if you and your wife would like to meet me and my family in the Al Cadence restaurant around 1900 hours tonight. Our treat.” He asks.
“No. Sorry. Can’t make it tonight.” I reply.
“Tish tosh. Tomorrow?” He asks.
“Nope. Can’t do it.” I reply.
“OK, you tell me the time.” He says.
“Time’s got nothing to do with the situation. We’re not going if I’m not paying.” I said.
“Rock. You can’t. We owe you so much….we can’t let you pay” Work protests.
“I’m on retainer with a generous expense account and per diem,” I say.
Silence for two ticks.
“So, tonight at 1900 hours then. We’ll all be there.” He laughs.
“See you then.” I chuckle back.
“Esme! Break out your good Sunday-go-to-dinner duds. We’re going out and hit the town. Or a restaurant, actually.” I say loudly.
“With Work and Moneereh?” she asks.
“Yep. Should be interesting., They’re from Ethiopia. You and Tash were there, right?” I said.
“Oh, yes”, Es whooshes, “I remember their food. Holy wow! Was that hot!”
“Esme, my darling. You think ketchup is hot.” I replied.
“I remember you tearing up over that bottle of hot yellow-pepper sauce I brought back from Addis Ababa, so don’t go here.” She scolded.
She was right. That stuff was thermonuclear. Nice, fruity, and 6.023x106 Scovilles. It hurt so good.
“Hmmm…better check the restaurant. See the cuisine de jure." I said. “Hope it’s not TexMex.”
“Remember, they might not drink. If they don’t, you can’t either. Wouldn’t be right.” Es admonishes.
“No worries, my dear. I’ve already done my homework. No such problems here.” I said, having already vetted the situation in the bar with Work.
“Good.” She replies, “But remember now, if they order a well-done steak, it’s not polite to toss them out of a high window.”
“Of course, of course. “ I replied, “I’ll just dangle them for a brief time.”
They ordered lamb and chicken that evening. Es had her a nice filet mignon.
They ruined all my fun. Although it was a splendid evening.
Zarrineh insisted I show her sister my electro-digits. “They’re so cool.”
Yekameh was less than impressed. “Nice.”
Teenagers. Am I right?
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Wrestling Observer Rewind ★ May 13, 2002

Going through old issues of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter and posting highlights in my own words. For anyone interested, I highly recommend signing up for the actual site at f4wonline and checking out the full archives.
PREVIOUSLY:
1-7-2002 1-14-2002 1-21-2002 1-28-2002
2-4-2002 2-11-2002 2-18-2002 2-25-2002
3-4-2002 3-11-2002 3-18-2002 3-25-2002
4-1-2002 4-8-2002 4-15-2002 4-22-2002
4-29-2002 5-6-2002
  • Okay, look, here's the deal. The obituaries, as sad as they are, contain some of Dave's best work. But good lord, they are looooooooooong. And they never contain anything newsworthy that is relevant to 2002 or anything. But they're always super interesting from a historical perspective. But last week, Dave wrote a brief obit for Lou Thesz (only 5,000 words, ahem) and promised to go into more detail this week. So this week, we open with a 16,000+ word obituary for Lou Thesz and I just can't. Sorry. It's really good though, you should all go read it. But I've got, like, a family and a job and responsibilities and stuff. I can't recap this. It's an incredible piece of work though.
  • The World Wrestling Federation is no more. On May 5th, the company unveiled its new name, World Wrestling Entertainment. Dave recaps the history of the company briefly (was originally called "World Wide Wrestling Federation, or WWWF, until 1979 when it was shortened to WWF, which is has remained for the past 23 years). But as of this week, the company has been rebranded to WWE. The website domain was changed to WWE.com and all references to "WWF" were changed to "WWE." The scratch logo was also changed, with the F being removed, so now it simply looks like "WW" (which, honestly, never really did make much sense to me. Even though the logo has changed, it's still "WW" to this day). Anyway, this all stems from the World Wildlife Fund lawsuit over in the UK, in which the WWE lost every court case and appeal. They were planning to appeal the ruling in the UK's highest court, their final last-ditch effort to save their name, but the reality is, they weren't going to win that case. Vince McMahon and the company blatantly and repeatedly violated the agreement they signed in 1994. It was 1000% obvious they were in the wrong here and they had gotten spanked by every single court before, often losing their appeals by unanimous decisions. So they weren't going to win this final appeal either and they knew it. So they dropped the appeal and threw in the towel and finally agreed to just change the name. The WWE has until May 15th to remove all references to "WWF" from their shows and merchandise. Any merch with "WWF" on it can no longer be sold after that date. All video packages and posters will have to be changed and any "WWF" mention or logos after that time on television or in past footage will have to be censored. Last year, during the court case, the WWE claimed it would cost them more than $50 million to change their name and to deal with all the legal and rebranding headaches that come with it. But this week, they backtacked on that and said it wouldn't be that expensive after all. Who knows if that's true, but the idea of this costing $50 million was enough to make the shareholders shit themselves, so Dave says they claimed it won't cost that much in order to keep the stock from plummeting. Anyway, none of this had to happen. In 1994, Vince McMahon and the Wildlife Fund signed an agreement that the wrestling company would not use the "WWF" name for promoting itself outside of the U.S. (since the Wildlife group is based overseas) and that worked well for a year or two. But then Vince McMahon apparently decided, "Meh, who cares about agreements?" and began repeatedly and blatantly violating it, constantly, for years, at which point the Wildlife group finally got upset enough to file a lawsuit. Anyway, on the first Raw since the name change, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler repeatedly stumbled over the new initials, accidentally saying "WWF" multiple times. Gonna take time for everyone to get used to calling it the new name.
  • The buyrates for Wrestlemania 18 are in and it appears the event will have to settle for being the #2 biggest money show in wrestling history after it came up short and failed to surpass Wrestlemania 17. Final numbers aren't in yet, but latest estimates put it somewhere around the 800,000 buys range (ended up being about 880,000) which is quite a bit down from WM17. It was also #2 in total revenue from live gate and merch. Internally, it's actually being seen as something of a disappointment because with the power of the Hogan/Rock dream match, they were hopeful this show would top 1 million buys but unless something drastic changes with these buyrate numbers, it looks like the final total will be a good bit short of that.
  • NJPW's latest Tokyo Dome show is in the books. The show drew a sellout crowd of 57,000 fans, there to see the Masahiro Chono vs. Mitsuharu Misawa dream main event (which ended up going to a 30-minute draw). It was the biggest non-Jan. 4 crowd NJPW has drawn to the Dome in 2 years. So that's the good news. The bad news is that the show flopped in the ratings on TV. A big part of that is because the Chono/Misawa match didn't air as part of the show (due to the Asahi-TV/Nippon TV network issues discussed in past issues) so the televised show was built around the Shinya Hashimoto/Naoya Ogawa vs. Scott Norton/Hiroyoshi Tenzan match and man, the fans sure didn't seem to give a fuck about that. In fact, the rating was so bad that there's concern that this will be the end of pro wrestling on prime time TV in Japan for the foreseeable future. But there are justifiable reasons for the rating. The show went head-to-head with the Kirin Cup soccer tournament, which was a huge deal and did more than double the rating the NJPW show did. Unlike the U.S., wrestling and "real" sports in Japan have a major crossover audience, so having real sports competition severely hurt NJPW's show. Also, while Ogawa is a draw as a singles star, putting him in a tag match against Norton and Tenzan isn't exactly setting the world on fire. The show lasted 6 hours, which was way too long and the crowd was burned out before Misawa vs. Chono even started.
  • Other notes from the NJPW show: it opened with an hour long 30th anniversary ceremony. They had a 10-bell salute for Lou Thesz and brought out a bunch of legendary NJPW names from the 70s and 80s. Then they did an angle where Antonio Inoki came out to give a speech, but he was attacked by Tiger Jeet Singh. But then Chyna made the save, attacking Singh, running him out of the ring, and challenging him to a match. Inoki's ex-wife, famous Japanese actress Mitsuko Baisho then made an appearance, getting a huge pop, and she and Inoki did his famous catch phrase to kick off the show. Minoru Suzuki of Pancrase (who started with NJPW as a pro wrestler) was also there. Jushin Ligher and Minoru Tanaka won the IWGP Jr. tag titles and then Liger challenged several NOAH wrestlers who were at ringside (most notably KENTA) and they all jumped in the ring and it ended with a staredown. The Steiner Brothers reunited to face Hiroshi Tanahashi and Kensuke Sasaki, with Chyna as the special referee. Tanahashi was working hurt, but he still worked. They did a spot where Tanahashi ran into Chyna and he went down off the bump instead of her and Dave seems annoyed by this since Tanahashi is a guy they really need to be pushing who can be a huge star for this company. Dave doesn't like him selling bumps for Chyna. Anyway, decent match but the Steiners basically steamrolled them and Tanahashi was pinned by Scott Steiner. Chyna then challenged several All Japan Women at ringside as well as Scott Steiner, Tanahashi, Sasaki, and even IWGP champion Yuji Nagata, saying she wanted a title match. Dave thinks this company has lost its damn mind. Speaking of Nagata, he retained his title in the next match. And then, of course, the main event. Usually during interpromotional matches, the crowd is always super pro-NJPW but this time, they went insane for Misawa and it was clear there were a ton of NOAH fans in the building. Chono did some Inoki moves and Misawa did some Great Baba moves, to kinda have a spiritual "Baba vs. Inoki" tribute in the match I guess. Ended in a draw and by the time it was over, no matter how big the dream match was, the crowd was burned out and weren't as hype for the match as you might expect once the entrances were done.
WATCH: Misawa vs. Chono highlights
  • Goldberg has received a full buy-out of his WCW contract from Time Warner and as of this week, he is now an unsigned free agent. Goldberg did not request the buy-out, the decision was made by the Time Warner side after the most unprofitable quarter in their history. The company was looking to cut expenses, even at a loss, just so the books can look better in future quarters. Goldberg reportedly received almost all of his remaining salary (more than 90% of the nearly $3 million he was still owed) in order to get him off their books. When Goldberg realized he's going to be a free agent a year earlier than expected, talks with WWE started up. But as usual, they went nowhere. WWE (I feel like I'm having to get used to typing that all over again. Really does feel like 2002 again) has interest in him, especially given the way ratings continue to plummet lately. But Goldberg has always wanted more than WWE is willing to pay. Plus, they're feeling burned right now after signing Hall and Nash to big money, long-term contracts for part-time work, only to have Nash get injured and Hall likely to get himself fired at any moment (that moment is coming sooner than you think), and neither of them really getting over in any meaningful way. Even Hogan, who is also making big money for a reduced schedule, was hot for a minute and boosted ratings and buyrates. But after only a few months, that train already seems to be out of steam and TV ratings are back to floundering with Hogan as champion leading the shows. So WWE is kinda gun-shy on opening the checkbook and paying out the ass for these big stars, futilely hoping that one of them is the quick-fix that can stop the bleeding.
  • There's also the question of how Goldberg would fit within the WWE locker room. He hasn't been shy about his dislike for Triple H, dating back to WCW when Triple H trashed Goldberg in a radio interview and saying that even if Goldberg was available, they wouldn't want him (which, at the time, when WCW was still alive and Goldberg was the biggest star in the company, is just about the dumbest thing he could have said. In 1998, WWF would have gladly traded 10 Triple H's for Goldberg). Anyway, Goldberg took the comment personally and even confronted Triple H face-to-face at the Toy Fair convention in New York a couple of years ago, in a bit of an ugly scene where Goldberg was yelling at him and Triple H and Stephanie kept their heads down and said nothing. Goldberg also has a lot of dislike for Scott Hall, which is another of Triple H's good friends, so ya know. The latest on Goldberg is that he's considering working some in Japan but he's just fielding offers right now. Word is he's interested in working with PRIDE as well as NJPW. Of course, if he's looking to maximize his money potential, WWE is still the place to go if you want to make big bucks. If promoted right, matches against Rock, Austin, Triple H, and others could do huge buyrates. And if they keep Goldberg and Austin apart for a year and build to a match with them at Wrestlemania, well, needless to say, that show would set records. Dave talks about how Goldberg got nuclear hot in 1998 and even in 1999, he was the biggest drawing wrestler in the business. But by 2000, the company was dying, Goldberg was injured, and "Jesus Chris with an Etch-a-Sketch" couldn't have drawn in WCW. Dave again does the math and talks about how WWE should have brought Goldberg in for the Invasion angle. Yes, it would have cost them a lot of money and upset the salary structure, but he would have more than made up for it with the kind of buyrates he could have drawn with those dream matches and the Invasion angle might have had a chance. But alas.
  • And of course, who's to say how WWE would use Goldberg? They already have Brock Lesnar and they're currently giving him the unstoppable monster push. Lesnar is bigger, younger, and a more legitimate athlete (for whatever that's worth). And WWE probably isn't going to give Goldberg an endless string of jobbers to beat. In WWE, he's going to be expected to work longer matches, sell for people, etc. They won't book him the way WCW did so who knows how he'd get over in WWE? If they wanted to build to an Austin/Goldberg match, it would make sense that Goldberg first has to plow through guys like Triple H, Undertaker, etc. And politically, that just ain't gonna happen. Dave doubts NJPW can afford him for anything more than one or two big shows. As for PRIDE, he could probably make a lot of money there, but the problem is.....PRIDE is a shoot. They haven't had "worked" matches in a couple of years and doing so now would kill their credibility. Which means Goldberg would have to go into a legit shoot and one embarrassing loss there would severely hurt his future earning potential. In the end, Dave thinks it's inevitable that Goldberg will end up in WWE, but probably not any time soon. But he's certain it will eventually happen. There's too much money on the line for both sides and WWE's ratings woes are making them desperate, so it'll happen some day (yup, less than a year from this).
  • And the moment is here! For those of you who had "under 3 months" in the "How long will Scott Hall last?" pool, come collect your prize. Scott Hall was released by the WWE this week due to misbehavior on the European tour. Firstly, he went on a drunken binge during the entire tour and was even worse on the plane ride home (much more on that in a bit). Dave says this was inevitable. WCW fired him. Even ECW stopped using him when he got arrested at one point. And even though he was seemingly behaving during his Japan tours, even NJPW cut ties with him shortly before he went back to WWE because they were fed up with some of his antics. And now WWE has fired him. Dave talks about how Hall made a drunken spectacle of himself in the locker room on his very first day back in WWE, before the NWO even debuted on TV, then he showed up in Toronto for Wrestlemania in no condition to perform (later came out that he was hungover from the night before), which caused Austin to insist on ending their feud at WM (which was the plan, but Dave says Austin has continued working with Hall afterwards simply because they don't really seem to have any other credible opponents for him). Hall's match with Bradshaw at Backlash was an embarrassment and the night before that show, agents had to help him back to his hotel. Just endless incidents like this. In Europe, Hall was such a blatant drunken mess that even the other wrestlers were calling for him to be fired. Hall was 45 minutes late for the bus they all took to London and then passed out in the locker room during the show. On the plane ride back, he was starting fights with people and eventually passed out and it got to the point that people were worried about his health. When they got back to the U.S. for Raw, they literally had to wake him up from a drunken stupor backstage to send him to the ring to do his segment (and yes, he wrestled). After the show, they fired him. No one came to his defense, and even Hall's closest friends are now admitting that he simply can't handle the pressures of being on the road and being released is the best thing for him right now. Dave talks about how a lot of wrestlers have been fired in the last couple of years for drug and alcohol issues and that's all well and good, but the big problem is why hire them in the first place? Scott Hall's issues were not a secret. It wasn't like he cleaned himself up before he came to WWE. He was getting in trouble and collecting arrests like Pokemon all the way up until the day they brought him back. Anyway, Hall had a 2-year deal, believed to be worth $600,000-per-year downside for only 10 dates per month. So a really sweet deal, but it's gone now.
  • Hey, speaking of that European tour, turns out there was a bit of trouble on the flight back to the U.S. Perhaps you've heard of it. Most of the trouble wasn't even due to Scott Hall. Turns out Vince McMahon didn't make the trip and lots of people decided that was a good reason to cut loose and have fun. Plus, since everyone has seen Hall get away with being drunk 24/7 for the last few months, they figured nobody would get in trouble. So....folks got DRUNK. Among the various incidents on this flight: Goldust got on the speaker system and began drunkenly serenading his ex-wife Terri with love songs. Terri was extremely uncomfortable and begged him to stop and then Jim Ross had to go sit him down. Ric Flair also "started to get wild" but Jim Ross calmed him down as well (Dave doesn't seem to know just yet exactly what Flair "getting wild" entailed, but if you don't know, it involved getting totally naked except for his robe and started helicoptering his dick at flight attendants. And it gets worse if you feel like researching it. The flight attendants later filed a lawsuit against Flair and accused him of sexual assault). Curt Hennig was spraying people with shaving cream and he kept trying to get Brock Lesnar to fight him. Lesnar, being a newcomer, didn't know how to handle it and didn't want to get in trouble, but he ain't gonna let Hennig talk shit to him either. So anyway, Lesnar got up and basically annihilated Hennig, repeatedly taking him to the ground and embarrassing him because, well, of course he did. It's Brock Lesnar. At one point, Lesnar slammed Hennig up against the side of the plane, right into the emergency exit door, which freaked everybody out for obvious reasons. Michael Hayes got into a scuffle with Bradshaw and then tried to pick a fight with Hall (although everyone on the plane said Hall had it coming). Anyway, Hayes was apparently obnoxious as hell and annoyed everyone. But then he made the mistake of falling asleep and someone (believed to be X-Pac) cut his hair off. When Hayes woke up, he was furious and tried to fight several people. The next day at the Raw tapings, his entire mullet was in a plastic bag, pinned to the wall of the locker room for everyone to see. Gerald Brisco, Arn Anderson, and Hayes all caught a ton of heat from Vince afterward since they were the people who were supposed to be in charge. Anderson and Hayes especially, since their jobs are to keep the boys under control, but they were apparently having just as much fun as everyone else. Everyone's waiting to see how Vince is going to handle this situation. As noted, Hall was already fired and Hayes got an earful from Vince, Stephanie, and JR at Raw the next day, but there will likely be more fallout. Undertaker was also said to be furious over how out of hand everything got (I'm sure we haven't heard the last of this).
  • Anyway, while they were in Europe, WWE presented its latest UK PPV, Insurexxtion. As usual with the UK PPVs, this was little more than a glorified house show. They announced the show as sold out, but there were empty seats everywhere. RVD vs. Eddie Guerrero for the IC title was the show-stealer according to every report Dave heard, and was said to be far better than their Backlash match. Brock Lesnar teamed with Shawn Stasiak (lol wut) and lost to the Hardyz. Brock beat up everybody after the match. Triple H beat Undertaker in the main event and Dave doesn't know why since Undertaker is the one challenging Hogan for the title at the next PPV. The top rope broke during the match when they did an Irish whip into the corner and when the rope snapped, a metal piece broke off from the corner and flew into the crowd and barely missed hitting a small child in the face.
  • Smackdown on 5/2 drew the all-time lowest rating in the history of the show. Dave says that's the scariest thing to happen to WWF in the past 5 years. It was also the 3rd lowest rating for any Smackdown or Raw dating back to 1998. The rating was a full 18% drop from the week before, which was already scary. The rating was even lower than previous holiday episodes. So what was the problem? Well, it was headlined by Hogan defending the WWF title against Chris Jericho (as it turns out, the final time the "WWF" title was ever defended). Dave says the title has been meaningless for years now and Hogan's steam is running out. And Jericho hasn't recovered from spending the first part of the year being emasculated and playing second fiddle to Stephanie McMahon in the Wrestlemania feud. Add all that together and you've got a recipe for a shit ratings night. Among other things. Dave isn't blaming this all on Hogan and Jericho by any means, there's a lot of problems with the company as of late, from bad storylines to failing to make new stars, and it's all starting to come home to roost.
  • Keiji Muto wrestled a match in AJPW under his alternate gimmick of Kokushi Muso. Turns out "Great Muta" isn't his only other persona. The Kokushi Muso gimmick is basically like Hakushi in WWF, where he's covered his entire body in Japanese writing. He originally debuted the gimmick in Michinoku Pro last year, when teaming with....Hakushi (Jinsei Shinzaki, who occasionally brought back the old Hakushi gimmick in Japan). Anyway, same thing here. He teamed with Hakushi for this match, while using that gimmick (Muto would use that gimmick a handful of times throughout the years, always when teaming with Hakushi. It's like that was only his gimmick for that team. The last time he used it was in 2009, also in a tag match with Hakushi).
  • Former NOAH Jr. champion Naomichi Marufuji underwent knee surgery this week and should be out around 6 months (ends up being 9 months).
  • NJPW is doing an angle (according to Dave) similar to the Vince/Flair angle last year where Antonio Inoki and Masahiro Chono are battling over control of the company. Although it's more realistic. Inoki is in the press talking about how many of NJPW's shows aren't doing well and is pushing for them to use Naoya Ogawa more, while Chono doesn't want to. Inoki is also saying Chono needs to retire from wrestling and focus his energies on managing the day-to-day business of the promotion full-time. Dave says this is an angle, but it doesn't sound like much of one to me, and I think later years have kinda proven there was a lot of blurring between fiction and reality here, because there was a ton of behind the scenes turmoil in NJPW during this period.
  • Will Smith appeared alongside Antonio Inoki at the Japanese movie premiere for the film "Ali" based on Muhammad Ali's life. Crowd went absolutely insane for Inoki (I've tried like hell and can't even find a picture of them together. But then again, I can't find a single pic from the premiere at all).
  • When reviewing the recent Dos Caras Jr. shoot fight in Japan, Dave talks about the guy's potential as a wrestler. He has a strong amateur background, legit shoot skills, and a famous name. Dave thinks, if he's even halfway a decent worker, he can almost be a guaranteed star in Mexico (based on his name alone) and probably Japan too, if he decides to pursue that career (indeed he did, and indeed, he was fairly decent at it. Of course, he later became Alberto Del Rio, accused rapist and pretty much confirmed all-around piece of shit).
  • Former long-time WCW referee Randy Anderson passed away this week after a long battle with testicular cancer. Back when WCW was still around and he first got diagnosed, they did an angle out of it where Eric Bischoff fired him and then laughed at his wife and kids when they begged him to give Anderson his back. Of course, he was later re-hired when Flair became on-screen commissioner and continued to referee until 1999 when the cancer forced him to retire.
  • Random news and notes: Bobby Heenan is said to be in good spirits and is especially excited because WWE recently contacted him about doing a WWE Magazine feature on him. Verne Gagne's wife Mary passed away from cancer this week. Goldberg will be appearing on this week's Wrestling Observer Live show to be interviewed. Mil Mascaras is releasing an autobiography (in Spanish of course) and man, I'd love to find an English translation of that because I bet it'd be interesting. Chyna appeared on "Sabrina The Teenage Witch" this past week.
WATCH: Chyna on Sabrina The Teenage Witch
  • Bruno Sammartino turned down an invitation to attend the Pro Wrestling Hall of Fame ceremony in New York (yes, that HOF existed and still does, in a different city now). Bruno did an interview with the local paper and said "Wrestling is how I made my living and supported my family, but it's over. I don't want anything to do with it anymore." Bruno managed to turn the discussion to the WWE, despite them not having any affiliation with this HOF and grumbled about how Vince McMahon blocked him from being inducted into the Madison Square Garden Hall of Fame. However, the new MSG owners have apparently promised Bruno he'll be inducted this year, since he sold the place out 200 times (Dave jumps in here to correct it and says the real number of sellouts is closer to 45. Bruno only main evented the Garden 127 times and by no means were they all sell-outs. But it's one of those myths that has been perpetuated for so long that Dave begrudgingly recognizes that people are always going to believe the 200 number is true, but it's not even close. He compares it to the claim that Andre The Giant was 7'4, which also wasn't true but people repeated the lie so often that it became accepted as fact).
  • Afa Anoa'i Jr., the son of the legendary Wild Samoan, is a star football player at his high school and is being recruited for Penn State. He also sometimes wrestles on his father's indie shows (that would be Manu, who was very briefly part of Legacy with Orton, Dibiase Jr., and Cody).
  • Former WCW announcer Scott Hudson will be doing commentary for Jerry Jarrett's new promotion, and Bob Ryder is said to be in a major front office position.
  • Jarrett has put out a press release saying that his new promotion has had talks with Randy Savage and Ultimate Warrior. Word is Warrior wanted a 15% ownership stake in the new company, which pretty much ended those talks right there. They're also apparently interested in Scott Hall now too, with the idea that since they're only doing 1 show per week, he won't be a screw-up here. Dave is skeptical. Anyway, currently Road Dogg and Brian Christopher expected to be some of the company's top stars and Dave's not optimistic.
  • XWF wrestlers were told last week that a television deal should hopefully be finalized this week. But Dave has been told no chance it's happening that soon. The rumors are that the deal is either with the FX or Fox Kids networks. Ted Turner had inquired about buying this promotion a few months ago, but when he learned how much it would cost to get them off the ground and make them competitive, he lost interest (TV deal never materializes, company is already dead, etc. etc.).
  • The Scorpion King slipped to 2nd place this week, falling to the new Spider Man movie which did a record breaking $114 million opening weekend. Randy Savage has a small role in that movie.
  • Speaking of, The Rock worked his first match in about a month at a Fort Lauderdale house show, teaming with Hogan to beat Jericho and Angle. After the match, Hogan tried to get Rock to pose with him, but Rock wouldn't do it. Rock thanked the fans for the success of Scorpion King and said it would likely be his last match for awhile. There was a ton of local media there, but Rock didn't talk to any of them. Basically, the house show was in his neck of the woods and he simply decided to show up and work it just so he could see his friends and hang out with the locker room, he had no interest in doing interviews. He was just there because he wanted to be. Backstage, Rock was telling people that Hollywood higher-ups have told him he has to leave the wrestling business if he wants to be taken seriously as an actor. Those in the company feel it's a certainty that Rock really is leaving and he's likely going to break out of wrestling into Hollywood and actually become a rare success story (yeah, you could say that).
  • Look how long this is already. Imagine if I had covered that Lou Thesz obituary in full. JUST IMAGINE!
  • Notes from Raw: Dave compares it to an episode of Thunder, with the crowd half-dead for everything. Also, the roster was exhausted after just returning from the Europe trip (and the plane ride shenanigans) and that was apparent too. Brock Lesnar won his match via pinfall instead of the usual ref stoppage and Dave says that word is Triple H got in Vince's ear and convinced him to end the ref stoppage gimmick for Brock. Sure, why not? Hogan was supposed to ride off on Undertaker's bike at one point, but then the motorcycle wouldn't start. It was one of those awkward live-TV moments where time stood still and nobody knew what to do. Flair finally turned heel on Austin, to a shocking lack of heat from the crowd. Nash returned, etc. Dave recaps the rest of this show and it sounds like a lot of bad WCW stuff, coincidentally enough with a lot of the same people.
WATCH: Hogan can't start the motorcycle
  • The man who played the effeminate gay guy applying to be Vince McMahon's secretary on Smackdown a few weeks ago was new creative team member David Lagana. He recently joined the company and has written for several other TV shows, including "Friends" and has a strong knowledge of the industry (Dave says if you've been reading the Observer closely for the last few years, you're probably familiar with him, he's written in to Dave a lot over the years).
  • Dave goes on a brief rant about how to use older stars. In the past, everyone, even Vince McMahon, talked about how you should use guys like Hogan and Flair in small doses and how WCW's reliance on older stars like that is what made them less special. Dave talks about back in the day in Memphis, Jackie Fargo would come back once or twice a year and he was always the biggest star in the company when he did. Because he was used sparingly. But WWE has pretty much built its company around Hogan and Flair (and to a lesser extent, Vince and Undertaker) over the last few months and they've been totally overexposed because of it. Just 6 weeks ago, Hulk Hogan was getting some of the largest crowd reactions in the history of the business. Now, he and Undertaker are practically hearing crickets during their on-screen interactions.
  • Lita underwent neck surgery this week and isn't allowed to do anything physical for 9 months. Scotty 2 Hotty also had neck surgery and is expected to be out for about a year. Both are expected to make full recoveries though.
  • Jesse Ventura admitted this week that he received WWF stock options as partial payment for some work he did with them. Dave doesn't know if it's related to the Summerslam appearance a few years ago or the XFL announcing gig. Ventura says he has 10 years to exercise those stock options but wouldn't give any further details.
  • Scott Steiner told WWA he will work their next UK tour but after that, he's going to WWE. Dave is skeptical. Reports are that Steiner was in horrible pain after every match he worked on the last WWA tour and there's significant doubt that his body will hold up to a WWE schedule.
  • The new Steve Austin "What!" DVD has a lot of WCW footage, including the full Austin vs. Steamboat match from WCW Bash at the Beach 94. Dave doesn't say so, but I believe this is the first time WWE used any of the WCW library for commercial release after they purchased it the year before.
  • Someone writes in and asks Dave to stop spending so much time writing about steroid use in wrestling and instead says he should write a story about racism in the business. This person writes about the allegations from years back of Dusty Rhodes using the N-work with impunity, or the time DX parodied the Nation by wearing blackface. The WCW discrimination lawsuit, the embarrassing angles they've done with Mark Henry such as Sexual Chocolate, etc. This guy is asking why is it white wrestlers outnumber black wrestlers by 35-to-1 ratio in the U.S. (70-to-1 in Mexico and 80-to-1 in Japan). He wants to know why Dave isn't writing about that stuff. Dave responds and agrees that the blackface DX promo was racist, and it was racist when Buff Bagwell did it in WCW and when Roddy Piper did it in the 80s. Dave says wrestling, especially from the 70s through the 90s, had a horrible history of exploiting stereotypes and/or saying and doing racist things. You can argue it's gotten better, but no doubt the problem still exists. Dave lists some examples but he also pushes back on some others. For example, he's heard people complain that Booker T isn't being used properly due to his race and Dave disagrees. It's true that Booker T probably deserves a bigger push, but you can make the same case for guys like RVD and Jericho and Raven or DDP (when he first debuted, at least) and that didn't happen either, so Dave doesn't necessarily think Booker's lack of top-star push can be blamed on his race (we're less than a year away from Triple H definitively proving otherwise).
  • There's also 2 letters about the Rock/Hogan match at Wrestlemania and they couldn't be more different. One guy writes in and he can't understand why people are praising that match because if you put aside the hot crowd, it was awful, everyone's moves looked bad, it was embarrassing, etc. and says Hogan should have retired afterward. Then someone else writes in and says he was there live and, taken as a whole, Rock vs. Hogan was the greatest match he's ever seen. Basically the same "love it or hate it" opinion people have about that match to this day. Also, someone else writes in about the recent Low-Ki vs. American Dragon match from an ROH show and puts it up there among some of the greatest matches of all time (listing off several classic WWF matches like Shawn/Razor and Owen/Bret at WM10 for example). So there ya go.
NEXT WEDNESDAY: more fallout from the Plane Ride from Hell, more on the beginning of Jarrett's new NWA-TNA promotion, more on the NJPW Tokyo Dome show, and more...
submitted by daprice82 to SquaredCircle [link] [comments]

Only 16 wrestlers have worked 100+ singles matches with ratings on Cagematch

Though 900+ workers have worked at least 1 singles match that's earned a rating from the users on cagematch.net, working 100 or more rated singles matches is extremely rare territory. As of writing, only 16 people (all men) have done it. So just to shout out the great work those guys have done over their careers, I figured I'd provide the stats here for anyone else who likes that kinda dumb stuff.
Some preliminary info:
I'll do a quick breakdown on all 16 guys here, starting with the one who's worked the fewest rated matches and working up:

Rey Mysterio: 101 rated singles matches

  • Rey worked his first rated singles match in 1995 and his most recent in 2020.
  • His most prolific year was 1996, when he worked 16 rated singles matches, averaging 7.07
  • His best year by average rating was 2009, when he worked 8 rated singles matches, averaging 8.47
  • Rey has worked a rated singles match in 7 promotions: AAA, ECW, Lucha Underground, WAR, WCPW, WCW and WWE
  • 17.97% of all Rey's singles matches (not including house shows) have earned cagematch ratings
  • Average rating of all rated singles matches: 7.02
  • Average rating of top 10 singles matches: 8.84
  • Average rating of top 25 singles matches: 8.45
  • Average rating of top 50 singles matches: 7.96
  • Average rating of top 100 singles matches: 7.05
Here's a list of Rey's frequent opponents (5+ rated matches):
  • Eddie Guerrero: 11 rated matches, 7.41 average
  • Chris Jericho: 8 rated matches, 7.30 average
  • Psychosis/Psicosis: 7 rated matches, 7.79 average
  • Kurt Angle: 7 rated matches, 6.67 average
  • Dean Malenko: 6 rated matches, 7.22 average
  • Chavo Guerrero: 6 rated matches, 6.48 average

Hirooki Goto: 105 rated singles matches

  • Goto worked his first rated singles match in 2007 and his most recent in 2020.
  • His most prolific year was 2016, when he worked 14 rated singles matches, averaging 7.20
  • His best year by average rating was 2018, when he worked 11 rated singles matches, averaging 7.89
  • Goto has worked a rated singles match in 2 promotions: NJPW & AJPW, but only one of his matches was in AJPW
  • 26.58% of all Goto's singles matches (not including house shows) have earned cagematch ratings
  • Average rating of all rated singles matches: 7.40
  • Average rating of top 10 singles matches: 9.06
  • Average rating of top 25 singles matches: 8.71
  • Average rating of top 50 singles matches: 8.25
  • Average rating of top 100 singles matches: 7.50
Frequent opponents:
  • Kazuchika Okada: 9 rated matches, 7.71 average
  • Shinsuke Nakamura: 8 rated matches, 7.62 average
  • Katsuyori Shibata: 7 rated matches, 7.82 average
  • Hiroshi Tanahashi: 7 rated matches, 7.75 average
  • Tomohiro Ishii: 6 rated matches, 8.42 average
  • Tetsuya Naito: 6 rated matches, 7.24 average
  • Togi Makabe: 5 rated matches, 6.80 average

Roderick Strong: 106 rated singles matches

  • Roddy worked his first rated singles match in 2004 and his most recent in 2020.
  • His most prolific year was 2015, when he worked 19 rated singles matches, averaging 7.98.
  • 2015 was also his best year by average rating.
  • Strong has worked a rated singles match in 10 promotions: EVOLVE, FIP, IWA MS, PROGRESS, PWG, RevPro, ROH, SWE, TNA, WWE
  • 17.76% of all Strong's singles matches (not including house shows) have earned cagematch ratings
  • Average rating of all rated singles matches: 7.41
  • Average rating of top 10 singles matches: 9.09
  • Average rating of top 25 singles matches: 8.66
  • Average rating of top 50 singles matches: 8.17
  • Average rating of top 100 singles matches: 7.53
Frequent opponents:
  • Davey Richards: 7 rated matches, 7.41 average
  • Daniel Bryan: 5 rated matches, 8.43 average

Shinsuke Nakamura: 108 rated singles matches

  • Nakamura worked his first rated singles match in 2004 and his most recent in 2018.
  • His most prolific year was 2014, when he worked 21 rated singles matches, averaging 7.52
  • His best year by average rating was 2016, when he worked 6 rated singles matches, averaging 8.53
  • Nakamura has worked a rated singles match in 6 promotions: CMLL, NJPW, NOAH, RevPro, ROH, WWE
  • 31.76% of all Nakamura's singles matches (not including house shows) have earned cagematch ratings
  • Average rating of all rated singles matches: 7.51
  • Average rating of top 10 singles matches: 9.44
  • Average rating of top 25 singles matches: 8.92
  • Average rating of top 50 singles matches: 8.34
  • Average rating of top 100 singles matches: 7.63
Frequent opponents:
  • Hiroshi Tanahashi: 14 rated matches, 8.29 average
  • Hirooki Goto: 8 rated matches, 7.61 average
  • AJ Styles: 6 rated matches, 7.45 average
  • Yuji Nagata: 6 rated matches, 7.06 average
  • Karl Anderson: 6 rated matches, 7.04 average

Tetsuya Naito: 108 rated singles matches

  • Naito worked his first rated singles match in 2010 and his most recent in 2020.
  • His most prolific year was 2016, when he worked 17 rated singles matches, averaging 7.63
  • His best year by average rating was 2017, when he worked 15 rated singles matches, averaging 8.36
  • Naito has worked a rated singles match in 2 promotions: NJPW & ROH (only 4 in ROH)
  • 37.76% of all Naito's singles matches (not including house shows) have earned cagematch ratings
  • Average rating of all rated singles matches: 7.74
  • Average rating of top 10 singles matches: 9.54
  • Average rating of top 25 singles matches: 9.19
  • Average rating of top 50 singles matches: 8.78
  • Average rating of top 100 singles matches: 7.92
Frequent opponents:
  • Tomohiro Ishii: 10 rated matches, 8.59 average
  • Kazuchika Okada: 9 rated matches, 8.71 average
  • Hiroshi Tanahashi: 8 rated matches, 8.25 average
  • Kota Ibushi: 6 rated matches, 8.70 average
  • Hirooki Goto: 6 rated matches, 7.24 average
  • Taichi: 5 rated matches, 7.08 average

Chris Benoit: 109 rated singles matches

  • Benoit worked his first rated singles match in 1990 and his most recent in 2007.
  • His most prolific year is a tie between 1995 and 1998, when he worked 11 rated singles matches each, averaging 7.07 and 6.13, respectively
  • His best year by average rating was 2003, when he worked 5 rated singles matches, averaging 7.97
  • Benoit has worked a rated singles match in 6 promotions: ECW, HWA, NJPW, WAR, WCW, WWE
  • 10.94% of all Benoit's singles matches (not including house shows) have earned cagematch ratings
  • Average rating of all rated singles matches: 6.97
  • Average rating of top 10 singles matches: 8.94
  • Average rating of top 25 singles matches: 8.42
  • Average rating of top 50 singles matches: 7.90
  • Average rating of top 100 singles matches: 7.13
Frequent opponents:
  • Eddie Guerrero: 13 rated matches, 6.95 average
  • Booker T: 9 rated matches, 6.16 average
  • Kurt Angle: 8 rated matches, 7.88 average
  • Chris Jericho: 7 rated matches, 7.59 average
  • Randy Orton: 5 rated matches, 7.03 average
  • Jushin Thunder Liger: 5 rated matches, 6.99 average
  • Triple H: 5 rated matches, 6.84 average

Chris Jericho: 111 rated singles matches

  • Y2J worked his first rated singles match in 1995 and his most recent in 2020.
  • His most prolific year was 2008, when he worked 13 rated singles matches, averaging 7.18
  • His best year by average rating was 2018, when he worked 3 rated singles matches, averaging 8.27
  • Jericho has worked a rated singles match in 6 promotions: AEW, ECW, NJPW, WAR, WCW, WWE
  • 13.69% of all Jericho's singles matches (not including house shows) have earned cagematch ratings
  • Average rating of all rated singles matches: 7.02
  • Average rating of top 10 singles matches: 9.00
  • Average rating of top 25 singles matches: 8.49
  • Average rating of top 50 singles matches: 7.96
  • Average rating of top 100 singles matches: 7.25
Frequent opponents:
  • Shawn Michaels: 8 rated matches, 7.90 average
  • Rey Mysterio: 8 rated matches, 7.30 average
  • Chris Benoit: 7 rated matches, 7.59 average
  • CM Punk: 6 rated matches, 7.72 average
  • John Cena: 5 rated matches, 6.81 average

Tomohiro Ishii: 112 rated singles matches

  • Ishii worked his first rated singles match in 2013 and his most recent in 2020.
  • His most prolific year is a tie between 2017 and 2019, when he worked 19 rated singles matches each, averaging 8.43 and 8.30, respectively. 2017 was his best year by average rating.
  • Ishii has worked a rated singles match in 4 promotions: Legend the Pro-Wrestling, NJPW, RevPro, ROH
  • 29.95% of all Ishii's singles matches (not including house shows) have earned cagematch ratings
  • Average rating of all rated singles matches: 8.17
  • Average rating of top 10 singles matches: 9.53
  • Average rating of top 25 singles matches: 9.30
  • Average rating of top 50 singles matches: 9.03
  • Average rating of top 100 singles matches: 8.40
Frequent opponents:
  • Tetsuya Naito: 10 rated matches, 8.59 average
  • Katsuyori Shibata: 6 rated matches, 8.80 average
  • Hirooki Goto: 6 rated matches, 8.42 average
  • Togi Makabe: 6 rated matches, 7.49 average
  • Kenny Omega: 5 rated matches, 9.26 average
  • Hiroshi Tanahashi: 5 rated matches, 8.74 average
  • Zack Sabre Jr.: 5 rated matches, 8.27 average

Kurt Angle: 119 rated singles matches

  • Angle worked his first rated singles match in 2000 and his most recent in 2017.
  • His most prolific year was 2001, when he worked 16 rated singles matches, averaging 7.01
  • His best year by average rating was 2003, when he worked 8 rated singles matches, averaging 8.17
  • Angle has worked a rated singles match in 4 promotions: NJPW, TNA, WCPW, WWE
  • 22.97% of all Angle's singles matches (not including house shows) have earned cagematch ratings
  • Average rating of all rated singles matches: 7.14
  • Average rating of top 10 singles matches: 9.06
  • Average rating of top 25 singles matches: 8.68
  • Average rating of top 50 singles matches: 8.20
  • Average rating of top 100 singles matches: 7.50
Frequent opponents:
  • AJ Styles: 9 rated matches, 7.69 average
  • Chris Benoit: 8 rated matches, 7.88 average
  • Samoa Joe: 7 rated matches, 7.20 average
  • Eddie Guerrero: 7 rated matches, 6.94 average
  • Rey Mysterio: 7 rated matches, 6.67 average
  • Jeff Jarrett: 5 rated matches, 7.37 average
  • Steve Austin: 5 rated matches, 6.90 average
  • Jeff Hardy: 5 rated matches, 6.81 average

Chris Hero: 122 rated singles matches

  • Hero worked his first rated singles match in 2002 and his most recent in 2019.
  • His most prolific year was 2016, when he worked 22 rated singles matches, averaging 7.79
  • His best year by average rating was 2002, when he worked 2 rated singles matches, averaging 8.5, but his best when he worked more than 2 matches was 2015, when he worked 8 rated singles matches, averaging 8.15.
  • Hero has worked a rated singles match in 17 promotions: AAW, Beyond, CHIKARA, CZW, DGUSA, EVOLVE, FCW, GSW, IPW:UK, IWA MS, NOAH, PROGRESS, PWG, RevPro, ROH, WWE, wXw
  • 12.37% of all Hero's singles matches (not including house shows) have earned cagematch ratings
  • Average rating of all rated singles matches: 7.65
  • Average rating of top 10 singles matches: 9.31
  • Average rating of top 25 singles matches: 8.97
  • Average rating of top 50 singles matches: 8.55
  • Average rating of top 100 singles matches: 7.95
Frequent opponents:
  • Claudio Castagnoli (Cesaro): 7 rated matches, 7.49 average
  • Zack Sabre Jr.: 6 rated matches, 8.41 average
  • Bryan Danielson (Daniel Bryan): 6 rated matches, 8.01 average
  • CM Punk: 5 rated matches, 8.73 average
  • Eddie Kingston: 5 rated matches, 7.43 average

Will Ospreay: 126 rated singles matches

  • Ospreay worked his first rated singles match in 2015 and his most recent in 2020.
  • His most prolific year was 2019, when he worked 33 rated singles matches, averaging 8.41
  • His best year by average rating is 2020 (so far), when he's worked 5 rated singles matches, averaging 8.80. 2019 was his best full year
  • Ospreay has worked a rated singles match in 17 promotions: CZW, EVOLVE, FCP, MCW, NJPW, OTT, PROGRESS, PWA, PWG, RevPro, ROH, SUN, SWE, Triple W, WCPW, WWN, wXw
  • 38.65% of all Ospreay's singles matches (not including house shows) have earned cagematch ratings
  • Average rating of all rated singles matches: 8.15
  • Average rating of top 10 singles matches: 9.40
  • Average rating of top 25 singles matches: 9.19
  • Average rating of top 50 singles matches: 8.92
  • Average rating of top 100 singles matches: 8.51
Frequent opponents:
  • Marty Scurll: 10 rated matches, 8.44 average
  • Zack Sabre Jr.: 7 Rated Matches, 8.70 average
  • KUSHIDA: 6 rated matches, 8.79 average
  • Ricochet: 6 rated matches, 8.18 average
  • Hiromu Takahashi: 5 rated matches, 8.90 average

Kazuchika Okada: 131 rated singles matches

  • Okada worked his first rated singles match in 2012 and his most recent in 2020.
  • His most prolific year was 2019, when he worked 20 rated singles matches, averaging 8.13
  • His best year by average rating is 2020 (so far), when he's worked 3 rated singles matches, averaging 9.25. His best full year was 2017, when he averaged 8.43
  • Okada has worked a rated singles match in 5 promotions: DDT, NJPW, RevPro, ROH, Tenryu Project
  • 52.61% of all Okada's singles matches (not including house shows) have earned cagematch ratings
  • Average rating of all rated singles matches: 8.14
  • Average rating of top 10 singles matches: 9.78
  • Average rating of top 25 singles matches: 9.57
  • Average rating of top 50 singles matches: 9.22
  • Average rating of top 100 singles matches: 8.62
Frequent opponents:
  • Hiroshi Tanahashi: 13 rated matches, 9.36 average
  • Tetsuya Naito: 9 rated matches, 8.78 average
  • Hirooki Goto: 9 rated matches, 7.71 average
  • Minoru Suzuki: 8 rated matches, 8.45 average
  • SANADA: 8 rated matches, 8.08 average
  • Bad Luck Fale: 7 rated matches, 6.75 average
  • Kota Ibushi: 5 rated matches, 8.79 average
  • AJ Styles: 5 rated matches, 8.15 average

Zack Sabre Jr.: 143 rated singles matches

  • ZSJ worked his first rated singles match in 2008 and his most recent in 2020.
  • His most prolific year was 2018, when he worked 36 rated singles matches, averaging 8.11
  • His best year by average rating is 2020 (so far), when he's worked 3 rated singles matches, averaging 8.63. His best full year was 2015, when he averaged 8.29 on 13 matches
  • ZSJ has worked a rated singles match in 18 promotions: AAW, CHIKARA, CZW, EVOLVE, IPW:UK, Lucha Memes, NJPW, NOAH, OTT, PROGRESS, PWG, RevPro, ROH, Triple W, WCPW, WWE, WWN, wXw
  • 19.02% of all ZSJ's singles matches (not including house shows) have earned cagematch ratings
  • Average rating of all rated singles matches: 7.92
  • Average rating of top 10 singles matches: 9.23
  • Average rating of top 25 singles matches: 8.98
  • Average rating of top 50 singles matches: 8.73
  • Average rating of top 100 singles matches: 8.31
Frequent opponents:
  • Hiroshi Tanahashi: 8 rated matches, 8.05 average
  • Will Ospreay: 7 rated matches, 8.70 average
  • WALTER: 7 rated matches, 8.31 average
  • Kota Ibushi: 6 rated matches, 8.56 average
  • Chris Hero: 6 rated matches, 8.41 average
  • Marty Scurll: 6 rated matches, 7.69 average
  • Tomohiro Ishii: 5 rated matches, 8.27 average

AJ Styles: 171 rated singles matches

  • AJ worked his first rated singles match in 2001 and his most recent in 2020.
  • His most prolific year was 2014, when he worked 19 rated singles matches, averaging 7.59
  • His best year by average rating was 2015, when he worked 16 rated singles matches, averaging 8.24
  • AJ has worked a rated singles match in 15 promotions: APW, GSW, IWA MS, IWC, NJPW, NWA NLW, PWE, PWG, RevPro, ROH, TNA, WWE, wXw, ZERO1
  • 23.33% of all AJ's singles matches (not including house shows) have earned cagematch ratings
  • Average rating of all rated singles matches: 7.38
  • Average rating of top 10 singles matches: 9.32
  • Average rating of top 25 singles matches: 8.95
  • Average rating of top 50 singles matches: 8.59
  • Average rating of top 100 singles matches: 8.07
Frequent opponents:
  • Christopher Daniels: 11 rated matches, 7.51 average
  • Samoa Joe: 10 rated matches, 7.37 average
  • Kurt Angle: 9 rated matches, 7.69 average
  • Daniel Bryan: 8 rated matches, 8.01 average
  • Shinsuke Nakamura: 6 rated matches, 7.45 average
  • Kazuchika Okada: 5 rated matches, 8.05 average
  • Jerry Lynn: 5 rated matches, 6.48 average

Hiroshi Tanahashi, 173 rated singles matches

  • Tanahashi worked his first rated singles match in 2003 and his most recent in 2020.
  • His most prolific year is a tie between 2018 and 2019, when he worked 19 rated singles matches each, averaging 7.80 and 7.92, respectively
  • His best year by average rating was 2013, when he worked 17 rated singles matches, averaging 8.21
  • Tanahashi has worked a rated singles match in 6 promotions: AJPW, NJPW, NOAH, ROH, TNA, wXw
  • 32.46% of all Tanahashi's singles matches (not including house shows) have earned cagematch ratings
  • Average rating of all rated singles matches: 7.74
  • Average rating of top 10 singles matches: 9.71
  • Average rating of top 25 singles matches: 9.46
  • Average rating of top 50 singles matches: 9.14
  • Average rating of top 100 singles matches: 8.56
Frequent opponents:
  • Shinsuke Nakamura: 14 rated matches, 8.29 average
  • Kazuchika Okada: 13 rated matches, 9.36 average
  • Yuji Nagata: 10 rated matches, 7.63 average
  • Tetsuya Naito: 8 rated matches, 8.25 average
  • Zack Sabre Jr.: 8 rated matches, 8.05 average
  • Hirooki Goto: 7 rated matches, 7.75 average
  • Bad Luck Fale: 6 rated matches, 6.13 average
  • Kota Ibushi: 5 rated matches, 9.15 average
  • Tomohiro Ishii: 5 rated matches, 8.74 average
  • Katsuyori Shibata: 5 rated matches, 8.04 average
  • Jay White: 5 rated matches, 7.65 average
  • Satoshi Kojima: 5 rated matches, 7.42 average

Daniel Bryan, 181 rated singles matches

  • Bryan worked his first rated singles match in 2001 and his most recent in 2020.
  • His most prolific year was 2008, when he worked 25 rated singles matches, averaging 8.05
  • His best year by average rating was 2012, when he worked 4 rated singles matches, averaging 8.51
  • Bryan has worked a rated singles match in 16 promotions: APW, DGUSA, ECWA, EVOLVE, FIP, FWA, GSW, IWA MS, JAPW, NJPW, NWA Empire, PWG, ROH, WWE, wXw
  • 25.31% of all Bryan's singles matches (not including house shows) have earned cagematch ratings
  • Average rating of all rated singles matches: 7.77
  • Average rating of top 10 singles matches: 9.55
  • Average rating of top 25 singles matches: 9.34
  • Average rating of top 50 singles matches: 9.02
  • Average rating of top 100 singles matches: 8.54
Frequent opponents:
  • Nigel McGuinness: 11 rated matches, 8.79 average
  • Austin Aries: 10 rated matches, 7.76 average
  • AJ Styles: 8 rated matches, 8.01 average
  • Seth Rollins: 8 rated matches, 7.55 average
  • Homicide: 7 rated matches, 7.29 average
  • Chris Hero: 6 rated matches, 7.99 average
  • CM Punk: 6 rated matches, 7.81 average
  • Cesaro: 6 rated matches, 7.78 average
  • Samoa Joe: 6 rated matches, 7.39 average
  • Takeshi Morishima: 5 rated matches, 8.49 average
  • Roderick Strong: 5 rated matches, 8.43 average
  • Low Ki: 5 rated matches, 8.39 average
  • Randy Orton: 5 rated matches, 7.51 average
The two closest to doing this that haven't yet are people you'd expect to accomplish it in the near future: Kota Ibushi (91) and Kenny Omega (88). No one else is really a shoe in, though. It's not out of the question for Samoa Joe (88) and John Cena (87), but it's looking slightly unlikely. Another good singles run or two and they'll join the group.
Everyone else with 70+:
  • Yuji Nagata (87)
  • Austin Aries (81)
  • Shawn Michaels (77)
  • Michael Elgin (76)
  • Sami Zayn (75)
  • Naomichi Marufuji (75)
  • CM Punk (74)
  • Ricochet (74)
  • Cesaro (74)
  • Triple H (74)
  • Minoru Suzuki (73)
  • Ric Flair (72)
  • Kevin Owens (72)
  • Randy Orton (72)
  • WALTER (71)
  • Seth Rollins (71)
  • KENTA (70)
I'd definitely bet on WALTER and Rollins getting it done, too, but we're a couple of years away. This is our group for the time being, especially with NJPW not running shows for Ibushi to pad his numbers.
EDIT: Worth noting that I did choose to differentiate between "rated" and "recommended". There are recommended matches that have not yet received enough ratings to show an official rating. They could easily become rated matches.
Also to clarify, this is only their rated singles (1 v. 1) matches
submitted by arrogantdesperado to SquaredCircle [link] [comments]

[FANFIC] The Humiliation Rumble

This is definitely my longest story so far. Hope you all enjoy it!
It was the night of the Royal Rumble where 30 women would battle to decide who would get a championship match at the grandest stage of them all, Wrestlemania. Two women would start the match and every 90 seconds another would enter the match. The only way to be eliminated is by being thrown over the top rope with both feet touching the floor.
Entrant #1: Alexa Bliss
The match was about to get underway as Five feet of fury made her way to the ring, but not with her usual confidence. Whilst she tried to look calm and collected you could see in her eyes that being the number 1 entrant as well as having been humiliated by Trish Stratus, Mickie James, and Naomi had had an effect on her mindset. Little Miss Bliss entered the ring and waited for her opponent.
Entrant #2: Sasha Banks
The Boss was out next as she swayed her hips and strutted to the ring with confidence. Whilst she too had ran into some humiliating experiences with Lacey Evans and her former friend Bayley, Sasha was only focused on winning the rumble match and potentially main eventing Wrestlemania. She entered the ring and swayed her hips right in front of Alexa who looked disgusted. She removed her accessories as both women got to their respective corners and the bell rang. Both women walked slowly towards each other.
“Aww what’s the matter Lexi? Scared I’m gonna humiliate you like how you’ve been the past three weeks?” Sasha smirked.
“Heard you haven’t had much luck yourself Sasha, how’s Bayley by the way?” Alexa smiled as Sasha’s face dropped as she slapped the taste out of Alexa’s mouth. Alexa held her face and slowly looked back up in anger as she returned the favor to Banks’ shock. Sasha roared and tackled Alexa to the ground as both women rolled around striking each other with slaps and strikes. Sasha managed to get the advantage and mounted a prone Bliss backwards as Alexa tried to wriggle free.
“Oh Alexa, you really can’t help but find yourself in humiliating positions nowadays huh?” Sasha smirked as she reached forward and tugged at the small trunks of Bliss causing a wedgie and for the petite blonde to squeal. Sasha gave her adversary’s butt a few playful smacks before Bliss managed to wriggle free. She got up quick and delivered one of her stiff strikes to Banks who span back into a prone position herself. Alexa was seething as she placed a boot on Banks’ ass and the other on the back of her head as she began to repeatedly stomp on the back of the boss’ head as she held the ropes.
“A boss is nothing compared to a goddess!” Alexa screamed as the buzzer sound filled the arena.
Entrant #3: Kairi Sane
Alexa stopped what she was doing as she looked up the ramp nervously, she had already had a run in with Sane which didn’t go her way. The pirate princess charged down the ring whilst spinning her umbrella which she took to the ring with her. As she slid under the bottom rope Alexa held up her hands, seemingly not wanting anything to do with Kairi. Sane noticed Sasha charging towards her and slid under the boss’ legs before swinging up the umbrella between them. Sasha keeled over holding her crotch as Sane leaned back and cracked the umbrella over the ebony ass of Banks causing her adversary to recoil and fall down. Kairi was going for another before she suddenly turned to see Alexa running towards her. Bliss froze as Kairi made eye contact and turned away and bent over holding her head for protection. Kairi smiled as she noticed Alexa’s still wedgied butt and proceedingly wedged the umbrella between Alexa’s plump cheeks as Bliss gasped and held her butt in shock. Kairi drove the umbrella forwards and sent Alexa shoulder first into the ringpost before pulling her down to a seated position. Kairi looked and saw both other competitors seated in opposite corners and delivered sliding forearms to both before slapping her own ass in both their directions.
Entrant #4: Mickie James
The veteran skips down to the ring as a look of horror takes over a seated Bliss’ face. Mickie enters and delivers a lou thesz press to Sane as she bashes the japanese women’s head off the canvas. Sasha takes hold of Mickie and tosses her to the corner but James hops up and wraps her legs around the boss’ neck. She squeezes her legs together before delivering a hurricanrana, sending Sasha across the ring. Mickie celebrates before quickly turning to grab Alexa’s hand who had just gone for a cheap shot from behind. Alexa shook her head in fear before Mickie pulled her across and over her knee.
“No! No Mickie please!” Alexa shrieked as she struggled.
“I missed getting my hands on this cute biscuit butt!” Mickie smirked as she began spanking away at Bliss’ booty as Alexa squealed and kicked her legs. After a minute Sasha came out of nowhere and performed a running meteora to Mickie as she hits the former womens champion in the face crotch first.
Entrant #5: Naomi
Naomi dances down the ramp and twerks on the apron before entering the ring. Her and Banks stare at each other before embracing and putting their fists together.
“Unity!” They both shout as they look around at the other competitors. Naomi gets on the second rope facing the crowd and bends over whilst gesturing towards her big ebony ass. Sasha smirks and picks up Mickie James and bounces her face first off of Naomi’s wobbly butt. Sasha then turns to Alexa and grabs her by the hair, Naomi turns and smirks as it was only a week after her and Alexa’s encounter.
“Hold up a sec sis!” Naomi giggled as she wedgied up her outfit to expose more of her phat asscheeks. “Toss her over!”
Sasha tosses Alexa to the corner and Naomi hops up and places her feet on either side of Bliss’ head.
“Remember this bitch?!” Naomi laughs as she pulls Bliss in and twerks all over the small blonde's face before kicking her back across the ring. Both women taunt before Kairi Sane cracks her umbrella on Sasha’s chest and points it towards Naomi who is still taunting on the turnbuckles. Kairi charges and cracks the umbrella over Naomi's big booty causing a squeal. She tees up for another shot but Sasha grabs the umbrella and it falls to the outside. Kairi goes for a backfist but Banks ducks and has Sane in a rear hiplock. Naomi looks behind to see Kairi and goes for a second rope rear view. Kairi however slams her hips into Sasha and escapes as the boss takes her former partners ass straight to the face. Naomi turns to see what she’s done as Sane laughs and smacks her own ass again, the laughing stops when Naomi does hit the rear view on her this time. Naomi goes to try and throw Bliss over the top rope.
Entrant #6: Nikki Cross
The twisted sister enters the fray and sprints down the ramp as Naomi releases Alexa and gestures for Nikki to bring it on. Cross slides in the ring and between Naomi’s legs before kneeling up and biting the former funkadactyl on the booty. Naomi squeals and hops around the ring as Nikki won’t let go. Naomi climbs to the second rope and manages to kick Cross off her before holding her butt in pain, Alexa spots the opportunity and charges to Naomi and uses both hands to push her adversary by the ass over the ropes and down to the floor. With Naomi gone Alexa turns to Cross who picks her up as both partners embrace. They both turn as Mickie James delivers a dropkick to both women. As Nikki stirs Mickie grabs her in a headlock. Mickie’s look goes to confusion as she hears Nikki giggling as Cross raises up a hand.
“What goes around, comes around!” Nikki laughs as she swings her arm down and grabs Mickie by the pussy. The veteran gasps and releases her hold as she is frozen in shock. Alexa walks up behind and yanks up Mickie’s trunks into a wedgie as Nikki releases her hold and licks her fingers sadistically. As Alexa has hold of the veteran, Cross unzips her own jacket and forces Mickie to motorboat her as the twisted sister laughs maniacally. Nikki takes a hold of Mickie’s trunks with her partner and both women toss James over the top rope to the floor. Nikki turns and goes to pick up Kairi who is laid prone on the canvas.
“No Nikki, wait a sec!” Alexa smirks as she slides under the ropes and comes back in with Sane’s umbrella. As Kairi begins to stir she sticks her butt up in the air. Alexa scowls and brings the umbrella down on Kairi’s ass. The japanese superstar screams as her body bounces up and down with each strike. Alexa carries on the strikes to the point where Nikki has to pull her off. All the rage from the last few weeks had taken its toll on Alexa. She eventually calmed down as she and Nikki picked up Sane and wedgied up her trunks before tossing her too over the top rope. Nikki and Alexa now turned to a downed Sasha Banks.
Entrant #7: Trish Stratus
Both Alexa and Nikki turned in shock as the WWE legend strutted down the ramp. Trish smirked at a nervous looking Bliss before entering the ring. Nikki roared and charged Stratus who ducked under her and tackled Alexa before repeatedly bashing Bliss’ head off the mat. Cross grabbed Trish by the hair and tossed her into the corner. Nikki took a run up and went for a splash but Trish dodged as Nikki flew up and draped herself on the top rope. Trish gave Nikki’s ass a double handed slap before pulling down the back of her opponent’s tights revealing the big pale ass of the scottish superstar. Trish noticed Alexa trying to crawl away but Stratus grabbed her by the waistband and pulled her back before taking her by the hair. Trish face Alexa towards her tag partners exposed wobbly ass.
“Pucker up little miss bitch!” Trish smirked as she drove Alexa face first between Nikki’s big pasty asscheeks. Alexa hopped up and down as muffled cries could be heard whilst Cross strangely giggled at the pleasure, not realising it was Alexa who was embedded in her behind. Trish eventually pulled Alexa away and onto the mat before placing both hands on Cross’ butt and shoving Nikki over the ropes to the floor.
Entrant #8: Toni Storm
The New Zealander from NXT UK made her way to the ring and down the ramp as Stratus looked on with an excited look on her face. Toni entered as both women had a respectful staredown. They shook hands before circling each other as Trish went for some side kicks striking Storm’s ass. Trish looked concerned as her kicks seemed to have no effect as Storm laughed and slapped her ass in Trish’s direction. Toni kicked Trish in the gut causing the legend to kneel down. Toni noticed Sasha running towards her and gave her a kick causing both women to be knelt down either side of Storm. Toni took Trish by the hair and began to circle her hips sensually as Trish could do nothing but stare at the young blonde’s big ass before Storm smashed her butt off Trish’s face. Toni turned as she felt Banks hit a weak forearm on her ass. Storm grabbed Sasha by the hair and rubbed her ass in the boss’ face before hitting another hip smash. Alexa came running in from behind but Toni stuck out her butt and Bliss bounced off. Storm performed a hipdrop on a prone Alexa as she sat and waited for the next entrant.
Entrant #9: Peyton Royce
The Aussie made her way to the ring delivering her classic hip sway. Storm couldn’t help but lick her lips at the thought of getting revenge on one of the members of the IIconics after they humiliated her previously on Raw. Peyton stood on the apron and began taunting Storm. Royce leaned over the rope talking trash but Storm managed to grab her by the hair.
“Time to teach you a lesson you little brat!” Storm smirked as she began to spank Royce as she was draped over the ropes. Peyton squealed and kicked her legs before Storm eventually pulled her into the ring. Toni kept hold of Royce’s hair and wedgied up her own gear before she repeatedly bashed Peyton’s face against her jiggly ass. Toni kept doing this until the next entrant.
Entrant #10: Billie Kay
Toni couldn’t believe her luck as she was about to get her hands on the other IIconics member as well. The tall Aussie ran to the ring to aid her partner. Billie slides into the ring but Storm instantly dives on her and has now mounted her opponent backwards. Billie squealed as Storm grabbed her trunks and yanked them as Billie’s hips raised off the mat due to the force of the wedgie. Billie squealed and reached out to Peyton who was dazed in the center of the ring.
“Now this is...IIconic!” Toni smirked as she rose up and took Billie by the hair. Storm was preparing for another hip smash but froze as Peyton Royce had recovered and hit a low blow from behind. Billie took Toni’s legs from under her so Storm fell on her back. Both partners took a leg each and shouted ‘IIconic!’ as they yanked Storm’s legs apart and Toni screamed holding her crotch in pain.
“You know what to do!” Billie said as her and Peyton turned Storm over and placed her over both their knees. Toni struggled but it was no use.
“Oh Toni, when will you learn that messing with us will only end in you being exposed as even more as a loser!” Peyton laughed as Billie joined in. Both IIconics raised their arms and they began spanking the big wobbly booty of Toni as the New Zealander squealed. The IIconics laughed as they took a cheek each and even alternated. When Storm’s ass was a nice shade of pink the IIconics each took her by the trunks and back of her top. Toni received a large wedgie as she was carried to the ropes and draped over the top.
“IIconic!” Both women shouted and did their pose before booting Storm in the ass to the outside.
Entrant #11: Asuka
The IIconics looks fell as The Empress of Tomorrow danced down the ramp and ran into the ring. Billie went for a clothesline but Asuka ducked under and hit Royce with a hip attack. Billie went for another strike but Asuka ducked before delivering a tittie twister and Kay squealed. Asuka tossed Kay into the corner and hit another running hip attack before slapping her ass and taunting in the ring. The Japanese superstar turned to see Sasha running at her but hit a roundhouse kick sending Sasha straight down to the mat. Peyton took Asuka by the arm and went to Irish whip her but the empress countered and launched Royce into her partner. Peyton bounced off Kay and fell backwards to the mat. Billie looked groggy before dropping forwards and landing head first on her partner's crotch as Peyton shrieked. Asuka grabbed Billie and tried to lift her over the ropes but it was a struggle. After a few seconds Asuka heard something and dodged out the way as Peyton accidentally knocked her partner over the top rope to the outside.
“No! Billie!” Peyton screamed as she held her head in shock. Asuka meanwhile had an evil grin and stared down at Peyton’s plump booty. She pulled down the back of Peyton’s trunks and spat green mist all over the Aussie’s ass. Peyton shrieked and held her butt in pain as she hopped up and down and Asuka laughed and mimicked her actions. A few moments later Asuka picked up Royce from behind and hit an atomic drop which sent Peyton flying over the top rope to the floor. Asuka taunted before feeling a faint forearm on her back, she turned to see Alexa Bliss looking stunned and worried. Alexa went to run but Asuka kept hold of her trunks as Bliss fell to her knees and tried to crawl away. Alexa kicked and flailed in fear so much so that she accidentally wriggled out of her own trunks. Bliss stood up and looked down before gasping and trying to cover up her big ass which was only covered now by a black thong.
“Wow! Big Bootttaaayy!” Asuka laughed and shouted.
“Give me those!” Alexa went to reach for her trunks but Asuka dodged and whipped the leather of Bliss’ rear causing a yelp. Alexa tried one more time but was met with the same fate before watching Asuka toss the trunks out of the ring.
“Screw you!” Alexa shouted as she slapped Asuka across the face. Asuka turned back in a look of rage as Bliss held her hands out in apology. Alexa went to run but Asuka grabbed hold of her thong. As Bliss tried to run, the thong stretched and Asuka smirked before letting go as the material pinged off Alexa's ass. Bliss held her butt in pain before Asuka picked her up and placed her on the top rope and pulled her down into a reverse tree of woe. Asuka signalled to begin a spanking as Alexa pleaded but the Empress felt a tap in her shoulder.
“May I join?” Trish grinned at Asuka who gave a shrug.
“No no! Please ladies! Please don’t spank my ass anymore! I've had enough!” Bliss pleaded but it was no use. Both Asuka and Stratus began delivering chops to Alexa’s booty as the small blonde cried out in pain and her buscuit booty wobbled. Just before the next entrant, Asuka raised Bliss back up as she allowed Trish to push Bliss off the top rope to the outside.
Entrant #12: Lana
Asuka, Trish, and Sasha remain as the Ravishing Russian makes her way to the ring with a big grin on her face. Lana takes 30 seconds to enter the ring and as she did both Asuka and Trish stared at her. Lana slapped her ass and began twerking to the others' confusion before Stratus booted her in the butt as Lana fell onto the middle rope. Asuka bounced off the opposite ropes and landed ass first on the back of Lana’s head before bouncing up and down as Lana was choked on the ropes. As Asuka laughs she fails to notice Trish run up and clothesline her over the top rope and out of the ring. And just like that, one of the favorites was gone.
Entrant #13: Paige
Trish looks shocked as the anti-diva makes her return to the ring. The crowd goes wild as Paige lets out her signature scream and makes her way to the ring. She gets on the apron and pulls Lana forward slightly before delivering some hard knees to Lana’s boobs as Trish has the view of the Russian’s ass jiggling. Paige stepped into the ring as her and Trish went to shake hands. Paige however gave Trish a hard headbutt knocking the legend down. Paige turned to see Lana’s ravishing booty displayed perfectly. She kicked her enemies legs slightly more apart before she began delivering more knees this time to Lana’s pussy and butt. Paige even wedged up Lana’s attire and gave her asscheek an evil lick as the blonde squealed. Paige pulled Lana up and sat her dazed adversary on the top rope.
“This is my house bitch!” Paige screamed before she ripped Lana’s attire down revealing Lana’s tanned big naked breasts. Paige looked shocked and laughed as Lana stirred and covered her boobs. Paige moved Lana’s hands and pinched her nipples causing a squeal.
“No bra? Wow you really are a slut.” Paige laughed before delivering a headbutt. She jiggled the blonde’s big tits a bit more as Lana fell off the top turnbuckle to the floor. Paige turned to a laid out Trish Stratus and sensually crawled up her body as she was about to deliver some more headbutts.
Entrant #14: Mandy Rose
Paige drops Trish and turns as her former absolution teammate Mandy Rose struts confidently down the ramp and enters the ring to face off with her former leader.
“Looks like you and Sonya couldn’t keep it together huh? I leave and it eventually all falls apart.” Paige said.
“That Sonya was a two faced bitch Paige, but I guess she had you to learn from.”
“Screw you! I’m the only reason you’re here!” Paige shouted as she grappled with Mandy. Mandy got around Paige and kicked her leg so the Brit fell to all fours. Mandy mounted the Norwich native and began riding her around the ring whilst spanking her ass.
“Bet you’re used to being ridden you whore!” Mandy laughed as she continued slapping Paige’s jiggly pale booty as the anti diva yelped. Paige managed to escape to the corner but Mandy began delivering some hard chops to Paige’s new big tits as Paige eventually crumbled to a seated position. Mandy turned and halted as she stood one on one with Trish Stratus. Both women eyed each other up.
“So, a lot of people seem to see a lot of me in you these days.” Trish said.
“Really? I don’t see it. You never looked this good.” Mandy grinned as she sexually caressed her body.
“Oh I sure did baby, but you’re right about us not being similar, you’ll never be as much of a draw as me!” Trish smirked before her and Rose began trading chops to their big bouncy tits. Mandy went for another but Trish ducked and kicked Rose in the butt as Mandy spun around. Rose bounced back off the ropes as Trish got her in a headlock and signalled for the Stratusfaction. Trish hopped up but looked surprised as she stayed lifted in the air. Mandy dropped Trish down on the top rope which sliced between the Hall of Famers legs. Trish groaned as Mandy took hold of the rope and shook it up and down as it went depper in Trish's ass and pussy, eventually Trish tumbled off and fell to the floor. Mandy delivered a running knee to Banks and waited for the next entrant.
Entrant #15: Sonya Deville
Mandy’s face fell slightly as her former partner and best friend ran to the ring. Sonya slid under the ropes and stared at her raging opponent.
“Aww what’s wrong Mandy? Still mad about when I humiliated and recorded you all that time ago?” Sonya laughed before Mandy tackled her to the canvas and began raining down slaps. Sonya managed to break free and grabbed hold of the ropes and held her hands up. Mandy was having none of it and marched towards Deville and was met with a thumb to the eye. Rose turned around holding her face as Sonya smirked and knetl down before delivering a stiff low blow. Mandy gasped and fell to her knees. Sonya pulled Mandy over her knee and sadistically caressed the blonde’s big booty.
“Oh Mandy, I never get tired of spanking this big bimbo bubble butt of yours.” Sonya licks her lips before she begins spanking the rear of the golden goddess. Mandy squeals and kicks her legs as her ass wobbles immensely as Deville laughs evilly. Sonya hears some steps behind her but it's too late as Paige comes out of nowhere with a stiff knee sending Deville to the floor. Paige looked down as Sonya was laid across a dazed Mandy.
“Oh you guys, you really needed me huh? My first lesson back will be teaching Sonya here that what goes around comes around.” Paige grins as she tugs at the back of Deville’s tights and reveals her round tan ass.
“Damn Sonya, who knew you were packing this much cake!” Paige laughed as she tossed the tights out of the ring. She picked up Sonya and shoved her shoulder first into the ring post before placing her hands on either side of the top turnbuckle. Paige let out a scream before she began stomping between Deville’s asscheeks as Sonya cried out in pain. Paige heard running and dodged out of Mandy’s way who went for a shoulder tackle but instead bounced face first off Deville’s ass. Paige dragged Mandy to a seated position in one of the corners as Sonya fell to a seated position in the opposite. Paige noticed Sasha in the other corner and delivered a big running knee before the next entrant came out.
Entrant 16: Kelly Kelly
Paige chuckled as the former Divas Champion came out to the ring. Kelly had a big grin on her face as she was thrilled to be back and entered the ring as Paige continued to laugh.
“Seriously? You? Look everyone! WWE’s biggest bimbo has come to get her ass beat!”
“Yeah, and you’d know about your ass getting ‘beat’ huh?” Kelly smirked as Paige’s face dropped as she ran at Kelly who swiftly dodged. Paige bounced front first off the ropes as Kelly got on all fours and Paige fell back over her. As the anti-diva tried to get up Kelly gave her ass a big smack causing the Brit to yelp and hold her booty as Kelly wiggled her own butt in Paige’s direction whilst grinning. Paige charged again angrily but Kelly yet again dodged and hit the classic spinning hurricanrana sending Paige into the corner in a seated position.
Kelly Kelly looked around and noticed all four remaining women in the match were all seated. She pointed to each one before wedging up her already tiny trunks. She went to Paige first and twerked all over the anti-divas face as Paige flailed around helplessly, she ran to the opposite corner and did the same to Sasha Banks. The sounds of Kelly’s buttcheeks slapping her opponents faces could be heard clearly. She next ran over to Sonya and did the same, but when she stopped Sonya looked more pleased than disgusted by what had just happened. Lastly Kelly shook and slapped her ass towards Mandy before running in. Kelly was about to start shaking her booty but Mandy desperately pulled down the back of Kelly’s trunks and bit down hard on the diva’s asscheek. Kelly screamed and hopped forwards as Rose still had a hold before Mandy yanked up Kelly’s thong.
“There’s only room for one blonde bombshell around here bitch!” Mandy scowled as she pulled the thong over Kelly’s head. She let go for a moment as she admired Kelly tiptoeing around with her head back whilst holding her butt before Mandy hoisted Kelly over the top rope by her stretched thong. Mandy leaned over the top rope and blew a kiss.
“And that’s why I’m the golden go…” Mandy paused as she felt someone prodding her rear, she turned her head to see Sonya Deville grinning.
“Better luck next time loser!” Sonya grinned whilst Mandy’s eyes widened in shock but it was too late as Sonya placed her hands on her former friend’s round ass and pushed Rose over to the floor.
“Yeah that’s right you bimbo! I will always be more talented than you!” Sonya laughed as she leant over the top rope but Mandy quickly grabbed her arm. “Hey, what are you doing? Let go!” Sonya shouted as she struggled with Rose. Paige stirred and saw Sonya’s predicament. She ran up and delivered a superkick to Sonya’s displayed ass and Deville fell over the ropes and onto Mandy. Paige looked down and smirked.
“Guess I’ll always be the leader of you two losers! No wonder why I'm still more successful” Paige smirked as the next entrant was about to make her way to the ring.
Entrant #17: Scarlett
Paige looked confused as the music of Karrion Kross hit and Scarlett made her way to the ring with a sadistic look on her face. She enters and just stares at Paige.
“Who are you supposed to be then?” Paige asks, looking slightly confused and creeped out.
“You’re worst nightmare!” Scarlett shouted evilly.
“We’ll see about that.” Paige said as her and Scarlett locked up. The Brit got the early advantage and turned Scarlett into a rear hiplock. Scarlett however relaxes and smiles before bashing her hips back into Paige’s stomach causing the pale superstar to fall to her knees. Scarlett shook her hips in a mesmerizing fashion before bouncing her big pale ass off Paige’s face. Paige crawled over to the corner as Scarlett grinned and looked at Sasha and Paige who were both sitting down. Scarlett roared and sprinted at Sasha before smashing her wobbly ass off Banks’ head. Scarlett paused and rubbed her big butt all over Sasha’s face. Scarlett pointed to the opposite corner and charged at Paige as she did the same. Paige went limp as this stinkface was much worse than Kelly Kelly’s as Scarlett’ ass was so much bigger. The twisted superstar’s asscheeks clapped over Paige’s face as the anti-diva was engulfed in her adversary’s booty. Scarlett eventually stopped and picked up Paige over her shoulder.
“You will all fall...and...pray!” Scarlett shouted as she smacked Paige’s ass and dumped the Brit over the top rope in a big upset. Scarlett was about to hoist Sasha up until the buzzer hit for the next entrant.
Entrant #18: Charlotte Flair
Scarlett’s grin didn’t falter as The Queen made her cool and collected the entrance to the ring. Despite the objective of the match Charlotte still did her cartwheel and split into the ring, clearly not taking Scarlett seriously. Charlotte stares at the pale blonde but instead begins stomping on Sasha before turning back to Scarlett.
“Don’t worry hun, I know about your whole spiel, now let’s say two queens work together?” Charlotte proposed as Scarlett shrugged and got on the second rope and bent over. Charlotte took Sasha by the hair.
“The boss will never match up to the queen!” Charlotte scowls before she bashes Banks’ head off of Scarlett’s big ass three times as Scarlett laughs maniacally. Charlotte quickly dropped Sasha as Scarlett turned around awith an evil grin. Charlotte went towards Banks but quickly changed and chopped Scarlett who gasped. Charlotte pulled Scarlett down so she was in a reverse tree of woe.
“You may be a freaky bitch, but you still have a lot of learning to do fatass.” Charlotte smirks as she wobbles Scarlett’s pasty buttcheeks. Scarlett shrieks as Flair begins chopping her jiggly ass. Flair notices Sasha stirring and grabs her again.
“Hey it’s like Bayley all over again! Looks like you will always be an ass kisser!” Charlotte grinned as she planted Banks’ face between the upsidedown asscheeks of Scarlett before bashing the boss’ head off the large booty ten times as the crowd counted and Scarlett groaned. Charlotte drops a limp Sasha and pulls Scarlett back up. As the new NXT superstar holds her sore butt in pain Charlotte delivers a big boot knocking her to the floor.
Entrant #19: Bayley
The former hugger makes her way to the ring nervously as Charlotte looks on, clearly upset about Bayley’s previous shenanigans. Bayley entered the ring slowly and held her hands up.
“Woah Charlotte look, I know you're mad about what happened at Summerslam, but let’s be honest, it would have all been fine if that bitch over there hadn’t been such a brat and made me turn on her! Who even calls themselves the boss anyway? Let’s teach her a lesson!” Bayley said. Charlotte took a moment to think and then nodded, she held a prone Sasha down as Bayley tugged at the boss’ small trunks and wriggled them down her plump ebony ass, her butt wobbling with each tug. Bayley then sat on Sasha’s ass whilst Charlotte pulled the cousin of Snoop Dogg’s top off. Sasha was now just in a dark blue thong and bra. Bayley picked Sasha up and held her arms back as Charlotte spat on her hand and began delivering chops to Banks’ perky breasts. After 30 seconds Bayley turned Sasha around and put her head between her thighs as Charlotte began chopping Sasha’s ass.
“That’s right Charlotte, beat that boss booty!”
Entrant #20: Becky Lynch
Bayley turns and drops Sasha to the mat as her and Charlotte watch Becky Lynch make her way to the ring. Becky enters and Bayley goes to give her a hug. Becky makes a fist with her hand causing Bayley to turn and hold her head in fear. Becky kicks Bayley in the ass, knocking her down, before Charlotte and her begin to brawl. Becky ducks a punch and begins delivering double handed slaps to Flair’s massive tits before Charlotte manages to fight back and throw Becky to the corner. Charlotte uses her height and long legs to choke Becky with her foot as Lynch kicks her legs which are off the ground.
“I will always be superior to you Becky!” Charlotte shouts before Sasha Banks grabs her high leg and tosses it away so Charlotte lands in the splits as all four horseowmen are in the ring. The queen groans and holds her crotch before Banks delivers a dropkick to her face. Sasha uses a hand to grab Charlotte by the hair and another to grab her waistband.
“Time for some revenge!” Sasha scowls as she hikes up Charlotte’s trunks into a wedgie and hoists her over the top rope. Charlotte manages to hold on and stands on the apron, she goes for a strike but Sasha ducks and applies a titty twister causing Charlotte to let go of the rope and lose balance before falling to the floor.
“Yeah queeny! Looks like daddy can’t help you out all the time!” Banks smiled whilst leaning over the rope. Whilst Sasha was too busy gloating Bayley made a picture frame gesture targeting Sasha’s exposed asscheeks before running up and dropkicking Sasha over the ropes and to the floor. Sasha looked up and hit the floor in frustrationas Bayley smiled.
“Aww better luck next time Sasha!” Bayley gloated and made crying gestures mockingly before the next entrant was set to come out.
Entrant #21: Lacey Evans
Bayley’s face instantly dropped as her foe Lacey Evans made her way to the ring, casually fanning herself before sensually pulling off her skirt. Lacey brought her skirt in the ring and threw it in Bayley’s face. As Bayley took off the skirt she was met with a womens right and was floored instantly.
“Ahh just like old times.” Lacey smiled as she walked around her adversary. Lacey still had her rubber gloves on as she pulled a dazed Bayley up and over her knee.
“Oh dear Bayley, you just never learn your lesson huh? At Least your ex-friend Sasha has come around, yet it looks like you still need some disciplining.” Lacey smirks as she wriggles down Bayley’s tights revealing a white thong and Bayley’s big wobbling ass. Lacey caressed this teasingly as the former hugger began to stir.
“Wait...wh...No! No no no! Please Lacey no! Don't spank me! Please!” Bayley pleaded as she kicked her legs but it was no use as Evans began relentlessly smacking the big booty of Bayley. Bayley squealed and cried out as Lacey went to town on her butt. Lacey then signalled to the crowd and used both her hands to deliver ten hard double handed spanks which the crowd counted to. After the ninth Becky tapped Lacey’s shoulder and gestured, Evans shrugged and allowed Becky to deliver the final smack. Lacey and Becky both took Bayley and went to throw her over the top. They turned away before realising that Bayley was stuck draped over the top rope. Becky went to give her a push but Lacey held her back.
“Wait a second Becky, I reckon this is a sign, a sign from the lord that this little brat needs her tushy beaten a bit more.” Lacey smirked as she peeled off her gloves and handed one to Becky. Her and Lynch went to either side of Bayley and began whipping her big ass with the gloves causing the former hugger to scream. After 30 seconds Lacey and Becky tossed away the gloves and pushed Bayley over, the Smackdown superstar hitting her ass on the apron as she fell to the floor.
Entrant #22: Zelina Vega
The latina made her way to the ring and removed her Vega style mask and claws before entering the ring. As she was entering Lacey turned Becky around and delivered a womens right sending Lynch to the floor.
“You didn’t think I forgot about our past do you Becky?” Lacey pouted sarcastically as she turned to Zelina. Vega walked up to Lacey and the size comparison was almost laughable. Zelina begins talking trash and gives Evans a push causing Lacey to scowl. Zelina’s face goes to fear as she goes to run but Evans grabs her waistband. Zelina runs on the spot before the sassy southern belle pulls her in and delivers an atomic drop. Vega yelps and turns around holding her butt before Lacey grabs her head and plants it between her big tits. Zelina flails around before Evans tosses her into the corner and delivers a splash, using her boobs to crush Zelina into a seated position. Lacey drags Becky over to Zelina and rests her on top of her before jumping up into a top rope handstand and swinging back down into a bronco buster crushing her two opponents below.
Entrant #23: Liv Morgan
The former member of the Riott squad strutted down the ring in her leather getup as Lacey looked on in disgust, Liv crawled through the ropes as both women stared each other down.
“Urgh, that’s no way for a lady to dress.” Lacey scowled.
“I’m not looking to be a lady dear, I’m looking to be your daddy!” Liv laughed as Lacey ran over. Liv did a matrix style dodge before rolling Lacey up in an o’connor roll.
“You nasty! You can’t pin anyone in this match!” Lacey said as she tried to struggle free.
“Who said anything about pinning?” Liv smirked as she slowly pulled Lacey’s trunks over the lady’s plump rear.
“Wh...what are you doing?!”
“Teaching a ‘lady’ a lesson.” Liv grinned as she licked both her hands and began raining down smacks on Evans’ derriere as the sassy southern belle squealed and tried to struggle free, her booty only covered by a blue thong. Liv alternated slaps to each cheek and even in between before Zelina ran from behind and dropkicked Liv in the ass. Morgan fell forward prone as Zelina placed two hands on the top rope and stood on Liv’s butt. Zelina began stomping up and down on the blondes plump booty as Liv cried out, Zelina finished by using the middle rope to leap up and deliver a double stomp to Morgan’s ass. Zelina noticed Becky rising up in the corner and charged but Lynch lifted her up as Vega fell on the top turnbuckle. Lynch pulled Vega down into a tree of woe and whilst doing so pulled her top off to reveal a small pink bra. Zelina screamed and tried to stop her boobs from falling out as Lynch climbed to the middle rope.
“Good think you're not the man” Lynch chuckled as she began stomping down between Vega’s legs as the latina groaned in pain.
CONTINUED IN COMMENTS...
submitted by JBB14 to WrestlingHumiliation [link] [comments]

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